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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Sky Witch" from season 5, which aired on July 29, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins in Princess Bubblegum's room where she is sleeping in her favorite t-shirt. The cuckoo clock above her bed sounds an alarm, dangling a cat from a spring in Princess Bubblegum's face. She wakes up.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, okay, I'm up. [pushes cat away, gets out of bed, and sniffs her shirt deeply] Ah! [smacks lips]
[She opens her closet, which contains a photograph of her with Marceline on the inside of the door, and takes out a jacket which she puts on over her t-shirt.]
[Scene cuts to a different room in The Candy Castle, where Princess Bubblegum is speaking with her back to a curtained window.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, everybody. I've asked you here today because you are the best of the best.
[Finn, Jake, Cinnamon Bun, Peppermint Butler, Manfried, and three Banana Guards are shown facing Princess Bubblegum. Jake picks his nose.]
Princess Bubblegum: Anyway, recent data shows an increased chance of threat to the Candy Kingdom.
Finn: [Punches his palm]
Princess Bubblegum: So I'm developing a new defense. [Pulls back curtains, revealing a Gumball Guardian] I've installed sleeping gas in the Gumball Guardians. If any bum tries to attack us, they will be sprayed without mercy. Isn't that nice? The only thing is the gas will spread and knock out anyone who breathes it—anyone but you guys, my trained elite. So watch closely. I'm gonna show you all how to overcome the gas [squints and points to her head] with sheer willpower. [points to Gumball Guardian] Hit it!
[Gumball Guardian starts blowing sleeping gas through the window at them.]
Princess Bubblegum: Now make a fist with your brain and punch against sleepy times, saying, "No! NOOO! NOOOOO! Don't go on gentle into that good night."
[Gumball Guardian stops blowing. Cinnamon Bun coughs. Princess Bubblegum turns around and sees that all but Cinnamon Bun have fallen asleep.]
Cinnamon Bun: [waving] Hi!
Marceline: [flying in through the window] Yo, Bubblegum! [closes the curtains]
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! You're up late.
Marceline: [quickly] No time for chitchat. Let's hang out—right now.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm, I don't know. I'm, uh, kinda busy. [looks at Cinnamon Bun]
Cinnamon Bun: Uh, [waves] hi.
Marceline: Listen, Bub-Bubs. I tracked down Maja the Sky Witch.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, what?!
Marceline: Yeah, I tailed her to an enchanted forest, but it's all jammed up with barrier spells.
Princess Bubblegum: Ohhh, I think I see where this is going.
Marceline: Well, you love getting out your big brain and... and... I just thought it'd be cool to spend some quality time with you. [sighs] I need your help, okay?
Princess Bubblegum: But why are you so interested in finding Maja?
Marceline: It's just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really important to me.
Princess Bubblegum: Whoa. Okay, but—
Marceline: Come on, I got your pack-pack. [helps her put it on]
Princess Bubblegum: Um, sure, but—
Marceline: Hold on to that "but," PB. [pulls her out the window]
Princess Bubblegum: [grunts] Whee!
Cinnamon Bun: [waving out the window] Haha! Whee.
[Scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum and Marceline walking towards the enchanted forest. Marceline tries to go through some vines but is stopped.]
Marceline: Gah! Something's wrong. Huh? Hey! [pulls at the vines] This stuff—it's like a brick wall! [bites a vine] Let's just blow the whole thing up.
Princess Bubblegum: [rubs a high-tech thimble on the vines] Hmmm. [inspects thimble] It's a Sleeping Gate Bramble.
Marceline: How do we kill it?
Princess Bubblegum: All we have to do is take the path of least resistance.
Marceline: [looks around] Alright, so where is it—the path?
Princess Bubblegum: It's in here [points at her head] and in here [places her hand over her heart]. Now [inhales] take a deep breath [exhales and falls backwards into the vines] and be passive. [falls through to the other side]
Marceline: [lies on the Sleeping Gate Bramble, which does not yield] [inhales] Grrrr! [bangs her head on the bramble]
Princess Bubblegum: [poking her head through the bramble] Hello, friend. Trouble relaxing? How 'bout a cup of chamomile tea? [gives a red cup of tea to Marceline]
Marceline: [sucks the red from the cup and falls through to the other side where several large mushrooms are growing on the ground] Wow! Wild digs.
