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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "When Wedding Bells Thaw" from season 1, which aired on June 28, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[Music is heard in the Tree Fort where Jake is playing his viola and Finn is listening with a glazed expression and his mouth wide open.]
Jake: [Looks up and stops playing] Are you okay, dude?
Finn: Yeah, why?
Jake: You look bored.
Finn: Naw, that's just how I look when I'm listening to music.
Jake: Well good, because I'm about to kick it up a notch.
Finn: Bring it!
[Jake starts playing again, and Finn's expression slowly turns to the same expression. They then hear a knock at the door.]
Finn: [walks to the door, and hops on Jake] Who do you think it is?
Jake: Could be anybody. [stretches so that Finn can look out the window]
Finn: Hmm... I can't quite make it out. [Ice King turns his head]
Ice King: Eee!
Finn: Ahh! It's the Ice King!
Jake: The Ice King?!
Ice King: Think this is the right address, [takes note out of his beard] mmm is this, is this....
Finn: [bursting out door with a sword and kicks the Ice King down] Eiiiiaah!
Jake: Yeah! Kick his butt, dude!
[Finn attacks Ice King with his sword, but the Ice King uses his ice powers to hover in the air and fire ice at Finn.]
Finn: Eat my sword, Ice King! [throws his sword in the air and then throws it at the Ice King who uses his ice as a shield]
Finn: Aww.
Ice King: You can not defeat me, child!
Finn: I will, though! With a sweet kick! [throws himself in the air with his foot forward, but punches Ice king in the face at the last second] Psych! [The Ice King snuffs him with his beard and freezes his head then flings him on the ground.]
Jake: Whoo, hoo hoo!
Ice King: [his hand in a threatening position above Finn] Now I can kill you! Oh wait, wait, wait. I am so stupid! Silly Billy! I came by to tell you the good news!
Finn: What's the good news?
Ice King: I'm getting married... to someone who wants to marry me! 
[Finn and Jake both gasp]
Ice King: My betrothed is right over there! [waves to show them the Old Lady Princess, who is in a cart with some penguins] Hi, honey!
Old Lady Princess: Hey, cool guy.
Ice King: I'm a lucky guy—I didn't even have to kidnap this one! She fell in love with me the moment I slipped on her engagement ring! [wiggles his fingers in front of Finn and Jake]
Finn: Eww.
Old Lady Princess: [the penguins wheel her away] Bye-bye!
Ice King: The lady penguins are throwing her one of those "bachelorette" parties.
Jake: [To Finn] This is weird, dude.
Finn: Hmm... if you get married, what about capturing princesses?
Ice King: Oh well, no more capturing pretty princesses for this Ice King! [laughs]
Finn: Ohhh... [walking away] well, fare thee well, Ice King!
Ice King: Hmm?
Jake: Yeah, good luck with ye and thy creepy wedding.
Finn: We totally support your decision to stop capturing princesses! [closes door to Tree Fort, turns to Jake] I'm happy for him. [He hears knock at the door, he opens it to see Ice King is still there.]
Ice King: [laughs nervously] Sure wish someone would throw me a bachelorette party—oop, I mean, "man-lorette" party.
Finn: But we hate you.
Ice King: If you won't throw me man-lorette party, then I'll never have my last hurrah before buckling down with that battle axe! It'll drive me back to a life of stealing hot princesses! Is that what you want?!
Jake: No. No, no, no, no, no.
Finn: [to Jake] Dude, we gotta show him a good time and treat him right. Otherwise, he'll go back to imprisoning ladies! I-I can't have that! I—
Jake: [puts his finger over Finn's mouth] Shhh, I know. I know that you can't have that. Don't worry. [turns to Ice King] Alright, let's go party, Ice King.
Ice King: [giggles]
[A montage begins with Finn, Jake, and Ice King at a dance party with some Party Bears. A girl bear winks at him and he winks back, prompting Boy Bear to get angry. Ice King uses his magic to freeze him, after which Finn slaps the Ice King as punishment.]
[They are then shown at a bar with Tree People all around them. Ice King sips his drink but spits it out in disgust at the Tree Person next to him. The guy punches Ice King and Ice King uses his magic to blow him away. Finn slaps the Ice King again.]
[Finn and Jake are then seen floating down a river on a giant leaf with Ice King on a different leaf. Ice King does a cannonball next to them, splashing them with water and ending the montage.]
