This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake the Dad" from season 5, which aired on January 7, 2013.

This transcript is complete


[The episode starts out with Finn and BMO walking up to Lady's house]
BMO: Puppies! Puppies! Puppies!
Finn: [They enter the house] Hey Jake! Hey Lady! We came to see your new pups!
BMO: [BMO jumps out through Finn's legs and the door] Puppies!
Lady: 얘들아 안녕! ("Hi guys!")
Jake: [Jake climbs down from the barn's loft holding a bundle] Hey dudes! They're still pretty sleepy. Sleepy little sweeties. [Finn slaps his cheek] Pups, meet everybody! [Jake opens the bundle and sets them down one by one] Yeeees!
Jake: Charlie, [Charlie yawns] T.V., [T.V. rolls over from being so round] Viola, [legs wobble] Kim Kil Whan, and this sweet little lady is Jake Jr.!
Finn: [Jake is tearing up and Finn goes to pull the blanket back from Jake Jr.'s face] Aww! Oh! That's a butt. [Jake Jr. begins to bark and Finn laughs] Preeeeetty cute!
Jake: [sniffles] Yeah, Finn. I love all my little babies so much. [Dabs eyes with Jake Jr.'s body] I'm not gonna let anything happen to them!
Finn: [Viola walks off and Finn turns to a more serious note] Dude! Real talk! Are you worried about bein' a dad?
Jake: No way! Check this out! [Lady shows up with a reusable grocery bag and Jake removes Mom's manual] Thanks honey!
Lady: 천만에 ("You're welcome.")
Jake: It's Mom's manual for raising beautiful children.
Finn: Oh dude, Mom! She'd have been so proud to see you and your pups. [Jake begins to bawl]
BMO: [BMO is laughing while Viola is playing tug-o-war with BMO's controller] Look! Look!
Jake: Aw, BMO! When was the last time you washed your controller? [Jake grunts and removes Viola from the controller] WHOA! [Finn is holding down Charlie and Kim Kil Whan with his leg while bumping T.V. and Jake Jr. together. The pups are enjoying it]
Finn: [Jake freaks out and collects all of the pups into his arms] We were just wrestling! Cool uncle wrestling.
Jake: Um, ah, I-I think it's gettin' kinda late. Um, puppies need sleep.
Finn: Okay. [Finn doesn't get the hint]
Jake: [Lady kicks Jake forward] Uhhh, Finn, you should go home. I'm gonna live with Lady and the pups from now on. I'm a dad now. It's a pretty big whoop. [Jake takes Lady's hand and she blushes]
Finn: Oh. [Finn looks disappointed]
BMO: [BMO is tugging on Finn's sock] Who wants to play video games?
Finn: Yeah, okay. [Finn picks up BMO] I guess we'll take off.
Jake: We'll hang out soon.
Finn: Ah, no prob, Bob. Huh, congrats again. [They leave]
BMO: [BMO jumps back in the door] I'll be right back!
Jake: [Jake begins kissing his pups on the head one by one and then goes to kiss Lady, but BMO jumps up to receive the kiss instead. He continues to kiss Lady unfazed] I'm gonna be the best dad ever! [Puts on his dad's hat]
[Scene changes to nighttime; Jake is watching the pups with binoculars while holding a sword. He looks at the clock to see the time change to 4:17 AM. He is exhausted]
Jake: [yawns] Breakfast time. [He gets up to go make breakfast]
Lady: 자기 지금 뭐 하는거야... ("What are you doing, honey?")
Jake: Sorry honey, I'm on guard duty. [Jake pets Lady's nose] You're sleepin' for both of us tonight. [Jake goes and looks and the pups and proceeds into the kitchen. He brings out the holo-message player and plays Mom's manual.] [Quietly] Breakfast ideas for pups. [message begins playing]
Holo-Margaret: [While playing, Jake grabs the ingredients] Recipe for french toast. Ingredients: butter, three large eggs, a wide dash of vanilla, milk, ten slices of bread-white, brown, multi-grain, or country loaf. In a large mixing bowl crack the eggs and whisk the milk, vanilla, and all eggs and honey. [While Jake talks to himself] When your consistency is satisfactory, set mixture aside. Dip bread in the mixture and soak thoroughly. Heat your oven to a high heat and sauté your egg soaked bread slices till golden and toasted and serve hot with sugar, cinnamon sugar, jam, ice cream, meat, whipped cream-
Jake: [Jake goes to check on the pups.] Hmm. [He pokes T.V., picks up his arm, and drops it]. Kinda like a dead person. [Returns to kitchen to cook] They're just asleep. It's okay. Ya gotta be a tough dad. [Slams the egg he was cracking onto the counter and knocks over the bowl] AAAAHHHH! [into holo-message player] The puppies aren't moving!
