This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Duke" from season 1, which aired on July 19, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[Episode starts in the Candy Kingdom. Finn and Jake are laughing while throwing bottles at a nearby wall.]
Jake: Here, try throwing this one.
[Jake hands Finn a bottle. Finn throws the bottle. When it breaks, a purple vapor in a humanoid form appears and vanishes.]
Jake: [Jake picks up an orange bottle.] Here's one called Caturday Surprise.
Finn: Throw it!
[Jake throws the bottle. Green, pink, and blue cats explode out of it. Both Finn and Jake start laughing. They stop their laughter once they hear Princess Bubblegum.]
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, go on, get out of here! [An unknown figure runs away from Princess Bubblegum who is standing at the entrance of the Candy Kingdom.] Unless you feel like a fist cookie, you better keep runnin'!
Finn: What the heck is goin' on?
Jake: I have no idea. But it's probably best to stay out of it.
Finn: Yeah. Hey, look. [Finn grabs a bottle shaped like a boomerang.] This one looks stupid. Let's see how it flies! [Finn throws the bottle. It misses the wall and flies away.] Aw, lame. [The bottle then turns around and flies back at them. It flies up and into a window of the Candy Castle.]
Jake: Uh-oh...
[Camera shows window that was shattered.]
Princess Bubblegum: [yells] Duke of Nuts! [Princess Bubblegum looks out of the window. Her head is green and she is now bald.] What have you done?!
Duke of Nuts: Oh... [runs away]
Finn: Oh no! She thinks that nuts guy did it. We gotta go clear up what happened!
[Scene changes to inside the room with the shattered window. Dr. Ice Cream is putting a thick rubber suit on Princess Bubblegum.]
Dr. Ice Cream: Don't worry, my dear. I'll have you fixed up in no time!
Finn: Princess! [Finn and Jake run into the room.] Are you OK?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I guess if green and bald is okay.
[Finn gasps as Jake starts to laugh. Finn looks at Jake annoyingly.]
Jake: [while laughing] Oh boy. I'm sorry! I can't stop now.
[Princess Bubblegum looks depressed from Jake's reaction.]
Dr. Ice Cream: My dear, not to worry! The medicine milk in this suit will have you healed lickety-split! In just five days you'll be back to your beautiful bubblegummy self.
Princess Bubblegum: [yells] Five days?! The Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty is tonight! [Princess Bubblegum pops a hole in her suit. Dr. Ice Cream tries to cover it.]
Finn: Uh... hey, Princess. There's something I should tell you about that bottle that hit you in the face.
Princess Bubblegum: I already know, Finn! The Duke of Nuts has always been a bad guy. But now that he's done this, I'll never forgive him! And it's not just because I hate the Duke! I'd never forgive anybody who did this to me! I'd hate them!
Finn: Yeah but-
Princess Bubblegum: FOREVER!
Finn: Forever?!
Princess Bubblegum: Finally. I have a witness to his misdeeds!
Jake: Two witnesses!
Finn: Jake!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh Finn, my flawless, flawless champion, bring the Duke of Nuts to justice. The justice of a cold dungeon! [Princess Bubblegum laughs hysterically as holes pop in her suit. Dr. Ice Cream rushes over to try and stop the leaks. Finn and Jake laugh nervously.]
Jake: Heheh. She's completely bonkers.
Finn: What do I do? If I tell her I threw it, she'll hate me forever!
Jake: Don't worry! [elbows Finn lightly] That won't happen. We're gonna catch that Duke!
Finn: But we're the ones who threw the bottle!
Jake: Dude, look. The Duke of Nuts is bad guys.
Finn: How do you know that?
Jake: Think about it. If Bubblegum hates him so much, then he must have done some rotten stuff. I mean, maybe he even threw a bottle and turned someone ugly before.
Finn: Maybe you're right.
Jake: Maybe I am!
Finn: Alright, just this once, we'll be vigilantes!
Jake: Nah, we're more like cops. Crooked cops! [Jake makes a gun with his fingers and pretends to shoot something.]
Finn: Princess! I won't rest until the villainous duke is captured!
Princess Bubblegum: [with a creepy smile] Oh, thank you, Finn! [laughs maniacally.]
Finn: Woah. Okay, and by then, hopefully you'll have taken care of...this. [moves hand over face]
[Scene changes to the Duke of Nuts' castle. Finn and Jake walk towards it.]
Finn: Look yonder! The Duke of Nuts castle!
[They kick open the door, barging in.]
Finn: Duke of Nuts!
Jake: How are you?
Finn: By order of Princess...
[The Duchess of Nuts turns around in a chair by the fireplace in the room where Finn and Jake barged in.]
Finn: [hesitantly] Um, Princess... [The Duchess of Nuts turns her head around 180 degrees to face Finn.] [Finn gasps]
Duchess of Nuts: Hello, Finn. Are you here to arrest the Duke?
Finn: How did you know?
