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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Hard Easy" from season 4, which aired on October 1, 2012.

South Woobeewoo
This transcript is complete.


[The episode opens in a swamp in heavy rain. Finn and Jake are sitting on the bank with their feet in the water. Finn doesn't have his hat or shirt on. And, his bare upper body and sort of long blond hair is revealed. A mudscamp is watching them close by.]
Finn: You getting all bit up by mosquitoes?
Jake: I don't know... I'm getting bit up by something.
Finn: Man, I can't believe you said this was a good swimming hole.
Jake: I said it might be good. It's not, though.
Finn: True.
Jake: Wanna just go?
Finn: Yeah. This place smells like green beans.
[Finn puts his blue shirt and green backpack back on and starts leaving with Jake.]
Mudscamp: My name's Woobeewoo.
Jake: [Turning around] Oh, whoa!
Woobeewoo: [Hops onto a rock] I need your help. My people are in trouble. I'm a mudscamp.
Finn: Yeah, Woobeewoo! Of course we'll help. Why didn't you just say something before?
Woobeewoo: I'm shy. It took me a while to work up the nerve.
Finn: Oh. Right on. You good now?
Woobeewoo: We'll see. [Turns around] Come, I'll take you to my village.
[The three walk over to a village of small mud huts. Several mudscamps are seen standing around.]
Woobeewoo: Here we are: the village of my people. It doesn't have an official name, but I call it South Woobeewoo. [Thunder rumbles] Uh, this way.
[They walk over to a mud pedestal on which are two mudscamps supporting another mudscamp wearing a jingle bell on its head.]
Woobeewoo: This is the village elder. He'll fill you in on the "deets."
Woobeewoo Elder: Greetings, heroes. [Squirts Jake with red juice]
Jake: [Disgusted] Bleehhh! Aw! Ehhh!
Woobeewoo Elder: I'm so sorry about that. You know, we--we secrete stink oil all day out our awful-sauce glands. You know, I guess I should have warned you. Anyway, lemme cut the cheese.
Woobeewoo on right: [Whispering] Cut to the chase.
Woobeewoo Elder: Yes... I mean--I mean, of course "cut to the chase," I mean, for many--for many moons now our village has been under siege by the Mega Frog. He's 100 stories of 110% 10-speed terror, like, bam, like, fresh out the grease. I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home, trying to eat us alive. We--we've always managed to escape, but it's c-razy scary, I mean, w-what if you got ate? Think about it. [Stands up] All alone in a stomach full of acid. [High voice] "Mommy! Mommy, Mommy, help me!" [Lower voice] "Billy, is that you? Mommy you sound exactly--" [High voice] "Mommy you sound exactly like m--" [sneezes] "Mommy, you sound exactly like me!" [Lower voice] "Billy, uh--" [Sits down; normal voice] Anyway. If this keeps up, we'll have to move to the city and get jobs. We don't know how to--how to do anything cool. Look, [Woobeewoos dressed in business hats are seen in the village] see, th-they're already practicing, the poor fools. They don't know what they're in for.
Jake: Whoa, relax, buddy! You're talkin' to the right couple of guys.
Finn: Yeah, man! Me and Jake will bust this Mega Frog up, right up his bumble-stop. [Imitates bomb whistling, exploding]
Woobeewoo Elder: That is excellent news. I mean, h-here, take this, please. [Woobeewoo villagers bring in a bag of lollipops] It's not much, b-but it's all we have-- [Finn takes bag] it's--it's a bag of lollies.
Jake: That's nice! Thanks, man.
Woobeewoo Elder: Now farewell, heroes! We're counting on you... for reals!
[Finn and Jake walk off. Jake is now carrying the bag. Jake sniffs the air.]
Jake: [Sniffing] Hmm.
Finn: Gettin' anything?
Jake: Yeah, but it's hard to make out. Could just be some footprints... or an old doodie.
Finn: Word... Hey, I have an idea. We can use those lollipops to leave a trail. That way we won't get lost out here.
