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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Susan Strong" from season 2, which aired on March 7, 2011.

Candy Kingdom
Underground Hatch
This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum standing in a field of tree stumps.]
Princess Bubblegum: And here at this site, my Great Uncle Gumbald cut down all these taffy trees in a single night.
Finn: 'Cause those trees were evil... right, Princess Bubblegum?
Princess Bubblegum: Nah. Hey, but I bet they have a ton of stories about your human relatives.
Finn: Um... not really. I've never even met any other humans. If I think about it too much, I get all soul-searchy and weeeeiiirrrd...
Princess Bubblegum: [Embarrassed] Ohhh, boy... I've made things awkward. Well, let's forget about that. I brought you guys here because I need you to rip out all these stumps!
Finn: [Half-heartedly, in a daze] Okay... I guess so...
Jake: Yeah, man, it'll be fun! [Shrinks and gets in Finn's hand] Toss the Jake-sploder! [Finn tosses Jake towards a stump] Nyeeeeh, boom!
Finn: [Spiritedly] SPA-MOW!!
Princess Bubblegum: [To Finn] I'm glad to see you out of that funk... about being the only huma... [Her voice trails off; she realizes what she said and gets embarrassed] I mean... [Walking away] Well! I'm gonna scram! No hard feelings right? [Exits]
[Jake lands in Finn's arms.]
Jake: Again, man!
Finn: [Throwing Jake] Huck!
[Jake lands on something; there's a loud clang.]
Jake: Ow!! Whoa... I don't think this is a stump.
Finn: [Running over] Huh? [Moving bush] It's a hatch.
Jake: A hatch? [He jumps on it and opens the lid.] We should check it out, ya think?! [He jumps down.] [Excitedly] Waaah!
Finn: Heh-heh. [Finn jumps down, and the lid closes. He and Jake exit an entrance chamber with a ladder and enter a dark room filled with old, moldy garbage, water, and ruined buildings.] S'dark, huh? [Finn turns on a flashlight. They run further into the area.] Whooooooaaaaaa!
Jake: What a dump! [Finn's flashlight goes out. He tries to get it working again.] Can you imagine the jerks that musta lived here?
[A figure emerges behind them.]
Finn: [Turning to look] Huh?!
[The figure stares at them.]
Finn and Jake: AAAAH!!
Figure: AAAAH!!
Finn and Jake: AAAAH!! [They run backwards with a start and run into a pile of junk. Another figure emerges. Finn and Jake gasp then retreat.]
Figure: Wee meeb youp nuh hur! [Presumably: "We mean you no harm!"]
[Finn and Jake run while panting heavily. Many more of these figures emerge, surrounding the duo. Finn's flashlight works again; the creatures retreat. The first figure from earlier runs into Finn's light; she stops and stares at them like a deer in headlights. She looks at her shadow.]
Figure: SHAHOW!! [Presumably: "Shadow!!"] [The other creatures gasp.] O my gra cup-ssah! [She hides in a refrigerator.]
Finn: These people are so terrified... Scared of their own shadows...
Jake: We could rule them... like gods! [Deviously] ...Angry gods...
Finn: [To humanoid] Don't be scared, c'mon. [The creature walks towards Finn cautiously.] Yeah, it's okay. [The humanoid goes into the light, revealing herself to very much resemble a human.] Your... your face! You're... [Yelling] JUST LIKE ME!! [She and the other creatures get spooked and retreat again.] Hey, wait!
[Jake stops Finn and shushes him.]
Jake: [Whispering] Shh. They're startled. Ya gotta be gentle with wild animals.
Finn: I don't think they're animals, Jake. I think... this could be... a tribe of... humans!! [Laughs happily] What are these guys doing down here in this crummy hole?
Jake: I don't know, man. Maybe they just don't know any other thing.
Finn: [To creatures] Hey, fellows! Don't you wanna get out of here?! I could take you to see the sun! [The female creature tilts her head. Finn motions his hands to draw a circle.] Suuuun. Suuuun.
Susan: Suhhhn... Ow la koo sow suhn. [Presumably an agreement that she'll look at the sun.]
Finn: You poor things... Living down here has made you all weird, hasn't it? [The creatures duck behind the trash and mumble to each other.] Jake, I've got to save these guys! They're my people, and it's my duty to lead them outta this gross cave! Starting with you, Miss, uh... [Grasping for her name]
Susan: Suuhh... suhhhn... [Presumably: "Sun."]
Finn: ...Susan? [Susan stands up.] Pleased to meet you!
Jake: Well, let's bring 'er up!
[Jake turns into a couch; Finn sits on him.]
Finn: [Patting Jake, to Susan] C'mon.
