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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Take Her Back" from season 7, which aired on November 18, 2015.

Candy castle
This transcript is complete.


[Simon and Betty make soup in their house while Marceline sings "Time, Sweet Time." Simon and Betty kiss. Betty takes a pie with a face out of the oven. Someone knocks on the door, and they open it to a dressed-up Marceline offering flowers. Betty, Simon, and the pie burp.]
Marceline: Wait, I was hunting a vampire... [closes eyes] The Moon.
[The dream ends. In a clearing in the woods, Princess Bubblegum holds Marceline as Finn and Jake belch at her.]
Princess Bubblegum: Cut it out! That's not helping her.
Finn: But Mom and Dad always burped on us.
Jake: It's a cure-all!
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry, guys. There are no cure-alls. Your parents were just burping on you for kicks.
Jake: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. [belches] Oh, sorry, last one.
Princess Bubblegum: Huh! [covers nose] What did you eat, Jake?!
Jake: Hey, now! I pride myself in having nice-smelling burps. Just kidding.
Princess Bubblegum: Pride... hmm. Do you guys know what "hubris" is?
Finn: It's like an old-timey deity who weighed your deeds on a scale.
Princess Bubblegum: No. It means excessive pride or arrogance.
Lumpy Space Princess: That's like you, PB.
Finn: Dude.
Princess Bubblegum: No, it's true. I believed in myself so much that I was blind to the possible consequences.
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't believe in yourself so much then, Dum-dum.
Princess Bubblegum: [tearing up] Now my best friend is dying of poison because of me.
Jake: That ain't true, PB. Marcy took a risk, and you helped her because you're her friend. Real friends take each other to the edge of death—'cause death is life! Right, Finn?
Finn: Shoot, yeah! I get poisoned all the time just doing the dishes!
Peppermint Butler: I get poisoned on purpose, for research. I have a poison lab back at the castle.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, let's get our butts over there then! Find The Moon, Finn. We'll work on an antidote. You guys take her back to the poison lab. Maybe we can extract her healing powers.
Finn: Word!
[They run off into the forest.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, wait! What should I do? You guys? [grunts]
[A stake falls out of her back.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [shudders and laughs]
Finn: Moon pearls... We're on her trail.
Jake: Gross!
Finn: I think they're pretty.
Jake: What if they're, like, her boogers... or worse?
Finn: Come on, Jake.
Jake: Ew, ew, ew, ew! Sometimes I think vampires were invented just to torment me.
Finn: Whoa. I don't think so, man. I think you might have a hubrits.
Jake: I'm just saying it's a possibility.
Finn: Hey, look! The moon's pontoon.
Jake: See?! I hate it! What it this, some hut the Moon plopped out of her bod?
Finn: I don't think so. This mummy job looks like it used to belong to that mummy job.
Jake: Still hate it. What's that, pickles? Ew. Yeah, that's her.
Jake: Shouldn't she, like, explode or something?
Finn: She just healted that sword right out of her bod! Let's try frying her up in the sun.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Finn and Jake: Wow!
Jake: How are we supposed to destroy this stay-fresh creep?
Finn: Hmm. Let's stick with P.B.'s plan and try staking her a bunch of different ways.
King of Ooo: Hmm Higher Higher. Lower. Up Lower Perfect. [Princess Bubblegum kick the door] Whoa!
Princess Bubblegum: Hey!
King of Ooo: Ah! What are you doing here, former Princess Bubblegum? Did you forget that you lost the election?
Princess Bubblegum: Monarchies are not democracies!
King of Ooo: What?! Oof! Aah!
Banana Guard & Crunchy: Ooh
King of Ooo: Hey! Banana Guards, seize her!
Banana Guard: Uh, princess, should we listen to him?
Princess Bubblegum: No, just keep him out of my way! And untie Crunchy!
Crunchy: Thank you, Your Princessness!
Jake: Man, we've been doing this for hours.
Finn: You know, it's weird that P.B. wanted us to stake her back, instead of us taking her back.
Jake: Wait. "Taking" or "staking"? She said "you guys, 'sztake' her back.
Finn: " No, yeah! She said, "you guys, take her back.
Jake: " So which one should we do?
Finn: Both, I guess. We'd better hurry before she wakes up at sundown.
Jake: Whoops. Get her back in the vase!
Finn: Come get us, blood bucket!
Jake: What?!
Finn: Run!
Finn: Here she come!
Jake: Dude, for real, why'd you make her chase us?
Finn: Marci needs her healing powers. "Stake her back" to the castle, bro!
