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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Thanks for the Crabapples, Giuseppe!" from season 6, which aired on July 24, 2014.

This transcript is complete.


[The view of the Ice Kingdom is shown, a bus pulls up and Ice King flies out.]
Ice King & Abracadaniel: Road trip!
Ice King: Check out this sweet make out wagon! [walks between the seats, he comes to the Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving] Life giving magus bro!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Yo, yo, yo!
Ice King: Yo, yo. [turns to Ron James] Ron James bro!
Ron James: Whazzup!
Ice King: Not much, not much. [turns to Little Dude] Finn's old hat bro!
Little Dude: Uh, name's "Little Dude."
Ice King: Sure, sure. [turns to Beau] Hey, uh..
Beau: It's Beau.
Ice King: Beau bro, right! [turns to Leaf Man] Leaf Man bro! [turns to Giuseppe] And, uh...[turns to Abracadaniel] Who's this guy?
Abracadaniel: I don't know. We just picked him up. That's the kind of trip this is gonna be. It's a "destiny will guide us" kind of thing.
Ice King: [turns back to Giuseppe] How 'bout we call you...Giuseppe. [Giuseppe farts] That's right, Giuseppe.
[scene changes to the Old Ladies village in the Grass Lands]
Abracadaniel: Okay, Ron James, it's time.
Ron James: A'ight, listen up, brahs. Here's the plan. [throws a vial of white powder, revealing black smoke]
All: Ooooh.
Ron James: We're heading for Big Butt Rock. At sundown, we'll gather on the Cheek's Peak, and using the ah-has, deep feels, and woo-woos we score from the journey, we will chant a totally original spell, thus forming an entirely new school of magic! [goes back to the bus] Kind of like those jerky secret societies, but less jerky. [blows the smoke away]
[all cheer]
Abracadaniel: Just got one more stop. [stops the bus at the Tree Fort and gets out of the bus]
Ice King: Finn and Jake's crib? They won't come. They're out of our league.
Finn: [from inside the tree fort] Hey, Abracadaniel's here, with a bus full of lame wizards.
Jake: [getting massaged by BMO] Here we go. They're probably gonna try to lure us on some dumb trip.
Abracadaniel: Hey, water nymphs! Uh...hi. you girls feel like, uh...going on a road trip?
Nymph: thanks.
Abracadaniel: Okay, but what if I...[straining, he uses his wand to create a rainbow]
Nymph: Ew.
[Abracadaniel pants]
Ron James: [still on the bus, shouts to the nymphs] Hey, ladies! Hellooo.
Nymph: Whoa, do you guys know this person?
Denise: No, but his eyes are just...[shows Ron James' eyes sparkling, with him holding a vial of Eye Twinkles] gorge.
[the nymphs laugh and run onto the bus, Abracadaniel follows and drives the bus off, Finn and Jake come out laughing with backpacks on]
Jake: Oh.
Abracadaniel: Here we go!
All: Wooo! [the bus' engine stops]
Ice King: Uh, why'd we stop?
Abracadaniel: I think we ran out of gas.
Little Dude: [a loud clank is heard] And the wheels fell off!
[they all get off the bus, the cows moo]
Ron James: Well, this ain't goin' the way we planned, but fate has decreed that this place is just what we need. Draw your inspiration from this muddy, old cow pasture. Here, bros. [hands Ice King a roll of toilet paper] We got a stock full of T.P. and magic ink. [gives everyone else a roll of t.p.]
Abracadaniel: Let's all write down arcane, cryptic words in unexpected new combinations and patterns. Maybe the nymphs can dance on top of the bus to be, like, our muses.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Inspire us, water nymphs!
Nymph: We don't want to. We'd rather write.
Ice King: I'll dance if dancing is needed. [starts singing] Doo-doo doo doo-doo. Yah yah, doo-doo wah [takes a vial of ink from Abracadaniel and climbs on top of the bus, rolls the t.p. across the bus and dances a bit] Dance, dance, dancin' dance writing. [puts ink on his feet and dances across the t.p.] I'm dance, dance, dance, dancin'. Top of the bus, window...
Little Dude: Hey, check it out, y'all. The dirty old stranger's writing, too. [Ron James pats Giuseppe]
Farmer: What's all the ruckus?! I own this pasture, so get back in your vehicle and get! [shakes his gun in the air]
Ice King: We can't! Our wheels fell off! [the farmer gets ready to fire his gun, Ice King gasps] Back on the vehicle. I'll make a slick ice road. [uses his powers and starts making a road, the bus takes off]
Farmer: Are you gone? I can't really see!
[the scene changes to the Ice King, who is still making an ice road]
Ice King: [groans] Oh! [Abracadaniel gets out and climbs by the Ice King and pants]
Abracadaniel: Is there a problem?
Ice King: I ran out of juice.
Abracadaniel: Can I take over?
Ice King: Yeah, maybe you should. Hey, let's switch headgear. [he gives Abracadaniel his crown and Abracadaniel gives him his headband] Ooh, it fits! [Abracadaniel giggles, shaking his hands and sprinkling snow out] Yeah, girl, just let the ice magic flow. [Abracadaniel starts shooting ice out] Oh, b-but be careful, okay?
Abracadaniel: What? [turns to Ice King and has the ice aiming past him]
Ice King: Oh! [laughs nervously] Not me. [Abracadaniel starts making a road] Nice ice road.
