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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Pajama War" from season 6, which aired on January 8, 2015.

Candy Kingdom foyer
This transcript is complete.


[It's nighttime in the Candy Kingdom. Tree Trunks, accompanied by Mr. Pig, is carrying a basket of hot buns toward the Candy Kingdom foyer. Finn awaits them near the entrance at the top of some steps.]
Finn: Tree Trunks! The slumber party is about to start. Get those hot buns in here, girl!
[Mr. Pig takes this the wrong way, and, enraged, runs up the steps toward Finn.]
Finn: Did you hear me? I said, "Get those hot—"!
[Mr. Pig slaps Finn.]
Finn: Hi, Mr. Pig.
[Mr. Pig slaps him again.]
Finn: Why are you hitting me?
[Mr. Pig slaps him once more.]
Finn: I was just talking about Tree Trunks's hot—.
[Mr. Pig slaps him one last time. He takes Tree Trunks's basket and sets it down, then takes his wife by the trunk and leads her back down the steps. Princess Bubblegum runs up to Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Finn! We're doing music chairs.
[The two run over to a group of Candy People who are about to start a round of musical chairs.]
Chet: Everyone ready?
Everyone: Ready!
[Chet cranks a phonograph, which plays some lively music. Then he suddenly stops.]
Chet: Take a seat!
[Everyone sits down except Finn and Princess Bubblegum, who run around the circle of chairs searching for a spot.]
Princess Bubblegum: Uh, uh...
Finn: Uh-oh, uh-oh!
Mr. Cupcake: There's a seat by me.
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum lunge at the empty chair at the same time, bumping each other.]
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: Oh! Heh.
Finn: You take it, Princess. This is your party.
Princess Bubblegum: You take it, Finn. You're my guest.
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: No, no, I insist!
Chet: Time is up. You two must now be sent to the closest closet to have heavenly thoughts.
[Everyone walks over to a door. Chet pushes Finn and Princess Bubblegum inside.]
Chet: Heavenly thoughts. [shuts door]
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum sit down.]
Finn: Hey, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, Finn.
Finn: [puts a toothpick in his mouth] Mm?
Princess Bubblegum: Bup, bup, bup. Hey, you wanna ditch the party and go for a walk?
Finn: Wha—? Really?
Princess Bubblegum: It's been a while since we just hung out, you know?
Finn: What about the Candy People?
Princess Bubblegum: Ah, they should be fine, right? For once? Maybe they'll surprise me by being fine. Come on. [pushes aside some coats]
Finn: Whoa!
Princess Bubblegum: Secret passage.
Finn: Noice.
Manfried: Boy, it's sure quiet in there. What's going on in there, you think?
Crunchy: Someone should listen at the door.
[The Candy People whisper among themselves, some pointing to Crunchy.]
Mr. Cupcake: We nominate you, Crunchy, to go listen at the door.
Dr. Donut: And tell everybody what's going on.
Crunchy: Eh, what? Why me?
Starchie: Come on, Crunchy. You're the go-to guy. You're the new Cinnamon Bun. [leads him to the door]
Crunchy: No, I'm not. [leans against door]
Gumdrop Lass 1: What do you hear?
Dr. Donut: Yeah, paint us a picture, Crunchy.
Crunchy: I hear, like, uh, like, a lush, green field... next to a white picket fence. Finn and the princess both brought picnic baskets. Oh, but they brought the same stuff, and they're laughing about it. And now they're kissing.
Chocoberry: There's no lush, green field in that closet!
Crunchy: Well, you guys asked me to paint a picture.
Chocoberry: Just tell us what you hear!
Crunchy: I can't hear anything. They must be just lightly brushing their lips together.
Starchie: Or... maybe they kissed so much they passed out! Crunchy, open that door!
[Crunchy tries to open the door but is too short to reach the knob.]
Mr. Cupcake: Step aside, Crunchy. I'll make short work of this door opening. [crushes knob] Oh. I guess I'm just too strong. [flexes and winks]
Gumdrop Lass 1: [gasps] Then they're trapped! What if they ran out of air?
Mr. Cupcake: No air? I'll smash down the door!
Chet: Stop!
Mr. Cupcake: Huh?
Chet: Mr. Cupcake, your mighty strength might kill them! There's a drill and saw in the supply room, though.
Mr. Cupcake: In here, you say? [walks to another door]
Candy People: No, don't!
[Mr. Cupcake crushes the knob on the door to the supply closet.]
Candy People: Aw...
