Adventure Time Wiki
Adventure Time Wiki

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Vault of Bones" from season 5, which aired on February 25, 2013.

This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


[The episode starts off with Jake putting water in a teapot to make tea while Finn and Flame Princess are playing cards. Flame Princess sighs.]
Finn: What's up?
Flame Princess: Nothing, I don't know.
[Flame Princess continues to look at her cards and Finn comes up and stares at Flame Princess in her face, and both of them start laughing.]
Jake: If anybody wants tea, it will be ready in a few minutes.
[Jake heats up the tea on the stove, Jake waits for the tea to be ready when suddenly the tea lights up in flames and Flame King swooshes over to Flame Princess.]
Flame King: Evil...evil...evil...evil...evil!
[Flame Princess looks at Flame King.]
Jake: Whoa, Flame King!
Flame Princess: Father!
[Flame Princess gets embarrassed.]
Flame King: Oh, well, uh... Sorry, I... thought my daughter was alone... Well, I'll just be going now. Nice teapot.
[Flame King vanishes and the teapot is left charred and black.]
Jake: Ooh!
Finn: What was that?
Jake: He was saying "evil, evil, evil" over and over again.
Finn: Yeah, I heard.
Jake: Well, I wasn't sure if you heard him 'cause he was whispering.
Finn: Yeah, I heard. 
Flame Princess: Ugh, he's so annoying.
Jake: Well, I was just trying to help.
Flame Princess: Oh, not you, Jake, my dad. I always catch him whispering stuff in my ear while I'm not paying attention. He keeps saying I'm evil.
[Finn stands up on the table.]
Finn: Whoa, you best not be believing that whack bunk. I bet he's trying to make your life bad, so you'll think you're evil. But you're really not!
Flame Princess: How can I know for sure?
Finn: Dungeons.
Flame Princess: What?
Finn: Let's have a good time in a dungeon or something, that always clears my head that reminds me what's what.
Flame Princess: And that will make me good?
Finn: No, that will show you not to worry so much, because you're already good in here.
[Finn puts a finger to his chest, looking for his heart.]
Flame Princess: Ok, yeah, let's do it.
Finn: Dungeons!
[Finn puts up his fist.]
Flame Princess: Dungeons!
[Flame Princess puts her fist up also and they start laughing again.]
Jake: Chamomile tea!
[Finn and Flame Princess look at Jake and laughing again and running away to find the dungeon and Jake sits down and takes a sip of the tea and moves back of the sofa. Meanwhile, Finn is finding secret door switches in the jungle in order to lead Flame Princess to a dungeon, Finn looks under a rock then, pulls on the vines of the leaves.]
Flame Princess: Is this how you look for a dungeon?
Finn: Yeah... a lot of times the entrances are hidden, so you gotta look under rocks and stuff for a secret switch.
[Finn feels the wood of a trunk and knocks on it.]
Finn: Sometimes it takes a while... Hmm.
Flame Princess: I'll just use my heat sense.
[Flame Princess, then spins around the forest to get a signal on a secret switch to a dungeon.]
Flame Princess: That tree over there is not made of wood.
Finn: Really?
[The two run over there to the tree.]
Finn: Yes!
[Finn climbs on the tree and pulls the switch on the branch and a skull shaped hole opens up from a giant rock. The two of them go down to the dungeon. There are skeletons and skulls lying everywhere. Finn finds a gauntlet on the ground.]
Finn: Ooh... gauntlet.
Flame Princess: Thanks for taking me out Finn.
Finn: No prob, Bob, light this for me, will ya? [She does so.]
Flame Princess: Oh, sure. Um... do we need a torch? I'm sort of made of fire.
Finn: Oh...well, I guess torches are just cool for dungeons, you know?
Flame Princess: Oh, okay.
Finn: Yeah...I like to hang on to it.
Flame Princess: Boy, this place is creepy!
Finn: Really? I feel like it's trying too hard. Gold piece! [Grabs a gold piece he found on the ground and puts it in his pocket]
Flame Princess: Oh, you mean, like, with all the skulls? 
Finn: Whoa! Whoa!
[They come across a skeleton fishing with his right arm. The skeleton turns at the sound of their voices and drops his arm into the black water.]
Flame Princess: What?
Boney: Hey! What are you doing here?