Abracadaniel: Thanks. Hey, I don't think we're moving.
Ice King: Uh, hold on. [gets back on the bus] Everyone, time to push the bus!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Eh, I don't really want to.
Ice King: Come on! Destiny! [all grumble and get out of the bus and start pushing it] Okay, back on the bus! Back on the bus! [driving the bus] Huh? Ooh, a crabapple tree. Giuseppe, make yourself useful and grab us some of them crabapples. [Giuseppe stops writing on his t.p. and goes to the door of the bus] Okay, get ready. Jump! [Giuseppe jumps to the tree and picks up the crabapples, the bus speeds up and he can't catch up]
Little Dude: Oh, no! Giuseppe can't catch up!
Ice King: What?! Magus of Life Giving, take the wheel! [goes to the bus' back door]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Uh, okay, but I am not a confident driver.
Little Dude: [climbs on his back] You're doing great, buddy.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Don't touch me! [bats Little Dude away]
Ice King: Giuseppe, throw the crabapples! [Giuseppe throws them and he catches them] Giuseppe? [sees that Giuseppe is too far away] We have lost Giuseppe. [gives Leaf Man a crabapple and eats one himself] Mm! Hmm? Well, let's see what old Giuseppe wrote. [picks up Giuseppe's toilet paper, reads it and gasps] Listen to this, everybody! "These are not my tear drops, daughter dear, but just a sheen of dew that lingers here, past other fields where other fathers lie, who kept their daughters better far than I." [sniffles] What do you guys think? [everyone is crying] What's wrong with you guys?
Ron James: Look who's talking.
Ice King: [sniffles] Huh? [wipes his eyes] This is true art. [blows his nose on the paper] Well, let's see what you other guys wrote. [takes their papers] Little Dude, here's yours. "Days don't have shades, directions with no ways, adjusting minimum scholarly curriculum to enrich empty minds, it takes refracted sunshines." That is awesome. "Take this light with your great might, free hearts that are gated seeing truth in things exaggerated." Ah, some interesting spell combos going on guys.
Abracadaniel: Ice King! I see the Butt Rock!
Ice King: The hour of glory is upon us. Cauldron! [a cauldron comes, he puts the papers into it, murmurs incantations and everyone falls asleep]
Abracadaniel: Smells so good down here! What's cooking? [falls asleep, the bus stops by a lake]
Ice King: [snoring, gurgles water and wakes up and screams, waking everyone else up, showing the bus half sunk in a lake]
Nymph: Girls, we can help. [the nymphs get out of the bus] Okay, one, two, three! Lift![they try to lift the bus] Ow! Ow. Um...let's get out of here. [they swim away]
Ice King: No, don't go. [puts his crown back on] Hey, I could freeze all of us. Then we'd be safe from drowning, and once someone discovers our preserved bodies, we'll be saved! Be like, 200 years, tops! [everyone grumbles]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Oh! Let me try this! [takes his right mitt off and touches the bus] Mommy!
Bus: Oh Grob, I can't swim! Aah! Oh Glob!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Ymmom! Somebody! Sorry.
Ron James: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. My "last resort" poshe, obtained from a mad yogi in the Mystery Mountains. It's time to find out what it does. [opens it, drinks some of it] Ba-bam! [his head is replaced with Tree Trunks's]
Tree Trunks: Nice and slow. Ooh, gent--oh! [goes back to Tree Trunks' home]
Mr. Pig: [scratching Ron James' head instead of Tree Trunks' back with a back-scratcher, Mr. Pig gasps]
Tree Trunks: [laughing] Oh, I'm flying!
Ice King: [takes the vial from Ron James' hand] Yoink. Take my head away from here, baby! [drinks the rest of the vial, his head is replaced with the Life Giving Magi's] No! [all scream]
Abracadaniel: Maybe this is a test from destiny, guys! If we all just surrender to these events, the answer will reveal itself. [inhales deeply, the bus starts glowing blue and shaking] Whoa.
Little Dude: Wha? [looks out the window] Hey, it's Giuseppe! [Giuseppe sets the bus down, Ice King comes out]
Ice King: [everyone else comes out of the bus] Giuseppe, how have you done this? [Giuseppe gives them a thumbs-up, turns into blue sparkles and goes on the trees]
All: Whoa.
Abracadaniel: What was he?
Ice King: I don't know, Abracadaniel, but I think he was trying to show us something. Something new. [fist pumps Abracadaniel, it shows the view of the blue sparkles which are shaped like Giuseppe's head, and the right eye winks]
[scene skips to Wizard City]
2 Wizards: Sploo! Jicka haka boogy noona hubba gubba--secret wizard handshake!
Berdzerd: Later, Chinchizerd!
Chinchizerd: Bye, Berdzerd. [Berdzerd flies away, he waves, Abracadaniel walks by, whispers to Berdzerd] See you at the secret thing tonight! [turns to Abracadaniel] Loser.
[Abracadaniel and the Life Giving Magi come to each other, wink and show each other their rings with the crabapple tree on it, then shows the crabapple tree from earlier]
Ice King: [scene showing the crabapple tree without Ice King being shown] Giuseppe.

Episode ends