[Mr. Cupcake flexes and winks again.]
Jake: Yo, guys! You gotta do something! That's my best friend in there! [texts on his phone] "You okay in there?"
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum are walking outside.]
Finn: [texting] Yeah, we went out the secret coat passage.
Princess Bubblegum: It's so nice to get away sometimes.
[Some horses wave to them.]
Finn: Hmm. Candy peeps can be a handful, huh? [waves to horses]
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah. They mean well, though. You wanna meet Timmy?
[Princess Bubblegum stops the treadmill, and they both take off their virtual reality headsets.]
Princess Bubblegum: [high-pitched] Timmy!
[Timmy walks up to them. Princess Bubblegum hugs it.]
Finn: Aw! So squish!
[Princess Bubblegum climbs on to the oversize cat.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hop on!
Finn: Okay. [hops on]
[Timmy jumps up some ledges and takes them into a passage. The scene cuts back to the candy foyer, where Mr. Cupcake is forcing air through a tube leading under the door to the closet.]
Candy People: Breathe!
[Mr. Cupcake breathes into the tube.]
Candy People: Breathe!
[Mr. Cupcake breathes.]
Candy People: Breathe!
Chet: Wait. Wait! Don't Candy People breathe out, like, poisonous gas or something? Something like... [stammering] carbo... carrin dio—
Jake: I know! It's called... [farts into pillow] And it is deadly.
Candy People: [screaming]
Chocoberry: Suck it back out! Suck it back out!
[Mr. Cupcake tries sucking the tube but faints.]
Candy People: [screaming]
Chet: Cupcake's dead! What do we do?!
Jake: Ha-a. [eats chips]
Princess Bubblegum: So got any other weekend plans?
Finn: Mmm... probably gonna hit up the arts and crafts kingdom with BMO. You?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, I'm gonna garden some, plan next week's pizza lunch, answer 800 e-mails, and... you know, whatever.
[They reach a tree with glowing fruit.]
Finn: Wows. Do you ever get tired from doing princess work all the time?
Princess Bubblegum: Sure. I mean, it's a lot of responsibility [picks a fruit] looking after so many people, though lately I have been trying to be more chill about it. [pulls seeds out of fruit and showers Finn with them]
Finn: Cool, like taking ice cream breaks?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, and, like, being more... sorta okay with everyone making mistakes around me. Like "mind my own stuff" more. You know what I mean?
[Several candy birds land on Finn and peck at the seeds.]
Finn: Yeah. Kind of like how I've been thinking about my dad and how I want him to act more like daddy. But, but maybe acting like daddy just isn't what he does. Maybe my dad's not a dad but a kid stuck in a dad's body.
[Timmy suddenly pounces on Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps]
[Timmy licks Finn's face.]
Finn: [laughs] Timmy knows what's up!
Princess Bubblegum: Timmy!
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: Timmy!
[Finn takes a selfie of the three of them together. The scene then cuts back to the Candy Kingdom.]
Manfried: Okey-dokey, everybody! Check it out!
[The Gumdrop Lasses are knitting a giant sweater.]
Manfried: Once in place, this sweater will muffle the cannonball explosion perfectly, allowing the frame around the door to gently fall apart, freeing Finn and PB.
[The Candy People applaud.]
Mr. Cupcake: Manfried's a good leader because we can always see him.
Manfried: Now the cannon should go right over here. [spins around] Oh, wait. Here. [points with foot]
Jake: [laughs]
Chocoberry: Aren't you worried about Finn?
Jake: Of course I am! See these tears of worry? [produces fake tears]
Chocoberry: [pats his arm] It will be okay, Jake.
[Chocoberry runs off. Jake laughs at a video Finn sent him and views a text from Finn.]
Finn (voiceover): PB is showing me all this cool stuff. She has an awesome shirt. How's the party?
[Jake looks up to see Colonel Candy Corn preparing the cannon. He texts back "Awesome."]
Manfried: Okay, everyone, prepare for the boom.
[The Candy People cover their ears.]
Manfried: Three... two...
Colonel Candy Corn: Fire!
[Colonel Candy Corn fires the cannon, which explodes, leaving a crater and exposing broken pipes.]
[The Candy People gasp.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Aw, my cannon.
Manfried: Uh-oh.
Banana Guard: Hey, the closet's open!
[The Candy People scream.]
Crunchy: So they're dead, right?
Ice Cream Guy: Chocoberry can tell us! She saw a ghost at my house once.
