This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Mystery Dungeon" from season 5, which aired on January 21, 2013.

Mystery Dungeon
This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with a fade-in sequence with Shelby sleeping on Tree Trunks' head. Tree Trunks nudges Shelby with her trunk.]
Tree Trunks: Shelby. Shelby, wake up.
Shelby: [Wakes up confused and dazed.] Where am I? Tree Trunks, what's going on?!
Tree Trunks: Uh, you've been snoozing on my dome. I just woke up in this room with these fellas: Nectar, Ice Cream, and one of the Lemoncarbs.
[Neptr starts rubbing Ice King's beard, while Lemongrab is still sleeping, but then wakes up.]
Lemongrab: Awake. [starts turning his head around.] Avast, hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear; for time has come to wake and run and not give way to fear!
Tree Trunks: What are those awful words?
Lemongrab: [turns his head to the wall and to the normal direction.] I'm reading the wall. [Points to the wall.] They are wall words.
Tree Trunks: Beyond this room are a thousand rooms, outside of them still more.
Shelby: Behind each door, on every floor, danger, danger, ever more.
Neptr: Stranger, hark! The traps galore may kill you whilst you do explore. To free yourself - [waits for Ice King to start reading.]
Ice King: [Writing something in a book.] Huh? Oh. Now where were we? To free yourself from this tomb, and nevermore re-enter, find the room amidst the rooms that lies exactly center?
[The wall starts glowing red which then reveals a map.]
Shelby: It's a map!
Lemongrab: I no longer need this map. I have infallible recall.
[The walls starts to close in on the gang.]
Tree Trunks: Oh! The room is trying to hug us! [She jumps through a door which leads to a bottomless chasm.] Oh no!
Ice King: Oh, dag.
Neptr: Check out my mods, bro. [Neptr extends his arm and grabs Tree Trunks and pulls her in.]
Lemongrab: Enough of this! [Opens a latch on the floor which was the latch for a trapdoor which they all fall through.]
Ice King: Huh? This room doesn't have any doors. 
Tree Trunks: W- We're trapped!
Lemongrab: [groans] This is wrong. The map lied to me-e. It doesn't want me to find the EXIT! Ice King, h-how do you taste?
Ice King: Uh, nice, I guess? 
Lemongrab: Mild or SPICY?!
Ice King: Oh, uh - [has a flashback of himself kissing his hand in front of Gunter.] Kinda lonely.
Lemongrab: Make yourself into food! Now!
Ice King: You're going to eat me? Yeah, right.
Neptr: Slop your mouths up. I have found an oven and baking supplies. 
Tree Trunks: I can make an apple pie for all of us.
Lemongrab: Make them fast, servile.
Tree Trunks: If you want a taste of my juicy apple pie you better be nice. You got that?
Lemongrab: I am sorry. Make pies, slave.
Tree Trunks: Okay, that's better, now let's see about this pie business.
[After some time, Tree Trunks finishes baking the apple pie.]
Tree Trunks: All right, gentlemen. Have a look at my luscious, gooey apple pie.
[The guys sniff the freshly baked apple pie with delight. The scent leads into a rat's home and attracts the large rat. The rat jumps through the door to eat the pie.]
Lemongrab: No! [he punches the rat, possibly killing it and starts eating the pie out of the rat's mouth.] Acceptable.
Shelby: Uh, Lemongrab?
Lemongrab: WHAT?!
Shelby: Never mind.
Ice King: Come on, you guys. That mouse showed us the room door.
[The gang starts crawling through the cave.]
Ice King: [to Neptr] Say, you know what's weird?
Neptr: What, Papi?
Ice King: Well, isn't it weird how Tree Trunks' ability to make pies is specifically what helped us escape from that room?
Neptr: I make pies, too, Papi.
Ice King: Right, yeah, like, battery pies or summin'? [laughs]
Neptr: No. Real pies. Don't you remember? I am your s- [gets cut off by Ice King.]
