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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Time Sandwich" from season 5, which aired on September 9, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[Finn and BMO are walking around the Tree Fort with blindfolds on. Their arms are outstretched with their hands clasped together and their index fingers pointing like guns. Their fingers meet and press against each other's. BMO's push past Finn's.]
BMO: Ha-ha! I win!
[BMO and Finn take their blindfolds off as Jake walks in carrying groceries.]
Finn: Oh, hey, man.
Jake: You and BMO play Finger Spread quietly. I need to get into the zone. [walks over to the window and looks up] I am ready to receive instruction from the realm of creation above me for the sandwich I am about to conceive. I am open; use me.
[Jake turns on some classical music and starts dancing. He takes a deep breath. The scene cuts to him washing vegetables and then sharpening knives.]
Jake: [sharpening knives] One, two, three, four, five, six. [putting herbs on a steak] Rosemary, thyme. [puts the steak in a bag, seals it, and places it in a pot of hot water] Sous-vide. Keep that at 135 degrees. [cuts a loaf of bread in half and uses a blowtorch to toast the inside] All right, now we're gettin' somewhere. [places each ingredient on the bread as he says their names] Cream cheese! Pickles from my boy Prismo! And some dill! [grabs a bird from the windowsill] Diced boiled eggs! Bird from the window! Yeah, baby, now we're rollin'! Whoo!
[Finn and BMO climb up the ladder to the kitchen.]
Jake: Common cucumber! Sliced Roma tomato. Sweet yellow onion—organic. [tears up] Oh, almost done. [wipes tears away and puts them in the sandwich] Tears for salt. Meat prepared sous-vide. ♪Bacon.♪ [holds up a lobster] You're the most important part. [He puts the lobster in a pot of boiling water, and its soul escapes. Jake shoos it onto the sandwich.] Lobster soul. [puts on the top piece of bread, completing the sandwich and causing it to glow blue] It's amazing! Ohhh, [falls backwards, and Jake and BMO catch him] this is the greatest sandwich I've ever made!
Finn: Is it glowing?
[The three get up and walk to the sandwich.]
Jake: You guys want some?
Finn: It's cool, man. I know you want to eat the whole thing, and I'm cool with that.
Jake: Thank you. [Jake picks up his sandwich, and is about to eat it when a shower of sparks comes from the other side of the room, and Magic Man appears. Jake then gasps.] Magic Man!
Magic Man: Magic dog! I'll take some sandwich!
Jake: You stay away from my woman! Eh, my sandwich!
Magic Man: [scratching his chin] Hmm... yeah, I could do that... or... wait, wait! [he conjures a portal that allows him to grab Jake's sandwich]
Jake: Sandwiche! Mijo! Magic Man! My sandwich!
Magic Man: That's a good-looking sandwich.
Jake: What are you gonna do with it? Something gross?
Magic Man: [breathes on the sandwich] It's got my germs, so it's mine now.
Jake: NOOOO! [stretches his arms toward Magic Man]
Magic Man: Dead arms! [casts a spell]
[Jake's arms become limp and fall to the floor.]
Jake: [groaning] Give it back, you animal!
Magic Man: Look, if you really want your sandwich, you'll have to solve my little riddle. [punches the "Timeless" clock and moves the hands] When your face shows 7:20, when green leaves turn brown, the only way forward is down. Then you'll see, the wetter, the better.
Jake: That's not even a riddle! It's wordplay, at best!
Magic Man: You try and come up with something on the spot! It's hard! [makes a portal and slaps Jake through it]
Jake: Ow!
Magic Man: Now to savor the moment. [crashes through the wall] [in mid-fall] It's just you and me, baby. [moves sandwich toward his open mouth and snaps his fingers, creating a slow-mo sphere]
Jake: What the?
Finn: Jake, wait!
Jake: [growls] What's he doin' in there? Why did he freeze himself with my sandwich?
Finn: He's not frozen. He's super slow-mozin', motion. Look.
[Camera zooms in on Magic Man's mouth, where some saliva drips in slow-mo.]
Jake: Aww, that's gross!
