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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ring of Fire" from season 10, which aired on December 17, 2017.

This transcript is complete (needs proofreading)


[The episode opens outside Tree Trunks' house. Sweet P is playing with a tiny toy digger.]
Sweet P: Vroom, vroom! Kshh! Vroom, vroom, vroom!
Tree Trunks: [From inside] Sweet P!
Sweet P: [Gasps]
[Tree Trunks drags a huge pot of porridge through the doorway.]
Tree Trunks: Come and get it, Sweet P.
Sweet P: Oh boy! Breakfast porridge. [He walks over and begins eating.] Mmm. I think I must have the most perfect life in the whole world.
Tree Trunks: Oh, that's lovely.
Sweet P: What about you, Mama? Is your life perfect?
Tree Trunks: Me? [She looks up at the wind blowing through the apple trees, and tears form in her eyes.] Yes, Sweet P. I'm the happiest mama in the whole world.
Sweet P: Oh no, mama! You're sad!
Tree Trunks: No, no, sweetie. That's just something that happens when grown-ups think about their lives for too long.
[The phone begins ringing.]
Mr. Pig: [From inside] Honey, can you get that?
[Tree Trunks enters the kitchen, where everything is spattered with oats and porridge. Mr. Pig is frantically stirring another pot. Tree Trunks goes to take the phone call.]
Mr. Pig: Thanks, sweetie.
Tree Trunks: [Answers phone] Hello?
Randy: [On phone] Tree Trunks? Tree Trunks, it's me, Randy. Wow, it's so great to hear your voice.
Tree Trunks: [Quietly] Randy?
Randy: Forgive me for being so bold, but Tree Trunks, I must see you.
Tree Trunks: I don't think that's a very good idea, Randy.
Randy: Tree Trunks, please!
Tree Trunks: Um, okay, hold on. [She hangs up.]
Mr. Pig: Who was that, sweetie?
Tree Trunks: That was, uh, the school. There's a parent-teacher conference I need to go to.
Mr. Pig: Really? Isn't it my turn this time?
Tree Trunks: No, because, um... it's my turn...?
Mr. Pig: Well, if you say so.
Tree Trunks: Be back soon.
Mr. Pig: [Concerned] Okay. Uh, bye.
[The scene changes. Tree Trunks enters the Tiny Mammal Kingdom and watches a bicyclist pass by.]
Tree Trunks: The future's wild.
[She approaches a diner, where Randy is waiting in a booth. She waves to him through the window, then a flashback begins showing the same diner many years ago. A young Tree Trunks enters the diner and goes to sit with a young Randy.]
Randy: We did it, babe. We finally graduated high school.
Tree Trunks: Yes, Randy, we did.
Cookie: [Clears throat] Tree Trunks, would you sign my yearbook?
Tree Trunks: I sure will, Cookie. Do you want me to sign on my fencing photo, my Homecoming Queen photo, my horseback riding club photo-
Cookie: [Interrupting] Would you sign your swim team photo?
Tree Trunks: Yes. That's my favorite. [She signs the book.]
Randy: When you get done with that kid stuff, let me know. I got grown-up stuff to discuss.
Tree Trunks: I was about to say the same thing to you. [She hands the yearbook back to Cookie with a wink.] Randy, I've decided to take some time for myself and see the world. I'm eighteen and I need adventure, Randy. I need- [She notices Randy is climbing down from his chair.] What?
[Randy drops to one knee and presents a ring.]
Randy: Baby...
Cookie: [Gasps and drops her yearbook.]
Randy: ...let me be your adventure.
Tree Trunks: Okay, why not?
[Flash forward to their wedding day. Randy places a ring on Tree Trunk's front foot.]
Randy's father: Kiss her, son!
[They kiss. Flash forward again. Randy is looking at the wedding photos while he and Tree Trunks are stood on a dock, preparing to depart on their honeymoon.]
Randy: Our wedding photos are here. Just in time for the honeymoon. Babe?
Tree Trunks: [From the far end of the dock] It's over, Randy. I'm a wild child. [She dives into the ocean and begins swimming away into the horizon.] Goodbye.
