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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Suitor" from season 5, which aired on May 20, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins in the Candy Kingdom where Peppermint Butler is summoning a demon with Cinnamon Bun, who is tied upside down, in the Lich's old Amber containment chamber. The Guardian Angel, a bull, and a lion are beside him.]
Peppermint Butler: [Makes chanting sounds] Ogdoad, master of Level 8 shadow world, the winning vessel issues forth its pure essence.
Cinnamon Bun: [Laughs] Aha aha aha...
Peppermint Butler: [Eats two drops of Cinnamon Bun's dripping sticky dough, then his eyes starts to glow.] You must overtake the vessel as night overtakes the day. By your very nature, you cannot deny my will.
[After Cinnamon Bun spins one last time, Ogdoad takes over his body.]
Ogdoad: Hello, what jazz is this? [Gasps] Peppermint Butler! That's the last straw! I will fill you with the shadow of a thousand brown portals!
Peppermint Butler: Oh, no, Ogdoad! You are mine!
[One of the Gumball Guardians suddenly goes to check on Peppermint Butler]
Gumball Guardian: Peanut Butler, bleh, Peppermint Butler, cease these dark magic activities [Grabs Peppermint Butler out on the tree].
Ogdoad: Hey! Let me go first! I got stuff to do today!
Peppermint Butler: [Standing on the Gumball Guardian's hand] What'd ya do that for?!
Gumball Guardian: You neglect your duties to the princess. She has been in her lab for nine weeks. She needs to get out, socialize. Look, [Shows Peppermint Butler the suitors who has been waiting in line near Princess Bubblegum's lab.] her suitors, her faithful suitors, waiting for a chance to share her burdens.
Peppermint Butler: No, man! She won't date those old bags.
Gumball Guardian: You must try. [Puts Peppermint Butler inside where the suitors are] The Candy Kingdom worries for its leader, and it worries for you, dark one.
Peppermint Butler: [Sighs then walks down the line of suitors] Alright, you guys. All you guys are gross. How long have you been waiting to court the princess?
Suitor #1: 87 years.
Suitor #2: 120 years!
Suitor #3: I'm Gerald.
Peppermint Butler: Geez! How long have you been here, Krusty? [Points at Krusty]
Krusty: [Raises fist] Three hundred years, so what? It's not too late, right, boys?
All the suitors: [chanting] It's not too late! Take me on a date! It's my right! Princess all night—
Peppermint Butler: Shush! [Points to Braco] What's your deal?
Braco: I'm Braco, and I was born to court the Princess Bubblegum.
Peppermint Butler: How old are you?]
Braco: 21 years. I inherited my father's place in line after his ascension.
Braco's father: [Raises hand] Hey.
Peppermint Butler: And you want to court the princess?
Braco: Yes, [Puts his hands on his chest] my heart instructs me so.
Peppermint Butler: Alright, buddy, I'm giving you a shot.
[The suitors begin complaining.]
Peppermint Butler: But it won't be easy.
Braco: I was born for this. Love will win on this day.
Peppermint Butler: [He and Braco go inside Princess Bubblegum's lab.] Sounds good, man.
[Peppermint Butler and Braco proceed into her lab, where Princess Bubblegum is seen sleeping with a pizza box on her head.]
Peppermint Butler: Prubs!
Princess Bubblegum: [Wakes up] Hey, what? [Removes the pizza on her face] Who's that?
Peppermint Butler: This is Braco.
Braco: [Sweating] Son of Loghan, who was begat by Hobus.
Princess Bubblegum: [Writing notes] Okay, yeah?
Braco: [Nervously]I want to take you... on a date.
Princess Bubblegum: [Shocked] Thank you, Braco. That's very sweet, but no.
Peppermint Butler: Princess this lab reeks like brown mist; it's unhealthy. You've got to get outside and do some research on boys [Points Braco who is surprise].
Princess Bubblegum: [Shocked]That is way out of line, Peps, and you guys are donking up my research! [Begins knocking stuff off her table] Hello! Donk, donk!
Braco: Princess, I love you! I-I love you so much it hurts. [PB stands and goes near him] The pain it—Huh?
Princess Bubblegum: [Points some kind of laser pointer on Braco's eye] Hmmm, what you're feeling is called "infatuation." The pain is the product of you overvaluing a projected, imaginary relationship with me.
Braco: No, Princess! What I feel is real! Meet me in the garden tonight [Runs toward the balcony] and unlock the mystery [jumps off balcony] of meee!
Princess Bubblegum: Braco!
Braco: [Lying on top of Mr. Cupcake] Come to me tonight.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay Braco, but just for research, alright?
Braco: Yes, Princess.
Peppermint Butler: Good job, man! You take it from here.
[The scene shifts to the garden where two candy persons are cutting the trees.]
Candy Gardener #1: Yo, who's that with PB?
Candy Gardener #2: That's that Braco guy.
Candy Gardener #1: Are they on a date?
