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Adventure Time Wiki

This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mystery Train" from season 2, which aired on March 14, 2011.

Jake (the conductor)
Train riders
A train
This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn sleeping and Jake placing a blindfold over his eyes. Jake is being held in the air by floating balloons and is wearing a birthday hat. He takes off the hat and blows into it, which creates a loud noise and awakens Finn, who jumps out of his sleeping bag.]
Jake: Happy birthday!
Finn: Jake! Is that you? I can't see! [Moves arms around blindly]
Jake: Right! That's because-
Finn: I'm blind?! Jake! I'm blind on my birthday!
Jake: No dude, you're blindfolded.
Finn: [Feels blindfold] Oh...
Jake: [Puts hands on the blindfold] Keep the blindfold on. I've got a surprise for you.
[The scene transitions to Jake floating down while carrying a still-blindfolded Finn in front of the Candy Kingdom. Jake unties the balloon strings and they float off.]
Jake: [Takes blindfold off of Finn] Surprise!
Finn: [Takes the blindfold out of Jake's hand] Orange blindfold? That is a surprise!
Jake: That's not the surprise. This is!
[Camera panels out onto a train.]
Finn: You got me a train? [Hugs Jake tightly] Thank you, Jake!
Jake: [Struggling to talk] This isn't the gift!
Finn: Huh?
Jake: We have to take the train to get to the gift.
Finn: Oh. Almost as cool as a free train! [Hugs Jake again]
Jake: I'll go get the tickets.
Finn: Okay!
[Jake stretches across to the ticket booth]
[The Conductor is seen walking to the front of the train.]
Finn: Hey! Mr. Conductor! It's ma birthday!
[Conductor begins to climb up the ladder to the entrance but stops and turns around to Finn.]
Conductor: Oh? Climb aboard my train, little boy, you're my new friend. He hehe hehehe. [Continues to laugh while Finn has a worried look on his face] All aboard! [Rings bell]
[The scene transitions to Finn and Jake sitting down on the moving train.]
Finn: This is gonna be the best birthday ever!
Jake: Heheh. I'm gonna go grab a schedule! [Climbs off the seat and out of the train car]
[The train begins to get bumpy and the train begins to shake.]
Mr. Candy Cane: Whoa! [Hits Colonel Candy Corn, who is his passenger, in the head with himself by mistake.] Terribly sorry, Colonel!
Colonel Candy Corn: [Chuckles] That's quite alright. Just don't let it happen again. [Chuckles again]
[The conductors voice appears over the intercom.]
Conductor over intercom: Sorry about that, folks. We're approaching Gumball Gulch now. The rides gonna get a little bumpy until we reach the straight-away and you might wanna buckle up! [Laughs]
Jake: [Comes back with a schedule in his hand.] Found a schedule!
Finn: Great! Now find your seatbelt.
[The train begins to bump up and down on the tracks. Mr. Candy Cane begins to hit Colonel Candy Corn on the head repeatedly with his own.]
Mr. Candy Cane: Jeez Louise! So sorry about that Colonel! [Hits him again] Beg your pardon! [Hits him again] Sorry! Whoa!! [Hits Colonel in the head repeatedly]
[The train leaves Gumball Gulch and is now running smoothly]
Mr. Candy Cane: Colonel, I am so sorry.
Finn: Hey! We're in the straight-away!
Mr. Candy Cane: Oh, I want to see! [Peers out window. The train hits a bump and he hits Colonel in the head once again.]
Colonel Candy Corn: I'm gonna kill you!
[Train enters a tunnel and it goes dark for a couple seconds. When they get out of the tunnel Mr. Candy Cane is a skeleton. Colonel Candy Corn sees this and runs away.]
Finn: A skeleton... [Mr. Candy Cane's hat falls off. Dr. Donut begins to walk over to him.] Is he going to be okay, Doctor Donut?
Doctor Donut: He doesn't look good.
Jake: Hey man, this is kinda a bad scene. Maybe we should get off the train and huff it to your surprise.
Finn: Are you kidding? It's a murder mystery! On a train! [Squeezes his hat's ears] And we're gonna solve it.
Jake: [Crosses arms] Alright.
Finn: What'dya think, Doctor Donut? Any clues?
Doctor Donut: [Touches Mr. Candy Cane's skull] Hmm. I think it was the guy would screamed 'I'm gonna kill you.'
[Passengers look over at Colonel Candy Corn and gasp and mumble.]
Colonel Candy Corn: No, no! It wasn't me, I swear!
