This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Paper Pete" from season 3, which aired on January 16, 2012.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn and Jake in the Library carrying an enormous book.]
Finn & Jake: [grunting]
Finn: It's slippin', dude.
[They groan as they set it down on a table.]
Finn: Phew. [reading title] Raini-corni-copia? An Unabridged History of the Rainicorns. [yawns] Whatever, man. I barely even made it through the title.
Jake: Listen, man. One day, I'm probably gonna have half-rainbow pupsters. I gotta be able to share my babies' culture.
[They open the book.]
Jake: [mumbling indistinctly as he reads]
[Finn rocks the table.]
Finn: Huh. [goes under the table] Oh. [comes out from underneath it] Hey, this table is wobbly. We gotta take it to the Lost Tinker Goblin of Fog Mountain to fix it.
Jake: Dude, I would love to go on some crazy, made-up adventure with you, but I really gotta read this. So from here on out, I'm just gonna ignore you. [continues reading and mumbling]
Finn: I don't make up adventures! Jake, you know that! Jake! I don't make up adventures! [lifts and drops the end of the table a few times] Hm. [leaves Jake and walks past some shelves] Books, books. [reading titles] Kitties, Zitties, Witties, Mitties, Knitties, Fitties, Hitties, Jitties, Pities, Cities... [comes to some books with damaged spines] Oh, no! Damaged books? Who did this?!
Turtle Princess: Shhhhhhhushh!
Finn: Sorry. [to books] I will avenge thee, slightly-soiled books. Gotta tell Jake.
[He starts walking back when he sees some books shake.]
Finn: Hello? [looks behind books] Is someone back here? Are you stuck?
Turtle Princess: Shhhushmm!
Finn: [quietly] Hello? [pages start coming out of the books] Whoa! Ohhh! Hey, there's pages comin' outta these books!
People offscreen: SHHHHHH!
[The pages fold themselves into Pagelings.]
Finn: Who are you dudes?
Pagelings: We are the Pagelings!
Paper Pete: I am Paper Pete, the leader of the Pagelings. But you can call me P.P.
Finn: I'll call you Pete.
Paper Pete: Okay!
Finn: Why are you dudes in the library?
Paper Pete: We are the secret guardians of the books in the library. You know those blank pieces of paper in the beginning of old books?
Finn: Yeah?
Paper Pete: That's us! We revealed ourselves to you, noble giant, because you felt our plight when you saw the damaged books. And now is our darkest hour, for the Moldos have been growing more bold with every attack. Look at the damage done yesterday [pulls out a damaged book] at the Battle of Teddy Bear Joke Book.
Finn: Wow, yeah.
Paper Pete: They're massing for a full-scale assault on every book in the library!
Finn: Gosh! Even the Rainicornicopia?
Paper Pete: Yes.
Finn: I better tell Jake. Don't you dudes go anywhere.
Pagelings: Okay.
[Finn runs back to Jake.]
Finn: Hey, bro, I've got an adventure—and it's not made up! There are these- these Pagelings they came out from- from books! And they- they folded into little animals.
[Jake stretches his foot onto Finn's mouth.]
Finn: Do you hear what I'm saying?!
Jake: [shakes head] Shhhh!
Finn: You think I'm making this up?
Jake: [nods] [motions for Finn to go away]
Finn: I'll prove it to you! [drags the Rainicornicopia off the table onto the floor and starts dragging it away]
Jake: Finn! [following Finn] Finn, you butt chicken!
Finn: Jake, wait till you see 'em.
[Jake tackles Finn and they bump against the bookshelf with the Pagelings, who retreat into the shelf as books fall off the shelf on top of Finn and Jake.]
Finn: Ow.
Jake: [grunts and strains as he lifts the Rainicornicopia and drags it back]
Finn: They were just here! Pagelings?
[The Pagelings reappear.]
Finn: Why didn't you dudes introduce yourselves to Jake?