Ice King: Hey! Look, another room!
[They enter a burgundy-brown, steam-filled room with a pool and an exit on the other side.]
Ice King: Good grief, it's humid in here.
Lemongrab: That door will lead us closer to the exit!
Ice King: Hold up, hold up! [He grabs Lemongrab's arm and pulls him away from the pool.] Look! [He points at the fish monster, that has a plug chained to his tail. It's plugged up to a hole so the water wouldn't escape.]
Ice King: There has to be a way to get across without that thing chompin' our WOO-HOOS!
Neptr: Can't you fly us across, Papi?
Ice King: Oh yeah, I can sure try.
[The Ice King reaches up with his arms as he groans. He falls down right after.]
Ice King: Nggh! Aw dang, this heat is negating my powers! Can't do nothin' with this steam coming off the water. [Ice King sticks his hand in the water]
[The monster hisses at them as its head reaches above the water; the gang flinches.]
Ice King: NGH, glob! Fah! [He attempts using his ice powers on it but he fails.] Nagh! Look at this! [He does a raspberry with a disapproving face.] Well, that's it. Show's over. I'll just die here and y'all can eat my body if you want to survive.
[Lemongrab extends his mouth open by his jaw, revealing his sharp teeth.]
Tree Trunks: Golly, how we ever gonna worm our way out of this... fishy situation?
Shelby: I think I have an idea.
[The scene cuts to Tree Trunks holding a knife in her mouth, being tied around her stomach with the bottom half of Ice King's robe. There is a hook above Tree Trunks that the stretched cloth is on, making it possible for Tree Trunks to hang over the monster. Ice King is seen pulling on the cloth, that's actually still attached to his robe.]
Shelby: That's a girl, Tree Trunks! You can do it!
[Ice King lowers Tree Trunks, making her closer to the water.]
Shelby: [sighs] This is gonna work out just fine.
[Tree Trunks is half submerged in the water, looking nervous.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, that's warm on my undercarriage.
[The fish monster quickly reaches above water and opens its mouth, and closes it fast when Tree Trunks was inside. Ice King groans as he pulls the cloth.]
Ice King: H-help me guys!
Neptr: Yes, Papi! [He approaches him and pinches his knee.]
Ice King: NNGH! Lemongrab, c'mon!
[Lemongrab groans lazily, and his arm reaches the cloth, but the Ice King falls, the cloth falling with him before Lemongrab can even hold it. The plug that was chained to the fish's tail unplugs, draining the water. The Ice King falls backwards, and the fish lands on its back. A knife pokes through from the inside, creates a line and Tree Trunks pops her head out of the fish's body.]
Tree Trunks: Bleh! Wow, that was heavy, man.
[They cheer for Tree Trunks.]
Tree Trunks: Aw yeah, I've been reborn!
Neptr: Look! [He points at the path leading to the door. The rest of the water has escaped.]
Tree Trunks: Let's go then!
[They all exit the room, a wall closing the door from the top of the frame. The Ice King looks around in the room they entered, and is slapped by a maroon tentacle.]
Neptr: Papi, no! [He releases a pie from his microwave, and he gets hit by a tentacle too.] Ouchies!
[A three-eyed tentacle monster hisses at them.]
[Lemongrab is running around with Shelby on his head. He is wielding his sound sword as he screams like an imbecile.]
Tree Trunks: Look out,  Shelby!
Lemongrab: WOOAH! WUOAGH!
[One of the tentacles grabs Lemongrab, and raises him up to the monster's face. The monster squishes him, and lemon juice spurts from his head.]
[The juice is squirted into the monster's eyes, making it hiss in pain.]
Lemongrab: MOMMY!!!
[The monster explodes, Ice King covers his face from the explosion and Lemongrab is seen kneeling on the floor after the smoke clears up. A spiked wall is opened up revealing a door, and they both look at it.]
Lemongrab: The hidden door! Hohuugh.. [He falls to the ground, looking floppy and thin.]