Holo-Margaret: Perform CPR, they might be dead!
Jake: AHHHH! [Jake stretches over to the pups and does shoddy CPR on Charlie. The pups wake up annoyed and groaning] Saved 'em! Mom's manual knows best!
[Scene chages to daytime. The pups are playing with each other on the floor and Jake gathers them up and puts them on the couch]
Jake: You guys are getting big! Okay! [yawns] Excuse me. Mom's manual suggests that I read you guys a story. [Pulls out "Baby Eating Fox and the Babies"] This was your daddy's favorite book when he was cute like you! [Where his name, "Jake" is on the book he adds " 's beautiful puppies" and begins to read. The pups look anxious and look forward to the book. Half way through, he begins to hesitate.]
There once was five little babies who were very cute and very chubby.
One day, they met a fox.
"I'm so hungry that there
must be something
wrong with
my stomach," said the baby
eating fox.
"Will one of you babies be so kind as to look inside my belly and see what's wrong"?
"We all will!" said the babies who were as helpful as they were chubby.
Jake: This is a lot darker than I remember! Um, gimme a sec. [Jake has realized how morbid the book is and goes to consult the manual] Is this appropriate for babies?
Holo-Margaret: [gasps] Get that book out of here!
Jake: Yeah, okay. Sorry sweeties, Mom's manual says no. [T.V. throws a rubber duck at Jake's hat. Jake molds his head to form a new one]
Lady: 자기야, 애들 데리고 나가서 바람좀 쐬고 오지 그래? ("Hey honey, why don't you go outside and have some fresh air with the kids?")
Jake: Take 'em out for fresh air huh? [He stretches to look outside] There m- there might be a giant fox out there. [falls asleep] Or some-some other predator. [wakes up] Hey! [The pups were reading the book and Jake snatched it away] This's not for babies! [He throws the book out the window and it lands next to a sleeping fox]
Mr. Fox: [wakes up] Hey, free book.
[Mr. Fox returns to the foxes' collective home and shows them the book]
Mr. Fox: Hey! Hey everybody look! Look at this book I found about eating babies! [fox walla] They just sit there while you eat them. [Shows a picture of the baby walking into the fox's mouth]
Fox #1: Whoa! Eatin' babies.
Fox #2: Why haven't we been eating babies this whole time? [coughs out the rock it was eating]
Mr. Fox: I don't know, but I'm going to go eat one right now. [fox walla]
[Jake has the pups on leashes for a walk through he woods]
Jake: Okay everyone, your mom wanted me to take y'all out side. [T.V. reaches for a flower, but is pulled back] Ah ah ah, be careful. [Charlie flies up to catch a butterfly, but is pulled down] No Charlie, no. Too much germs, you know? [The butterfly glances back in response to being called "germy"] Everybody just stick together and don't do anything and we can all take a nap.
[The pups are disgruntled and when Jake falls asleep, they all teleport out of their leashes]
Jake: Then- [Jake walks into a spiky branch] Ah! Uh! [opens his eyes to find Jake Jr. playing with a rust sword, Kil Whan putting various mushrooms on his nose, Charlie dancing with a frog, T.V. swinging on a branch, and Viola in a tree]
Jake: AHHHH! OH MY GLOOB! No! NoOoOoO! IT'S EVERY PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE! NO! No! Noo! [Jake scrambles to catch his pups as they run away like it's a game] Put that down! Get outta there! Ah, come back! Wait T.V., you're gonna hurt yourself! Charlie, nooooo! Viola, wait!
