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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "What Have You Done?" from season 1, which aired on September 13, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[Finn and Jake are in the Ice Kingdom, sneaking past a penguin guard]
Finn: Our secret mission to capture the Ice King is underway. Though I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that out loud.
[Ice King is in bed solving a puzzle and mumbling when his doorbell rings and goes to the front door]
Ice King: [Singing] Who is it? [Starts shooting ice lightning] Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap! [Sees a can on the ground] Ooh, someone left me a gift. Peanut brittle? But I'm on a diet. [Shakes can, snickers and opens the can; Jake pops out and takes his crown]
Jake: Should have stuck to your diet!
Ice King: [Throws can on the ground] Oahh! Finn, you have destroyed my faith in canned peanut brittle! Zap! [Nothing happens] Oh, no, my crown has all my powers in it!
Finn: [Tackles Ice King with a giant wrapper strip] Wrap attack!
[Jake is holding Ice King, who is bound, gagged, and struggling]
Jake: [In baby talk] How about I swaddle you up like a sweet baby.
[Jake wraps the Ice King up even more, who struggles all the more]
Finn: We finally captured the Ice King!
Jake: [With Ice King tied to his back] Why'd we do this again?
Finn: Princess explained it all when she sent us on the mission, remember?
[Flashback to the Tree Fort where Finn and Jake are talking to Princess Bubblegum via hologram]
Princess Bubblegum: Go capture the Ice King, and bring him to me.
[Back in the present]
Jake: Hmm… That didn't really explain anything.
Finn: I'm sure she's got a good reason.
[In a dark and gloomy Candy Kingdom]
[Finn and Jake with the Ice King walk into the gloomy, fog covered streets]
Finn: Where is everybody?
Jake: Yeah, this place is deserted, except for that guy.
[Princess Bubblegum in a beak doctor mask comes walking towards them spraying fumigation gas]
Princess Bubblegum: Ich bin hier, Finn. ("I'm in here, Finn.")
[Finn and Jake scream; Princess Bubblegum takes off her mask and reveals herself]
Princess Bubblegum: It's me, the princess. Did you bring him?
Finn: Sure did.
[Jake shows Ice King, who mumbles, and Princess Bubblegum smiles]
Finn: So, what did the Ice King do to—
Princess Bubblegum: [cutting him off] Ah-bababap! No time! Now quickly, with me!
[They go to Princess Bubblegum's castle and walk up to a wall]
Princess Bubblegum: Ttubllaw!
[Stone face appears on the wall]
Stonesy: What's the password?
[Princess Bubblegum squeezes his cheeks]
Stonesy: [Laughs] Oh, you got me! [Opens his mouth into a doorway]
Finn & Jake: Secret door!
Princess Bubblegum: This stairway leads to the dungeon where we'll toss that lousy Ice King!
Finn: What awful thing did he do to get tossed in there?
Princess Bubblegum: Chhh, he didn't do anything. Not a thing.
Finn: Wha?
Princess Bubblegum: It's a long story, Finn. You see, the Ice King…
Manfried: [Over an intercom] Princess Bubblegum, you're needed at once in the Grand Hall.
Princess Bubblegum: No! I need more time! [Flips over a table]
Manfried: [Hanging over on a tree with a bullhorn] Gosh, I'm sorry.
Princess Bubblegum: Alright, alright, I have to go. You two just guard the Ice King until I return [Creepily] and be prepared to make him howl with pain.
Finn: You got it, princess!
[They go to the dungeon, an owl flies overhead as Finn, Jake, and Ice King stand around a table]
Ice King: Oh, this is a total rook!
Jake: Settle down, prisoner! We gotta record your belongings. One magical crown, [Whispers to Finn] probably stolen.
Ice King: I didn't steal it! I made that item! …Made it with the magic that I stole! So hand it over, or I'll strike menacing poses at you! [Starts striking poses and Finn sprays him with a hose]
Finn: Cool it, inmate! [The water begins to whip Ice King]
[Ice King is in a jail cell with only two bars]
Ice King: These bars can't hold me forever! Hey there's only like two of 'em. You fools have no business guarding prisoners.
[Finn and Jake are putting on helmets]
Finn: Oh, yeah?! Well how 'bout these helmets we found? And we got the Oculus of Rehabilitation!
Ice King: Hmm?
[Ice King looks up and there is a giant eye looking at him]
Oculus: Be better!
Finn: And the shelf of penitence!
[Ice King's crown is on a shelf sobbing with water coming from under it]
Ice King's crown: [Sobbing] I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…
Ice King: How about you just hand me my crown. I'll create some ice bars.
Jake: [Running with the crown] Okay!
Finn: No, Jake! It's a trick.
