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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Monster" from season 3, which aired on August 15, 2011.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins outside the Tree Fort, where Finn, Jake, and BMO are relaxing. Finn presses a button on BMO, and Finn and Jake sing "We're Finn and Jake."]
Lumpy Space Messenger: Sir! My sir! A message from their majesties. [activates hologram]
Finn & Jake: King and Queen Lumpy Space!
Lumpy Space Queen: [crying] We can't find our baby girl!
Lumpy Space King: [crying] She's been missing for days!
Finn: Whoa, stop your crying, you two. We'll help you find your daughter. We'll find her using Jake's muscles. [whispers to Jake] Dude, show off your muscles!
[Jake makes his right arm muscular.]
Finn: Whoo!
Lumpy Space King: [to queen] No more tears, Boobly-Bear. [to Finn] Please, take her these sandwiches we made. She loves these sandwiches. Thank you, boys.
Finn: Whoo!
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake walking through a forest with the basket of sandwiches.]
Finn: Dude, I know where Lumpy Space Princess is. She's in the woods eating beans.
Jake: Mmhmm! This is gonna be easy as... uh... mm...
Finn: Easy as childbirth!
Jake: Yeah, okay.
[They stop at the base of a tree and look around. A little person holding a sock falls out of the tree.]
Fat Villager: Please, please help me. A monster is terrorizing our village and has eaten up all the crops.
Finn: Why were you up here in this tree?
Fat Villager: I thought I saw some food, and I was hiding from the monster. [groans] You must help. [eats sock]
Finn: Hmm. I guess we can help this guy real quick and then get back to LSP.
Jake: Where's your village?
Fat Villager: Umm, I don't remember.
[Another Fat Villager falls from a tree.]
Fat Villager: Howard remembers. Hey! It's Howard! Howard! You remember where the village is?
Howard: Yeah, I marked it on the map, but [sighs] it's only half.
[Another Fat Villager falls from a tree, holding the other half of the map. Howard runs over to the villager and joins his half to the other's.]
Howard: Well, we're all ready.
Fat Villager #2: We can't leave yet.
[Yet another Fat Villager falls from a tree, followed by a much smaller Fat Villager.]
Fat Villagers: Aw.
[An even smaller Fat Villager falls from the same tree on top of the small Fat Villager. It then takes a very tiny villager out from underneath its shirt.]
Howard: Alright, now we're ready.
Fat Villager #3: What's in the basket?
Jake: Sammiches!
Fat Villagers: Food! Food! [reach for the basket]
Finn: Wait! You can't eat this food! It's not ours to give!
Fat Villagers: Aw.
Finn: Now, show us the way to your town.
Fat Villager #4: Too tired from hunger. Carry me?
Finn: [sighs] Okay. [picks up villager]
Fat Villagers: [cheer]
[Scene changes to the village.]
Fat Villager #1: The monster lives in that windmill, but we're too scared to go near it.
Finn & Jake: [dropping villagers] Nothing scares us!
[Finn and Jake walk up the windmill. Finn picks up a dagger off the ground.]
Jake: Be alert. Anything could pop out of there and rip our faces off. [makes arm muscular]
Finn: Whoo. [opens door and walks in]
Jake: Be careful, Finn.
[Finn, dagger drawn, walks toward a bed and pulls back the cover, revealing Lumpy Space Princess.]
Finn & Lumpy Space Princess: [scream]
Finn: It's you!
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn, what the junk?
Jake: It's you!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, sandwiches! [takes basket from Jake]
Jake: LSP, what the heck are you doin' here?
Finn: Are you in here making out with the monster?
Lumpy Space Princess: [stops eating sandwich] No... I am the monster.
Jake: Whaaaaat?
Lumpy Space Princess: It's a long story.
[The three pull up some boxes to sit on as a flashback begins.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: It all started at my lumpin' parents' house.
Lumpy Space King: Daughter?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah?
Lumpy Space Queen: How are the sandwiches?
Lumpy Space Princess: They're lumpin' delicious, Mom.
Lumpy Space King: You know, you could enjoy your mom's sandwiches every day if you came back more often.
Lumpy Space Princess: No. You can have them delivered to me at my apartment.
Lumpy Space Queen: We want you to move back home, sweetheart.
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! [throws plate of sandwiches away] You invited me here under false pretenses?! [storms out]
Lumpy Space King: Wait, sweetheart. We're just worried about you.
Lumpy Space Princess: Ha! Y'all don't think I can make it on my own? I'll show you! I'm running away!
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I stormed out and left Lumpy Space forever.
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: Oh, and then you found this windmill.
Lumpy Space Princess: [mouth full of sandwich] No. Something else happened first. Keep listening.
[Flashback resumes.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I was so cold, and I was so very hungry.
[Lumpy Space Princess wanders through a forest and peels the bark off a tree. She eats it but immediately throws up. Thunder rumbles, and it starts raining.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Uh! Oh, Glob! Maybe I can... make a shelter out of these nuts!
[She assembles some acorns into a small igloo-like structure, but once she gets inside, it falls apart.]
Lumpy Space Princess: It's not fair.
[Some wolves come up and lick her. They stop to let Mama Wolf pick her up and take her into their cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I was rescued by a family of wolves. The mama wolf was all like, "We must take care of her, as if she were our own." And Papa Wolf was all like, "This is a special child who needs special love because she's gonna be great when she grows up."
[Flashback ends.]
Finn: So these were talking wolves?
