This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "What is Life?" from season 1, which aired on June 14, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn playing video games on BMO. Jake enters with a bag of butter.]
Jake: Hey, man. [Chuckles deviously]
Finn: What's so funny?
Jake: Oh, you know, just takin' this garbage bag of butter... [Grunts] ...into the house. [Chuckles again]
Finn: Dude. That's not that funny. [Jake throws the garbage bag at Finn, splattering him with butter.] EAAH!!
Finn: Ohhh, butter pranked! I can't believe I didn't see that coming!
Jake: Heh, yeah, I'm a genius.
Finn: You have offended my honor, sir, and in so doing, you have awoken the pranking demon that sleeps in my pits! The demon is coming for you, mortal. It is going to prank you... so... HARD!
Jake: Whatever. I'm gonna take a day long nap. [Yawns and walks towards the door]
Finn: That's right, suckah! Go nap it up, for when you awake, the pranking demon will be upon you! [Jake shuts the door.] [To himself] Aww, man! Nothing's better than throwing a big bag of butter at someone! [Sighs] Gotta think! What's... a better prank... than butter?! Answer me, book! What's better than butter?! A unicorn. [Turns page] A treasure hunter! [Turns page] A battleship! [Turns page] A pie! [Turns page] A young girl in lo—Wait! Book, rewind! [Turns back a page] That's it! I'll throw never-ending pies at Jake's face forever! [Laughs evilly]
[The scene shifts to the cave of the fort, where Finn is building something and singing the Never Ending Pie Song.]
Finn: It's never-ending pie-throwing time! C'mon, dude! Turn on! [It doesn't respond.] Why isn't it working?! [Throws it] I'll never make a prank better than Jake's garbage bag full of butter. [Lightning strikes the machine]
Neptr: Ouch!
Finn: Holy stuff! It talked! Wow-cow-chow!
Neptr: Greeting, creator!
Finn: Oh, whoa! Hey, man!
Neptr: My name is Neptr, which stands for "Never-Ending Pie-Throwing Robot."
Finn: Oh, perfect! You're exactly the kind of robot I was trying to make!
Neptr: Creator, I am eager to commence the creation and propulsion of pies forever, but my pie-hucking appendage is... malfunctioning, and my oven lamp is cold, and my tank treads do not roll! They only do skids! Why, creator?! [Finn gasps.] Does it please you to watch me struggle?!
Finn: Neptr! Don't say stuff like that! Look, I know we just met, and you're probably goin' through a lot of personal stuff right now, but I really like you, Neptr, and I'm not gonna rest until you're working properly and throwing hot pie on my best friend's face. Together, we're gonna prank the poots out of Jake!
Neptr: Haha! I'll always love you, creator!
Finn: I know you will, Neptr. Now, all we need is more lightning power so you can be operating at full capacity! And I think I know just the dumb-hole who we can get some from.
[Scene transition—Neptr and Finn are floating in the Ice Kingdom via balloons.]
Neptr: Ooh, what beautiful piles of sugar!
Finn: Heh. No, Neptr. We call that snow.
Neptr: Snoooow??
Finn: UNH! [Crashes into the Ice King's lair, and balloons float up] Did y'all smack me into that mountain on purpose?
Balloons: Yeah!
Finn: Take note, Neptr. These guys are grade-A pranksters. You guys hang out in case we need a daring escape!
[Balloons all talk at once ["Yeah! Sure! Daring escape, yeah! Absolutely! We got your back!"] and Finn and Neptr enter the lair.]
One Balloon: I got his wallet. [All the balloons laugh.]
Finn: Just gotta sneak around until we find his lightning bolt stash.
Neptr: But, creator, is not breaking and entering wrong?
Finn: No, we're pranking and entering, which is awesome!
Neptr: Sneaking! We're sneaking...
Finn: [Whispering] Shush, Neptr!
Neptr: Sneaking...
Finn: Shh!
Neptr: Sneaking...
Finn: Neptr, you're gonna get us caught!
Neptr: Sneaking!