Ice King: I'm toying with you, ha ha, psychologically. [laughs]
[Finn and Jake have built a full set of bars for the jail cell]
Finn: Finished!
Ice King: So what am I being charged with?
Finn: Umm…
Jake: Five counts of jerkateering. Ha!
Finn: Yeah, what does it matter?
Ice King: Gah! Of course it matters! The way things work is first, I transgress your meaningless rules and then you maliciously persecute me!
Finn: That makes sense. You do bad stuff, we punish you.
Ice King: [Pokes Finn's face] Fool! You have disrupted that order, for—are you ready for this?—I have committed no recent crime!
Finn: Really? Umm…
Ice King: [Laughs] I'm rockin' your worldview!
Finn: Jake, he is starting to convince me we're doing a bad thing.
Jake: Dude, [Licks him] be calmed by my saliva and think of all the terrible things he's done.
Finn: Yeah… yeah! You're still a jerk that deserves to be in jail.
Ice King: Oh, yeah? You know who really deserves to be in jail? I will show you the true jerks! [Pulls out a mirrored covered with a blanket behind his jail cell bunk bed] Behold! [Lifts the blank off the mirror but in doing so extinguish the candle in the cell]
Finn: Uhh, it's too dark.
Ice King: Behold! [Brings the mirror into the light but it shatters at the bottom when he slams it on the floor] Wha, Behold! [Holds it in the air but it falls apart, Ice King groans and gasps and walks up to the cell bars with a mirror piece in his hand and puts it in Finn and Jake's faces] Behold the true jerks!
Finn: The jerks are us? Jake, am I going crazy? It seems like the Ice King is right about this. But if he's in the right, that means we're in…
Jake: The Candy Kingdom!
Finn: No, it means much, much worse.
[Turns to the jail cell where Ice King is in bed and opens the door]
Finn: On your feet.
Ice King: [Gets out of bed] Is it time for my hour in the yard, boss?
Finn: No, we're letting you go. We decided that it's wrong to imprison you.
Ice King: This is a trick, huh?
Finn: Get out of here before I change my mind!
Ice King: [Walking out of the cell] There must be someone waiting outside to beat me. Ooh, is that my crown over there? [Goes offscreen]
Jake: [Sighs] I'm glad that's all taken care of.
Finn: No, quite yet.
[Finn goes into the cell and pull Jake inside with him and closes the door]
Jake: Awww…
Finn: Sorry, but since we're the bad guys this time, we gotta go to jail.
Jake: This sucks.
Ice King: Hey!
[Finn shrieks]
Ice King: Get out of my room!
Finn: You're still he— [stutters] …Just get out of here, man!
Ice King: So, you're really breaking me out?
Finn: Like I said, it's wrong to imprison you.
Ice King: [Tearing up] You mean, you believe me? Oh, can it be? Has all the hatred between us transmuted into something more? A friendship? A best friendship. [Sticks out fist for a fist tap] Knucks? [Finn slaps his fist away] Oh, ho ho, slaps in disgust, eh? Let's call them "Slappy D's"! Okay, see you later, my bosoms!
Finn: I am no man's bosom.
Ice King: Cast "Detect Secret Door"! [He shoots a magic blast and a tunnel opens under the stairway] Success! [Runs away into the tunnel] Wa ha ha ha!
[Just after he leaves, Princess Bubblegum pops out of a tunnel on the floor]
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry for the delay.
Jake: Man, there are a lot of secret door around here.
Princess Bubblegum: [Puts on pink iron gloves] And now, Ice King, prepare to howl with [Sees he's gone] pain?
Finn: Wow, she's so proud we did the right thing, she almost looks enraged.
Princess Bubblegum: [Takes off the gloves] Where is the Ice King?
[Outside Ice King is flying away]
Ice King: Finally! Freedom and friends FOREVER!!!
[Back in the dungeon]
Princess Bubblegum: What... have... you... DONE?!?! [Flips over a table and snarls]
Finn: What have we done?
[The cell door opens and Princess Bubblegum grab Finn and Jake]
Princess Bubblegum: I'LL SHOW YOU. [Carries them away]
[In the Grand Hall, Princess Bubblegum unveils a curtain]
Finn: AHHH!!!
[The room is full of Candy People, covered in ice and lying on cots, sick and spreading ice to other Candy People]
Starchie: Heah, even old Starchie's sick.
Princess Bubblegum: A plague of Freezer Burn Flu.
Finn: Ice King did this?
Princess Bubblegum: Well, yes and no.
[In the Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] It happened 3 days ago.
[Ice King flies overhead]
Ice King: Hey, hey, Princess, check out my new trick! [Starts rubbing flakes out of his beard] It's snowing it's snowing for you!
[Snow falls on the kingdom as the Candy People play in it]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] We don't think he was trying to spread disease, but soon the entire kingdom was infect by his beard flakes.