Finn: Well, let's go grab it before he hits the ground, which is when I assume he'll take a bite.
Jake: Yeah, okay.
Finn: Hmm. [pats sphere and puts his arm in it] Feels like cold spaghetti. [puts his head in]
[Jake follows suit.]
Finn: [slow-mo] Oh... hey, Jake.
Jake: [slow-mo] Hey, Finn.
[Outside, the clouds move by quickly, showing that time is only slowed inside the sphere.]
Jake: [slow-mo] How long have we been in here?
Finn: [slow-mo] I don't know.
Jake: [slow-mo] Retreat!
[The two slowly pull themselves out and gasp for air. BMO has joined them.]
Finn: Whoa, how long were we in there?
BMO: Five hours.
Jake: Five hours?! [stretches around the sphere to see Magic Man] He's halfway to hittin' the ground... which is when he'll bite my sandwich, probably.
BMO: Yes.
Jake: [groans]
Finn: [scoldingly] BMO!
BMO: I agree that is when he will probably take a bite.
Finn: You're not helping.
BMO: Oh, you need help? I can help. [screen turns to a green spiral] Processing.
Jake: Must be his new software.
BMO: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. [face returns to normal] Ding! I have the solution, Jake.
Jake: What?! BMO, are you serious?
BMO: Yes, this plan will work.
Jake: Yes!
BMO: But we have to hurry.
Jake: Yes!
Finn: Alright, BMO!
[They run inside, come out with some wood, and start building a ramp. Jake hammers a nail, pausing to look at his sandwich, which is now closer to Magic Man's mouth. Jake resumes hammering at a quicker pace. Finn sets up a camera, as BMO gets to the top of the ramp with its skateboard.]
Finn: Wait, wait, wait. BMO, are you just making a skateboard video?
BMO: No, Finn. This is the plan.
Jake: Are you sure?
BMO: Jake, you will have your sandwich back before my board hits the ground.
Jake: Okay, BMO.
BMO: Yay, BMO! [skateboards down the ramp and gets airborne] This is iiiii... [lands in the sphere and starts slowly falling]
Jake: He lied to me.
Finn: Relax. [takes a phone out of his pack] I'm calling Princess Bubblegum. It's ringing.
Jake: [sighs] Maybe I should just make another one. [goes inside, turns on the radio again, and dances limply] [sighs deeply] Eh, okay. Let's do this. I can make another awesome sandwich. Creation realm, inspire me once again! [looks out the window at storm clouds, and the wind chimes fall] [uncertainly] Okay.
[Outside, Princess Bubblegum is using a device to inspect the time bubble.]
Finn: Thanks again for coming, Prubbles.
Princess Bubblegum: Of course, Finn. Once you explained about Jake's sandwich, I had to. [pulls device out of sphere]
Finn: So, how's it looking?
Princess Bubblegum: I'm picking up major levels here.
Finn: Of magic?
Princess Bubblegum: Molasses.
Finn: Oh.
[They start walking over to some Banana Guards holding missiles.]
Princess Bubblegum: He's using a molasses-based super-covalent subatomic bond, slowing down anything that enters its field, but only if the molasses is at room temperature. Hmm, this one. [takes a missile from a Banana Guard] My molasses warmer will get things moving.
[She moves a level on the missile, causing a smaller missile to shoot out of the bigger missile. She presses some buttons on her watch, and the smaller missile drops an angry bear-shaped bomb, which goes inside the sphere and explodes behind BMO.]
BMO: [slow-mo] ...iiiiiiiii...
Princess Bubblegum: Well, I'm out of ideas. [activates a holo-phone]
Finn: Who ya calling?
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline.
Finn: The vampire queen?!
[Inside, Jake has two pieces of bread and a wilted leaf of lettuce.]
Jake: Oh... maybe... maybe it's just as good! [puts the sandwich together and takes a bite] Blech! [spits it out and throws the sandwich on the floor] It's terrible! [starting to cry] Dang you, Magic Man! You took my one and only! [takes a bag and heads outside]
[Marceline has now joined them.]