Jake: Shoot, just don't let her near my deli tray!
Finn: Well, run harder, dude!
Jake: Okay.
Finn: Man, she is really booking it hard! You see that, Jake?
Jake: No, bro, just let me run!
Finn: Holy stink! She's smiling right at me!
Jake: I don't need a play-by-play, man!
Finn: She's messing with us.
Jake: What do you mean?!
Finn: I mean she's not catching up on purpose!
Jake: Why do you think that?
Finn: She's giving me this look... Slow down so I can talk to her.
Jake: No, boy, you crazy!
Finn: Just do it! I won't let her bite you!
Jake: Okay, my life is in your hands, man!
Finn: Hey. We're leading you to a trap. We're gonna suck out your healing power and dust you. And then I'm gonna put your dust in a litter box. And get a tiger to drop a huge smelly tiger bomb on your sorry dust clumps!
Jake: Stop hitting my butt!
Moon: You run in the path of my light.
Jake: That's her voice?!
Moon: How can you lead me when I am your guide?
Finn: Are you being literal or allegorical? [Moon laugh evil] Me no like! Run, Jake, run!
Jake: But she said I'm running in her light!
Finn: Who gives a donk?! Just go!
Princess Bubblegum: All right, where's your measuring equipment? I need to see some charts! And tubes Where are your tubes?
Peppermint Butler: This process uses no tubes and involves no quantifiable measurements. Calm your mind and let the crystal medium work its magi Its science.
Princess Bubblegum: All right, Pep. I just wish I could do more for her. [Banana Guard cry]
Princess Bubblegum: There, there. We're all worried about Marceline.
Banana Guard: That's not really why I'm crying. Princess, we really miss you! [All Banana Guards crying]
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, guys, it's all right. [Banana Guard hugs the Princess Bubblegum] Oh!
Peppermint Butler: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Okay, finished.
Princess Bubblegum: That's it? You just go, "shu, shu, shu" with your hands?
Peppermint Butler: Don't question my methods! This is my world.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, what now, then?
Peppermint Butler: We wait, like, two hours.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh.
Peppermint Butler: Let's do something else.
Princess Bubblegum: Like what?
Peppermint Butler: Mm, video games?
Princess Bubblegum: I don't like video games.
Peppermint Butler: Me neither. I don't even have a system to play on or anything.
Banana Guard 1: I got a video game back at my place. But I just got it so I could stay in shape.
Banana Guard 2: How do you get in shape playing a game?
Banana Guard 2: Uh It's like a yoga video.
Banana Guard 1: So it's not a game at all.
Banana Guard 2: No, it is. It's a video game.
Banana Guard 1: Uh, it's a video.
Banana Guard 2: Yes.
Banana Guard 1: A yoga video.
Banana Guard 2: Game. A game.
Banana Guard 1: Video.
Princess Bubblegum: You guys.
Finn: We brought The Moon!
Jake: What do we do?
Moon: Die like pigs!
Princess Bubblegum: Hold her off till Marci wakes up!
Finn: She's not doing anything.
Jake: You gonna try something?
Finn: Okay, I guess. Whoops!
Jake: What was that?!
Finn: I don't know, man, I think I just got tapped out!
Jake: "Tap out"? When do you ever tap out?
Moon: Pigs!
Finn: She's doing something weird! Jake, help!
Jake: I can't! I feel like I'm in a slow-motion terror dream!
Finn: Banana Guards, help!
Finn: Princess, I can't stop her!
Princess Bubblegum: You kind of have to, Finn!
Finn: Rats! Okay, let me get my sword.
Moon: Marceline.
Princess Bubblegum: It's locked, dipstick!
Moon: Open, pig! Open, pig! Pigs!
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Marci, wake up! Wake up!
Marceline: It's spring again And the yard is full Of tiny flowers You used to call them weeds And you killed them all
Princess Bubblegum: But they were growing too tall
Marceline: What?! I can't hear you!
Princess Bubblegum: I said, "Wake up, Marceline."
Marceline: What?!
Princess Bubblegum: Wake u--
Marceline: Huh?
Moon: Pigs! Pigs!
Marceline: You!
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline!
Moon: Pigs, pigs!
Princess Bubblegum: Did you just yell "pigs" at the lock until it opened?
Princess Bubblegum & Marceline: Oh!
Peppermint Butler: In your face!
Princess Bubblegum: Marci, now!
Jake: Finn.
Finn: Yes!
Jake: Finn, she's dead.
Finn: Oh, thank glob.