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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake the Dog" from season 5, which aired on November 12, 2012.

This transcript is complete.


[Finn puts on crown and glows with power]
Finn: [Coughs and pushes Marceline off of Bartram with his robotic arm]
Marceline: I warned you, dingle.
Finn: I can hear the crown's promise of power. Invading my brain! [Coughs up snow slug and ascends] [Uses his ice powers to put out the fire and turns toward the Destiny Gang]. Destiny Gang! [Freezes them] Yay! [hurls jagged shaped ice at the rest]
Marceline: Careful there. Careful! Oh, dangit! [Runs towards the cave bushes with Jake] Oh, Simon [While inside cave staring at the bomb.] [Gasp] one more hit and that baby's gonna burst!
[Scene: outside, Finn continues to hurl ice]
Finn: Ice lightning!
[Scene: inside the cave the ice surround the bomb splits]
Marceline: Ah, dingle!
[The bomb has exploded, sending out green smoke and shrieking skulls. Finn turns towards it.]
Finn: What's happening?!! [Sees a frightened Bartram] Bar Bar! I'll save you [hugs him and puts up a ice shield that encases them both]
[Scene: the ice shield breaks apart. The scene goes back to the Time Room]
Jake: Finn? Finn?! Hey guy, where's my buddy?
Prismo: Oh, when he wished for the Lich to have never existed [sips mug, and lets it go, it floats upward.] Finn left my time room and entered his wish altered reality. We can watch him on my TV wall. [A remote materializes and Prismo pushes the ON button. The TV wall shows Finn with Bartram.]
[Scene: Farmworld]
Finn: Oooh...
Jake: Whoa. Alternate-wish-world-Finn is mad uglies! [Shift to Bartram] Hey, I'm mad uglies too!
Finn: [Still holding Bartram and hoisting himself up to look over the shield]
Jake: Everything looks nuts!
Prismo: Yes, sometimes a well intentioned wish can lead to... "nuts." But you know, you get a wish too.
Jake: [Excitedly] What?!
Prismo: Yup, totally. [Hits mute on the remote.] You can have anything you want.
Jake: I wish for- a sandwich!
Prismo: A sandwich, your gonna waste your one wish on a sandwich?! You don't want anything else?
Jake: Nah, sandwich is good, [Demonstrates the size with this hands.] maybe about... this big.... or this big. On ciabatta bread maybe... mmm I don't know, whatever you have is your choice.
Prismo: Dude, I'll just make you a sandwich! You should use your wish on something important.
Jake: [Silent]
Prismo: You know... on someone who might need it. [Hints with his eyes by looking at TV wall, Jake just stares blankly] I'm talking about him over there!
Jake: Oooh...
[Scene: Farmworld, Finn wipes away ash from a ice covered house, uses his metal arm to smash an opening. A view of his family members shows they are all safe.]
Mom: Oh! Finn? Huh?
[Scene: the green smoke and skulls continue to swirl above. The family steps out of the home.]
Mom: What, what on earth did this?
Finn: I did this.
Mom: No, that's not possible. I raised you better than that!
Finn: It's true...[Begins to laugh then cackle]
Mom: [Gasps loudly and hugs the baby.]
Finn: I put out there fire... but I... also made the bomb go off. Urgh! The crown it compels me to- ice up everything!
[A lighting bolt hits the ground frightening everyone, with Bartram rearing.]
Finn: [Laughs manically and stops once he hears the cries of his sibling.] Urghah! I'm sorry mom, dad, little sibling. [Sighs] [He walks over to his family and picks them up to place them on Bartram]. I'm too dangerous... to be around.
Mom: What are you doing?
Finn: Take them... far away Bar Bar. [Smacks Bartram's hindquarters.] Leave me! Leave me...
[Scene: Time Room, with TV wall still on mute.]
Prismo: Looks like your friend is having a pretty rough time.
Jake: [Holding a sandwich and chewing a bit of it in his mouth.] Mmm, yeah, ah well, it's Finn's wish. Let's just see how it plays out. I got confidence in my boy! [Shifts backside into a chair structure and sits.] Besides, I'll hang onto my wish in case i need it. [Takes a bite of the sandwich and the pickle falls out onto the floor.] Awww!