Jake: Yeah, that's a great idea, man. I was just gonna throw 'em all on the ground anyway. [Drops a lollipop while walking] Whomp. [Drops another] Whomp. [Drop] Whomp. [Drop] Whomp. [Sniffs the air and points] This way. [The two climb a fallen log bridging a ravine] The thing with frogs is they got a real subtle smell. Kinda like when you open up a new thing of, um... CDRs.
Finn: Like... electric celery?
Jake: Yeah... but subtler. [They come across a large footprint] Mm-HMM! Just as I suspected.
Finn: Sweet. These'll take us right to him. [Laughs as he runs along the path of footprints] Come on, Jake! [Continues laughing]
[The two follow the footprints and pass a tree with a butt-shaped gnarl, running and laughing. They keep following them and are led back to the same tree.]
Finn: Hmm. Huh. We've passed this butt tree, like, three times.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Finn: We should probably backtrack--get reoriented and all that.
Jake: Word. [Sees footprints overlapping and facing different directions] Wait, these prints are all messed up!
Finn: Whoa. Yeah! Guess we better follow the lollipops back. Where's those at?
Jake: [Holds up empty bag] We ran out of those a while ago.
Finn: Snaaaap. Totally lost. Dang! Do you think maybe the Mega Frog made all those footprints on purpose? So we'd use up all our lollies and get totally lost?
Jake: What? Nah, man! Frogs are mighty dumb, you know that. He's probably runnin' around like that 'cause he's lost! [Laughs] Plus, we're not even lost. I just gotta stretch up past these trees and see where we're at. [Stretches head above canopy] Dang. It's all misty! It's kinda nice up here, though. [Lightning strikes his head, screams as he stretches back down] AAAAAAAAH! Man, forget that! I can't see anything through that mist. Plus, I got struck by lightning. We're just gonna have to set up camp and wait out the storm.
Finn: Cool! I call fire patrol!
Jake: Yeah, me, too! [Laughs]
[Scene switches to Finn and Jake dropping some logs and twigs on the ground.]
Jake: Do you remember how to make a fire with sticks?
Finn: Yeah, man--it's easy. [Picks up two twigs] Uhhh, rub 'em together, right?
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[Finn and Jake pick up twigs and rub them together in various ways.]
Jake: I don't think it's workin', man.
Finn: I think I saw some guy do it like this once. [Spins twig out of his hands]
Jake: That's not it. I think you're on to something, though.
Finn: Yeah, here we go! [Wraps twine around a twig]
Jake: [Blows on a twig while twisting it]
Finn: Friction! [Pulls twine, twig snaps]
Jake: [Knocking two twigs together] Come on, boys, come on!
Finn: [Kissing twig] Mwah! [Sets down twig and writes FIRE in the dirt; shrugs] I don't know.
Jake: [Rubbing his hands together while holding a stick] You just gotta get some momentum going. [Pokes himself in the face with the stick; muffled] AAAAAAH! Glob-globbing stick! Glob-globbing swamp! [Streches up above trees and gets struck by lightning] AAAAAAAAAAAAH! [Comes down with lit stick, drops stick onto pile of sticks, runs off screen while screaming, comes back] Oh, hey, you got the fire goin'. Right on!
Finn: Jake, how did you--? [Roar is heard off screen] What the--? It's the Mega Frog! Quick, put the fire out!
[Fire is extinguished. Finn and Jake walk into some tall grass and peer over it.]
Finn: Jake, look! [Silhouette of Mega Frog is seen crouching in field] He's just sittin' there! What's he doin' out there?
Jake: I don't know, but let's pound him while he's vulnerable.
Finn: Okay, Sweetles. [Finn digs his finger under his dirt and swabs some under his eyes to mimic eye black. Jake wipes dirt on his jowl, then looks at his hand and wipes it on his eye, causing him to recoil in pain. Finn crawls to the front of the field. Jake makes various hand signals from across the field.] What?