Flame Princess: Burning you alive!
Finn: Haha no, no, wait a sec. Sorry, one second.
Boney: Sure.
Finn: He might have an important loot on him, so we don't wanna just burn him up; plus it's a little cruel even for an evil guy, check this out. [Threatens him with his sword] RRRAAA, you're gonna surrender!
[Boney and Finn yell at each other for a while]
Boney: Okay, okay, I surrender!!!
Finn: I shall grant thee clemency! If you do the splits! Do the splits!
Boney: I-I can't-I can't do the splits.
Finn: Do the splits, thou milk-livered maggot pie!
Boney: Okay, okay...Ow, ow, ow! [Does the splits]
Finn: See, a lot of times you can overpower these guys with confidence.
Flame Princess: Neat!
Finn: Got any loot on ya?
Boney: Just this map. It'll-it'll help you.
Finn: Ha! See? This would've been burned!
Flame Princess: Yeah, no, that makes sense.
Finn: What else you got?!
Boney:  Yeah! Uh, uh, there's a treasure chest in the corner, please stop yelling.
Finn: Hah, hah! I knew it. [The chest won't open] Oh, cram it to the butternuts, it's locked!
Boney: Aahh! I don't know were the keys is, please don't yell!
Finn: Hahaha, alright. We can come back to that later. [To FP] Hey, are you having fun?
Flame Princess: Mhm.
Boney: I- I'll just stay here.
[Finn and FP are walking]
Flame Princess: [starts running] Race you to the next monster!
Finn: WHOA, whoa!
Flame Princess: What?
Finn: [chuckles] That's not how you do things in a dungeon. You gotta sneak.
Flame Princess: Sneak?
Finn: Like this. [Starts walking and crouches. FP follows behind and does the same] And you gotta look around. [He does so.] [They reach a wall and Finn stops FP. Finn peeks from the corner and sees a bigger skeleton guard. The camera shifts to the chandelier and to the rope holding it.]
Finn: [whispers] Ok, this guy's too big to intimidate, but I have a plan. First, you shoot some fire at that rope, the chandelier falls, we distract the monster and we run in. Element surprise.
Flame Princess: [Whispers] Wow.
Finn: You ready?
Flame Princess: Yeah.
Finn: [Takes a step and retracts] Before we go in, how good are you at quietly throwing a tiny bit of fire?
Flame Princess: Uhh... what?
Finn: Like on a scale of 1 to 100, how good are you at quietly throwing a tiny bit of fire at a rope 50 feet away?
Flame Princess: Uhh...
Finn: Scale of 1 to 100.
Flame Princess: [Thinks] 42.
Finn: [Normal voice] 42?!
Flame Princess: [Whispers] Well, I don't know! I've never rated myself before.
Finn: [Whispers] Well, that's cool, that's cool. Just try to hit that rope.
[Flame Princess shoots a small amount of fire accurately at the rope. It catches on fire and it breaks, therefore the chandelier falls, too. Finn and Flame Princess come in running and Finn swings at the guard with his sword, but goes right through it. He waves his arm through it and realizes it's a hologram.]
Flame Princess: Are you okay?
Finn: Yeah, I'm good. it's a hologram.
Flame Princess: Oh. Neat. So, uhh, should we keep going?
Finn: Yeah, although it does raise the question. Why would someone go through the trouble of setting up a hologram? Unless... they've hidden something in this room? [Crouches down on the floor and starts looking.]
[Flame Princess goes off to the side, sits down and sighs. She finds a pebble, throws it in the air, and shoots it with a bit of fire.]
Finn: [sees FP sleeping] Hey, wake up.
Flame Princess: I was meditating. [Stands up]
Finn: Look what I found. [Holds up a key.]
Flame Princess: A key!
[Finn raises his eyebrows multiple times]
Flame Princess: We have to go back?
Finn: We don't have to, we get to! Come on. [walks away.]
[Boney is looking for his missing arm in the water. He hears Finn singing Dungeon Crawl and hurries back to his position and does the splits.]
Finn: See? That didn't take long at all. Now we get treasure.
Flame Princess: Okay.
Finn: [Sticks key through the keyhole and doesn't open] Nope. This key's for something else. Haha. Oh, well. [Continues singing.]
Flame Princess: [Thinking] Jeez. This is kinda boring. At least he's walking fast.