[The flashback ends, and we return to the present. Tree Trunks and Randy are sat in the diner booth. Tree Trunks is recounting the memories to herself.]
Tree Trunks: "Goodbye, Randy." [Chuckles]
Randy: Okay.
Tree Trunks: Hmm? Oh, Randy, I'm so sorry you went to all this trouble.
Randy: Huh?
Tree Trunks: I mean, I'm flattered, but I have a family now and I can't run away with you.
Randy: That... Tree Trunks, that's not why I asked you here.
Tree Trunks: It's not?
Randy: No. I just wanted to ask you for my grandmother's ring back.
Tree Trunks: Oh.
Randy: I'm going to propose to my girlfriend this weekend. I've got the chocolates, and the flowers, but I need that ring.
Tree Trunks: Well, I'm sorry, but I threw that ring down a bottomless pit.
Randy: Oh no!
Tree Trunks: No, wait, that's not right. I used that ring to propose to my second husband, Danny.
Randy: Oh, no.
Tree Trunks: [Sensually] Oh, Danny.
[Another flashback begins. A younger Tree Trunks is sat on the deck of La Femme Du La Mer. She has an eyepatch.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] At sea, I made a new life for myself.
Tree Trunks: Mr. Faidutti.
Mr. Faidutti: Yes, Captain Tree Trunks.
Tree Trunks: Mr. Faidutti, pick up that mop, you bug.
[Mr. Faidutti turns around and bends over to pick up the mop.]
Tree Trunks: [Looking at his butt] Mm hmm.
Crew member: Captain Tree Trunks, we're approaching a ship off the port bow!
Tree Trunks: Good. [She goes to look.] Drown all but the tightest men.
Danny: [Shouting up from a small sailboat] No!
Tree Trunks: Impudence.
Danny: I beg of you, madam, while I am tight, my brother is not, and yet I love him.
Tree Trunks: Hmm.
Danny: My name is Daniel Prince and this is my brother, Peanut. Please look into your heart and pity him, for though our family is quite wealthy, he has had a difficult life. [Subtly loosening his shirt] You are a very beautiful elephant, but I fear your bandit ways have made you hard.
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] He was right. I left my post that very day so that I could spend the rest of my life with Danny.
[Tree Trunks is seen throwing her cutlass at Mr. Faidutti's feet and departing La Femme Du La Mer in Danny's sailboat. She and Danny make out enthusiastically while "Peanut" sits beside them. The scene changes to a small island, where Tree Trunks places the ring on Danny's front foot.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] That evening, we were wed.
"Peanut": [Mumbling incoherently, acting as the wedding's officiator. His eye falls out.]
Tree Trunks: Peanut?
Danny: [Distracting her] Kiss my mouth, baby!
Tree Trunks: Yeah!
[They begin making out again. The scene changes to night. Tree Trunks and Danny are lying in a tent on the island. Danny is asleep. "Peanut" is still outside.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] My joy, however, would be short-lived. Was Danny smooth? Yes. [She leaves the tent.] Was Danny tight? Yes. [She approaches "Peanut".] But was he a liar? Yes, yes, yes! [She tugs at "Peanut", revealing that he is actually two crew members in disguise.]
Crew members: Ah! [Scuttling up a tree] Woop woop woop woop woop.
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] A liar in cahoots with Mr. Faidutti to get me away from my ship.
[She is seen departing the island without Danny and the crew members.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] I marooned Danny, and I kaboomed Mr. Faidutti.
[A violent explosion obliterates La Femme Du La Mer. Tree Trunks is seen sailing away with the wedding ring.]
Tree Trunks: No more tight men.
[The flashback ends, and the scene returns to the diner.]
Tree Trunks: That Danny was really, really, really something.
Randy: Okay, I get it. But what about the ring? What happened next?
Tree Trunks: I savvily invested my pirate treasure and became a powerful shipping magnate.
[Another flashback begins. Tree Trunks is sat in a luxurious office, overlooking the ocean as cargo ships come and go. There is a knock on the door. Tree Trunks puts in a glass eye and turns to face the door.]
