The Witch's Garden (episode)/Transcript

Production code:	692-022
Air date:	June 7, 2010
Credits
Director:	Larry Leichliter
Story:	Merriwether Williams Tim McKeon
Written & storyboarded by:	Kent Osborne Niki Yang Adam Muto
Transcripts
Previous "City of Thieves (episode)"
Next "What is Life?"

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Witch's Garden" from season 1, which aired on June 7, 2010.

Characters
Finn
Jake
Witch
Gary

Music
None

Locations
Witch's garden

This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[The episode begins with a frog carrying a crown walking with Finn and Jake following behind.]

Jake: Dude... how long are we gonna follow this frog?

Finn: I just wanna see 'im put on that crown.

[The frog walks past a locked gate.]

Finn and Jake: [Running towards the gate] Wooow!

Jake: It looks cool in there!

Finn: [Pointing to lock on gate] Too bad we don't have the key to this.

Jake: What're you talkin' about? [Indicating his legs] I've got two keys right here!

[Finn laughs and gets on Jake's back. Jake stretches over the wall of the garden.]

Finn: Whoo-hoo!

[Finn and Jake land inside the garden.]

Jake: Wow! Look at this place!

Finn: Jake. Are these donuts?

Jake: They look like donuts.

Finn: But maybe they're poisonous donuts! [Jake begins sniffing one of the donuts on the bush.] Yeah! Sniff it, Jake! Suck up those toxins!

[Jake sniffs it thoroughly.]

Jake: Wait a second... I don't know what poison smells like.

Witch: Hey! [She strains towards Finn and Jake on her cane.] [Lifting her cane] Razzamafoo!

[She switches places with Finn and Jake.]

Jake: Hey!

Finn: What gives?!

Witch: You ate one of my donuts!

Jake: No, I didn't. I just sniffed it.

Witch: RAAAAAGH!! You're lying! The stink of magic dog lips is everywhere!

Finn: Holy slug, lady! Calm down!

Jake: Listen, Mrs. Witch.

Witch: I never married!

Jake: Well I never ate your donuts.

Witch: You... you're eating one right now!

Jake: [Mouth full] No, I'm not! [Noticing he is holding a donut] Whoa-hoa! Hm... That's weird... I don't even remember grabbing this. My subconscious must be hungry, huh? Huh... whatever. [Finishes donut]

Witch: [Convulses angrily] MAGICUS NOMORICUS!

Jake: Uh-oh. [Gets blasted]

Finn: AAH! [The magic smoke makes him and Jake cough.] Dude, are you okay?

Jake: Yeah... I think so. Just a little chilly. [Noticing he is in his underwear] WHOA!

Witch: Ahahahahahehehe!

Finn: What did she do to you?

Witch: I stripped him of his magical powers!

Finn: For stealing one of your billions of donuts?!

Jake: Yeah, it's not like I killed your husband or somethin'.

Witch: [Livid] I AM NOT MARRIED!

Finn: The point is you overreacted.

Jake: And what gives? [Pointing to his nipple] I used to have like eight more of these things.

Witch: The only way I'll give back your powers is if you admit your error and say you're sorry and mean it! ...'Cause I can tell the difference.

Jake: Well, you can forget it because you're the one who's wrong! [To Finn] ...Right?

Finn: Total support, dude.

Witch: [Convulsing angrily] RRRRAAAARRGH!! [Waving her cane] Go-backicus-from-whence-you-came-icus!

Finn: Aw, now you're just makin' these up!

[He and Jake disappear.]

Witch: [Rubbing one of the donuts] Are you alright, my... my donut pretties? Heh heh... Wait a second. YOU'RE A BAGEL! LIARS! LIARS EVERYWHERE! [The bagel becomes "stripped." Scene shifts to the Tree Fort.]

Finn: There's gotta be a way to get your powers back! Where'd they come from, anyway? Were you born with them? Or... did you have a freak industrial accident?!

Jake: Ha. That takes me back. Let me just... remember. [A memory bubble appears above his head.] I see a memory. When I was just a pupster... I'm rollin' around in a mud puddle, and I'm just... lovin's it. Oh, no! [The bubble explodes. Jake pants from exhaustion.] Whoo... Remembering is hard work.

Finn: What happened next?!

Jake: Oh. Um... I went into the mud, and... I guess I became a magic dog?

Finn: Okay! Then our course is clear! We'll roll you in every mud puddle in Ooo until we find the one that'll restore your powers.

Jake: [Lying down] That's nuts, man. You got any idea of how many mud puddles are in the land of Ooo? Four? Maybe even five?