Princess Bubblegum: [holding up a device] Tell me about it. My googoomamameter is going babies. And look at my watch! [shows watch to Marceline]
Marceline: It's... pink.
Princess Bubblegum: It's running backwards. There's serious witchery afoot here.
Marceline: Come on, Princess. We don't got all night. [walks forward while pulling along Princess Bubblegum by her arm]
[They walk deeper into the forest.]
Marceline: [sniffs] [A black feather falls in front of her.] [hisses]
[Marceline looks up to see several totems hanging by ropes in the trees.]
Princess Bubblegum: What are those things?
Marceline: Totem cairns.
[A crow-rabbit hybrid sitting on a branch caws.]
Marceline: That's Maja's Crabbit Familiar.
[Crabbit caws and flies away, dropping a feather. The feather falls to the forest floor and disappears with a sizzle.]
Princess Bubblegum: Wibba-wha?
[The ground where the feather landed swells up and forms a exact likeness of Hambo.]
Hambo: Marceline! It's me!
Marceline: Hambo!
Hambo: Yeah, girl. What took you so long? I thought you gave up on me.
Princess Bubblegum: Your teddy bear?
Marceline: I'm sorry, man! [starts walking towards Hambo]
Princess Bubblegum: [holding her back] Yo, wait a sec!
Marceline: [turns to Princess Bubblegum] WHAT?!
Princess Bubblegum: Marcy, how old are you? It's a trick, right? Come on!
Hambo: Help me out, dum-dum! [fake crying] Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo
Marceline: [taking Princess Bubblegum's hand off of her] Get off! [starts running toward Hambo] Buddy!
Princess Bubblegum: [tackling Marceline] NO!
Marceline: [on the ground] [grunts] BONNIE!
[Princess Bubblegum throws the googoomamameter at Hambo, causing Hambo to disappear and wooden pikes to thrust upward through the ground where Hambo was.]
Marceline: You killed him?
Princess Bubblegum: Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.
Marceline: He's been with a witch this whole time. Maybe he can talk now.
Princess Bubblegum: That's seriously what this is about? Rescuing your old teddy bear?
Marceline: Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you. You might not have come otherwise.
Princess Bubblegum: Um, yeah. Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in, like, three seconds... or Raggedy Princess can be your new Hambo. She'd do it, too. That girl's got, like, zero self-respect. [chuckles] That's mean—don't tell her I said that.
Marceline: I'm not getting a new Hambo. There's only one Hambo.
Princess Bubblegum: It's just a doll.
Marceline: [raises her fist] See this? [extends her arm towards Princess Bubblegum and starts moving it in a circle] [imitates a plane's engine] Voooooooo...
Princess Bubblegum: What's that? You gonna bop me one?
Marceline: It's comin' in for a landing. What'cha gonna do, PB? Wanna keep dissing Hambo?
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] [monotone] I'm sorry, Marceline. Let's go get Hambo.
Marceline: [retracts arm] Disengage.
Princess Bubblegum: We should track that bird-rabbit thing.
Marceline: Right.
Princess Bubblegum: [squints] Hmm. [sees broken branches] Bang. [points] There goes some broken branches. It left a trail.
Marceline: I see it. [flies away]
Princess Bubblegum: [running after her] Hey! Hold on now! [pants] This bag's mad heavy!
Marceline: [flying through branches and shielding her face with her arms] [grunts]
Princess Bubblegum: Glommit! [jumps over a mushroom] [grunts] [comes to a clearing] MARCELINE! [walking up to a pond] I thought you needed my help. [looks into pond and sees the reflection of a house] Huh. [looks up and sees only clouds.] Nice trick, Maja. [at pond] You in there, Marceline? Hyup! [dives into pond]
[Princess Bubblegum swims straight down and falls out the other side into the sky]
Princess Bubblegum: [gasps for air as she falls up toward a house in the sky] WHOAAAA! [grabs doorknob to house, opens door, and walks into the foyer] Woof. [The door closes and locks behind her.] [looks around] Okay, PB, use your brain. Where would this witch keep Hambo? Break it down. [squints and her vision turns red as she looks at details around the house] Micro... and macro... the picture... becomes... clear... and... call it! [points to each detail she saw] Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, wait... [points to opening above chandelier] yes. [climbs up the chandelier's chain]
[Scene cuts to Marceline, who is walking down a hallway.]