Ice King: Is that you, honey? [Finn runs away before he can see him.] How was your day at work? [Mock-female voice] Terrible! How could I possibly stand to be apart from you, the Ice King?! [Normal voice] You see, Gunter, that's how it would go if I actually had a wife.
Penguin: Wenk.
Ice King: Game time! [Activates Battle Babe.] Kill the frog! Kill the frog! C'mon! Oh, he's right in front of you! Lower! L—[Scoffs] Stupid lady. Kill it...
Neptr: Creator, if we get caught, I want you to know that I will always love you.
Finn: Shh! You already told me that! And we're not getting caught! We're gonna get you working so you can prank Jake! He could wake up from his nap at any second!
[Back at the Tree Fort]
Jake: I might wake up at any moment! Naaaah, I'm still asleep.
[Back at the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: No, no! That frog is casting magic missiles on my babe! [Frustrated noise]
Finn: [Whispering to Neptr] Quickly! While he's distracted!
[Finn stealthily moves away.]
Ice King: No, c'mon, get out of the—UGH! Move!
Penguin: Wenk!
Ice King: Baaaugh! [Penguin waddles forward] This game cheats anyway! [Drops console, accidentally smashing it] LOOK WHAT YOU DID, GUNTER!!
[Finn slides behind an ice pillar.]
Finn: We're home free, Neptr.
Penguin: Wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk!
Ice King: What are you on about? You're starting to infuriate me... It's almost like you're trying to alert me—warn me about... I don't know, an intruder or something? Perhaps he's lurking in this very room, just outside my field of vision!
Penguin: Wenk wenk wenk wenk.
Ice King: Well, knock it off!!
Neptr: What'll we do, creator?
Finn: We're gonna prank 'im, Neptr. Hardcore.
Ice King: [Looking at reflection] Hmm. You're looking kinda fat, Gunter! Look at these arms! Fat fat fat! Daddy's little fattie! Oh, you'll never get a prom date with all that chub on your face, you know! [An ice spike lands on Ice King] Ooh! Oh, blast these melty ceilings!
Finn: Hee hee hee hee!
Neptr: Creator, you have shown me the joys of pranking! I cannot wait to throw pies infinitely at Jake's face!
[Finn begins to slide off the spike.]
Finn: The ceiling really is melty! [Falls] Whoa! Whoa! [Slides away with Neptr]
Ice King: What was that?
[Finn and Neptr take a screaming ride down the lair.]
Ice Toads: Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!
[Ice Bull comes down.]
Finn: Figs!
Ice King: Huh? An intruder! Maybe a beautiful princess like in my poems.
Finn: We've gotta find that lightning as fast as—
Neptr: Creator! Lightning!
Finn: It's a lightning-shaped door! And we're gonna smash right into it! Hold on, Neptr! I got a plan!
[Finn slides up the wall and the Ice Bull crashes into the door, shattering itself and knocking the door down.]
Neptr: That was a great plan!
Finn: Nah, that wasn't my plan. We got lucky!
Neptr: Are those my tickets to the gun show, creator?
Finn: Mm-hmm. You're gonna be fully functional just like I promised.
[Ice King enters with his ice-o-pede.]
Ice King: Whoa, ice-o-pede! Finn?! Oh, why can't you ever be a princess?! Ice-o-pede, attack! [Ice-o-pede bites Ice King.] Ice-o-pede, no! Aaah!
Finn: Let's grab some lightning and get outta here!
[Ice King destroys the machine holding the lightning.]
Ice King: Hahaha! Finish him off, my semi-loyal pet! [The ice-o-pede fires at Finn and makes him drop Neptr.] An innocent bystander?! ZAP!
Finn: Neptr! NOOOOO! [The ice magic reaches Neptr] NOOOOOO!—Oh, yeah. That's what we wanted to happen.
Neptr: Neptr is fully functional! Yay! [Laughs]
Finn: Neptr! Yeah!
[The ice-o-pede picks Finn up]
Ice King: Crush him! Crush him like you crushed me!!
Neptr: Creator?
Finn: Neptr! The pies! Pies!
Neptr: Oh, right!
[He throws three pies at the ice-o-pede. It roars and falls down.]