Paper Pete: We don't want to reveal ourselves to anyone else. We are the secret guardians. Secret.
Finn: Ummmm... yeah, but Jake is a powerful giant like me! He can help you battle or- or whatevs! But first, you must win his favor. Do you not want victory for your people?
Pagelings: Yes! We do want victory!
Finn: C'mon, follow me. [he leads them to Jake] Jake, look.
[Jake buries his face in the book.]
Finn: [to Pagelings] He's up here reading a book.
[The Pagelings climb onto the table.]
Finn: Do something to get his attention.
Paper Pete: Very well. We shall dance as flowers.
Other Pagelings: Hoo-ah!
Finn: Okay.
[The Pagelings turn into flowers and start dancing around Jake, who is hiding his face behind his hands.]
Pagelings: [grunt and sing indistinctly as they dance]
Finn: Jake, the Pagelings are dancing for you. Just look up for a second!
[Jake stretches his face out from underneath his hands as the Pagelings dance outside his field of vision.]
Jake: Finn, all the little voices you're doing are cute, but come on, man! Just let me read. [buries his face again]
[The Pagelings jump onto Jake's head and transform back to normal.]
Paper Pete: By wearing the beast, [they rip off some fur] we shall become like the beast. [they place the fur on their heads]
Finn: You can feel them, can't you?
Jake: I can feel you pinching me.
Finn: Just look up for a second! [trying to lift up Jake] Looooook. [gives up] Uhhh. Pagelings, I'm sorry, but my friend is acting like a clump.
Pagelings: Okay.
Paper Pete: We can't wait any longer. We must go back to the bookshelf to prepare for the Moldos' attack
Jake: Yeah, go play make-believe somewhere else!
Finn: I'm not making believe!
[Scene cuts to Paper Pete.]
Paper Pete: [gasps] We were gone too long!
[Some Moldos are shown eating books and Finn is standing nearby.]
Paper Pete: Wield, my brethren. Wield!
[They charge at the Moldos.]
Pagelings: [battle cries]
[They start fighting the Moldos weakly and calmly.]
Finn: [yawns and exhales, blowing the Moldos and Pagelings off their feet]
Moldo: You win this battle, but next time, we will win.
[The Moldos retreat.]
Pagelings: Yes, leave! Victory! Veni, vidi, vici!
Finn: So, those little squishy guys are the Moldos?
Paper Pete: Aye. This was but a reconnaissance squad... sent to test our mettle!
Pagelings: Mettle!
Finn: Uh-huh. They seem tough.
Paper Pete: Their bites sting like the Dickens.
Finn: Hmmm... their bites sting, eh? I've got a plan, Pete.
Paper Pete: Tell me your plan, giant.
Finn: Just trust me. [picks up Paper Pete] Trust me.
[Some Moldos are seen slithering past some shelves. Finn, with Paper Pete on his shoulder, peeks around the corner and sees them enter a bookshelf on the far wall. He runs toward the shelf and removes some books.]
Paper Pete: You've discovered the Moldos' Secret Lair!
Finn: Eh, it wasn't very hard.
[Finn crawls through to the Moldos' lair. There are crystals growing on the walls, but no Moldos in sight.]
Finn: Wibba-wibba-wah!
[Scream echoes and several Moldos appear.]
Moldo: The Pagelings have a battle beast! Attack!
Moldos: [battle cries]
Finn: Whoa. Whoa, moldy blobs. I've come here to help the Moldos defeat the Pagelings.
Paper Pete: Traitor! [brandishing paper sword] Hiyah! Yah!
Finn: [quietly] Calm down, this is part of my plan.
Paper Pete: Ohhh, ha-ha! Then I shall play along, wise giant. [winks]
Moldo: How are we to trust you?
Finn: Well... here, look. [takes Paper Pete off his shoulder] I brought you all a prisoner. It's their leader.
Paper Pete: May you rot in Tartarus! May your skin boil and eyes burst into flames... forever in a pit! [winks]
Finn: [winks]
[Scene cuts to Paper Pete being lifted up in a cage made of pencils and rulers.]