[Finn pops up]
Finn: Passengers, passengers! I don't think it was Colonel Candy Corn.
Colonel Candy Corn: Thank you!
Finn: No, in murder mysteries it's never the first person you think of. Never ever.
Marshmallow Kid: So who do you think it is?
Finn: [Turns to Colonel] Colonel, do you have any enemies on this train?
Colonel Candy Corn: Just one! And his or her name is...
[The train enters a tunnel and when the light is shown again Colonel Candy Corn is now a skeleton as well. The passengers start screaming.]
Finn: See? I knew it wasn't him! [Starts to walk down the train car] But now we need to figure out who his enemy is. It could be anybody.
Green Gumdrop Dude: It could even be you.
Finn: Yes it could. [Walks over face to face with him] Except I didn't do it.
Green Gumdrop Dude: But... we don't know that.
Finn: [Points at him] You singled me out to take suspicion of yourself! Are you Colonel Candy Corn's enemy?
Green Gumdrop Dude: What? No! I was just trying to join in on the conversation!
Finn: [Walks away from him and points at him] Suspect numero uno!
[The train enters another tunnel and when they get out Green Gumdrop Dude is a skeleton. Finn gasps.]
Finn: Rat traps! Really thought I was onto something!
Jake: Now I know this is going to sound crazy, but what about the conductor?
Finn: No it's definitely not him.
Jake: [Disappointed] Oh. Why not?
Finn: 'Cause he's weird and creepy. And you never suspect the creepy guy because he's too obvious.
Jake: Whatever, man. I'm gonna go sit and look at the schedule. [Turns and does so]
Finn: We're running out of suspects. And we're running out of time.
Conductor: Attention! [Clears throat and laughs. He rides into view on a skateboard] Attention passengers! [Does a nollie skateboard trick.] Nollie, heheheh. Yeah hi, it's me, the conductor. Heheh. Anyway, I couldn't help overhearing that someone thinks I'm weird and creepy. And you know; I'm not weird and creepy. [Laughs] I'm cool and awesome. [Laughs for a longer period of time] Happy birthday, Finn. [Rides off]
Finn: Hey Jake.
Jake: Yeeeeeeeaaah?
Finn: The conductor was just here and he was weirder and creepier then before.
Jake: What?! No way, he was cool and awesome!
Finn: Anyway, it's still not him. [Turns and walks down the cabin hallway.]] No. The murderer is right here among us. [Walks to Doctor Donut]] Isn't that right, Doctor?
Doctor Donut: [Looks around] You think it was me?
Finn: When Candy Cane guy was murdered, you diverted suspicion to Colonel Candy Corn. [Crosses arms] Then killed him to protect your alibi.
[Jake walks over]
Doctor Donut: Are you kidding?
Jake: Dude, I think you're waaay off.
Finn: Am I? Or am I way on.
[The train enters another tunnel and when it exits, Doctor Donut is now a skeleton. Finn gasps loudly.]
Finn: Son of a-
[Train horn sounds]
[Doctor Donut's skeleton falls over.]]
Finn: My hunches aren't getting me anywhere! The killer is laughing at us, Jake.
Jake: What'dya think we should do?
Finn: Hmmm... We need hard [Punches fist] evidence!
[Scene transitions and Finn is walking down a train hallway and spots a basket of fish, eggs and a cabbage.]
Finn: Ha! [Picks up two eggs, a fish and the cabbage.] A basket of eggs, fish and cabbage!
[Scene transitions to another room of the train. Finn is reaching over a countertop. He picks up a receipt.]
Finn: It's a receipt! From an earlier train ride. From another train!
[Scene transitions to Jake and Finn looking for clues under seats. Finn finds a book.]
Finn: Jake! I found a book! It's a dictionary!
[Scene transitions to Jake and Finn crossing train cars. Pineapple Guy is seen playing the flute. Finn grabs his music on the seat.]
Finn: It's sheet music! [Shows the music to Jake]
[Scene transitions to Jake and Finn looking at different information on a large chalkboard.]
Finn: It doesn't make any sense to me. [Raise arms quizzically]
Jake: Me neither! [Raises arms quizzically and then crosses them.] Maybe the murderer is just too smart for us.
Finn: Yes! Jake, that's it! It's all so clear now! Gather everyone in the caboose and I will reveal a murderer!
[The scene transitions to everyone in the caboose.]
Finn: You're the only remaining passengers. So the murderer, is in this caboose. [Everyone starts to murmur.]