Jake: [Pulls on ear and lifts and drops his jowls] Whoaa! [Heads toward frog]
Finn: [Runs, jumps, gets ready to punch frog] Hoi-YAAAH!
[Finn and Jake start punching the frog. A log falls off of it and lands near Jake, who passes out. Another falls off and nearly hits Finn. Finn realizes that the "frog" is just a wooden structure.]
Finn: Wha--? [Walks over to Jake] Jake, wake up. Look!
Jake: Ow, my head hurts.
Finn: [Pointing] Look at that thing!
Jake: Oh, what?! [Birds land on the wooden structure] Yeah, [laughs]. Hey, whoa! That gives me a great idea. We can make a Finn and Jake out of sticks and stuff and lure the Mega Frog out here, then ba-donk him right while he's all confused!
Finn: Yeaaaah! That's a great idea, man! [Mega Frog comes up from behind Finn] That's a great idea, Jake.
Jake: [Looking at Mega Frog] Fuh-fuh-fuh... fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh... [continues]
Finn: What? What is it, Jake?
Finn: Wha--? [Frog squeezes Finn's ears, Finn looks up] AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! [Finn runs, frog chases] Jake! [Picks up Jake] RUN! [Jake continues screaming, frog gets closer] Jake, stretch us outta here! [Jake screams more, frog reaches for them] Come on, Jake!
[Jake stretches his arms and the two are propelled upward away from the frog. They land on their backs near a cave.]
Finn: Jake, let's hide in this cave. [They run into the cave] Shmow-tow, dude! That guy's gonna dingle our bones into tapioca pudding!
Jake: Finn, that is gross, man! Don't use language like that.
[Frog's footsteps thud outside. It sticks its head into the opening of the cave and squeezes the rest of its body through it and starts roaring. Jake grows big, runs up to it, and hits it.]
Jake: [As blow lands] Chomp that!
[The frog is thrown against the wall of the cave, unaffected. Finn jumps toward it but collides with the frog's fist and falls to the ground. The frog grabs Jake and roars into his face. Jake pushes him away but the frog grabs Jake's face and pulls it toward him. The frog opens his mouth and chomps down on Jake's head.]
Jake: Aaaah! He's eating me! Aah! Gently eating me! No teeth! Mostly tongue!
Finn: [Still on the ground] Hmm? Hmmm... [Flashback]
Woobeewoo (in flashback): I need your help. My people are in trouble... I'm shy... I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home. We've always managed to escape--.
Finn (in flashback): You gettin' anything?
Jake (in flashback): Yeah, but it's hard to make out.
Woobeewoo (in flashback): I'm shy... first base...
Jake (in flashback): Yeah, but it's hard to make out.
Woobeewoo (in flashback): I'm shy.
Jake (in flashback):'s hard to make out.
Finn: Hmmm. That's it! [Gets up] Jake, wait!
Jake: [Pushes frog away from him] Oof! Sick, dude! [Sees Finn] Huh?
Finn: [Climbing Jake] I know how to stop him! [Runs up Jake, jumps off his head toward the frog, flies through the air, kisses the frog; slow-mo] Mwah! [Lands hanging on to a stalactite]
[Frog levitates, light shines through its eyes, mouth, and spots on its skin. The skin falls away, revealing a skeleton on which grow muscles, skin. A face and clothes appear on the figure, revealing Prince Huge]
Prince Huge: Ah, this is rad! I'm hot again! Thanks, little dudes! [Takes Finn down from stalactite] I really appreciate it!
Finn: [Gives thumbs up]
Prince Huge: I don't get it, though... I kissed just about everything I could get my lips on. How come it only worked with you?
Finn: You can't break your own curse by kissin' somebody. Somebody's gotta kiss you.
Prince Huge: Oh. Weird. Well, thanks, man. I don't know a lot of dudes who'd do that to help a guy out.
Finn: Whatevs.
Prince Huge: [Laughs, flies out of the cave]

Episode ends