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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Silent King" from season 2, which aired on February 7, 2011.

Goblin Kingdom
This transcript is complete; however, it should be checked for errors


[The Episode starts with Finn and Jake taking cover behind a table, in the middle of a fight with Xergiok]
Finn: The Goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!
Xergiok: Shush! You guys can't live without me, right? [kicks Goblins and slaps their heads]
Goblins: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Jake: You got problems, man.
Xergiok: Blah! [He hurls a fireball at them and destroys the table; Finn and Jake evade the fireball]
[Jake attempts to grab Xergiok, but he jumps away and fires fireballs]
Finn: [Deflects a fireball with his sword] Wands are for wimps! [punches Xergiok outside]
[Finn and Jake chase Xergiok across the Goblin Kingdom]
Xergiok: You may have beaten me this time, but—[Jake throws a rock at Xergiok] Ogh!
Finn & Jake: Haha! Yeah!
Xergiok: [Uses spell to disappear]
Finn: And stay out, Muffin Top!
[Goblins show up and carry Finn and Jake to the Throne Room, cheering]
Goblins: Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake! Finn and Jake!
Gummy: Nyaaar! Great job, warriors! You've freed us. I am Gummy, royal goblin chief of staff.
Finn: Nice to meet you. [rubs Gummy's head]
Gummy: Nyaan! I'm sorry. I have not known a friendly touch in some time. You see, Xergiok loved to be a jerk to us...
Xergiok: It's spanking time!!! Hiyahhh! Yeah!
[Spanks 3 Goblins]
[Flashback 2]
Xergiok: [Enjoying Sunset] Sigh. [Spanks Goblin] Yahhh!
Goblin: Ow! Ow!
[Flashback 3]
Goblin: Ah, heck, Maria, I need to ask you something, [Pulls out ring] Do you want to do this marriage thing with me?
Goblins: Awwww! [Goblin in the background:] Isn't that sweet?
Maria: Oh, my love, the answer is yes.
Xergiok: [Kicks ring, spanks the Goblin repeatedly] Boom! Hahaha! [To Maria] Congratulations.
Maria: Oh!!!
Xergiok: HA HA HA.
[End of Flashback]
Gummy: We need a good king to rule us, like you mayhaps?
Goblins: Yeah, yeah! [Background: "You should do it!"]
Jake: Yeah, be their king.
Finn: No, man, I'm an adventurer for life.
Goblin with Cane: If there isn't a king to not tell me to not start a riot, I could start a riot, then!
Goblin: No rules, baby! Start that riot!
Goblins: Whoo! Yeah! [Starts riot ]
Goblin: Flip this table!
Goblin with Hammer: No one can tell me no! [Hammers own hand] Aah!
Gummy: Please, Finn, [puppy eyes] we need a king.
Finn: Stop the riot!
Goblins: Huh?
Finn: I'll become your king! To save y'all, from yourselves.
Gummy: [Stands up] We have a new king!
Goblins: Woohoo! Yeah!
Goblin: [Puts crown on Finn's head]
Jake: Finn's gonna need a queen... I'll do it.
Goblins: [continuing cheering]
Outside the Throne Room
Gummy: Allow me to show you the grounds, Your Majesties.
Jake: Show me what we got, Gummy. Show it to me! [stretches head across body] Dude! I'm psyched!
Finn: Hahaha, yeah!
Gummy: The Goblin Birthing Pits, Your Majesties.
Goblin in the Pit: I'm being... born.
Finn: That's pretty neat.
Gummy: The Garden of Living Fountains.
Finn & Jake: Whoo! Awesome.
Gummy: The Royal Game Archive, complete with controller hats.
Finn & Jake: [Wearing controller hats] Ooooh.
Gummy: The Royal Dragon Stables.
Finn: [thinks about riding a dragon and saying, Ohhhhh! Hahaha!] Whoa!
Gummy: And finally, the royal bedroom, with king-sized bed for the royal couple.
Jake: Can you make that a bunk bed?
Gummy: Yes, my queen. Whisper Dan. [Claps]
Whisper Dan: [Cranks a wheel, which in turn cuts the bed in half with a giant knife. Some hands spring out of the wall to hold the top half above the bottom half.]
Jake: I call top. [jumps on top]
Finn: And I call...
Gummy: Wait! For you, great king, the Book of Royal Rules. [holding a book with lots of pages]
Finn: Hmmm. Sounds boring.
