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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Seventeen" from season 10, which aired on December 17, 2017.

Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete, but needs more [Actions].


[Episode starts in Candy Kingdom. Scene is set in the evening]
Finn: Birthday boy-e-e-e!
Princess Bubblegum: Enjoying your party?
Finn: It's great having fun with all my friends. Well, some of my friends mostly Banana Guards.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, sorry about that. The Candy Kingdom is in full lockdown until I can sort out the rumors about my Uncle Gumbald. He's been gone for years, but we should stay vigilant.
Finn: Don't worry, PB. Now that I'm 17, I'm feelin' ready for anything. Feels like I'm really hitting my stride, y'know?
Marceline: Finn, I want to give you your gift before I forget. It's a harmonica.
Finn: Awesome! [Inhales deeply]
BMO: Finn, I designed an exciting new game for you.
Finn: Show me.
BMO: It's called "Birthday Boyfighter. [Game music plays]
Finn: Looks like another hit.
Starchy: Finn, Starchy didn't get you squat.
Huntress Wizard: I got you a present too. It has emotional and metaphorical significance.
Finn: It's beautifully wrapped. Wonder what it is.
Huntress Wizard: It's an elk's heart.
Finn: Oh, cool. I don't have one of those.
Finn: What's that sound?
Starchy: It's zombies.
Huntress Wizard: Sounds like hooves.
Starchy: Zombie cows.
[Green Knight busts open the door]
Finn: You're green!
Green Knight: I'm the Green Knight! And before you ask, yes, of course, I brought you a birthday present. It's a battle axe.
Finn: That's some axe. Am I an axe guy though? I've always thought of myself as a sword guy.
Green Knight: But only if you play me a game for it.
Finn: What's the game?
Green Knight: Oh, this game is called "All you have to do is strike me with it, and it is yours."
Finn: Mm? [Inhales deeply] I can't axe some stranger. Wait a minute! Where's Jake? I know what's going on.
Princess Bubblegum: No, I don't think you do.
Finn: Relax, Princess. Jake loves playing birthday pranks on me.
unidentifiable Banana Guard: Yes, of course One of Jake's classic pranks.
Finn: Okay, I'm in.
Green Knight: May your aim be steady.
Finn: [Laughs] Sure thing Jake! [Finn decapitates The Green Knight] I win!
Everyone: [Cheers]
Banana Guards: Yeah, Finn! Yeah, Finn!
Jake: Happy birthday, Finn.
Finn: [Shrieks] Jake! When did you Whose head did I Are you pranking me?
Jake: What? No. My prank is this fake-out gift. Huh?
[Green Knight fixes head back on]
Jake: What's this guy's deal?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, nuh-uh! Banana guards, surround him! And be on the lookout for anything else strange!
Banana Guards: Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup! Surrender, please.
[Green Knight extends vine/tentacle like appendages and grabs Banana Guards with them]
Unidentifiable Banana Guard: Princess, is that strange?
Princess Bubblegum: Yes!
Unidentifiable Banana Guard: I did good.
Banana Guards: [Screams as they get thrown around]
Princess Bubblegum: My guards!
Finn: I got this. Raah! [Axe handle turns into an eel and hisses] Eel!
Marceline: [Marceline turns into her beast form] Get him!
Jake: [Shouts] [Groans] Aw.
Huntress Wizard: He might have an invisible shield. But I'm not sure, because it's invisible.
Jake: Owiee. Yes. It's an invisible shield.
Princess Bubblegum: An invisible shield. I've got a device for the dissolution of invisible shields.
[Whirrs, beeps] [Malfunctions]
Princess Bubblegum: Impossible.
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally] Heh!
Princess Bubblegum: Back off, everyone. He's using some advanced mystery tech.
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, let's talk.
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally] What do you want to talk about?
Princess Bubblegum: Where did you come from? Why are you playing this weird game with Finn?
Green Knight: [Laughs maniacally] [Laughing continues]
Princess Bubblegum: He's playing Mr. Laughing Silent Guy.
Finn: Game's over, bro.
Green Knight: The game isn't over until I strike you.
Finn: Hmm. Let's come up with a better way to settle this, like reasonable late teens.
Green Knight: I'm listening.
Finn: Well, we've got everything set up for party games. How about if I beat you two out of three, you got to answer our questions.
Princess Bubblegum: Psst! Nuh!
Green Knight: And if I win chop, chop.
Finn: Deal.
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, Finn, I think he's plotting something.
Finn: I-It's fine. I'm 17. I'm hittin' my stride.