Ice King: Come on!
Finn: What was in those pies?!
Neptr: Just boysenberry. Hahaha. And also... poison.
Finn: [Thinking] Neptr's acting... different.
Balloons: Quick, Finn! Jump!
[Finn attempts to grab onto the balloons, but they make him miss and fall. Two balloons catch him before he hits the ground. The balloons laugh.]
Finn: Heh heh. You guys got me.
Ice King: [To himself as the duo escapes] Something about that robot I tried to kill fills me with... deep longing.
[Scene shifts to the Tree Fort.]
Finn: Thanks, guys. Your blood-oath is fulfilled.
Balloons: Yay! To the mesosphere!
One Balloon: Finally we can die!
Neptr: I am troubled, creator. Troubled by a sudden urge to... collect princesses.
Finn: Neptr, that's a heavy unsettling thing to say, but pull yourself together. We're about to prank Jake!
Neptr: [Sad] Uh-huh. Sure.
Finn: One... two...
Ice King: [Opening door] THREE!
Finn: Run, Neptr!!
Neptr: Oooh!
Finn: [Charging at Ice King] Hah! Hah! Hah! [Ice King freezes Finn.] Aw, man.
Ice King: I've come to take my son.
Finn: Your son?!
Ice King: Come to Papi, son. I won't attack you... unless provoked.
Finn: He's not your son! If anything, he's my son!
Ice King: It was my power that activated his full potential. Zzz. [Makes a small lightening bolt]
Neptr: Oooh...
Ice King: When you were struck by my lightening, you also became infused with my private particles. He wants to be with me, Finn!
Finn: No way! Neptr wants to help me prank Jake!
Neptr: I am torn! I am processing a love for both princesses and pranking!
Ice King: Don't worry, son. I'll show you the life you deserve! [Spins very quickly]
Finn: No! Neptr!
[The three transport to Ice King's Imagination Zone.]
Ice King: Yes! Now that we've entered my imagination zone, allow me to tantalize you with this! [Snaps; princesses appear.] Princesses! As my son, you will carry on the tradition of capturing ladies!
Neptr: Tell me more, Papi!
Finn: No, Neptr!
Ice King: I want a son who can do better than I. One who can succeed where I... have failed. You can mate with robot princesses!
Neptr: Can I still prank with Finn after?
Ice King: NO!! I'll show you what will happen if you hang out with Finn!
[A vision of Finn and Jake farting on Neptr appears.]
Imaginary Finn & Jake: Yeah! Pootin' on Neptr to the max!
[Vision disappears.]
Neptr: Haha! Yeah, I love Finn's pranks!
Ice King: NOOOOO!! [The three exit the Imagination Zone.] I'm through playing around, son. Who do you choose?
Finn: Come on, Neptr. Choose me, buddy. Choose pranks.
Neptr: I... uh, I... choose... Ice King!
Finn: WHAT?! You've gotta be flippin' kidding me!
Ice King: He made his choice! Get over it, crybaby!
Neptr: I'm not finished. I choose Ice King... to prank! Hardcore!
Ice King: [Angry] WHHHAAAAT— [Neptr launches a pie at Ice King.] Aah! My face! [Neptr and Finn laugh.] I birthed you and I can un-birth you!
Finn: NEVER!
Ice King: OOF! [Gets knocked out by Finn]
Neptr: Sleep well, Papi. In your Imagination Zone full of beautiful princesses.
Finn: You wanna prank Jake?
Neptr: It's why I was created.
Finn: Haha, okay. Let's gooooo! [Finn and Neptr go inside the Tree Fort.] Jake! Wake up!
Jake: [Tired] Ahhh, hey, du—AAAAAH!
[There are sounds of pies landing on Jake. The camera pans towards a knocked out Ice King; a tear drops down his cheek. Scene shifts to Ice King's imagination.]
Imaginary Neptr: Sun is going down. Shall we capture princesses now, Papi?
Ice King: No, let's just stay here a little longer, son.
Imaginary Neptr: I love you forever, Papi.
[Ice King brings Neptr closer, and the episode ends.]
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