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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Too Old" from season 5, which aired on August 12, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[Episode starts at Castle Lemongrab. A gatekeeper is comparing Finn's passport picture to Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: The other one. [switches passports for the gatekeeper]
Gatekeeper: [grunts]
[Scene switches to Finn, who is talking to Jake on an old-fashioned telephone.]
Jake: [on phone] Finn? Finn?
Finn: Sorry.
Jake: Finn, I'm bored. Are you sure Princess Bubblegum doesn't like me anymore?
Finn: Yeah. That's what she said.
Jake: Sounds weird. Are you lying so you can do this dinner thing alone with Bubblegum?
Finn: No way!
Jake: I don't know if this is a good idea after your break-up with Flame Princess. PB is out of your age range, anyway.
Finn: No way, man, I got no expectates. Whatever happens happens.
Princess Bubblegum: [off-screen] Hey Finn! Let's go.
Finn: Lates, bro. [to Princess Bubblegum] Comin'!
[Two gatekeepers open the doors to Castle Lemongrab.]
Finn: Hey-ey, things got fancy around here.
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum walk into a stagecoach. The driver throws a whip at the Lemon Camel.]
Princess Bubblegum: Thanks again for coming to Castle Lemongrab with me, Finn. I kinda hate these diplomatic dinners. Also, I think the Lemongrabs are getting weirder.
Finn: Oh, uh, you know me—pretty good with weird stuff.
Princess Bubblegum: It's just a shame that Jake didn't wanna come. I love Jake.
Finn: Yeah. We all love Jake. [scoots closer to Princess Bubblegum]
[Inside the Castle, an orange Lemon Child blows a horn.]
Orange Lemon Child: Announcing arrival o' Princest Bubblegah and little boy!
[A Lemon Child on a trapeze falls to the ground behind Finn and Princess Bubblegum. Footsteps can be heard as the Lemon Children in the entrance hall gasp.]
Lemongrab: Princess! [grunts]
Finn and Princess Bubblegum: Holy—
Lemongrab: Oh, so pleased and gracious to welcome you to our sophisticated society! [bows] Bow.
Lemongrab 2: Yes, welcome—
Lemongrab: [screams] NO! Do it now!
[A small Lemon Child in a cupboard, while holding a bell, screams until his skin peels off.]
Lemon Head: It's... dinner time! [rings a bell]
[Scene changes to the castle's dining hall. Lemon Children, Finn, and Princess Bubblegum are eating dinner. Duke Suck-Lemon is in between Finn and Princess Bubblegum, so he switches their name cards. Duke Suck-Lemon switches places with Finn.]
Finn: Yo, Peebs. How's your lemon?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, this is mega-weird. Something's happened to the two Lemongrabs. They used to be exactly the same.
Lemongrab: [to Lemongrab 2] No, you're floating too high! [hits Lemongrab 2 with a chicken leg and forces him to float lower] It's time for the floor show!
Finn: Hey, princess! Look who happens to carry a flute with him. [pulls out his flute from his pack]
Lemongrab: No! Lemons only! Floor show!
[Up on stage, a humanoid Lemon Child screams repeatedly while a dog-like Lemon Child exits a dog house and starts slapping itself.]
Lemongrab: Do it better! [pulls out a remote and presses a red button]
[The Lemon Children onstage get shocked. The dog-like Lemon Child slaps itself faster while the humanoid Lemon Child screams louder and at a higher pitch. Lemongrab laughs and takes a piece of bread from a green Lemon Child sitting next to him. The green Lemon Child whines. Lemongrab 2 gives it half of his bread.]
Lemongrab 2: Hmm. Acceptable.
Lemongrab: What?! UNACCEPTABLE!
Lemongrab 2: [mutters] Acceptable.
Princess Bubblegum: Ugh, I can't watch this any more. Excuse me, Finn. [gets up]
Finn: Okay. Let me know if you get lonely!
[Scene changes to a dark hallway. Princess Bubblegum looks at the walls, which have numerous cracks in them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Man, this place is fallin' apart. Huh?
[Music can be heard coming from far off. She opens a door and sees Badlemonnohope playing a harp.]
Lemonhope: [sings Lemonhope's Song] Oh, hi.
[While Lemonhope is singing, the Lemongrabs fly to where the music is coming from.]
Princess Bubblegum: What's your name, little boy?
Lemonhope: My name is Badlemon Nohope, but you can call me Lemonhope.
[The Lemongrabs burst into the room. Lemongrab breaks Lemonhope's harp and Lemongrab 2 turns on the light. Finn also enters.]
Lemongrab: That noise! That ugly lemon and his ugly noise! [kicks Lemonhope]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey! By all accounts, this is a brilliant and sensitive little boy.
Lemonhope: Thank you, mistress.
Princess Bubblegum: I'm taking Lemonhope back to the Candy Kingdom and enrolling him in a school for gifted children.
Lemongrab: No. He needs to stay here. [kicks Lemonhope again and tucks him under his arm] I hope you'll still be joining us for dessert.]
Princess Bubblegum: [grunts] We need to free that darling boy. Maybe there's something in the Candy Kingdom-Lemon Earldom treaty. I don't think there is.
Finn: What about a prank?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, what are you talking about?
Finn: Mmm, I don't know. Maybe if we prank Lemongrab, like, just right, they'll let us take that guy home? Yeah. Prank.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't see how that's going to help us at all.
Finn: Pranks, like old times.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, no, that's really—hmm... okay, yeah! We'll pull a prank. Like old times.