Candy Gardener #2: No, brah, the princess don't date.
Braco: [Has Princess Bubblegum's device connected to his forehead] Oh, look, [Picks up a rose] a miracle of nature like you.
Princess Bubblegum: Now hand it to me... [Braco does so] hmmm. [Looks at her device] Okay, I have what I need for now.
Braco: Uh-huh.
Princess Bubblegum: [Calls Morrow]
The Morrow: Screech! [Glides down towards PB as she jumps on her back and flew her to the castle] Screech!
Braco: [On his knees] Aww, [Sheds a tear] N-Nope, no. No tears for Braco! What did she say? "I have what I need for now." So she will see me again! [Stands up] I shall not falter, Papa! [Runs away off-screen].
[The scene now changes to Braco walking down stairs with some coffins.]
Braco: [He is walking down the stairs with him saying the things he is writing on his diary in the background] Dear personal diary, in a consequence of my latest romantic misfortune, [Grabs torch] I decided to consult the man who knew best about her majesty, [Opens his grandfather's coffin who is holding the book "Mind Games"] father's father. Amongst his dearest possessions, he kept a book containing every secret of seduction through superficiality. [Grabs the book]
[The scene then changes to Braco, who is now wearing the suit and holding the book.]
Braco: The art of "peacocking." [Braco grabs his grandfather's hat as the scene changes.]
[The scene now changes into some kind of restaurant with some Candy People hanging out.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Doing some research then suddenly stops] Hi, Braco. Nice... hat.
Braco: I know right. [Starts to move around while touching his hat] I am "peacocking" you to rally your attention.
Princess Bubblegum: Mhmmmmm [Taking notes].
Braco: Ummm, so what's that on your head?
Princess Bubblegum: [Looks at her head for a second] My crown?
Braco: [Sweating] Oh, uhh—
Princess Bubblegum: [Fires an X-ray gun at Braco].
Braco: [In pain] Oww.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm [Runs off].
Braco: [Still in pain] Princess! Ahhh.
[The scene changes to Braco's room , he is writing on his diary and it is raining outside.]
Braco: Dear personal diary, I am in terrible pain. [Sheds a tear and throws the hat of his grandfather out the window] AAAAAAAHH! She is in her castle somewhere, a lonely heart. Do not fear, Princess; [Slaps himself] I won't let you down [Closes the windows].
[The scene goes to Princess Bubblegum's lab where Peppermint Butler announces the arrival of Finn and Jake through a speaker.]
Peppermint Butler: Princess, Finn and Jake are here as requested.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, guys.
Finn: Hey, PB, [Sits down] what's up?
Princess Bubblegum: [Took out a remote from her lab coat] This is a soul stone. [Lights turn off] I need one for something I'm working on. Of course, it's really rare, but my scanners found one. It's in the Vapor Swamps. [The lights turn on] I printed the map with all the detail.
Finn: PB, who's the new guy?
Princess Bubblegum: What? [Turns around]
Finn: Hey, man. [Gets the map]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, that's Braco, a suitor of mine.
Finn: Oh, cool. That's cool—you're dating, that's coool. See ya, Princess.
[The scene now goes to Finn and Jake whose now walking away from the Candy Kingdom.]
Finn: What'd ya think of that Braco guy? I mean, he seems kinda weird [Faces Jake] and passive and baby lambish [Jake panics and is trying to tell Finn that Braco is behind them] and too unheroic for Peebs. [Looks behind him and is shocked] And then I smashed that peach!
Braco: [On his knees] Jake and Finn, I seek your aid. I need to ask you for that map, therewith I can bring the soul stone to Bubblegum. Then she'll love me!
Finn: That road you're on leads to nowhere. [Hands the map to Braco]
Braco: Oh, oh, [Runs off into the distance] thank you!
[The next scene now goes to the Vapor Swamps where Braco hitches a ride to get there.]
Driver: [Stopping cart] Huu-ah! This is how far I go.
Braco: [Getting off the cart]
Driver: Hurry, man, GET OFF! [Goes away]
[Braco goes off to find the soul stone. He climbs down a cliff, but falls and rips his shirt.]
Braco: Ah! Oh! Uhhh. [Stands up then proceeds to walk past a giant insect monster]
Giant Insect Monster: Hey, I see you! [Slices Braco's bag open]
[Braco proceeds to find the soul stone. He then finds the fire pit like in the map that has a key. Stares a little at the key then jumps in the pit.]
Braco: Oddsbodikins! [Jumps in the fire pit] AHHHHH!
[As Braco got the key and got out, he has a big burn mark on his face, both hands and feet, and mostly bald and injured.
Braco: [Removes the cloth on his face] Uhhh. [Happily looks at the key]
[The next scene is where Braco was walking to find the soul stone. As he is walking, a person suddenly opens his eyes as Braco walks past him. Braco makes it to where the soul stone is hidden.]