Ice King: [now in the Grass Lands] Best man-lorette party ever! [laughs and conjures a snowball]
Snowball: [laughs]
Ice King: [laughs]
Snowball: [laughs]
Ice King: Fah! [throws snowball at the ground, killing it] Hahahaha! Now I'm gonna go get married! Hehehehe! ♫I'm gonna get married!♪
Finn: [walking toward Tree Fort] Bye, Ice King! Good luck!
Jake: Have fun being married!
Finn: No more stealing princesses!
Ice King: Yeah--wait. No more s-stealing princesses? Wow.
Finn & Jake: [running back to him] What?!
Ice King: I didn't realize I'd have to give up stealing the ladies.
Jake: But you said you were fine with it!
Ice King: I know what I said, but, y'know, sometimes you say things and then you don't really mean them.
Jake: What? Are you serious?!
Ice King: I'm just not sure I wanna get married in such a hurry. What if she's just after my [pulls back his beard] Demonic Wishing Eye and Ghost pouch? [laughs maniacally]
Finn: We just took you out partying so that you could feel better about getting hitched!
Ice King: Maybe I'll just go back to capturing lots of girls. It's what I feel comfortable doing, y'know? Being free, wind at my back, lots of girls, kidnapping 'em.
Finn: [starting towards Ice King] Alright, here comes my double kick!
Jake: [holding him back] Finn, Finn, cool yourself, buddy. We need to get this guy married, remember?
Finn: Yeah, I remember.
Jake: Watch. [walking to Ice King] Let big brother handle this. [poking Ice King] Hey, Ice King? Don't be nervous. Marriage is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to a jerk like you.
Ice King: Really? Why?
Jake: [starts sweating] "Why?" [walks back to Finn] Poots, that guy is good. Why? Why?
Finn: Jake—
Jake: Not now! [to himself] Why, why, why, why, why?
Ice King: My mind is made up—80% sure. No marriage.
Finn: Well, uh... don't you wanna grow old with somebody? Right? [pointing] Just like these old swans.
[Two old swans are shown kissing in a nearby pond.]
Ice King: Bleh, those stinky old swans. Huh?
[The male swan swallows the female one. He opens his mouth and the other one pokes out its head and laughs.]
Finn & Jake: What?!
Ice King: Ohhhh, now I get what you guys are trying to tell me! Marriage is a thing that allows me to capture a princess forever and let her live inside of me! [crying] Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world!
Finn: Uhh... Yeah—I-I never—uhh... I guess it is. [to Jake] Jake, this is bad news, man! We gotta go tell him that he can't eat his wife!
Jake: Eh, let's cross that bridge when we get to it. Look how happy he is.
Ice King: The wedding? Back on—100%! [laughs and skips away]
Finn: [wipes sweat from brow] Phew!
Jake: All that's left is the lousy wedding. [fist bumps Finn]
Finn: I'm weddy for the wedding!
[Finn and Jake walk to the Ice King's Castle wearing black bow ties.]
Finn: Y'know, even though the Ice King is a wad, I'm pretty happy for him.
Jake: Uh-huh. This wedding looks lame, man. [Ice King is seen on a snow pyramid with some penguins and Snowman Priest] Be prepared to be bored outta your mind.
Finn: [laughs]
Ice King: Finn, Jake, you made it! [Ice King is shown tying up Old Lady Princess, who is wearing a veil] Come on up here. I'm almost finished tying up my bride.
Finn: Weird—and your bride is into that?
Ice King: This is a traditional wedding ritual for good luck in the Ice Kingdom. You see, she'll be hoisted up and then lowered down—and when she touches my beard from above, she will be my queen! [giggles]
Finn: Well... [shrugs] cool, man. I'm glad y'all are happy... being crazy together.
Ice King: Thank you! Excuse me as we finish preparing for the nuptials. 2, 4, 8, 16, 20, uh—
Snowman Priest: 32.
Ice King: Yes—32, 64, one hundred and—eh.
[Flower Girl Penguin lifts Old Lady Princess's veil and she opens her eyes.]
Finn: Huh? Her eyes are huge! I'm gonna go check 'em out. [sees Jake scratching his ear] And stop scratching your ear, man—it's gross.
Jake: It wasn't me—it was my foot, dude.
Finn: [walks up to princess] Whoa, you've got ridiculously large eyes, princess! Are you allergic to somethin'?