Lemongrab: My vital essence depleted... Must.. replenish...
Tree Trunks: Oh, step back, you all. [Tree Trunks approaches Lemongrab and inserts her trunk into his mouth. She then blows. Some lemon juice squirts out of him.]
Shelby: Ugh!
[She blows again, making Lemongrab look inflated and puffy. Lemon juice squirts around, hitting the Ice King.]
Ice King: Ew.
[Lemongrab smacks his lips and opens his eyes.]
Lemongrab: Nugh.. That'll do, Slave Trunks. To the spiraling ledge! [He points at the exit of the room.]
[Scene cuts to Ice King and Lemongrab running through a path.]
Ice King: We almost there, Lemongrab?
Lemongrab: Yes.
[It then cuts to Tree Trunks running, with Shelby on her head.]
Shelby: Faster, TT!
Tree Trunks: Don't criticize my running, Shelby.
[They run into the next room and fall though a break in the stairs and the Ice King's robe works like a parachute, and Lemongrab, Tree Trunks, Shelby, and Neptr, grab hold and land safely. Lemongrab walks to the next door.]
Lemongrab: This door leads to the center exit!
Neptr: The door is secured with an esoteric encryption system.
[Ice King picks up Tree Trunks and starts patting her.]
Ice King: Well that's okay, 'cause you can hack the mainframe or whatever, right BMO?
Neptr: I'm not BMO, I'm your son Neptr. I-I throw pies.
[Ice King drops Tree Trunks and starts cluching his beard.]
Ice King: Ohhhs! I grabbed the wrong robot! [starts muttering angerly.] Dang! Nuts face!
Shelby: Uhhh ... what is going on here Ice King?
Tree Trunks: Yes, I'm getting a weird feeling in my stomach, and I think it's 'cause of you, Mr. Wizard you'd better fess up to whatever you're doing. [Cuts to Ice King looking around] I got no time for nobody dancing around and acting fool at my expense. [Cuts to scenes of the others looking around as she speaks] I'm Tree Trunks and people know I'm kind and honest, that's why people like me. [Cuts to Ice King writing in his book again]
Ice King: Huh? Wha-wha-what's she sayin'?
Tree Trunks: So stop sellin' fib-bibs and give it straight! [Pointing at Ice King with her trunk]
Ice King: [Closes book] Grrrr! All right! I knocked you all out and brought you here!
[Cuts to them looking at Ice King]
Ice King: [Puts the book inside his beard] I'm sorry, but I had to do it. Each of you possess the exact qualities to pass the various tests of this dungeon: Tree Trunks with your baking skills; [cuts to Tree Trunks] Lemongrab with your lemony-juicy... [cuts to Lemongrab]
Lemongrab: Essence.
Ice King: Yeah... [cuts to Shelby] Shelby, who should've been the bait for the fish.
Shelby: Yeah..but no, thanks. [cuts to Neptr]
Ice King: And..BMO, who should've been here instead of this weird piece of junk that I don't remember nothin' about. [Neptr looks ashamed, slowly gets off the screen] Ahhh, I failed!
Neptr: Father! Look at me. [Neptr proceeds to throw a pie he just baked at the door, it makes short circuit-like sounds and opens up to them, Ice King is amused]
Neptr: Are you happy with me now, Papi?
Ice King: [Laughs somewhat maniacally] Yes! Yes! Oh, my son! [Grabs and hugs Neptr, he seems happy] The grand prize of my loins!
[Scene cuts to them entering the chamber as Ice King laughs]
Ice King: Now you see why I needed to bring you all here. Behold! The Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving!
Tree Trunks: What's it do?
Ice King: Whatever goes in the Magi's flames..comes to life, anything at all!
Tree Trunks: Uh, like an ashtray?
Ice King: [Looking extremely rejoiced] Yes! Isn't it amazing?!
Shelby: [Annoyed] Uh..You should've told us! I would've freaking brought something!