Marceline: Where are you, Maja, you creep? [bumps her head on the ceiling] Oof. [sees a small door] What? [opens door, revealing Hambo] Hambo! [Hambo falls back and starts transforming into Crabbit.] No!
Crabbit: Caw, caw!
Marceline: You again. I'LL KILL YOU! Give me Ham—[Crabbit slams the door in her face.] Uh! [opens door and follows Crabbit back to the foyer, where they start fighting]
[Marceline kicks the Crabbit to the ceiling and it falls to the floor. It transforms into a muscular humanoid shape and resumes fighting.]
[Scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum walking into a room full of boxes and various items.]
Princess Bubblegum: Jeez, man. This must be all of her stolen junk. Ugh, what a creep. [lifts a toy car] Psh, a Ford Broncus. [sets it down] Hmm... [looks around] Whoa! [sees a box and reads its label] "My Privates"? Come here, biddy. [climbs up junk to it] Bam. Whoops! [falls backwards, pulling the box with her and spilling papers] What the—? [picks up a paper] Invoices? [looks at another one] Receipts? [reads it] "Zumma zoom bleep blop for the purchase of Hambo." Whoa, WHAT?!
[Maja enters the room, levitating.]
Maja: That's my private box. Maja's mitts only, ya goof.
Princess Bubblegum: So you purchased Hambo? From some weenus named Ash?
Maja: That's right. He was a weenus so I wrote it on there as my personal joke. [pulls out Hambo from under her poncho] But the sale is still legit. Hambo's mine! His body's all juice-logged with sentimental affection—a savory spell spice. So get out of my face, alright?
Princess Bubblegum: Where's Marceline?
Maja: She's busy with my Crabbit... crow-bit... crow-rabbit. I knew that tranch wouldn't respect my proof of purchase. So what about you, bozo?
Princess Bubblegum: By the laws of my kingdom, I must honor the exchange of goods for legal tender. But guess what—I'm not leaving without Hambo.
Maja: [laughs] So what are you gonna do about it?
Princess Bubblegum: [makes a fist and pulls up her sleeve] I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
[Scene cuts to Marceline still fighting the Crabbit. She punches it and it falls to the ground.]
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline! [throws Hambo to her] Yoink!
Marceline: [catches it] Hambo! [shedding tears] Oh, it's me, buddy! [wipes her tears] [hugs it and sighs] How did you—?
Princess Bubblegum: I took care of it. [jumps from the staircase onto Crabbit] Let's bust out.
[Marceline breaks through the door with Princess Bubblegum riding on her back. They fall straight down into the pond.]
[Scene cuts to Maja looking through a window, smiling at them from a room with a cauldron. Crabbit comes crawling in with bruises and scratches.]
Crabbit: [grunts] They got away with your [grunts] Hambo.
Maja: Huh-duh! I let them!
Crabbit: You what?
Maja: I made a trade... for this! [pulls out Princess Bubblegum's t-shirt] Bing! [puts it on her face] Mmmmm. [sniffs] Sentimental freshness! Ah, the psychic resonance on Hambo is nothing [rips off a sleeve] compared to this baby! [tosses sleeve into cauldron, which flares up violently] WHOO! Hahahaha!
Crabbit: Listen, Maja. I am not your familiar anymore. I wanna be a dancer.
Maja: That's cool. Then why don't you dance to this?! [zaps Crabbit with lightning]
Crabbit: AAAH!
Maja: Nice moves! [zaps] Now you're the weenus! [Crabbit leaves] Hey, don't go! [flies after him and continues zapping] Ahahahahaha! I'm cookin' up something big, Crabbit! This is my victory lap! Ahahahahaha!

Episode ends