Old Lady Princess: [tearing up] No, Finn. I was just born like this.
Finn: Why are you crying?
Old Lady Princess: I'm not crying, Finn—my tear sac is broken!
[Camera zooms in on her eyes and an old lady behind bars can be seen in them.]
Old Lady in eye: Help me!
Finn: What?!
Old Lady Princess: I didn't say anything.
Old Lady in eye: The Ice King cursed me! You've gotta set me free. I would rather die than marry the Ice King!
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
Finn: He tricked me! And I was happy for that son of a toot!
Jake: [points] Look at her ring.
[Old Lady Princess is shown wearing a spiky ring made of ice.]
Ice King [flashback]: She fell in love with me the moment I slipped on her engagement ring.
Finn: That's what cursed her! Don't worry, princess. I'll remove this ring and save your life. [tries to pull off ring]
Ice King: No! She's my love boat! [zaps at them with ice magic but misses]
Finn: No, man. You cursed her. She hates you!
Ice King: Okay, that's your opinion! [gets ready to zap again]
Jake: Wait a minute! [sighs] So you knew she was cursed all along, which means you knew she wasn't trying to steal your Demonic Eye Junk or whatever, and you knew you had total control of her!
Ice King: Yeah, yes, that's right.
Jake: So then why did you make us go through all that junk about why marriage is worth stuff?!
Ice King: Oh, I don't know... I'm complicated—and spontaneous! [laughs] That's probably why she wants to marry me!
Jake: She wants to marry you because you brainwashed her!
Ice King: Silence! [shoots ice at them]
Finn & Jake: Whoa, wait! [the ice freezes their feet] Aw, man!
Ice King: It's time for the lowering ceremony! Hoist her up!
[Some penguins pull on the rope, lifting Old Lady Princess up into the air. Finn tries to break the ice holding his feet down.]
Ice King: Hehehehe! Commence the lowering!
[The Old Lady Princess starts being lowered slowly. Finn takes off his bow tie and uses it to break the ice.]
Ice King: Yes, nothing can stop me now.
Finn: Hyah! [punches Ice King, and they both fall off the pyramid] What is wrong with you, man?! [grabs Ice King's nose]
Ice King: Strangling the groom's nose at a wedding? [kicks Finn back up the pyramid] What's wrong with you?! You're the one that there's something wrong with!
[Finn lands at the top of the pyramid by the penguins that were holding the rope. They let go of the rope, dropping the Old Lady Princess. Jake catches her.]
Jake: Gotcha!
Old Lady in eye: Thanks, man
Jake: Hehe, no problem.
Finn: [getting up] Ehh.
Ice King: [walking up to him] I think you dropped something. [tosses a penguin at him] Catch! [freezes the penguin in midair]
Finn: Huh? [catches the penguin and sinks into the snow a couple feet]
[Ice King fires a bolt of ice at Jake.]
Jake: Whoa! [bolt freezes him]
Finn: Jake!
[Jake starts falling from the weight of the ice but takes the ring off of Old Lady Princess as he falls.]
Old Lady Princess: [eyes now normal-sized] Huh, what?
Finn: JAKE! [tries to lift the penguin] Grrrr. [Jake slides down next to him] Oh, hey.
Jake: Hey.
Finn: You got the ring off her finger?
Jake: Huh? Oh. Oh yeah. Now she's not hypnotized, but we're still frozen.
Finn: I got a plan.
Jake: Oh, good.
Ice King: Now, let's try that again. [to penguins] Lower her!
Old Lady Princess: [struggling with rope as she gets lowered] You lousy, butt-faced pig! I hate you!
Ice King: Here she comes. Yes, touch my beard, deary. Yes, that's right. Almost there...
Finn: Now!
Jake: [strains]
[Jake's finger touches Ice King's beard.]
Ice King: Oh! I'm married, right, snowman?
Snowman Priest: Yes, it's official.
Finn: It's official! You done married a dog, dude!
Ice King: What? What's that supposed to— [sees that the finger that touched his beard is actually Jake's] Oh no.
Finn & Jake: [laugh]
Jake: Wait, what the—? What am I laughin' about?
[Scene cuts to Tree Fort]
Finn: [sighs] And now everything's back to normal.
Jake: Well, I wouldn't say everything.
Ice King: [pounding on the door] Come on, guys. Help me celebrate my un-marriage.
Finn & Jake: [laugh]
Episode ends