Finn: Jake, come on! We've always been lucky, buddy! Maybe the first mud puddle we find will be the right one!

Jake: Nonsense... but I like it!

Finn: [Jumping out window] Then away! Hyuh! Whoo-hoo!

Jake: Yeah, let's do it!

[Finn lands on his feet; Jake lands on his face with a thud.]

Finn: Oh, my gosh!

Jake: I forgot that I don't have magic powers anymore. How do we search for the mud without my powers?

Finn: We run! Run like energetic little boys! [Finn runs quickly away.]

Jake: [To himself] This whole time, I thought running was some sort of... leg magic. [Jake begins trudging along. Before long, he gets tired.] Huh... Look at me. I'm runnin'! [Pants heavily; the camera gets ahead of him as he slows down.] Oh, no... [Thud; camera pans back to Jake.] [Out of breath] Running.... is... evil...

Finn: Come on, lazy bones!

Jake: It's too hard!

Finn: I guess you could ride on my backpack.

Jake: [Straining] I can't reach. [Finn bends backwards; Jake grabs on to Finn's neck.] You good, Finn?

Finn: [Choking] You're... strangling me... a little, is all.

[Scene transition to the River of Junk.]

Finn: Look there! Across the River of Junk! There's an ideal mud puddle.

Jake: I'll stretch into a boat! [Strains then farts] I'm startin' to really miss that old magic of mine.

Finn: We can swim this river easy! [Jumps into river] Come on, Jake! [Swims across, leaving Jake behind]

Jake: [To himself] Man, that looks exhausting.

[A projection of Jake's subconscious appears on a piece of furniture in the river.]

Jake's subconsious: You're right, Jake. It is exhausting.

Jake: [Gasp] What are you?!

Jake's subconscious: I'm your subconscious!

Jake: Okay, what are you doing here?

Jake's subconscious: I'm here to tell you that what you're feeling deep down inside is true! It is way too hard to swim across the river. It's easier to wear a hat. [Handing Jake a hat] Here! Have a hat!

Jake: [Donning the hat] Ha ha!

Jake and his subconscious: Yeah-hea-hea-hea! Heh heh!

Jake: Man, I'm glad I met you.

Finn: Jake! Stop talking to yourself! Cross over already!

Jake: Uh, I can't swim that river, dude. My subconscious says it's too hard. Check out this hat, though.

Finn: [Growls] What's wrong with that guy? [To Jake] Then just wait for me there!

[Finn dives down and begins gathering various things. When he grabs a trash can lid, a large eye is uncovered and it opens. Finn re-surfaces and begins building something, mumbling to himself and visibly annoyed. "Ergh, stupid..."]

Jake: Whatcha workin' on, Finn? [Finn continues constructing a catapult from the junk, still mumbling angrily to himself. "... have to do everything!"] Look at you! Doin' stuff! [Finn pulls down the catapult lever.] Oh, is it a chair? [Jake gets on the platform.] A chair for my butt—[Finn releases the lever, launching Jake all the way to the other side of the river and into the mud puddle.] Mud nature! [?]

Finn: Did it work?!

Jake: Oh, yeah! I can feel this workin'! In fact, you should roll in the mud with me, Finn! We can both be magic!

Finn: YEAAAAH! [Joins Jake in the mud. They laugh and roll around in it.] This isn't working at all.

Jake: This isn't the right mud. I was just really hopin' this was over and done.

Finn: [Sigh] Okay... Then let's just go find another mud puddle.

Jake: Actually... I'm feeling kinda chubby-tired. Can't we do this tomorrow?

Finn: Agh! This is stupid! Just go back to the witch and apologize and get your powers back!

Jake: Never! I'd rather be powerless forever then apologize! I'm lazy but prideful.

Finn: [Angrily] YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING, MAN! [Knocks Jake's hat off] First, you won't run, [Stuttering] a-and now you keep—and... a-and no matter what, I ju—you...

Jake: Adventuring is too much hard work for a bro without his powers.

Finn: But you are an adventurer.

Jake: Nah, from now on, I'm just your regular old dog. ...Ironic given my current man-baby body.

[Something big emerges from the river; Finn and Jake gasp. A giant pile of junk emerges and a giant living fish skeleton pops out of it.]

Gary: Behold the beautiful mermaid of the river. [Finn makes a disgusted sound.] Which one of you mortals wants to mate with [Gesturing over her body] all this? Heh heh heh...

Finn: Oh, um... How do I say, "You're the grossest thing ever," without offending you?

Gary: RAAAAAARGH!!

