This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Simon & Marcy" from season 5, which aired on March 25, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins at Marceline's house where Finn, Jake, Marceline, and Ice King are playing basketball]
Finn: [Finn jumps sideways] Hm! [Marceline runs ahead] Whoa! 
Ice King: Marceline! Marceline! I'm open, I'm wide open! Marceline, I've got ups! Check out my ups!
Marceline: Uh! Nope! Ha-ha, too slow!
Jake: Whoa! [Marceline does a slam dunk]
Ice King: Ha-ha! Yeah, alright! Good game, good game! Take 5! [He starts to dribble but the ball bounces away] I'll get us all a bunch of little waters.
Finn: [Is dribbling the ball] Marceline, why did you ask ancient chumps to play basketball?
Jake: Yeah!
Marceline: [She sighs deeply.] Well, he's very dear to my heart. I love him.
Jake: What you are talking about, Marceline?
Marceline: We've been around for a long time, we have a long history together. It's... it's a long story.
Finn: Lay it on us!
Jake: Yeah, lay it out, Marcy!
Ice King: Yeah! Lay down, Marceline, go to sleep! Right? What are we talking about?
Marceline: Alright, I suppose it's about time I told someone this story.
[Time card: ON THIS DAY 996 YEARS AGO]
Simon: Huh.
Marcy: Hmmmmmm...
Simon: [He stops at a deserted mailbox] Ha-ha! Might be something in here, Marceline!
Marcy: [Laughing] E-e-ewww! It's a dead rat!
Simon: Hey! Yeah, so it is, looks like we've got a cute new traveling buddy.
Marcy: Ewww, noooooooo!!
Simon: [Giggling a bit] It's kinda cute... [He closes the mailbox chute and continues walking with Marceline.]
Simon: [Points to a VHS tape on the ground] Hey, check it out, it's a VHS tape. You wanna watch a movie?
Marcy: Yeah!
[They both stare at the tape for a while.]
Simon: ...Man, this is a boring movie.
[Marcy giggles.]
Simon: I like the book much better! [He throws the tape behind him and they both laugh.]
Marcy: You're so silly, Simon!
Simon: He-he-he, yeah, I suppose so... Huh?
[A rustling noise is heard in the bushes..]
Marcy: What is that?   
Simon: I'm not sure, but it's coming our way. Come on. [They run over to a car.] Marcy, you stay in the car. I'll be right back.
Marcy: Simon! [pulls on his beard]
Simon: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Marcy: You're not going to put it on, are you?
Simon: I have to. To protect us.
Marcy: But you're gonna act weird again!
Simon: Don't worry, I can control it better now.
Marcy: [Cringes] Mmm...
Simon: It's okay! B.R.B. [He kisses Marcy on the forehead. He pulls his head out of the window. The object rustling in the woods comes closer.] Oh, boy. Here it comes. Oh, bread balls. Oh, bread balls! OH, BREAD BALLS! [puts on his crown. His nose and hair and beard grow., starts laughing maniacally] I call upon the power of ice and snow!! Ice winds, blow!!! [Icy cold wind shoots at a deer which flies out of the bushes and lands perfectly on its feet. It looks around confused.] Rragh! YOU WILL NO LONGER TERRIFY A 47-YEAR-OLD MAN AND A 7-YEAR-OLD GIRL! [Zaps ice at the deer. A ball forms around the deer. It becomes frozen. Marcy gasps. Simon continues laughing.]
Marcy: [gets out of the car] Simon, stop! It's frozen!
Simon: Not now, Gunther, I'm doing big people things. Come play in the snow, build me a snowman. [Sprinkles some snow on Marcy.]
Marcy: Bleh! [Simon continues zapping the deer. The ball becomes frozen with the deer inside it. Marcy gasps. She creates a snowball and throws it at Simon's crown.]
Simon: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-- Huh? [The crown falls off and he suddenly hits the ground on his head. Marcy rushes over.]
Marcy: Simon! Simon, are you okay?!
Simon: Uh...uh...yeah.
Marcy: You're getting worse, Simon. Your hair and your nose are longer, and you started to hover in the air!
Simon: Oh, yeah. Did I look pretty...FLY?! [starts to laugh]
Marcy: What are you talking about? You're scaring me.
Simon: [continues laughing. His hair and nose grow back to normal.] I'm sorry. Did I say something?
Marcy: Simon, promise me you won't put it on again.
Simon: [looks down] OK. I promise.
Marcy: What is that thing?
Simon: It's a deer.
[Simon and Marcy walk over to the frozen deer. The looks around and breathes heavily two times]
Marcy: If there are deers in the forest, do you think there are other things?
Simon: [eyes widen] I don't know. [cuts to Simon and Marcy roasting food] Hm... [whistles a tune. He sets a broken television upright] Uhh! This is gonna be good. It's gonna be worth it. [crouches behind the T.V.] Use the remote to turn on the T.V. [throws a soda can to Marcy]
[Marcy makes a clicking sound and pretends to hit the remote's ON button on the soda can]
Simon:  [sings the piano intro to Cheers theme song] [Singing] ♪ Making your way in the world today, takes everything you got. ♪
Marcy: [looks confused]
Simon: ♪ Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name! ♪
Marcy: What is this?
Simon: Filmed before a live studio audience. [makes a squeaking noise] Norm!
Marcy: Mute.
[Simon moves his mouth without talking]
Marcy: [laughs and then starts coughing]
Simon: [looks at Marcy] Marcy...? [puts his hand on Marcy's forehead. He gasps.] Oh, no... Uh, you're fine. Just a bit warm, but you should get some sleep. [Marcy is snoring]
[Marcy coughs which wakes up Simon]
Marcy: Hey! Good morning! I made you breakfast! It's mostly pine needles and deer guts.
