This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Slow Love" from season 2, which aired on November 15, 2010.

Snail Ladies
This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins in the Tree Fort. Finn is reading The Ooo Review and Jake is trying to play a game on BMO, who is playing up-tempo electronic music and dancing.]
Jake: BMO, turn the music down. BMO! Turn it down!
BMO: [Increases volume.]
Jake: [Groans] Come on, BMO you're messing up my game!
BMO: [Continues dancing]
Jake: Hey, dude, can I borrow that paper?
Finn: Mm-hmm.
Jake: [Whistles; rolls up paper; hits BMO with it] Bad computer! No! No! [Music stops.] Now go sit in the corner and think about your life.
[BMO goes to corner and sits. Suddenly, a giant snail bursts through the wall.]
Snorlock: [Roars]
Finn & Jake: Snail attack!
[They are rammed against the far wall.]
Finn & Jake: Aaaaaah! Oof!
Snorlock: [Crying and squirting fluids on Finn & Jake who are both coughing and gagging]
Finn: Oh, sick!
Jake: Ugh!
Finn: Dude, how do you fight a snail?!
Jake: Hold on! [Stretches his arm and grabs a saltshaker] I got this! [Grunts, brandishes saltshaker] Don't make me use this, man!
Snorlock: Salt?! But I heard you guys were heroes.
Finn: We are heroes. We thought you were trying to attack us. Why'd you break in here all mad, squirting that juice all over us?
Snorlock: It's not mad juice. It's sad juice. My name's Snorlock, and I'm sa-a-a-a-d! [Sobbing]
Finn: Stop squirting slime! Just tell us what's wrong!
Snorlock: I need a girlfriend. I have no one to love.
Finn: Jake, hero huddle. [They huddle] What do you think?
Jake: I think our house is all jacked up.
Finn: Yeah, but he's just an innocent goober looking for love.
Jake: Yeah. Okay, let's help him. But he's got to lay off the house.
Finn: Right! All right, man. We'll help you hook up as long as you—
[Snorlock bursts through the wall.]
Snorlock: Yay!
Finn & Jake: Whoa! Aaah!
[Finn & Jake climb to observation boat.]
Jake: Lay off the house, man!
Snorlock: [Sadly] You guys... won't help me? [Whimpers]
Finn: All right! all right! We'll help you, dude! Just put our house back!
Snorlock: Okay! Right after I get a girlfriend.
Finn: Aw! All right, you big crazy. It's a deal.
Snorlock: [Giggles]
Finn: Jake, what time is it?!
Jake: I don't know, but you're probably going to say...
Finn & Jake: Lady time! [LADY TIME screen card; Wolf whistle]
Finn: Okay, Snorlock, if you want a lady, you have to be yourself.
Snorlock: How do I be myself?
Finn: Uh, how does he be himself, Jake?
Jake: Just do whatever you want, man, as long as it comes from the inside.
Snorlock: Like sad juice?
Finn & Jake: No!
Jake: You keep that stuff inside you, brother. You just got to talk to 'em.
Snorlock: Oh. I never done that.
Jake: Finn, you see any hot mamas?
Finn: [Looks through telescope] Ummm... Baaaaaam!
Jake: Go talk to her!
Snorlock: Uhmm...
Jake: Go talk to her!
Snorlock: [Sighs] Okay.
[Snorlock approaches Snail Lady.]
Snail Lady #1: Oh! [See's Snorlock and inhales gut] Hello.
Snorlock: Hi.
Snail Lady: Mm. You seem like a reasonable male. We should go to a movie sometime.
Jake: He's got this.
Finn: Yeah.
Snorlock: [Getting nervous] Uhh...
Snail Lady #1: I like old movies. [Chuckles]
Snorlock: Uh..uh uh...
Snail Lady #1: Um, are you okay?
Snorlock: [Screaming] Aaaaaaaaah! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!
Finn & Jake: Aaah!
[Scene: inside of shaking house, objects are falling and breaking.]
Snorlock: Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!
[Snail Lady quickly retreats.]
Finn: Dude! our house! We got to do something!
Jake: Relax. I got it. Snorlock! Hey, Snorlock. You okay, buddy? Went a little nuts there, guy. You got to get that under control, 'cause you're scaring ladies and jacking up our house.
Snorlock: I'm sorry. Are you gonna leave me?
Jake: Aw, who could leave you? Come here, you big hot mess. [Hugs]
Finn: Break it up, you two! We have ladies to attend to!
Jake: Yeah, the ladies.
Snorlock: Talking to ladies is hard.
Jake: No, it's not. Check it out, Snorlock. Finn, you be the guy snail, and I'll be... [Shifts to appear like a lady snail] the chick snail.
Finn: Ugh! gross, Jake!
Jake: Come on, man. We're just pretending. Do it for love.
Snorlock: [Whimpering]
Finn: Okay. I'll do it for this guy.
Snorlock: [Gasps happily]
Finn: [Clears throat] What's up, lady snail?
Jake: [High-pitched voice] Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with snails.
Finn: No! I can't do this, man! I-am-out!
Snorlock: I'll mate with you.
Jake: [Normal voice] We're just role-playing, buddy.
Snorlock: Aww.
Jake: Here, Finn. This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.
Jake: [Shifts into Guy Snail; flexes pecs] Hey, baby. What's up?
Finn: Uh... WHA!