[Jake stretches himself, Finn, and Susan out of the cave. Finn opens the hatch and leaps out.]
Finn: Aw, man, you're gonna love it up here, Susan!
Susan: [Squinting] Huh?
Finn: There's all sorts of wonders top-side!
[Susan leaps onto the grass.]
Susan: Aah! AAH!!
Finn: Susan, it's just grass.
[Susan pants heavily and jumps on Jake's back.]
Jake: Ooooh! Mah back!!
Finn: [To Susan] Grass can't hurt you. [Patting grass] See?
Susan: Graaaahhhss... [She lands on the ground and feels the grass.] Huh... huh... huh. [She slams her face to the ground.]
Jake: Oop. Ya killed 'er.
Finn: Wha?! I did?!
Jake: Yep. Felled by surface-world germs. [Susan starts scurrying with her face still planted in the ground. Finn scowls at Jake.] Heh. Just kiddin'.
[Susan laughs as the plays in the grass. Finn and Jake stare. Susan rises with grass stains all over her.]
Susan: Hahahahahahahaha! Two be cah reh ss... buh a thuh ahp fer ger... ss.
Finn: Aw, Susan... You got grass blood all over your face. [Tries to wipe her with handkerchief]
Susan: [Scared] YEEH!! ITSA PA TUH MUP!
Finn: Susan... a hankie won't hurt you.
Susan: [Taking it] Ohhhh. [She wipes herself.]
Finn: [Frustrated sigh] How'm I supposed to show 'er the wonders of Ooo if every little thing freaks her out?
Jake: [Semi-French pronunciation] Patience...
Finn: Very well. Then I shall introduce Susan to Ooo... by degrees!
[A logo that says "INCREMENTAL TIME" pops up. A ruler goes through the word "TIME."]
[The three are now walking through the Cotton Candy Forest. Susan gasps and stops as she spots a beetle.]
Susan: [Scared] Manee mah nuhp lehp!
Finn: That can't hurt you! That's a dancing bug! [The beetle starts dancing. Finn and Jake start dancing, too. After a while, Susan joins in.] Yeah! Hahaha!
[Scene transition; the three are now on the cliffs above Red Rock Pass. Susan gasps at a rock.]
Jake: That's just a rock. [Punching it away] A low-level enemy.
Susan: [Relieved sigh] Jus a rah. ["Just a rock."] [She hugs another rock and squeezes it until it shatters.]
[Scene shifts to a forest where the three are having a campfire. Finn opens a package of marshmallows as Jake plays his viola. A beaver rises in the bushes behind Susan. Susan recoils in fear and breathes heavily.]
Finn: What's wrong?! [He spots the beaver.] Hey, hey, hey, it's okay! [He feeds the beaver a marshmallow.] See?
[The beaver takes three more marshmallows and runs off. Finn and Susan laugh.]
Susan: [Singing and looking around] Hm, hah, prety go-ah-suh pattah! ["Pretty golden patterns!"]
[Finn decides to sing, too. He sings Susan a song about how glad he is that she's with him and Jake on the surface world. He hands Susan a stick with a marshmallow on it.]
Finn: Hey, Jake, how's your marshmallow, man?
Jake: Golden as a wheaty sunset! How's yours?
Finn: [Staring at inflamed marshmallow] Hmmm... [He blows out the flame and eats the marshmallow.] Perfect! [Muffled] How's yours, Susan?
[Susan chews on the stick itself.]
Jake: Heh. That's adorable. Hup!
[Jake throws a marshmallow into Susan's mouth.]
Susan: MMMM!! Ohhh... Tha is goo!! [Presumably: "That is good!!"] [Susan ravenously attacks the marshmallow bag.]
Jake: Dang... She is way into candy.
Finn: Hey, yeah! Susan! We should take you to the Candy Kingdom! Everything is candy there!
Jake: You know, she may be too excited about candy.
Finn: [Shrugging notion off] Nah...
Susan: [Breathing extremely hard; mouth watering profusely] CAAANDY KING-DOOOM!
[Scene transition to Candy Kingdom at Princess Bubblegum's castle.]
Princess Bubblegum: I've enjoyed your visit immensely, Susan Strong.
[They signal each other goodbye.]
Susan: [Whispering] Finn!
Finn: Yeah, Suze?
Susan: [Whispering] Finn, where's all the candy yuh werp talk ah bout?! [Presumably: "Finn, where's all the candy you were talking about?!"]
Finn: Oh, well, it's... everywhere! The buildings, the lamp posts, even the people!
Peppermint Butler: We're all candy here!