Lady: [Lady sees them through the window] 얘들아! 비올라! 제이크 2세! 그만해! 찰리! 김길환! 아빠 좀 고만 괴롭히고 안에 들어와! ("Hey kids! Viola! Jake Jr.! Stop it! Charlie! Kim Kil-Whan! Stop messing with daddy and go inside!")
Jake: [Lady comes down to see Jake] Hey Lady. These puppies are really wearing me out, you know? I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Lady: 제이크, 자기 혼자 난리치는 거야. 우리 애들 걱정 안 해도 돼. 자기가 너무 과잉보호라니까. ("Jake, you're getting obsessed just all by yourself. Our kids have nothing to worry about. You're being overprotective.")
Jake: No, no it's- it's all in the manual you see- it's- it-it's got a fe- [falls asleep]
Lady: 아이야이야. 필요 없을 때만 난리라니까. ("Ai yai yai! He makes a fuss whenever it's not necessary.")
Fox #3: [The foxes are eyeing Jake from the bushes] Is that a baby? It doesn't look right. Why's he so sweaty. And hairy.
Mr. Fox: Look, fellas, there's never gonna be a perfect baby. Times like this ya just gotta dive right in. [The foxes move in]
Lady: Goochy goochy goo! [Playing with Viola] 아, 얘들아, 가서 아빠 좀 도와드려라. [Ew, kids, go and give daddy a hand.] [Lady sees the foxes drag Jake away through the window]
Jake: What the- What are you doing?! Let me go! [struggles in vain] Hold on, hold on a minute. Just- just lemme- Y'all better watch out! [Tries to stretch, but is too tired. He looks up and sees the pups flying towards him] Puppies?! What are you doing?! Go back inside! The manual's gonna flip!
Jake Jr.: Dad! The manual's a buncha junk! Just give us a chance.
Jake: Jake Jr.! You said your first words! "The manual's a buncha junk!" ... The manual's a buncha junk? Hmm. [Flashback begins. Margaret is protecting Jake from a cobra in front of a butcher's shop]
Flashback Margaret: Stay back Jakey, my manual says it's too dangerous. [Holding holomanual that is freaking out (it's all it can do anyway)]
Flashback Jake: Mom. Your manual's a buncha junk! Look what I can do! [Flexing his mutant powers' muscle (and his independence), Jake gives the cobra an extra-large knuckle sandwich and laughs]
Flashback Margaret: Oh... dear... glob! [Flashback ends]
Jake: I'm sorry for being such a little stinker kids. Come on and show the old man watcha got!
Pups: 수학! ("Mathematical!") [The pups crash into the ground and form a Super Pup] 아빠 몸체이동! [Move Dad into body!")
Jake: [Jake is beamed into the middle of the super pup] Whoa! What the-
Pups: 무지개 뱅! ("Rainbow Bang!") [The pups blast the foxes to temporarily blind them] 프리즘 TBA 작동! ("Initiate prism cyclone!") [They spin like a spinning top, throwing and zapping the foxes]
Jake Jr.: [The super pup disassembles] Ya see, dad? We flippin' crushed it. Crushed it!
Jake: You did! I'm super proud y'all and I'm duper sorry too. [Gathers the pups in his arms] I've been tryin' to make you know about safety without actually learning about safety the way I did, by not listening to MY mom when that snake jumped out of the policeman's boombox.
Lady: [Lady flies up excited] 애기들아! 참 잘했어! 너네 정말 대단했어! ("Well done, babies! You were awesome!")
Jake: Yup! I've been tryin' to make them about safety without actually learning about safety the way I did, by not listening to MY mom when that snake jumped out of the policeman's boombox.
[BMO sings the "Bread Song." BMO is dancing and singing on Finn's stomach while holding bread all the while Finn has BMO's controller in his mouth tapping out a beat and laughing]
Jake: Hey guys. I'm back. [walks up the stairs]
Finn: [BMO and Finn look over concernedly] Is everything okay?
BMO: Did you ruin it?
Jake: Nah, nah, it's cool. It turns out the pups can pretty much take care of themselves. They don't really need me around.
Finn: Oh.
Jake: Yeah. I guess rainicorns age really fast. They're basically like older than me already. Kil Whan has a beard now!
Finn: Oh!
Jake: Ah, it's okay! I got a slammin' family right here too! [hugs them] Plus all my stuff is here.

Episode ends

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