Braco: [Unlocks the seal of where the soul stone it hidden] The soul stone. This journey has come to an end. [Grabs the soul stone and produces a bright light]
[As the light fades away, the guardians of the soul stone appear and attack him, but misses and hit the other guardian instead]
[The other guardian, who broke the guardian's hand, attacks Braco once more and hits him, which sends him flying towards a rock.]
The Beast: ["angrily'] STOP!
The Three Guardians: The Beast! [Kneel down]
Braco: [coughs]
The Beast: [Jumps towards Braco] RAAAAWR! Why have you stolen my treasure, boy?!
Braco: [Stands up] For the one I love.
The Beast: Huh. Take the stone.
[The scene changes to Princess Bubblegum, who is experimenting under a microscope.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm.
Braco: [Covers PB's eyes] Guess who.
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] Braco. Ehhh, what happened to you?
Braco: Oh, look, can it be? [Pretends to grab the soul stone from PB's hair] It's a soul stone!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, yeah, sorry, but I don't need that anymore. I just finished programming a proper simulation of a soul. In fact, this is much easier to manipulate than a real one. [turns to see that Braco is gone] Braco?
[The scene goes to Braco, who is writing on his personal diary.]
Braco: Hmmm, [Puts the pen on his diary and closes it. And then he grabs a hammer as he breaks the soul stone, out of which a soul escapes, throws his diary and his teapot off the table, and breaks his ink jar] WHY WON'T SHE LOVE ME?! [A Gumball Guardian grabs him through the window] Ahhh!
[The scene goes again to Peppermint Butler, who is still talking to Ogdoad.]
Ogdoad: Set me free, you tranch!
Peppermint Butler: Give me the key to the shadow realm!
Braco: Ahhhh!
Gumball Guardian: You said you were going to handle this. You are doing a bad job.
Peppermint Butler: [sighs] Alright, I got this. Peace. [The Gumball Guardian leaves] What's up, man? PB is not in to you?
Braco: Yeah, man, I'm throwing the towel.
Peppermint Butler: Whoa, come on. PB's a tough nut, but don't trip out.
Braco: Then you must help me... to crack the nut. [Lies down]
Peppermint Butler: No problem, man. [Sits on his body] We'll use magic, shadow demon magic!
Ogdoad: Say what?
Peppermint Butler: For your freedom, a spell.
Ogdoad: Yes.
Peppermint Butler: Make this man-noodle Braco into a walking love magnet!
Ogdoad: [Evil laugh] He he he he, this I can do, but can you pay the price, Braco?
Peppermint Butler: The price is your freedom, man.
Ogdoad: This price lies outside of our arrangement. To receive, you must pay!
Peppermint Butler: Hmmm, alright, well, maybe no dark magic. [Ogdoad laughing in the backround]
Braco: I'll pay any price... for love!
Ogdoad: [Continues to laugh and blasts him with a dark magic spell] SWAZAA!
Braco: Waaahhh! [Began to transform].
Peppermint Butler: Release!
Cinnamon Bun: Uhhh, who's that? Huh, what?
Braco: [Makes groaning noises and his voice and appearance changes like he and a demon combined] Am I a walking love magnet?
Peppermint Butler: Well, you paid the price, no doubt, and I wanna have your babies.
Braco: To the princess, then! [Leaves the tree]
Peppermint Butler: No, wait! What about meee?!
[The scene goes to PB where she is talking and asking some questions to a robot that look like her she made.]
Princess Bubblegum: And what's your number-one priority? [Hands the laser pointer to P-bot]
Princess Bubblegum Bot: To find someone to share my life with.
Princess Bubblegum: Awesome, he he he. [Takes some notes] You ready to go on some dates?
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Uh, yeah, who should I date?
Princess Bubblegum: There's a guy named Braco who's really nice.
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Ooh, where is he?
Braco: I'm here!
Princess Bubblegum: Braco? What happened to you?!
Braco: I paid the price for love, was it worth it? Do you love me?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, I love you.
Braco: Then marry me! We'll travel the world, have adventures, make the babes, get fat and weird, and float up to 50th Dead World, right?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Braco, I don't want any of that mess. I do love you, but it's the undifferentiated love I feel for all candy citizens. I couldn't permit one of my citizens to suffer the way I saw you suffering over me. And so I made you this. Meet my doppelganger, P-Bot.
[P-Bot stands up]
Braco: Uhhh, this feels super-wrong.
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Oh, Braco, [Kisses him on the cheek] let's get out of this smelly lab.
Braco: [Excited] Okay! [Carries P-bot and ran away to the balcony] Thank you, Princess! [Jumps over the balcony] Woohoo!
Princess Bubblegum Bot: Woohoo!
Princess Bubblegum: You're welcome, my love [Drops a tear].
Peppermint Butler: [Suddenly shows up when the Gumball Guardian puts him near PB] Where is he? Where's Braco?!
Princess Bubblegum: I let him go, Peps. I knew he couldn't be happy without me so I built him a robo-wife.
Peppermint Butler: You should have given him to me! [Slaps her]

Episode ends