Susan: [Excitedly] CANDY! CANDY! [Slobbers on Peppermint Butler]
Finn: Susan! [Pulling Peppermint Butler away] Susan!! No! You can't eat the ones that talk! They're special! They got aspirations. [Finn lets Peppermint Butler run off.]
Susan: [Ashamed] Ohh-ho. [Scowls]
Finn: It's okay. You're learnin'. Here. [Tears a piece of the pavement out.] Have some sidewalk brittle instead. [He puts in Susan's mouth, and she eats it.]
Susan: Mmm! [Finn smiles at her.] Now, I gonna get friends. We eat all of Candy Kingdom.
Finn: [Shocked] What?!
Susan: Oh. No, no, no, no, no. We won't eat red stripe man. Only everyone else. [Running away] Bye!
Finn: Susan, no!! [Runs to Candy Kingdom entrance] No!!! You can't eat the Candy People!! [Tired sigh] Oh, boy...
Jake: So now what? Fight the humans to the death when they attack?
Finn: No, man! They're my peeps! We have to save the Candy Kingdom without hurting them.
[Cut to Candy Castle]
Princess Bubblegum: They're gonna what?!
Finn: Don't worry! We have a plan! We just have to scare the humans away!
Princess Bubblegum: Very well. I shall gather my citizens in the courtyard... and you shall see how terrifying the Candy People can be! [Mock-scary] Ah-bloo-bloo-bloo!! [Giggles]
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] They're doomed.
[Back at the hatch, Susan busts out and blows a horn. The rest come out of the hatch. They get scared as they touch the ground.]
Susan: [Calming them down] Just grass!
Celina: Jus grah...
[Scene shifts to the Candy Armory.]
Jake: Ahh, these candy weapons are too cute to be scary.
Princess Bubblegum: Good news, Finn! I've managed to make my people horrifying!
Finn: But how?! [Drops candy weapon]
Princess Bubblegum: I've disguised them as gruesome creatures, like witches, and ghouls!
Starchie: Starchie's a beelzebub!
Jake: Aw, so cute! I just wanna give them candy!
[Finn looks worried. He hears the hunting horn.]
Finn: [To Gumdrop Girl] Quick! Show me your scary face!!
Gumdrop Lass 1: Oh, uh... [Shining flashlight in her face.] Rawr.
Jake: I don't think that'll scare anybody...
Finn: NO DUH! She'! She's... [Noticing her menacing shadow] Hey! Princess. I need a little wagon and your biggest roll of wax paper.
[The tribe arrives.]
Finn: Now, Princess Bubblegum! [Princess Bubblegum lets the wax paper come rolling down.] Now, Jake! [Jake puts logs on a fire in a wagon. The Candy People's shadows emerge on the wax paper, and the tribe gets scared.] It's working...
Susan: [To tribe] Wah!! Just shadows!
Finn: Aw, man! They've learned how to learn! Hide yourselves, Candy People! I'll try to make Susan see reason!
[Jake blows on the fire to keep it lit.]
Marshmallow Kid 1: The Marshmallow Kids never run from a scrap! [To others] Come on, fellas! [They charge] Today... we are man-mallows! [Jake inhales deeply and blows the fire with a giant gust.] Huh? [The Marshmallow Kids are engulfed in flames.]
Finn: Please, fellow humans! The Candy People are no threat to you!
Marshmallow Kids: CHARGE!!!
[The Marshmallow Kids charge out of the flames to attack the tribe.]
Finn: WAIT!! STOP!!
Susan: DUCK!!
[She ducks; the Marshmallow Kids ignite the other tribesmen's animal hoods. They scream in terror.]
Finn: MY PEOPLE!! [One of the tribe members pulls off his hood to reveal a fish-like head.] HUH?!?! [Another tribe member pulls off his hood to reveal his fish-like head.] WHA?!? [All of the tribe members reveal their non-human heads.] They're... they're not humans? [They run off. Susan starts to follow, but then stops and stares at Finn.] Susan? [Susan looks away at the others then reluctantly goes towards Finn.] Susan... what are you??
[Beat; Susan runs off; the fire behind Finn dies down. Finn turns around.]
Finn: Is everyone okay? [The Marshmallow Kids are pulling off burnt skin.] Marshmallow Kids?
Marshmallow Kid: We'll just be gooey for a while.
[They give their burnt skins to Finn and run off giggling. Finn stares forward in the direction that Susan ran off.]
Jake: [Running up to Finn] Hey, buddy! We did it! Finn? You okay?
Finn: Jake, do you think she was human, or just another wild animal?
Jake: [Beat] We're all wild animals, brother.
[Finn eats some burnt Marshmallow Kid skin.]
Finn: [Low, quiet voice] Yeah... I guess we are... brother.
[The episode ends.]