Prismo: Don't worry dude I gotcha covered! [Materializes a jar of pickles.] They're homemade.
Jake: I love you Prismo.
Prismo: Oh yee!! [Laughs and blushes.]
Jake: [Shifts back to normal to grab jar.] I'm serious man, you're like a strong number three on my 'Cool Guys List.' Ah man, my dad use to make pickles [Opens jar and takes one out], it's all he use to talk about, he'd obsess about them all the time, when I'd come in from playing he'd be like: "Here, Jake, try these!" [Bits pickle, continues with his mouth full.] And they'd be pretty crunchy... actually you'd think they'd be soft but they weren't. I'd be like: "Wow dad! You'd made these pretty good!" [Stuffs last bit of pickle in mouth.] Yeah, that was dad.
Prismo: [Nodding]
[Scene: Farmworld, Finn finds a frozen Destiny Gang members and breaks them out of the ice.]
Finn: Rise... my wintry warriors...
Trami: Tromo!
Tromo: Trami! Why am I cold and confused?!
Finn: Fear not, icicle child! For I have brought you into a new life!
Tromo: Eeh? The Mertens kid?
Finn: The age of ice and whispering snow! [Frees Tromo, who runs to free Trami.]
Trami: Hey, crack me loose T!
Tromo: Come on!
Trami: You see Big Destiny anywhere?
Big Destiny: Big D's chillin' over here, wasteland style.
[Both Destiny members try to free Big Destiny.]
Finn: Come back! Only I can protect ya'll. [Touches ground to freeze gang.] Stay...
Trami: Aaa! My kicks!
Finn: Can't you hear the- the whispers?
Tromo: Forget Big D! Let's go!
Big Destiny: I've taught you well, my traitorous gang.
Finn: [Crawls on top of Big Destiny's back.] The voices... they tell me to freeze the world.
Big Destiny: Get off of me, you weirdo!
Finn: I am the end and the beginning. I am the hand of madness. [Hears barking and turns in direction.] Jake?
[Scene: Time Room, Prismo and Jake are sitting in a hot tub next to the TV wall, still muted, and Jake continues to eat his sandwich.]
Prismo: Dude, I get out of relationships because I don't want to have a discussion about what we're gonna have for dinner every night! Cause when I'm alone I can just sit on the couch and I'm hungry I can eat whatever I want. It's not like: [High pitched voice] "What should we eat for breakfast? Wait! We should coordinate!" [Normal voice] That's a pain.
Jake: [Eating sandwich, talking with full mouth.] Mm-mm, man your view of relationships is very bleak, don't you get lonely?
Prismo: I have friends.
Cosmic Owl: [Enters doorway] Hello, hello. Hey, so I brought over the- [Gasp, as he sees Prismo and Jake in the hot tub.] What is this singular doing in this realm?!
Prismo: He's just here making a wish Cosmic Owl.
Cosmic Owl: But I brought games! We were gonna hang!
Prismo: ...after. Come on, get in here.
Cosmic Owl: Okay. [Puts down games and flies to the hot tub. In the top right view of the door, we can see the games moving away from the door.]
[Scene: Farmworld, Finn spots Jake half in and half out of a pool of green liquid.]
Finn: Jake? Jake! [Pulls the dog out. But a pair of arms are grabbing his waist. They turn out to be Marceline's who is now a skeleton.]
Marceline: I warned you... you butt...
Finn: Raah! [Kicks Marcline's skull.] [Pants heavily.]
Jake: [Now conscious and ferociously biting Finn's metal arm.]
Finn: [Voice altered] Don't worry Jake, I'll share the secrets of ice and snow with thee. Heh heh, the power of frost! Power of frost! The power of fros-
[Scene: Time Room, all three in the hot tub, TV wall still muted.]
Jake: Three, two, one... go!
[Prismo begins beat boxing. Cosmic Owl eats a chip.]
Jake: We're three nice dudes, havin' fun! We got warm bubble water, on our buns! I love this spa, and that's a fact! But if I stay too long, I get a pruny back! [Begins beat boxing as well.]
[Cosmic Owl drums in time. Reaches for another chip and hits the remote's mute button, causing it to 'unmute' the TV wall.]
Finn: Jake... Jake, what are you doing?
Lich/Jake: [Possessed, crawls towards Finn.]
Finn: Back off my crown, Jake! I warn you!