[Forcefield activates, everyone except Finn and the Green Knight gets swept away]
Finn: Hey, Green Knight, why are they all mimey?
Green Knight: Ah, just to keep things fair.
[Hitting forcefield] [Sighs]
Princess Bubblegum: I don't think he can hear us.
Green Knight: [Laughs ominously]
Finn: Okay, guy. Why don't we start with something basic like balls and coconuts. Hup! Hup! Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup. Ba-ba-ba-boom! Boom!
Everyone: [CHEERING] Okay, Finn! Yeah, yeah! You got it, Finn! You go, boy!
Finn: [Slow motion] Boooooooom! [Horse Belches] [Slow motion ends] Aw, what? I'll let you have that one, 'cause I'm a big boy today. But let's see you try and beat four out of five, huh?
Green Knight: How do you like them coconuts?
Finn: [Mutters to himself] I hate them coconuts.
Princess Bubblegum: Something's wrong.
Marceline: Yeah, I swear that looked fake.
Huntress Wizard: It was. I saw it all with my Huntress vision. Finn is totally getting played.
Finn: [Inhales deeply] All right. You got a freaky curveball, man. But can you climb a greasy pole?
Starchy: A greasy pole?! It's hard enough climbing a non-greasy pole!
Finn: Ready?
Green Knight: [Chuckles] Mm-hmm!
Finn: One, two, three, go! [Grunts] Ha, ha! [Panting]
[Green Knight begins slow clapping]
Finn: Huh?
Green Knight: Finn, you climb so good. I guess you win this round.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm.
BMO: Yay, Finn!
Marceline, Huntress Wizard, BMO And Starchy: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Jake: That's right! Yay, yay! Now's our chance, BMO.
BMO: I-Is Finn gonna be okay?
Jake: He's got this. He's 17.
Finn: Who's the ma-a-an? Who's the 17-year-old ma-a-a-an? [Finn rips off his shirt] Hoo! You've been a good sport, so I'll let you choose the tiebreaker.
Bubblegum, Marceline, Starchy and Huntress Wizard: [Muffled] Don't do it! Wait, don't do it! Not a good idea!
Green Knight: Very well. Hmm How about a game of some good old-fashioned arm wrestling?
Finn: Arm wrestling, huh? I see what you did there. My guns are obviously weak as heck from climbing that greasy pole. If only I had some kind of [Whirrs] superhuman robot arm. Bam!
Green Knight and Finn at same time: Three, two, one, go!
Finn: [Strained cry] Ahh!
Green Knight: You can't tell from my face, but I am smiling triumphantly.
Finn: Nooo! It's my birthday!
Green Knight: I know. It's my birthday, too.
Finn: Fern?
[The Green Knight grabs Finn by his arm and swings him at the table, Finn breaks through the table]
Bubblegum, Marceline, Starchy and Huntress Wizard: Oh, no! No! Finn!
Green Knight: [Chuckles] Finally, I win! [The Green Knight approaches Finn ready to swing his axe at him]
Gumbald: Fern! We've seen enough.
Finn: [Groans]
Bubblegum, Marceline, Starchy and Huntress Wizard: Finn! Finn! Finn, are you all right?
Starchy: I love you, Finn!
Huntress Wizard: Quick, eat this elk's heart.
Princess Bubblegum: What is this?
Gumbald: It's a family reunion.
Princess Bubblegum: Uncle Gumbald, Cousin Chicle, Aunt Lolly. How are you back?!
Gumbald: Here's a hint [Mimics Lumpy Space Princess’s voice] "Oh, my glob".
Princess Bubblegum: Lumpy Space Princess. [Bubblegum remembers happenings from Elements miniseries where LSP reverts Ooo back to normal] When she reset Ooo, she reset you.
Gumbald: For 800 years, you kept us imprisoned, Princezzin.
Princess Bubblegum: No, you were happier as candy people.
Gumbald: We thought we were. But don't worry it's your turn to be happy now. Get juiced.
[Marceline in her beast form jumps in front of Bubblegum]
Marceline: [Hisses] Back off, gumwad!
Gumbald: The vampire girl is legitimately scary. Very well. You've witnessed our superior technology and watched your champion crushed.
Finn: [Vomits]
Gumbald: We'll go for now.
Green Knight: [Laughs]
Finn: This is my worst B-day ever.
Everyone: [Singing] Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you
Ice King: [In a seductive feminine tone] Happy birthday Mr.Finn Mert-ens
Everyone: [Voices reverberate] Happy birthday to you.