Ice King: Do not be sad. Because I brought the ultimate thing! [shows them his book] This.
Neptr: Your journal?
Ice King:'s not my journal! [flips it] It's my Fionna & Cake fan-fiction! [Shelby stares at him with contempt] All my brilliant fantasies will now be real. [Ice King looks at the blue flames that surround the Magi wearing an expression of silly hope] Fionna, Cake, Marshall Lee; they'll all be living, breathing beings, just like me.
Lemongrab: [robotic tone] You serve no function, you must be destroyed! [Ice King throws the book in the flames and the Magi grabs it as Lemongrab attacks Ice King with his sound sword] [A wall of flames rises and Ice King gets up, his beard is gone]
Ice King: Yes! Yes! [A very dumb crossed-eyed book with arms and legs comes out of the flames]
Book: Woo, hahaha, yeah! [Farts]
Ice King: [Ice King looks more than disappointed] No..NO! Another cruel joke on my life! [Ice King collapses onto ground, the book approaches him and starts jumping on him, the flames around the Magi start to dissipate and he opens his eyes]
Ice King: Oh,'re awake, you bum. Look what you did..[Ice King points at the Magi, the Magi looks annoyed, the book says something] Get out of my Face! Yeah, yeah Get out! [The Magi goes flying out of a hole up in the chamber as Ice King threatens him with his fist]
[Scene cuts to Finn and Jake in the grasslands, a dusk behind them]
Finn: [Serious] This is the spot? Right here? [The Magi comes out of the ground, Finn and Jake don't see him] What was that?!
Tree Trunks: C'mon Ice Cream. We-we're leavin' [The book farts on Ice King, he is lying on the ground]
Ice King: [Reluctantly] OK.
[Scene cuts to Jake]
Jake: [Sniffs] I'm tellin' you dude, my pie-dar's goin' 'nay-nays. [Sniffs]
[A door on the grass opens and Lemongrab holding Neptr, Tree Trunks, Shelby, and Ice King holding the book come out]
Jake: Oww!
Book: Write in me!
Finn: What the—This is very strange.
Jake: TT! Where is the pie at?! [Shelby gets off Tree Trunks]
Tree Trunks: Oh, Mister Lemoncarb ate it.
Lemongrab: [Quickly] Bye, don't follow me. [Lemongrab leaves]
Shelby: Hey, Jake can I catch you a ride back home?
Jake: Yeah, but what the heck is goin' on here? [Points at Ice Kng that is behind him, sitting on the grass and holding the book]
Shelby: Ice King was doin' some... desperate business, but it didn't work out. [Neptr approaches Ice King] He seems pretty bummed out 'bout it.
Neptr: Don't be sad, Papi. Your characters can always be real in the garden of your mind.
Ice King: [Holds Neptr's hand] They can? [Wears that expression of silly hope again]
Neptr: Remember when you showed me your imagination zone?
Ice King: Yes! Yes, if I can concentrate... [closes eyes]
[Cuts to imagination zone, Fionna is there floating with Ice King]
Ice King: [Laughs] It worked!
Fionna: [Speaking with Neptr's voice] I missed you, Ice King!
Ice King: Oh, Fionna, can dreams be real as waking life?
Fionna: Of course they can! Dreams are real!
Ice King: Then I will wait for you, from across the threshold of consciousness.
[Scene cuts to Neptr]
Neptr: Our worlds will surely meet, Ice King.
[Cuts to imagination zone]
Ice King: [Blushing with his eyes closed] I, too, feel this; and it feels so strong it must be true.
[Cuts to Finn and Jake, Shelby on Finn's shoulder staring at the Ice King]
Finn: [Ice King keeps talking to himself waving his hands while holding the book, book says something] Who in this world is sadder than the Ice King?
Shelby: [Ice King keeps rambling on] Me, watching this.
Book: [flailing hands around] Yeah! Write it down! Write it down!

Episode ends

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