Duchess of Nuts: [grabbing a bowl of nuts] The nuts told me...for I am the Duchess of Nuts!
Jake: [Jake starts eating the nuts from the bowl. He then stops in realization.] Oh... should've asked if these were, like, her eggs or something.
Duchess of Nuts: I know of my husband's crime against the princess. A crime that you personally witnessed! And why would you lie? Huh?
Finn: Yeah, why?
Duchess of Nuts: Oh but he was once such a wonderful man! He'd pet dogs, kissed babies; we'd lie together underneath the cashew bush. He even taught under-privileged nuts how to dance. But somehow he's gone rancid! These nuts tell me he must be executed. Would you like to hear what my nuts have to say?!
Finn: That won't
[The Duchess starts running after them.]
Duchess of Nuts: Listen! Listen!
[Finn runs out, grabbing Jake.]
Jake: Woah!
[Scene changes to outside the Duke of Nuts' Castle. Finn closes the door behind him.]
Finn: I don't get it, Jake. How can the dude be evil if he pets puppies, kisses babies, and lies with his wife?
Jake: What?! You believe that? She is nuts. Listen, man. Let's just go back and face the music. Who cares if Bubblegum hates you forever? It's no biggie. Tons of people hate me!
[Scene changes to somewhere in a forest. A squirrel is reading some kind of newspaper in a hologram.]
Squirrel: Why, Jake? Why won't you print my letters? I...I...I HATE YOU!
[Scene switches back to Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Hmm. [gasps] [A figure runs past Finn and Jake.] It's him! The Duke of Nuts!
[Finn and Jake run after him.]
Finn: [while running] I'll break left! You take the right! [They both go in their direction. Finn tackles him while Jake jumps over them.]
Jake: I went left too!
[They both fall on the figure from before.]
Finn: Wha-? [Finn picks him up.] You're way smaller than I thought you were!
Jake: Dude. That's not him.
Marquis of Nuts: No one will harm the Duke of Nuts! I will kill whoever seeks to arrest him!
[The Duke of Nuts walks out of the forest.]
Duke of Nuts: No! Please! This has gone far enough!
Jake: That's the Duke of Nuts.
Marquis of Nuts: But I vowed to kill whoever did this to you. They can't take you away, Dad! [cries]
Duke of Nuts: Who's the toughest little nut? That's you. [Marquis of Nuts continues to cry into the Duke of Nuts' shoulder.] [He puts one finger up to Finn and Jake.] One second.
[Finn uses his hands to ask if they should walk away. The Duke of Nuts thumbs them up. Finn and Jake walk away.]
Finn: Man, I don't know, Jake. Why would Princess Bubblegum hate him if he's such a nice guy?
Jake: Just because he's a good father, doesn't necessarily mean he isn't a villain.
Finn: That doesn't look like a villain.
[Camera shows the Duke of Nuts putting his cape down for geese to walk across so they don't get wet.]
Jake: I can probably think of a reason why that's villainous if you gave me enough time. Maybe.
Finn: Ugh! Maybe we should just confess. But then, Princess Bubblegum will hate us forever.
Jake: Hey man, it's not that bad being hated.
[A letter flies near Jake's foot.]
Squirrel: C'mon man, pick it up!
[Finn and Jake walk by it, unnoticed.]
Squirrel: You son of a bleeblop!
Duke of Nuts: Oh! Sorry to make you wait. I made these daisy crowns for you guys as a- as a token of gratitude for waiting. [Finn and Jake put the crowns on.] Oh...sorry I....I have to sit down for a second. I know this is an odd question, but you wouldn't happen to have any pudding on you, would you?
Finn: Actually yeah, I think I have one in my pack.
Duke of Nuts: Oh, thank goodness.
Finn: I think I have a spoon in here too- wha-?
[We see the Duke of Nuts has already eaten all of the pudding.]
Jake: What happened to the cup?
[The Duke takes it out of his mouth and puts it in Jake's hand.]
Duke of Nuts: Oh, I'm so embarrassed! Now you know my shame. I can't stop eating pudding.
Finn: What?!
Duke of Nuts: I don't tell people because I hate making them worry, but yes, I have a rare condition. A pudding deficiency. And I always end up eating all of the royal pudding supply whenever I go to the castle.
Finn: So that's why Princess Bubblegum hates you!
Duke of Nuts: Yes, but I didn't turn Princess Bubblegum green and bald! I would never do such a thing!
Finn: Gah! Of course you wouldn't! You're too nice a guy. I'm the one who threw that bottle. I was gonna tell her, but then-- she started talking all crazy-- she said she'd never forgive me and I-- I didn't know!
Duke of Nuts: Hey, it's okay. People make mistakes. It's all part of growing up and you never truly stop growing.
Finn: Now you're making me feel even worse by being so nice about it.
Duke of Nuts: Maybe I should just confess the crime and end all of this.
Finn: Wait...I think I might have an idea that will save everyone's reputations.