[Candy People turn blue and shiver, Princess Bubblegum is in her room reading]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] Through my research, I quickly discovered that the only way to cure my people was to obtain the pained howls of the Ice King himself.
[In the Ice Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is riding Lady Rainicorn with a sound device over a mountain Ice King is on top of]
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] But when I pleaded with him directly…
Princess Bubblegum: Please, I beseech your aid. In the name of common decency!
Ice King: So let me get this straight… You're hitting on me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Lady Rainicorn: 으으, 웃기시네! 너는 우리 공주님과 판결 상대도 안 될 그런 가치없는 놈이야! ("Are you joking? You are not even worth my Lady's disdain.")
Ice King: I think I heard the word "Virile" in there. Oh, she is definitely hitting on me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Lady Rainicorn: 말도 안 돼! ("No!")
Ice King: Be gone, you biddies!
Princess Bubblegum: [Narrating] He had his chance to help and he did nothing!
Ice King: Oh, my gosh, she came to me this time.
[Flashback ends]
Princess Bubblegum: I had no choice but to try and take his wails by force.
Jake: By getting us to beat the tar out of him.
Finn: I can't just beat up the Ice King for nothing. That's against my alignment.
Princess Bubblegum: I know, I know. You're right. [Starts to cry]
Finn: But I'll get him to give up those howls. Voluntarily. I swear it.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you, Finn. I… [Cries]
Finn: [Places hand on her face] Shhhh…
[In the Ice Kingdom, Finn and Jake are running towards the Ice King's Castle]
Jake: Dude, how are we gonna get those howls?
Finn: Oh, I gotta plan to trick him, but you won't like it.
Jake: That sounds ominous. I don't like it!
[They enter the castle]
Finn: Ice King, come forth!
Ice King: I'm coming forth! Hee hee, is that the voice of friendship I hear? [Walks in the room with a board game] So, are you fellas ready for game night?
Finn: Game night? Well, that's weird.
Ice King: What? Why?
Finn: You do know how friends act, right? You've had friends before.
Ice King: I… yes?
Finn: Yeah, so you know how friends are always howling in pain for each other.
Ice King: Yeah… right! Everyone knows that! [Laughs awkwardly]
Finn: [Holds up the sound device] Will you howl for me, pal?
Ice King: Oooh, of course, friend. Awoo-hehehehe! Oh, I've got the sillies! I couldn't possibly without giggling uncontrollably. I'm just so giddy about you being here! [Laughs, falls on his back and grabs the bottom of his cloak and rocks back and forth] I'm a banana! [Laughs] Don't slip on me!
[A shrunken Jake jumps on Finn's shoulder]
Jake: We're out of options. Let's just beat it out of him.
Finn: No, Jake! We…
Ice King: [Gets up] Wait a sec, there's a bug on you, friend. Smack! [Smacks Jake and in doing so hits Finn]
Finn: Grrr… Biscuits, now's my chance!
Ice King: [Shuffling through the board game, picks up a game piece] You know, I carved these game pieces from my own teeth.
Finn: Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo…
Ice King: Huh? Crying?!
Finn: Boo hoo. You hit me, Ice King. I don't think I could live any more knowing my best bosom hit me.
Ice King: I was only saving you from poo poo palms!
Finn: I'm dying because I know you care not for me. [Plays dead]
Ice King: No! No, my…my bosom! What hath I done?! My friend! [Picks up Finn] My only friend.
Jake: Hey, what about me?
Ice King: Why?! Why?! WHY?!!!
[The scream is so loud it reaches the Candy Kingdom, where the ice falls off the sickened Candy People]
Starchie: Starchie's feeling healthy again! [Grow muscles] A bit too healthy if you ask me.
[More Candy People are cured]
Princess Bubblegum: They're all getting better! Finn and Jake did it! Ich bin so glücklich, ich könnte, ich könnte… ("I'm so happy, I could, I could…") [Almost flips over a cot but faints on it]
[Back in the Ice Kingdom]
Ice King: WHY?!!!… Ah, well. Gunter! Dispose of Finn's carcass.
[Finn pops up]
Finn: [Sad] Harumph.
Jake: Good job! Those wails must have reached all the way to…
Finn: Did you see how fast he dropped my lifeless body? That's just mean.
Jake: Finn, if I came across your lifeless body, I'd clasp you dramatically for a kajillion years.
Finn: Thanks, man.
Jake: [Grows] Hey, why wait?! Play dead, Finn!
[Finn plays dead and jumps into Jake's arms and Jake hops away on the mountain tops toward the Candy Kingdom]
Jake: Why?! Heh heh heh heh. Why?! Heh heh heh heh. Why?!
[The episode ends with the Adventure Time logo]
Finn & Jake: Adventure time!