Lumpy Space Princess: No, they were normal wolves. I knew what they were thinking because of their body language. Stop interrupting, Finn.
[Finn frowns.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I found a home where I could act like myself.
[Flashback resumes.]
[The wolves lick Lumpy Space Princess, and she runs with them.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: They took care of me.
[The wolves present some dead rabbits to Lumpy Space Princess. Then Lumpy Space Princess howls at the moon with them, and runs with them again.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I knew that if my parents could see me now, they'd be jealous of how lumpin' awesome I am.
[The wolves and Lumpy Space Princess, each carrying a pumpkin, run back to the cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob!
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: But then, the drama started.
[A wolf licks another's back.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps] [leaves cave and floats over to two other wolves] Stephanie, Sue, can you guys keep a secret? [Sue pants] Okay, here's the secret: I just saw Jessica making out with Mark... behind Tony's back! Stephanie, are you even listening? 'Cause I'm kinda freaking out right now! Tony's gonna come back from hunting any minute now, and—
[A howl is heard.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [gasps]
[Three wolves drag a dead horse toward the cave.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hi, Tony! Oh, my Glob. Guys, what are we gonna—[Stephanie and Sue walk away toward the cave] oh.
[Scene changes to inside the cave, where the wolves are eating the dead horse.]
Lumpy Space Princess: So, should we say something to Tony?
[The wolves continue eating.]
Lumpy Space Princess: You guys! [floats over to the middle of the cave] TONY, JESSICA'S CHEATING ON YOU!
[All the wolves stop and look at her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob. Oh, my Glob. Oh, my Glob.
[The wolves start growling and surround her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Look, I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business. I know, I—
[Stephanie howls.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Because I think Tony has a right to know, Stephanie!
[Another wolf howls.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Nuh-uh, Miranda, I do not like Tony.
[Jessica starts licking Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [slaps Jessica] No, Jessica! Don't cheat on Tony with me!
[The wolves growl, pounce on her, and start biting.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [screams] [breaks free and leaves the cave]
[The wolves run after her.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [panting] Ah! [looks at a wolf on her right] Oh, Glob! [looks at a wolf on her left] Oh, no! Aah! [falls off a ledge] [screams] [slides down the cliff and lands in a mud puddle] Oh, Glob.
[Scene changes to the Fat Villagers harvesting crops.]
Lumpy Space Princess [voice-over]: I came upon a tribe of villagers.
Lumpy Space Princess: [face covered in mud and twigs] [groans]
Female Fat Villager: [drops barrel of apples and runs away] Monster!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, I'm so hungry! [eats the apples]
Male Fat Villager: Monster! [runs away]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ah! [eats plants]
Another Fat Villager: Monster! [runs away]
Lumpy Space Princess: [takes wheelbarrow of watermelons and apples and dumps its contents into her mouth]
[Flashback ends.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Anyway, then I found this windmill, and whenever I get hungry, I dress up like the monster and I go eat all the villagers' crops.
Finn: LSP, you're stealing!
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't say that. [drops basket of sandwiches] You're makin' me feel bad. [cries]
[Finn and Jake pick up the sandwiches, put them back in the basket, and hand it back to Lumpy Space Princess]
Lumpy Space Princess: Thanks, Finn.
Finn: LSP, if you wanna feel better, you should apologize to the farmers and make amends.
Lumpy Space Princess: Really?
Jake: Yeah, that'll work.
[Lumpy Space Princess leaves the windmill with the basket in hand and floats into the village.]
Fat Villager: Monster! Monster! Monster! Monster!
Lumpy Space Princess: No. No, wait!
Fat Villagers: [armed with a hoe, a saw, and a dagger] Monster! Monster!
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm not a monster! I was just pretending to be a monster.
Fat Villagers: Uh?
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm sorry that you're starving because I ate all of your crops, even though you're all still really fat, and I probably helped you lose some weight.
Fat Villager: Did she just call us fat?
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't get all bent out of shape! I'm just being honest!
Finn: LSP!
Lumpy Space Princess: What?
Finn: That apology was terrible!
[Lumpy Space Princess eats a sandwich.]
Fat Villager: Look, the monster eats while it apologizes! Let's kill it!
[They chase after her with tools and a lit torch. Finn and Jake follow. They corner her against a cliff.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Please don't kill me!
Fat Villager: We have to!
Finn: Well, you don't have to.
Jake: Yeah, you could just let her go.
Fat Villager: If we let her go, she'll keep eating our crops, and we'll starve!
Lumpy Space Princess: Why don't you just get your parents to buy you more crops?
[Some small Fat Villagers come into view]
Fat Villager: We are parents! Those crops were for our children!
Lumpy Space Princess: You guys are parents? Just like my parents... [takes a note out of the basket that reads, "Come home. We lumpin love you. —Mom & Dad"] [tears up]
Finn: LSP, are you okay?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, Finn, I'm great. Here, [hands basket to Fat Villagers] I want you to have these sandwiches.
Fat Villagers: [eagerly] Sandwiches.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, they're really good. They're made with a lot of love.
[Each Fat Villager starts eating a sandwich.]
Finn: It's working!
Lumpy Space Princess: I saved the village!
[Scene changes to Lumpy Space.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [to her parents] And that's how I saved the village! [eats a sandwich]
Lumpy Space King: Well, we're just glad you're home.
Lumpy Space Princess: Whatever.
Lumpy Space King: And thank you, Finn and Jake.
Finn: No problem.
Jake: Yeah, we didn't really do that much.

Episode ends