Paper Pete: Traitor!
Finn: So, do you guys have, like, a—like, a leader or somethin'?
Moldos: [murmuring and whispering] Mildwin.
Paper Pete: Mildwin.
Mildwin: I'm Mildwin, leader of the Moldos.
Finn: Oh, uhh... hmm. [gets down on the floor] Nice to meet you, your highness.
Mildwin: I'm not a king; I was democratically elected.
Finn: [laughs] That's adorable. [beat] Now, Finn! [grabs Mildwin and several Moldos, kicks apart Paper Pete's cage, and runs out of the lair]
Moldo: Protect the elected official!
Paper Pete: Well played, ol' giant. [winks] You have the cunning of Odysseus. [winks several times]
Finn: Pete, j-just stop winking. [jumps on top of a table and onto bookshelf] Hyah!
People: Shhhh!
[Finn jumps down from the bookshelf near Jake.]
Finn: Ignore this! [throws the Moldos at Jake]
Jake: Hmm?
[The Moldos start eating Jake's fur.]
Mildwin: Mmm! This tastes delicious! [chomps on a bit of Jake's flesh]
Finn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Jake: What did you do to me?! AAAAAAH!
Finn: Ummm...
Jake: AH! AAAH!
Finn: Uhhh... come on, you guys, knock it off.
Moldo: [hisses at Finn]
Finn: The Moldos got a taste for ya now.
Jake: [screams in pain]
Finn: Gotta do something. Where can I find ways to solve problems in a library? [sees a poster] "Books"? [gets a book and starts hitting Jake with it] Books! Books! Books!
Jake: Aaah!
Finn: [sees a Moldo eating his shirt] Huh? Whatcha nibblin' me for?
Moldo: This sweaty stuff tastes amazing. A-mazing!
Finn: Hmmm. Tastier than battle beast fur. Yis! [takes off his shirt]
[He notices that Turtle Princess saw this. Turtle Princess blushes and runs back to her cart of books.]
Finn: Hey, Mildwin. Mildwin!
Mildwin: What?
Finn: I bring a peace offering from the Pagelings.
Mildwin: Hmm?
[The Moldos sniff the shirt, crawl onto it, and start eating, except for two, which are latched onto Jake's closed eyelids.]
Jake: Finn... what's happening?
Finn: Hang on, buddy. Paper Pete?
[Paper Pete flies in in the form of a paper plane, lands on Finn's shoulder, and transforms back to normal.]
Paper Pete: Giant! Have you wiped out the Moldo horde?
Finn: Naw, man. The war's over. [pokes Mildwin] Mildwin, you can keep my shirt if [points to Paper Pete] you don't attack their library books.
Mildwin: Agreed, beast. This filthy garb will feed my people for generations.
Finn: And in forty years, you can have my shorts. Sound good, Pete?
Paper Pete: It will suffice.
Finn: Sound good, Jake?
Jake: [pulls the remaining two Moldos off his eyes] AAAH! What—What the hecks, man?! What'd you do to me?!
Finn: [holds up his shirt] Look, man! Moldos and Pagelings are real!
Jake: Wha—? Who cares, man?! I'm outta here!
[Scene cuts to Finn and Jake walking away from the library.]
Finn: Did you finish your Rainicorn book?
Jake: Ugh... I was readin' the same paragraph over and over for, like, eleven minutes. I guess I'm gonna give up on learnin' everything about Rainicorn history. Don't tell Lady.
Finn: Oh. What about relating to your mixed-species kids?
Jake: Eh, I'll just fake it.
Finn: Oh. Well... hey, man, I think I see some, um... [points to the sun] Sun People in trouble on the sun over there.
Jake: You makin' that up?
Finn: Mmhmm.
Jake: Yeah! Let's do it! [starts running toward the setting sun]
Finn: [follows Jake] WHOO! WHOOOO!

Episode ends

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