Jake: Mm-mmm! [Sniffs Finn's hand] mm-mmm! [Deep voice] Girl, you smell good. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?
Finn: [Growing more uneasy]
Jake: Say "yes"! [High-pitched voice] Say "Yes"! [Deep voice] Say "YES"! [High-pitched voice] Say "Yes"!
Finn: Okay! Yes!
Jake: [Normal voice] See, Snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy. Just act like me.
[Snorlock approaches another Lady Snail]
Snorlock: Uh... girl, you smell good.
Snail Lady #2: You can smell me?
[Snorlock nervously looks to Finn & Jake, who give thumbs up.]
Snorlock: May I smell you more?
Snail Lady #2: Uh, okay.
Snorlock: [Sniffs] Cupcakes...
Snail Lady #2: Uh, I have to go.
Snorlock: Did you take a bath?
Snail Lady #2: Don't ever talk to me again.
Snorlock: Please don't go! Don't go! Aww.
Jake: Aw, it's okay, buddy. Come here and give us a hug.
Snorlock: Man, I wish you guys were ladies.
Finn: Uhh.
Jake: Stay focused, Snorlock. You have any cool talents that ladies might like?
Snorlock: No.
Jake: Umm, hey, Finn, teach him how to use swords. The princesses always love this one.
Finn: [Preforms stabbing motions and flips] Yah! yah! yah! yah! Yaaaah! hyah!
Jake: Do you think you can do that, Snorlock?
Snorlock: I don't know.
Jake: Hmm. Maybe you're musical. Can you do this? [Inhales deeply, begins beatboxing] Try doin' all that.
Snorlock: Hmm. [Grunts, grows arms, grabs the swords then begins beatboxing and twirling swords]
Finn & Jake : Whoo-hoo! yeah!
Snail Lady #3: My word, Eleanor! What is that alluring sound?
Eleanor: I have no idea.
Jake: Yeah, Snorlock! Show us that talent!
Finn: Whoo-hoo!
[A herd rushes over in the trio's direction.]
Snail Ladies: Oh, my! What is that? What is that wonderful sound? Do I see swords?
Finn: Jake, these chicks look pretty serious.
Jake: Let's just let Snorlock do his thing. Go to it, buddy! [Grabs Finn and sits on top of observatory boat]
Snail Ladies: [Snorlock beatboxing continues] Ahh! Ooh! Ahh.
Jake: Look at him go! Bringing in the ladies.
Finn: Uh, he's bringing in a lot of ladies.
Snail Ladies: [Crowding around Snorlock and begin grinding on him] Mm!
[Scene: inside of shaking house, objects are falling and breaking, BMO is sliding around.]
Finn & Jake: [Both screaming]
Finn: Snorlock! These ladies are ruining our tree house! Stop!
[Snorlock continues beatboxing as the Snail Ladies kiss him.]
[The continuous grinding wrecks the house even more.]
Finn & Jake: Whoa!
Jake: Wedge, dude!
Finn: [Grunting] [Sticks sword into house's top to pull it off Snorlock]
Jake: [Grunting] It's no use, man. It's stuck with snail slime.
Finn: [Gets shoved back and forth between the Snail Ladies]
Jake: Finn! Aah! [Also gets shoved back and forth between the Snail Ladies]
[Finn & Jake land hard on the ground and then stand up.]
Finn: How are we gonna get our house back?
Jake: [Jake flashes back to the salt shaker, cue Snorlock yelling "Salt!"] Dude, I'm going in.
Finn: Wha? Jake! No! You'll get slimed or grinded on!
Jake: [Runs and then jumps into the house window] Hmph!
[He grabs the salt shaker and dives back outside to a waiting Finn.]
Finn: [Gasps as he sees what Jake has] [Nods]
Jake: Snorlock, I'm gonna give you till the count of three, mister!
[Snorlock continues.]
Jake: One, two, three!
[Snorlock continues.]
Jake: Fine. I didn't want to have to do this. [Taps out a single grain of salt onto his palm] [Inhales deeply and then blows it in Snorlock's direction]
[The beatboxing slows as the salt approaches. Snorlock spots it and the beatboxing stops. The grain lands and leaves a huge burn mark.]
Snorlock: Aaaaaah! [Bucks the house off his back] Ow! ow! Owwwwwww!
Snail Lady #4: Oh, my gosh! He's naked!
Snail Ladies: [Laughter]
Snorlock: What? I'm naked? But I've never had a shell.
Jake: Snorlock, you never a shell? That means you're not naked. You're a slug!
Snorlock: Me, a slug?
Finn: Yeah, man. That's why you have trouble with snail chicks. You need slug chicks.
Snorlock: [Pouting] I don't known any slug chicks.
Slug Lady: Actually, I-I'm not really a snail. I'm a slug. My shell's made of peppermint.
Snorlock: [Laughs happily]
[Scene: Snorlock and Slug Lady smooching]
Finn: That's gross!
Jake: I don't know why they have to make out so close to our house.
Finn: I don't know. Come on, let's finish rebuilding it. I got some ear plugs you can borrow.
[Up-tempo electronic music plays]
Finn: Where's that music coming from?
BMO: [Watching the two slugs] Go! go! go! go!
Finn: BMO! Get over here and help us rebuild the tree house.
Jake: Yeah. You live here, too!
BMO: [Increases volume]
Finn & Jake: Oh, BMO!
[Suddenly slime sprays all over BMO]
[Episode ends]
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