Simon: [lowering his voice] Oh, you're even worse. [Normal voice] I mean, don't freak out or anything, but we need to get you some... chicken soup! [packs up the sleeping bag] There you go. [to Marcy] There must've been a soupery in that town, but I don't want you walking all... [spots a motorcycle] ...that way. [both are on the motorcycle] Okay. You ready for a motorbike ride?
Marcy: Mmm-hmm.
[Motorbike sounds]
Simon: Okay, now we're talking. [pants] Just needs a little love-- [loses grip from the motorbike because he goes too fast]
Marcy: AAH!
Simon: WOWZERS! [tries to catch it as it goes away but it hits a wall]
Simon: Okay, let's try something else.
[Marcy is seen riding a computer chair while Simon's pushing it]
Simon: Hey, Marcy, I wrote a song for you. [sings The Soup Hunting Song]
Marcy: [laughs] Your songs are sooo good.
Simon: Here we go! [tries to open the door] Aw, it's locked. [throws the chair into the window] Vandalism is wrong, Marcy.
Marcy: Okay.
Simon: Oh, everything's gone... except for these greeting cards. [looks at the card. It says, "HEY OLD MAN..." He turns the page. "...Have a 'soup-er' 'broth'-day! ('birthday')"] Aw...
Marcy: Simon, look! [points at the security mirror]
[Simon looks at the security mirror; there is something at the other aisle]
Simon: [gets down then gasps] What is that thing? This-This is bad.
[scene is at the crown]
Marcy: No.
Simon: I have to protect us.
Marcy: No!
[The mutant hears this then it goes toward Simon and Marcy]
Simon: I have to.
Marcy: No, don't put it on!
Simon: Marcy, stay back! [knocks mutant out with the crown. He presses on the mutant then green goo comes out]
Simon/Marcy: Aah!
Simon: We're getting out of here!
[Scene switches. Simon and Marcy are walking through a large concrete storm-drain]
Marcy: [steps on a remote] Oops.
Simon: Hey, little lady, what about a ride on an old man's back?
Marcy: I can walk. I'm not a child, Simon.
Simon: Look, sweetie, someday you'll be too big to hold. I'm as old as garlic balls, and if someone offered to pick me up and carry me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take it when you can get it. [Carries Marcy then she sneezes on his face and laughs]
Simon: Gross. [wipes it away] You're gross.
Marcy: You're gross, Simon.
Simon: We're both gross, darling. [Gasps then sees something at the top of the bridge, then walks near the bridge] A food truck! Might be chicken soup inside there. [He climbs to the top of the bridge] Alright, now to get some chicken soup inside you--[inside it are clams] Clams? [closes one door of the truck to see what name it is] The Clambulance?! No, I need chicken! Marceline, cover your ears! MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER! [starts kicking the door of the truck while saying this, then a mutant appears under the truck and grabs Simon's leg]
Simon/Marcy: [gasps, then Simon kicks the mutant away then a mutant came out hiding at the Clambulance]
Simon: [Frightened] Mother, Mother! [Simon shuts the door; he starts pushing it off the bridge] [Straining] Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother...! [it falls and it repeatedly says "Clambulance" while the sirens make some noise, then from another bridge mutants hear it and begin to chase them]
Marcy: What are we gonna do, Simon?
Simon: We're gonna run! [runs and jumps to a tree with pink substance; they stick to it]
Marcy: Whoa!
Simon: Come on, come on, come on!!
[They fall down but the bag is stuck to the tree. They still run while being chased by mutants, then a mutant came close to them.]
Simon: Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama mia!
[he hits the mutant with a pillow.]
[They run to a dark alley, then they are at a dead end]
Marcy: Our butts are grass, right? 
[Simon puts Marcy in the car]
Simon: Not yet.
Marcy: Don't leave me here Simon! I can fight!
[Pats bicep]
Simon: I'm sorry Marcy.
Marcy: Simon!
[Simon closes the car door]
Simon: You have to keep it together Simon... for her.
Marcy: Simon you promised.
Simon: [Simon puts on the crown, as he does he starts singing the theme song from Cheers]
♪ Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you've got! ♪
[Blasts mutants with snow across the alleyway]
♪ Taking a break from all your worries
Where everybody knows your name. Where everybody... ♪
[Simon smacks the crown off his head, and sees a can of chicken soup and a pocketknife fall from the pink substance. He runs to it to take it, but then notices it has a face, but he quickly runs back to the car to give Marceline the soup]
Simon: Marcy! Look I-I found chicken soup! Your gonna feel awesome in a moment.
Marcy: I'm just glad [gulp] you're ok.
Simon: Do you feel awesome? [Marcy nods her head]
Marcy: I love you, Simon.
Simon: I love you... Gunther.
[Time card: 996 years later]
Jake: Pretty heavy
Finn: Whoa, mama
Ice King: Whoa, so what happens next? How does it end?
Marceline: Well, little Marcy felt a lot better. And she and Simon lived happily ever after. [Passes the ball to Ice King and smiles at him]
Ice King: Aww, that's nice. [whispers] Marceline, you keep telling these chump stories while I score a bunch of baskets.
Marceline: [chuckles] Okay.
Ice King: Yeah, yeah! [Ice King shouts while he dribbles basketball in and out of the hoop, while the three are smiling at him. Finn puts one of his hands on Jake's shoulder.]
[The episode ends.]
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