Princess Bubblegum: See, I think the molasses must be protected by some sort of chemical—
Marceline: Oh, hey, Jake. How you holding up?
Jake: Not too well. BMO looks cool, though.
BMO: [slow-mo] ...iiiiiiii...
Jake: [sighs]
Marceline: Don't be sad.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, Marceline's got a great plan.
Finn: Yeah, man!
Jake: What's your plan?
Marceline: [transforms into a winged beast] Demon juice! [jumps up] [growls] [lands in the sphere behind BMO]
BMO: ...iiiiiiiii...
[Jake takes some candles out of the bag and lights them.]
Finn: Hey, man. What are you doing?
Jake: I'm lighting these candles so I can move on with the grieving process. I made them with the leftover bacon fat from my sand—[sobs]
Finn: I am not giving up. [takes out phone] Let's see. Who should I call? Ice King? Shelby? Tree Trunks?
Jake: Tree Trunks?! No, man, don't call Tree Trunks! What's she gonna do, bake an apple pie?! Don't you get it?! It's over. It's over, and I've never been so sad. And you know what? I got to deal with it. [walks into sphere but does not slow down]
Finn: Jake, look!
Jake: Hmm? What? But how?
Finn: Because you've never been this sad! That's what Magic Man meant by your face showing 7:20, or as some people call it, a sad face.
Jake: What?! Nobody [begins to slow down] calls it that.
Finn: Nope! No! Don't get judgmental.
Princess Bubblegum: Stay sad.
Jake: Right. [walks deeper into the sphere] [sobbing] Magic Man, I'm gonna sock you in the head! [punches his palm] [laughs] [starts slowing down again]
Finn: Jake, every time you get happy, you slow down! Stay sad, man! Make yourself sad!
Jake: Uh... okay!
[He imagines his funeral, with Lady Rainicorn crying over his grave.]
Lady Rainicorn: 제이이이이크!(Jaaake!) [sobs]
Mr. Cupcake: [patting her] It's okay, Lady. You gotta let go. He's gone now. Let me take you out for a coffee... get your mind off things.
[Time card: AFTER COFFEE]
[Mr. Cupcake arrives at Lady Rainicorn's house in his sports car. Lady Rainicorn gets out of the car.]
Lady Rainicorn: 컵케이크 씨, 정말 고마워요. 당신은, 정말 좋은 친구예요. ( Mr. Cupcake, Thank you . You're really a good friend.
Mr. Cupcake: Hey, Lady, I'm here for you. Don't you ever forget that.
[Lady Rainicorn smiles and Mr. Cupcake raises his eyebrows twice.]
Jake: Hey, Mr. Cupcake, you stay away [starts slowing down] from Lady!
Finn: No, man! Stay sad! Make yourself sad!
Jake: Uh...
[He imagines Mr. Cupcake at his grave.]
Mr. Cupcake: I, I love you, Jake. We should have hung out more.
Jake: What? Um, I love you too, Mr. Cupcake. I didn't want to hang because I thought Lady was into your muscles. And I thought if we'd hung out, you'd sweet-talk her and take her from me.
Mr. Cupcake: What? I would never. I've got so much respect for you.
Jake: Dude, I have so much respect for you! I try to be like you in some aspects of my life! Look, if something were to happen to me, and I wasn't here anymore, I'd want you to take care of Lady and the kids.
Mr. Cupcake: That means so much to me. [cries] I wish we had more time together.
Jake: [tearing up] Me, too! [crying] [now running through the sphere]
Finn: Yeah, Jake! The wetter, the better! Keep crying!
Jake: I'm sorry, Mr. Cupcake! [punches Magic Man and catches his sandwich]
[The sphere disappears, the missile explodes, and pieces of wood hit Magic Man. Marceline then lands on her elbow on him, and BMO skateboards over his face.]
BMO: Boardslide!
Jake: [sobbing] Ah-haaaaa! [holds up sandwich]
Princess Bubblegum: Yay!
Jake: I got you, baby. [takes a bite] [with mouth full] This sandwich is so good!

Episode ends