[Scene changes to kitchen. Finn opens a refrigerator and grabs some baking soda. Princess Bubblegum opens a cupboard and gets some vinegar. They put their items on a table with plates of yellow pudding.]
Finn: Okay. [cracks knuckles] Puddin' [makes two holes in the pudding and pours baking soda into one] Bakin' soder. [pours vinegar into the other] Vinegar. [closes holes] And the bait. [puts a sign on it that reads "Special for Big Lemongrab"] Now when Lemongrab stirs his pud [imitates explosion noises] splode-cano.
Princess Bubblegum: [laughs] Pretty smart, dude.
[Finn blushes. They high five. Finn rubs his finger against Princess Bubblegum's]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey!
[Scene switches to dining hall. A waiter puts the prank pudding in front of Lemongrab. He takes out glasses and bends over to read what the sign says. He removes the sign.]
Lemongrab: Ah, my pud! I'm going to enjoy this pud. I'm really looking forward to this pud. [dips spoon in pudding as a small amount of white foam comes out from the pudding] Oh, what is this?
Finn: A-ha! Now give us back Lemonhope or prepare for mo' pranks!
Lemongrab: Dungeon!
[Scene switches to a jail cell. Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Lemonhope are inside of it.]
Finn: [sighs] Guess I must admit. One would have a hard time claiming that to have been a pretty good plan. Sorry, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: No, no. Your plan was great, Finn. [opening Finn's pack] See? What's this? Huh? [takes out Finn's flute] Your flute. Wow, now Lemonhope can play it and the Lemongrabs will come open the door to smash the flute and we can all escape! Really great work, Finn.
Finn: Oh.
Princess Bubblegum: Here, Lemonhope. Now will you play something for us? Something beautiful?
Lemonhope: Yes, mistress. [plays screeching sounds on flute while Finn and Princess Bubblegum wince]
Princess Bubblegum: Let me help you with—Lemonhope!
Lemonhope: [runs to other side of the room] I was sharp at the harp, now it's my turn to learn the flute to boot! [plays screeching sounds on flute while Finn grunts]
[Lemongrabs enter the room where the cell is located, muttering happily and dancing. Princess Bubblegum and Finn stare in awe. Lemongrab 2 opens the cell door.]
Lemongrab 2: Come, one and all, and join the dance!
Lemongrab: [screams] How dare you? How dare you release my prisoners? Soft Lemongrab! Softer than an old graham cracker! YOU'RE SOFT!! [Lemongrab tackles and eats Lemongrab 2 and Finn stays behind to watch. He sees Lemongrab finishing off Lemongrab 2.]
Finn: Yike! [runs off]
[Scene switches to Lemon Castle's courtyard. Finn and Princess Bubblegum runs from the entrance hall to the exit. The door is barred.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, no! We're locked in. Finn, give me your phone, I'm calling Jake!
Finn: What? No! Let's, um... we could do another prank! I brought some of your super-spicy hot sauce! Ah, so spice!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, this is serious!
Finn: But, my other plan worked.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, your other plan failed, which was part of my plan, which worked.
Finn: Your plan? But I thought we were having fun together.
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, I have citizens who need me. I can't always treat everything like a little boy game.
Finn: Oh. Yeah, no, that's cool.
Lemonhope: Mistress! Mistress, look! Something scary is happening now!
Lemongrab: [standing on a window balcony] How dare you? How dare you? After all I've done for you?! You try to steal my Lemonhope away?! You're too old, princess. Too old for pranks. Too old! [smashes part of balcony] I've tried imprisoning! I've tried reconditioning! You leave me no choice. Lemon Children! [pressing button on remote control and shocking the Lemon Children] Go forth! Go forth now!
Lemon Children: Sorry, sir.
Finn: Get to safety, princess! I'll hold 'em off.
Princess Bubblegum: What?
Three-pronged Lemon Child: Sorry, sir! [tackles Finn]
[A gang of Lemon Children repeatedly hit Finn while apologizing. Princess Bubblegum grabs him out of the dogpile.]
Finn: Wait, so do you not like any games, or just little boy games?
Princess Bubblegum: Finn...
[Lemongrab laughs. He then starts making retching noises as Lemongrab 2 emerges from his mouth.]
Lemongrab 2: Lemon brothers! Stop! Stop and listen! [presses button sequence on remote that breaks the Lemon Children's shock collars off] It has cost me much, but I have learned that lemon need not squeeze lemon to survive. Lemonhope, go forth, grow strong, and return for us!
[Lemon Children chant "Hope" as they lift Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Lemonhope out of the castle. Lemonhope looks back one last time at Lemongrab before Princess Bubblegum jumps off the wall with him in her arms.]
[Scene changes to Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Lemonhope walking to the Candy Kingdom,]
Princess Bubblegum: You're going to love the Candy Kingdom, Lemonhope. You're learn all about playing, and play-math, and learning all day long, and you'll never get yelled at. Unless you drink my soda from out of the fridge.
Lemonhope: Yes, mistress.
[Finn calls Jake.]
Jake: Yo, man, how's it going? Terrible?
Finn: Well, yeah, mostly. But I think I learned something.
Jake: Go on.
Finn: Well, I'm thinkin' maybe age isn't just a number. Maybe older people, like, really are different. Y'know? Like, less fun inside.
Jake: So whatcha saying here?
Finn: I'm saying I think I really sponked up. I gotta patch things up with Flame Princess.
Jake: Oh, dang! Didn't you hear? She's got a new boyfriend already!
Finn: What?!
Jake: [laughs] Man, I'm just kidding. [laughs with Finn] She might, though.

Episode ends.