[Finn looks back at FP and gestures for her to follow. He points at the floor.]
Finn: See? That's where I found the key.
[He starts crawling and finds a hole in the wall. Finn and Flame Princess look inside and sees a bigger cage with a keyhole. Finn gives her the key and she crawls through the hole. She walks over to the cage and Finn gives her a thumbs up. As soon as FP fits the key through the keyhole, it opens and a skeleton comes out, which startles FP.]
Finn: Snapdragons!!
Snapdragon: Take my place, take my place! Take my- [Flame Princess stumbles back and burns it in defense.]
Flame Princess: Scatter fire! [Sends four bolts of fire that meet in the middle and burn the cage completely to ashes. She sighs.]
Finn: No, no, we shake them down first, remember?
Flame Princess: He... wanted me to take his place.
Finn: [Rummages through pile of ashes] Man. Ooh, hold on. [Finds another key and holds it up.] Ha ha! It's another key! Now we get to go back to the beginning! [Runs.] Whoohoo!
Flame Princess: Finn, I'm not having any fun.
Finn: [Stops running] What? Why?
Flame Princess: Well, you keep wanting me to do things your way. But I don't like doing things your way. Is that because I am evil?
Finn: What? No, wait, that's... no! Uhh, hey, you know what? Let's do things your way.
Flame Princess: Really?
Finn: Yeah. I've been acting an uncouth lout, m'lady. [Throws torch in the water] Okay, so there's a door over there. What do you wanna do?
Flame Princess: I... burn it down. [Makes a Flame Sword and marks a big X on the door. Finn looks unsure as she breaks through the door.]
Finn: Okay, that worked. Now what do you do...
Flame Princess: [Runs and shoots fire at random places] RRAAAAAGGGHHH!!
Finn: Uhh... [Scared] Good- good job, FP.
Flame Princess: Thanks, FTH! Haa! [Shoots more fire. Goo skulls start appearing. FP rushes to the door.] Ughh, doors! Burn, burn, burn! [She is stopped by a Goo Skull.] Huh? Ugh.
Finn: Oh, Sham man. It's the legion of Goo Skulls! Uh, how do you defend?
Flame Princess: Uhh... snake fire!! [Her fire ignites their goo and destroys them.]
Finn: Fire burn goo.
Flame Princess: Yes! Feel my flames, puny worms! [Laughing] The power of destruction!
Finn: Woh. [Giant Goo Skull comes out from behind Finn and grabs him] [Terrified] Whoa! Flame Princess!!
Flame Princess: Huh? [turns around in normal state and sees Finn being taken away by a Giant Goo Skull]
Finn: Ahh!!!
[Flame Princess Angry]
[She ascends from a hole and see Finn and the Giant Goo Skull.]
Finn: [Being spun around by goo] Help me! But don't use fire because you'll- mphh! [Muffled by the goo]
Flame Princess: Release him or feel the wrath of the Princess of Flames!
[Giant Goo Skull blows raspberry]
Flame Princess: Very well.
[Flame Princess charges at the Giant Goo Skull]
[Finn screaming under the goo, terrified]
Flame Princess: [Stops just in front of the Giant Goo Skull] Do the splits! Do the splits, thou milk-livered maggot pie! [Grabbing Finn's demon sword and yelling] [Giant Goo Skull does the splits] [Using Finn's demon sword to free Finn from a goo]
Finn: Hot Daniel! Flame Princess. I thought you were going to burn me alive.
Flame Princess: No way! I'd never do that to my boyfriend. [Finn blushes]
[Later at the hill during sunset]
Flame Princess: Ha, thanks Finn. That was a really awesome experience.
Finn: Dungeons totes clear your head, right?
Flame Princess: [Agreeing] I forget how good it feels to destroy stuff.
Finn: [Confused] Uhhhh.....
Flame Princess: I mean, like evil stuff.
Finn: Oh yeah, cool.
Flame Princess: We should go again sometimes. Do you know any other dungeons?
Finn: Maybe next time we should just go to like... a farmer's market.
Flame Princess: And burn it.
Finn: Hmm, try this key.
[Flame Princess succeeds in unlocking the chest and shocked.]
Finn: What is it?
[A mysterious butt-shaped creature wakes up and winks at Flame Princess.]