Jake: Hey man, I'm right here! That's not me man!
Lich/Jake: [Grows into a large threatening form.] Ah ha ha ha ha!
Finn: [Flies up and blast him with ice. This causes the screen to go static.]
Jake: Finn! I'm in the spa bath! Oh man!
Prismo: Maybe now, you would like to use your wish?
Jake: [Panics and inflates his head] Make Finn okay! I wish for a safe Finn! [cite]
Prismo: Wait, dude! Look, I like you, so you should know my wishes always got an ironic twist to them. It's like a monkey's paw kind of thing.
Jake: [Shrinks back to normal] What?
Prismo: You just gotta be really specific. Say your wish is: "I wish for a back rub." Who's gonna give it to you? A dirty man? A bear? And where does this "masseuse" come from? Do I zap some guy away from his family dinner? Leave some kid traumatized?
Cosmic Owl: Woo!
Prismo: [Nasal voice] Mom, where did dad go? [High pitched voice] Oh, I don't know son he just disappeared from the table... sorry.
Jake: [Looks shocked.]
Prismo: You see, Jake there are rules to this stuff, wishing an event to be changes elements before and after it. Memories will be destroyed, babies will not be born. Potential worlds could be evaporated by your wish!
Jake: [Vomits.]
Prismo & Cosmic Owl: [Exits the hot tub.] Ewww! Uugh!
Jake: [Exits the tub.] I'm sorry, that's a lot of pressure man...
Prismo: Focus, Jake! [Materializes hard boiled egg.] Here, eat this egg, it's brain food.
Jake: [Eats egg and picks himself up.] Oh, okay. Ooo, think... think!
Prismo: [Sighs] Okay, there is a way to bring back all life and get home.
Jake: [Stares at Prismo with surprise.]
Prismo: You just have to ch...
Jake: Chaa...
Prismo & Jake: Chaaange...
Prismo: The Lii-
Jake: The lipstick!
Prismo: The Liiich's...
Jake: The Lich's...
Prismo & Jake: Ooowiii....sssh...ish
Jake: [Gasps] Change the Lich's wish!
Prismo: And go home.
Jake: And go home! Okay, okay, I wish Lich's wish- was for me.
Prismo: Aa-ah!
Jake: And Finn, to go back home to Ooo!
Prismo: I can work with that. Alright, this has been nice, see ya! [Granting the wish, Jake disappears from the room.]
Cosmic Owl: Woo! [Waves goodbye.]
[Scene: outside the Time Room, Jake holding onto Finn bounces on a floating rock and enters the door way. They stare into the room to see Prismo and the Lich, the Lich chuckles as he's about the wish for his wish.]
Lich: I wish- for the extinction of all [head starts shaking rapidly] li-i-if for Finn and Jake to go back home to Ooo. Huh!? No wait, that's not what I wished for!
Prismo: Sorry guy, you only get one wish. Hey Jake, did you see that? Monkey's paw.
[Scene: Finn and Jake reappear back in Ooo in front of the Candy Kingdom. Princess Bubblegum rushes towards them.]
Finn: Jake! What the? Why would the Lich wish... what? Jake?!
Jake: [Getting teary eyed.] It worked!
Finn: [Getting hugged by Jake.] Jake! This is serious! Something really messed up is happening!
Jake: Ha ha! It already happened! And it never happened!
Princess Bubblegum: What? What happened?!
Jake: Nothing, cause I saved everybody!
[Suddenly the gems of power float into the air and scatter back to their owner's crowns as they lay sleep.]
[Scene: the Ice Kingdom with the Ice King scolding Gunter who is wearing a sign: "I Steal Jewels."]
Ice King: Oh Honey, I told you, you can take the sign off when you tell me where you hid daddy's crown jewels.
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: Gunter! Huh? [Sees jewels flying through the window, the force is enough to knock him off his throne.] Woo wowsers!
[Scene: in front of the Candy Kingdom a jar of pickles materializes.]
Finn: What's that?
[Finn and Jake quickly walk over to the jar.]
Jake: [Picks up jar and reads a small note.] Hmm...
Prismo: [Voice over] If you want to come back and hang out some time. Call me - P.[The letter P glows pink]
Jake: I gotta get that guy a girlfriend.

Episode ends