Finn: Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. [Points] I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music. Sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl. A song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. [Lollipop Girl and Ice Cream Guy look at each other] Before Colonel Candy Corn's aide, Doctor Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. [Doctor Ice Cream blushes and turns to Pineapple Guy.] And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks! [Pineapple guys moves his feet, showing cabbage bits on them] And you! [Points to the back of the group] Chocolate Bar Guy! [Everyone turns to him. Finn holds up the dictionary.] Does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary that contains the words [Opens the dictionary and points to a word circled in red pen] Rid! [Turns page] Guests! [Turns page] At once!
[The passengers all gasp]
Finn: But the real murderer is someone no one suspects! The real murderer is-
[The train enters a tunnel and when it exits, everyone except Jake and Finn are skeletons. Finn gasps and the two look at each other.]
Finn: No one was the murderer?!
Jake: The conductor's still on the train!
Finn: Oh yeah! He did it.
Jake: Yay, you did it, you solved it, Finn!
Finn: I knew it; because he's creepy.
Jake: What?! Humpf.
Finn: I know. You knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without [Raises finger to poke him] you, you, you [Pokes Jake and then hugs him tightly]
Jake: Thank you.
Finn: We make a great team, pal.
[He squeezes him very tightly. The train enters a tunnel and when it emerges, Jake is a skeleton.]
Finn: You feel kinda bony. [Opens eyes, screams and drops Jake. Bends down and touches his skeleton.] Jake? [He hugs his skeleton.] NOOOOOOOOOOO!
[The conductor is seen at the end of the train car. He is carrying a skateboard and a wooden sword.]
Conductor: [Chuckles] Hey.
Finn: How could you murder all those Candy People?! And, you murdered Jake on my birthday! [Turns Jake's skeleton around.]
Conductor: Yes, and you're next.
Finn: [Puts down Jake's skeleton and picks up the Root Sword.] Wrong!
[The Conductor rides off and Finn chases after him. The conductor does a trick over to the next car and unhinges the caboose from the rest of the train. Finn jump across to the train car. The Conductor is already at the end of the train car and Finn runs over to him. The Conductor unhinges the train car and begins to climb on top of the train. Finn jumps across and follows him up. The conductor rides across the top of a train car while Finn chases. The Conductor jumps down the train car and unhinges it from the rest of the train.]
Finn: I'm coming for you! [Jumps into the air onto the train car with the Conductor] This is for Jake! [Swipes down his sword and the Conductor dodges it. They collide swords and Finn swipes again, the Conductor dodges it and hits the control panel. The train is seen to be heading towards a cliff.] You're going down, or both of us are going down! [Finn collides his sword with the Conductor's three times. The Conductor is sitting on the ground and Finn goes face to face.] My birthday wish, is vengeance! [Raises sword] Happy birthday to me!!
Conductor: Wait! [Stretches himself around to reveal that it is actually Jake covered in paint.
Finn: [Throws sword aside.] You're alive!! [Hugs Jake tightly and laughs] You were the conductor the whole time?!
Jake: [Licks the rest of the paint off of himself.] Yup. You were so focused on the murders because you never even noticed! [Flashback shows that when Jake was looking at the schedule, he stretched himself around the corner, got painted and stretched himself into the conductor.] The skeletons were the hardest part. [It shows Mr. Candy Cane throwing his fake skeleton in the dark to Colonel Candy Corn, who places in next to him and screams. Mr. Candy Cane gives a thumbs up before hiding in a vent.] It was all an elaborate set up for your birthday present!
Finn: So nobody was murdered?
Jake: Nope! Not unless you count the train's control panel!
[The control panel is very broken and sparks are shooting out. The two laugh but then start to scream as they see they are heading off of broken train tracks and off a cliff. The train falls and lands on Gelatin Man. The Candy people who were on the train are around the train and start to cheer. The two are still screaming, Jake opens his eyes and stops.]
Jake: Dude, open your eyes!
Finn: Hey, we're alive!
[The scene transitions to the a bunch of Candy People finishing off the song "Happy Birthday" around a big table.]
Candy People: -to you!
Finn: Wow, this is the best birthday ever. Thanks, Jake.
Jake: You deserve it, buddy. [Points fork at Finn] Because you're a great friend.
[The two begin to cut their cake.]
Finn: I think my favorite part was landing on the Gelatin. That musta taken forever to plan. [Raises a piece of cake to his mouth and eats it.]
Jake: Nope! That part was a total accident.
Finn: Oh. So we could have...
Jake: Died horribly? Yes. Happy birthday, pal! [Goes back to cutting his cake]
[Finn stares up at the broken train tracks.]

The episode ends.