[Scene changes to later that day. Peppermint Butler is driving Princess Bubblegum around in a mobile bath tub filled with healing milk. Finn jumps out of the forest and stops them.]
Finn: Halt!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn! Did you find the duke yet?
Finn: Not yet, but you are in grave danger, Princess. There is an assassin in these very woods, dead set on stopping you from reaching the Grand Meeting. In fact, what's that rustling in the bush??
Jake: [behind bush while shaking the bush] Rustle. Rustle, rustle. [Jake jumps out suddenly.] I'm an ambush! Halt!
Finn: What's going on?!
Jake: Oh, [out of character] Did I come out to early?
Finn: [coughs] What are you here to do, stranger?
Jake: I've come for the princess. I'm an assassin!
Princess Bubblegum: Um, guys?
Finn: Stand back! I will stop him! Hi-yah!
Jake: Hi-yah!
[Both Finn and Jake jump into the air. They pretend fight for a couple of seconds.]
Jake: I will kill you! And raise your children as my own!
Finn: Hi-yaah!
[They still pretend to fight until Jake actually punches Finn into a nearby rock.]
Jake: Hah!
Finn: Remember, it's just acting, Jake!
Jake: [while running towards Princess Bubblegum] Sorry, dude! [Jake kicks Peppermint Butler to the side and stretches right in front of Princess Bubblegum.] Now, to kill you up. But wait, surely this cannot be the fair Princess Bubblegum! Where are her pink, flush cheeks? The long gooey hair? [Princess Bubblegum punches Jake to the ground.] Clearly, the princess travels elsewhere. [Out of character] Later, Bubblegum! [Jake jumps into the bush he was hiding in before.] Get out there, man!
Duke of Nuts: [behind bush] I don't know if I can do this.
Jake: Go, go, go, go!
Duke of Nuts: And that's how I, the Duke of Nuts, by disfiguring you beyond all recognition, humbly saved your life.
Jake: [jumping out of bush] Yeah, alright!
Finn: [while still on ground from the impact of rock] Yeah!
Princess Bubblegum: What was the point of this little play again? [gasps] And why isn't the duke clapped in irons?!
Duke of Nuts: She's right. Innocent or not, I should accept what's coming to me.
Princess Bubblegum: Peppermint Butler! [Peppermint Butler comes out of the shadows with golden handcuffs. He starts to walk towards the Duke of Nuts.]
Finn: Oh, no!
Duke of Nuts: Nuttin's going my way today.
[Peppermint Butler jumps up to handcuff the Duke of Nuts. However, he can't reach. Finn runs between them and keeps them apart.]
Finn: No!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn?
Finn: The duke didn't throw that bottle! Ahh- Princess, I have something sucky to confess. I'm the one who threw the bottle. [Princess Bubblegum gasps.] I'm sorry, but I knew if I told you, you'd hate me forever!
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm...well, I could never stay mad at you forever. And you seem genuinely penitent.
Finn: I don't even know what that means, but thank you!
[The Duke of Nuts is laughing with Jake.]
Princess Bubblegum: [points at them] But that doesn't douse my hatred for the duke!
Finn: Yeah, what's up with that hate?
Princess Bubblegum: That jerk always empties out my pudding pantry!
Finn: Aw, shucks. He just can't control himself around pudding. He goes cocoa-nuts for it! Because he has a pudding deficiency!
Duke of Nuts: It's true, your majesty. I'm sorry for my medical condition.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, my, you poor man! Of course you're forgiven! [whispering to Finn] Yeah, I don't believe a word from him.
Finn: [sighs] I'm really sorry about making you temporarily ugly, Princess. Especially before the Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty. I wish there was some way to make it up to you.
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe there is, Finn. Maybe there is... hey! [Princess catches Finn and Jake walking away.]
Finn: [turning around] Hmm, what? You said maybe.
[Scene changes to the Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty.]
Turtle King: [while hitting gavel on podium] Call to order the sesquicentennial Grand Meeting of Ooo Royalty. I now call upon the delegate from the Candy Kingdom. Princess Bubblegums?
[Camera pans to show Finn and Jake, who are dressed up like Princess Bubblegum. Finn gets up and reads off a pre-written letter from the princess.]
Finn: Ahem! It would be presumptuous indeed to present myself against the distinguished princess to whom you have listened.
Jake: [yawning and talking to an oval-shaped member of royalty] Buy a lady a drink?
[A mask falls off the oval-shaped member of royalty to show that it is actually the Marquis of Nuts.]
Finn and Jake: [gasps] The Marquis of Nuts?!
Marquis of Nuts: Yes, but I didn't come alone!
[The face of the Turtle King is ripped open and the Squirrel comes out.]
Squirrel: Remember me, Jake?!
Jake: ...nope.
[Both the Marquis of Nuts and the Squirrel start screaming and jump on top of Finn and Jake. The episode pauses before they land on them.]

Episode ends.

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