[Gary angrily conjures up a fireball.]

Jake: I'll scare her off, Finn! [Barks at her]

[Gary blasts them but they evade.]

Finn: How do we beat power like that?!

Jake: Finn! I've got an idea!

Finn: What is it, buddy??

Jake: Rub my belly! Yeah, I'm one of those kinda dogs.

[Finn growls angrily.]

Finn: [Charging Gary] YAAAAH!

[Gary evades his attack and spits a black substance on him, knocking him out. Gary cackles.]

Jake: Finn? [Gary takes him to her nest.] Finn! Come on, Finn! You've gotta save yourself! I'm just a dog! Oh, man. Oh, geez... Okay. Then I'm back on the team! [Attempts to climb tree] I'll save you!

Finn: Jake? [Giant eggs around him are beginning to hatch.]

Jake: Don't worry! [He fails to climb the tree.] Hey, Finn... Can you help me to get up there?

[The Hatchlings hatch.]

Hatchlings: Hungry! Hungry! Hungry!

Jake: [Desperate noise] If only I had my powers back!

Witch (in Jake's memory): The only way I'll give back your powers is if—

Jake: I know, I know! I have to apologize to that Witch.

[Scene transition to the Witch's garden. The Witch is planting a cupcake.]

Witch: [To cupcake] Oh, you're doing so well... and I hate you so much!!

Jake: [At gate] Hey! [He's straining to get past the gate, but he's too fat.] Witch! I need my powers back! So I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I ate your donut!

Witch: Razzamafoo.

[Jake appears in front of the Witch.]

Jake: [Straining sounds] ...Oh. [Stops straining] So do I get my powers back?!

Witch: Mmm... Apology denied.

Jake: What?! Why?!

Witch: Because you took too long. Now you have to apologize while doing a variety of humiliating things.

Jake: No way, Jose!

Jake's subconscious: Come on, dude. It's the only way to save Finn.

Witch: Who is that?!

Jake: He's my subconscious.

Witch: Then he has to do it too.

Jake's subconscious: Aw...

[Scene transition. Jake is dancing with his subconscious with flowers in his underwear.]

Jake: I, Jake the dog, while slow-dancing with my subconscious, with flowers in my underwear, do humbly apologize...

Witch: [Starts shooting with video camera] Wait, wait. Start over.

Jake: You're recording this?!

Witch: It's for my newsletter.

Jake: No way. I have my dignity.

Witch: Then guess what, cool guy? You can forget about getting your powers back... EVER!!

Jake: [To his subconscious] Oh, man, dude! What do we do now?

[His subconscious starts coughing and falls over.]

Jake's subconscious: I'm dyin', Jake.

Jake: Wha?!

Witch: Hm. He says he's dying. Let that be a lesson to all you cupcakes. [Trembles] Hah...

Jake: Why are you dying, bro?

Jake's subconscious: Because... I'm the subconscious of your old magical self. [Coughs] Goodbye, Jake...

Jake: No! No! [Starts crying]

Witch: So I've finally broken you.

Jake: Yeah! [Sobs] If only... I were a humbler guy, my subconscious would be alive, and my best bud wouldn't be trapped in a mermaid's nest!

Witch: YES! GLOAT, GLOAT, GLOAT! Alright, I think you've learned your lesson. [Kindly] I forgive you.

[Jake regains his fur.]

Jake: [Magically stretching his arms] My powers! How can I ever thank— [Swipes her magic cane away] Ha! Got your cane!

Witch: WHAAA! OOF! [Falls over] [Jake grabs yet another donut and eats it. His subconscious, now well, gets on his back and they both flee.] But didn't you learn your lesson?!?

Jake: NOPE!!! [He and his subconscious laugh.]

[Scene transition back to the nest. Finn wakes up.]

Hatchlings: Hungry! Hungry!

[Finn screams.]

Gary: Remember to save the brain for dessert.

[The Hatchlings move towards Finn. Finn trembles in terror.]

Jake: Honey, I'm back! How about a big kiss? [Jake kisses her with great force, knocking Gary back into the river.] [To Hatchlings, in a cutesy voice] You guys are so cute! I could just maul you to death!

[The Hatchlings run away.]

Finn: Jake! [Hugs Jake's face] I never should have doubted you!

Jake: Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson: that in a crunch, there's nothin' I wouldn't do for ya.

Finn: Ahhh, so is that how you got your powers back? You apologized to the witch?

Jake: Uh... [Sweats profusely] No way! I must have found the right... mud puddle! Yeah... I don't remember. Heh... [Blabbers lips with relief as the episode ends.]