Gummy: Oh, no worries, my Liege. I'll read it to you.
Finn: Hey, Jake, want to stay awake and hear some rules?
Jake: [Immediately falls asleep. A lion and a goose sleep with him.]
Finn: Alright, lay it on me, Gummy.
Gummy: Introduction, colon, the 623 royal rules were established in moon year 16, in response to Elder Gorflox's repeated requests for an organized... [Finn falls asleep and two black and white tigers cover him as blankets] Awaken, Your Highness!
Jake: No way, dude. [rolls over and farts, waking the lion]
Gummy: Your Excellency! Let's go. We have much to do! 
Finn: Whoo!!
Gummy: [Leads Finn to another room] This is where you may perform your daily processes, my king [opens the door]
Finn: Whoooaa!!!! Look at that huge mirror... and it's painted baby blue—boy style.
Gummy: Come, sire, it is time to brush your teeth in the front of the "boy style" mirror. [clapping]
Finn: Whooo!!! Awesome! [takes the toothbrush]
Goblins around the sink: [gasp] Oh, no, no, no, Your Majesty! Let us brush your teeth
Finn: [Does a back flip] Yaaaah!! Whoa, ease up, dudes. Finn access only.
One goblin around the sink: Aaaah, he's a rule breaker! Don't spank us too hard. [bend over so Finn can spank them]
Gummy: Spare them, Your Majesty! Spank me instead! [bends over] Set my buttocks ablaze!
Finn: Guys, what are you talking about?
Gummy: Rule 1: The king shall not brush his own teeth... in the book of royal rules I read to you last night.
Finn: Oh! Oh. Guys, put your hams away.
All three goblins: Whaa??
Finn: I'm not gonna spank your hams. I'm not that kind of king!
Gummy: So then... we may brush your teeth, my lord?
Finn: You can brush my teeth... I guess.
All 3 goblins: Yaayyyy!!!!!! [Put 3 toothbrushes in his mouth and cuts to another scene]
Finn: This brunch looks great! Can't wait to dig in. [about to cut it]
Gummy: Uhhh, I will cut that, Your Highness.
Finn: Gummy, as king, I order you to let me cut it.
Gummy: I'm sorry, sire. The royal rules don't allow it.
Finn: I'm cutting it, Gummy! [about to cut it]
Gummy: No! [takes them away and cuts it]
Finn: [annoyed] Thank you, Gummy.
Gummy: Uhhhhh, a thousand pardons, my lord. You're not going to chew that, are you?
Finn: Yeah.
Gummy: I'm sorry, sire. The royal rules don't allow it.
Finn: Gummy, just let me do this. No one will know.
Gummy: I would know. [takes it off his fork, chews it up, and spits it out on Finn's plate]
Finn: Uhhhhhh, Jake, this is nuts.
Jake: Maybe, but rules are rules. [a goblin spits stuff out on Jake's plate]
Gummy: Master, eat your food. I chewed thoroughly and heated it to goblin body temperature.
Finn: I'm not hungry, Gummy.
Gummy: You look a little bit down. Would you like me to weep for you?
Finn: No, Gummy. It's just.... [the door burst open a goblin came in]
Goblin: Sire, sire!!!! There's trouble in town square. A thief!!
Finn: A thief? Hahaha, yes! I'll handle it! [takes out his sword]
Gummy: No, sire! The king is not allowed to fight. He must give a speech to the thief. That is the royal rule, my Liege. [Finn frowns and they go out on a balcony] There's the thief! [a guy trying to take a basket from an old lady goblin]
Thief: Give me them hot buns, lady!
Finn: Hey, thief!
A goblin: It's the new king. It's him! [everyone looks at him]
Finn: I got a speech for you—
Gummy: Nooooooo! [covers Finns mouth] The Royal Speaker must give the speech.
Finn: What.
Gummy: Ya see? [the royal speaker comes out on a balcony above them]
Royal Speech-taker: [Clears throat] Since the dawn of time, the balance of what is right and what is wrong has...
Thief: [looks back at old lady goblin and tries to get it again] Ha ha ha, I'll take this.
Gummy: Yes, you can feel it slowly working, eh?
Finn: [starts to get mad and takes out his sword] I can't let this go on. [jumps off and gets the basket] Hands off, thief!!