Chocoberry: Oui, it's true. I have the gift. [walks into closet, eyes closed] Yes. I sense their spirits.
[The Candy People gasp.]
Chocoberry: Finn says... He says, "Remember to feed BMO." [gasps, cries]
[The Candy People cry.]
Colonel Candy Corn: That idea stank, Manfried! I'm calling the shots from now on.
Mr. Cupcake: No! Manfried is still the most clearly visible.
Jake: Hey, why don't you guys team up and fight each other to see who gets to wear the crown. [points to painting of Princess Bubblegum]
[The Candy People split up and form teams. Both sides growl and shake their fists at the other.]
Jake: [laughs]
[Crunchy is seen hiding in the shadows.]
Crunchy: [laughs menacingly]
[The scene cuts back to Finn and Princess Bubblegum. Princess Bubblegum hums while she prepares a concoction made using tiny Candy People. It ignites with a blue, green, and yellow flame. She offers it to Finn.]
Princess Bubblegum: Here, try this one.
Finn: [takes a sip] Mmm... fire.
Princess Bubblegum: [laughs] You got a little edible fire mustache there.
Finn: What? [views himself on his phone's camera and laughs] Gonna send this to Jake. [takes a picture]
[Jake sends Finn a video.]
Jake (voiceover): Check it out.
[Finn plays the video. It shows two Banana Guards hitting Manfried with baseball bats, Mr. Cupcake throwing Chocoberry across the room at Colonel Candy Corn, and Gumdrop Lass 2 chasing Starchie around the pit.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, what's that?
Finn: Uh, it's—
Princess Bubblegum: Let me see.
Finn: Mm. You won't like it, but okay. [hands her his phone]
[Princess Bubblegum watches the video. She groans.]
Princess Bubblegum: I'll worry about it later.
Finn: Oh.
Princess Bubblegum: You wanna see the burrito room?
Finn: Yuss!
[Back in the Candy Kingdom, Colonel Candy Corn is wearing the crown torn from the picture of Princess Bubblegum.]
Colonel Candy Corn: This is a brutal new society. For a society to function, it needs rules. 1. You must drink tea with your pizza. 2. Pizza can only be eaten alone. 3. If a pizza is found in a field, you must make the next person you see holding a glass of milk eat it.
Crunchy: Sire, I must congratulate you on becoming princess.
Colonel Candy Corn: Thank you.
Crunchy: Is there anything I can do or get for you?
Colonel Candy Corn: Anything?
Crunchy: Anything.
Colonel Candy Corn: Could you perhaps procure a pizza?
Crunchy: [darkly] Yes. [walks backwards]
Jake: Man, this is intense. I better do something! [takes a bunch of selfies]
[Finn and Princess Bubblegum are sitting on the treadmill and watching the fake sunset.]
Finn: Thanks for showing me around, PB. I've enjoyed just, just hanging out.
Princess Bubblegum: Me, too!
[Finn gets Jake's pictures.]
Finn: [laughs] Jake just sent me a funny picture of himself. [hands phone to Princess Bubblegum]
[Princess Bubblegum flips through them and laughs, pausing when she sees Colonel Candy Corn wielding an axe in the background of one.]
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa. It looks like the Candy People's makeshift government has been taken over by a ruthless despot.
Finn: What? Why aren't you freaking out?
Princess Bubblegum: Eh, it was worth giving them a shot. Let's go back to the party, though. It looks like we have to save it.
[In the candy foyer, a giant statue of Crunchy stands over the crater formed from the cannon's explosion. Crunchy, wearing the painted crown, is riding Colonel Candy Corn like a horse.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Neigh! Whinny!
Candy People: [chanting] Crunchy! Crunchy! Crunchy!
Crunchy: To the crater!
[The Candy People walk to the crater. Dr. Donut and Ice Cream Guy are holding Starchie on the ledge.]
Crunchy: Any last words, Starchie?
Starchie: You smell.
Crunchy: Throw him in!
Princess Bubblegum: What's going on here?
Candy People: Uh...
Jake: They devolved into beasts. It has hilarious.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, everybody get into your sleeping bags, and I'll read you a story.
[The Candy People, gathered around Princess Bubblegum in their sleeping bags, wait for Princess Bubblegum to start reading.]
Princess Bubblegum: [clears throat] Modern menswear can be traced back two hundred years. Furs and textiles became easier to produce...
[Finn flips through the pictures he took earlier on his phone. He lightly laughs at one of him and Princess Bubblegum puffing their cheeks out.]

Episode ends