Tree Trunks: Come in.
[Wyatt enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Wyatt: Uh, I'm Wyatt, your new secretary. These flowers are from "Robot Body Moe".
Tree Trunks: Oh, again? Throw those in the trash.
Wyatt: Okay, ma'am. [He approaches the trashcan and begins trying to stuff the flowers in head-first.] They're a little - a little big. Oh, boy.
Tree Trunks: The other way, like a vase.
[Wyatt groans and begins crying, unable to figure out how to get the flowers into the trashcan. He gives up and curls into a ball on the floor, sobbing. Tree Trunks watches him, displaying no emotion.]
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] He melted my heart.
[Flash forward to yet another wedding. Wyatt and Tree Trunks exchange rings.]
Wyatt: Hey-hey!
[King of Ooo, who is officiating the wedding, leans down and shoves them together so that they awkwardly kiss.]
King of Ooo: Somebody kiss me now!
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] I sold the company and gave all my money to the King of Ooo.
[Flash forward. Tree Trunks and Wyatt are on the beach together.]
Tree Trunks: Swim with me, Wyatt, you sweet boy. [She strips naked.]
Wyatt: Oh, uh-
Tree Trunks: [Laughs] I'm never wearing clothes again! [She runs into the waves.]
Wyatt: I, uh, might keep my shirt on.
Tree Trunks: [Narrating] I thought Glob had told me, "Here's someone who needs your love." But what he really must've said was, "Go suck an egg, Tree Trunks."
[Flash forward. Tree Trunks and Wyatt are in Tree Trunks' current house in the apple orchard. Wyatt reaches for a slice of apple pie but Tree Trunks pulls it away.]
Tree Trunks: No more pie.
Wyatt: But that's my pie.
Tree Trunks: You're draining my life away.
Wyatt: [Yelling anxiously] Take care of me!
Tree Trunks: No. You've emptied me of my joie de vivre.
Wyatt: [Whinging, hitting himself, crying] I've got the ring! If I don't give it back, it means we're still in love! [He exits the house.] I'm throwing it in a bottomless pit!
[Flashback ends. Once more, the scene is back in the diner.]
Randy: Wyatt threw my ring in a pit?
Tree Trunks: Yeah, sorry about that. Uh- huh?
[A ceiling tile gives way and Mr. Pig comes crashing down onto the table with a scream. He hits his head and falls to the floor, groaning.]
Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig, what are you doing here?
Mr. Pig: I followed you because I was afraid that - And now I see you-
Tree Trunks: Oh, no.
Randy: I just wanted my grandma's ring back.
Tree Trunks: And I just didn't want you to worry over nothing.
Mr. Pig: R-Really? Oh, geez.
Wyatt: There you are! [He emerges from a vent.] How could you, Tree Trunks?
Tree Trunks: Wyatt? You've been following me?
Wyatt: You wish, babe. I've been following him [points at Randy] to you! But if Tree Trunks is gonna be stepping out on her man with one of her exes, it's gonna be me! [He tries to tackle Randy but slips on a piece of ceiling tile and falls to the ground, groaning.] Tree Trunks, help me. I need you.
Randy: [Spots the ring hanging on a string around Wyatt's neck.] My ring! Just give me...
[Randy pulls the ring out of Wyatt's grasp.]
Wyatt: My suck-suck ring.
Randy: Aha! Gotcha! [He exits, laughing gleefully.]
Mr. Pig: Um, I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I just know you've had a lot of adventures in the past and things are kind of boring now.
Tree Trunks: It's true. I sometimes miss those wild times, but back then, I couldn't even tell the difference between a good adventure and a bad one. I was just a leaf in the wind, blown about by my whims. But now I'm on solid ground. You and Sweet P are my - uh-
Mr. Pig: Your greatest adventure?
Tree Trunks: Yeah.
[Danny enters.]
Danny: Whoa, what the..? Is that Wyatt? Tree Trunks?
[Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig kiss.]
Danny: What the heck is going on in here?

Episode ends