Thief: [gasps and backs away]
Finn: Ha!! Here you go, old lady. [gives her the basket]
Old lady: Oh, no, the new king! Just as cruel as the last king.
Finn: I—you—what?
Another goblin: Oh, king, we beg you not to slay the old lady. [Finn turns around] Aaaah!!! [goblins murmur in fear]
Finn: No, wait.
Old lady: Don't slay me! You may keep the hot buns, Your Majesty! [on the ground]
Another goblin: I'm ready for my spanking, Mr. Xergiok part two.
Rest of group: We're ready [bending over for their spanking] for our spankings, sire.
Finn: [sighs] ♪I just want to help y'all as much as I can, and y'all just keep showing me your goblin hams. [rides on a goblin] When I became king, I didn't think y'all would show me your rears, but I'll accept my boring fate, and shed this tear... [wipes off tear] 'cause I can't seem to cure you of your groundless fears.♪
Gummy: No. No more spankings... [Finn enters] Aaaahh!!!!
Finn: Gummy, don't be afraid. I'm gonna stick to the rules now, okay?
Gummy: My lord, I'm sorry, y-you haven't heard? Xergiok is returning with an evil army. Come look through the scope! [Finn gets off the goblin he was riding] You see? [he sees an army of Earclopses led by Xergiok]
Xergiok: Prepare to destroy them all!
Gummy: [passes out] Ohhh...
Finn: [looks through the telescope and gasps] If I defeat Xergiok as king, I can prove to the goblins that an active king can be a good king, but I can't let them know until it's all over. Stay fainted, Gummy. [goes out door] Ooooooooh! Whisper Dan, have you seen Jake?
Whisper Dan: [cranks a wheel, opening a hatch]
Jake: I'm in here.
Finn: Xergiok's back with an army of Earclopses. Let's bust them up.
Jake: pbbbbbbbbbbbbb. All right, man, how do we do this?
Finn: Hmmmmmmm. [looks at Whisper Dan]
[They start running.]
Jake: What if they figure it out?
Finn: No way, man.
[Back at the castle they put a box over Whisper Dan's head to make him look like Finn.]
Gummy: I'm going to be honest with you, king Finn. When I'm scared, I feel most safe in your lap.
[Meanwhile, Finn and Jake join the goblin soldiers facing the army of Earclopses]
Xergiok: Line up for you spankings, goblins! [the goblins get scared]
One goblin: Ohhhhh, too late—in my pants.
Finn: Jake, the goblins can't see me being unkingly. I need a disguise.
Jake: Jump in my mouth. [Finn does so and Jake makes Jakesuit]
Xergiok: Who among you has the courage to face Xergiok?
Finn: Shut your kissin' hole, Xergiok! It's time for a beatin'.
Xergiok: I salute you, foolish warrior! You can be my personal sla—[Finn in Jakesuit claps in the Earclops' ear, and the Earclops lands on Xergiok. Finn claps in more Earclopses' ears, causing them to fall.]
Finn: [into megaphone] wowowowowowowowowoowowoow! [the other Earclopses fall down from the loud sound]
Xergiok: How in the world? [Jakesuit gets in front of Xergiok]
Finn: Dude, no one uses Earclopses in a battle without earplugs.
Xergiok: [does vanishing spell and appears above them] Eat this! [Throws a fireball at them. Finn hits it away with his sword, which hits a rock. Xergiok shoots three more fireballs; two miss, but one Finn hits with his sword, which almost hits Xergiok] Whoa! [teleports in front of them] Ha ha, you missed me— [the fireball hits him; he drops his wand, which Finn picks up and eats]
Goblins: [cheering] [they pick up Finn and Jake and take them into the castle]
Gummy: Oh, great king, with the help of a brave soldier, you thwarted the evil Xergiok. [a goblin raises Whisper Dan's hand]
Goblins: Hurrah!!! [the goblin raises and lowers Whisper Dan's arm]
Finn: C'mon, dude, lets get out of here.
Jake: [sighs] Alright. [they walk home]
Finn: Well, looks like they got the king they wanted, buddy.
Jake: Yep.
Finn: And we're going home to adventure.
Jake: Mmhmm.
Finn: High five us, dude. [Finn does one hand and Jake does the other hand and they clap together] Hey, Jake?
Jake: Wha?
Finn: Why do the insides of you smell like vanilla?
Jake: Ohh, uh, a wizard put a curse on me.
Finn: Huh, neat.

Episode ends