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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Jake Suit" from season 5, which aired on July 15, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[Episode starts in Tree Fort. BMO is sitting down and drinking tea. Finn is swinging from the ceiling in Jake while he is in an armor form, also known as a Jakesuit. Finn jumps down.]
Finn: Yup! Yeah, totally stuck that landing!
BMO: Yeah! Woo woo!
Finn: Man, it's been so long since I've worn the Jakesuit. I forgot how awesome your bod is, bro. Stretchy-arm power! [Finn uses Jake's stretchy arms to grape a can of grape soda. He drinks it and crushes the can on Jake's muzzle.] I feel unstoppable! [Finn jumps over and crushes a stack of wooden logs, leaving splinters in Jake] Bam! And I don't even feel it! [Jake cringes.] [Finn jumps over to BMO.] BMO, throw your plate at me!
BMO: Okay! [BMO throws plate at Finn in the Jakesuit.]
Finn: Yeah, BMO, show me the stuff, keep it coming! [BMO throws the rest of his tea at Jake's stomach.] Yeah, BMO, unleash the beast!
BMO: Yah! Unleash the beast! [BMO starts kicking Jake's leg.]
Finn: Come on, BMO, bring it, that's nothing! [BMO starts scratching Jake's leg.] [yells] You're weak, BMO!
[BMO takes a broken log and hits Jake's leg with it. Jake starts to grumble as his eyes start to tear up. Suddenly BMO falls over in defeat.]
Finn: You OK, BMO?
BMO: I am no match for the Jakesuit.
Finn: That's right!
[Finn jumps out of the Tree Fort. He swings to the top, while also crushing another part of the tree fort.]
Finn: Dog, the Jakesuit is mad strong! This junk could protect me from anything!
Jake: [muffled] Uh, sorta. Wait, bro, what are you doing up here? You know I'm not actual armor, right?
Finn: Septuple flip off the tree house! [Finn jumps off of Tree Fort.]
Jake: Nooo!
[Jake lands directly on top of a fence. Finn pretends the fence is a horse and pretends to ride it.]
Finn: Ride 'em cowboy! Woo!
[Jake spits out Finn and lies, moaning on the ground. BMO runs over and hits Jake with a broken log. The screen goes black for a second.]
[Scene changes to inside the tree house. Jake is walking cautiously over towards Finn, who is sitting down on a couch, because he has sores on his rear. Jake 'ah's in pain. When he sits on the couch, he sighs.]
Jake: You were a little rough with the Jakesuit today, bro. You mashed up my doggy bag pretty hard.
Finn: Why didn't you stop me?
Jake: When you're in my body, it pushes out my brain, so I have no control.
Finn: C'mon bro, taking pain is easy. You just have to imagine that every bruise is a hickey from the Universe. And everyone wants to get with the Universe. [raises eyebrows up and down]
Jake: I bet you wouldn't be saying that nonsense if I wore you as a suit.
Finn: I bet I would be saying that nonsense.
Jake: OK bro, let's see how you like it. I'll bring the pain!
Finn: Do it bro, get in here!
[Jake gets inside of Finn and stretches himself out to cover Finn's insides.]
Jake: Haha yes! Time to bring the pain!
[Finn's hand flops about, and Jake grunts while trying to punch Finn. He gets Finn to put his hand on his face.]
Jake: Eh?
Finn: [laughs] Man, are you kidding?
[Jake grunts and puts Finn's hands on his face. He starts to make Finn poke himself, pull his hat, and lightly flick himself.]
Jake: You give up?
Finn: You have to like, punch me in the face.
Jake: Hmm. I thought I was. This is hard. I can't even make a fist. How do you control my body so well?
Finn: Dude, I'm graceful. Mom raised me graceful.
[Jake grunts while making Finn's hand into a fist. He raises it and moves it towards Finn's face. Before he can punch Finn, the hand turns into an open palm and merely lightly slaps Finn.
Finn: [laughs] Dude, what the Bjork?
[Jake grunts and walks Finn over to a bookshelf. He makes Finn look for a book with Finn's index finger.]
Jake: A-ha! Here we go! Dream Journal of a Boring Man, Volume 12.
Finn: Uh, Jake, what are you doing?
Jake: There's all kinds of pain, Finn.
Finn: Dude, come on, don't do this.
[Jake makes Finn sit down in a chair.]
Jake: Ah. Okay, let's see. Ooh, this one looks good. And it's not too long, only seven pages! [laughs] Okay, here we go. [clears throat] [reading off page] "In my dream, I was eating jasmine rice. But it was also brown rice. And it was also my mother."
[Finn groans]
[The next scene only shows pictures taken every couple of seconds of inside and outside the tree fort, and puts them on fast forward to show the passage of time quickly. When it slows down to normal time, Finn is reading about a different dream. Jake is shown snoozing inside of Finn. He suddenly wakes up.]
Jake: Huh? Where am I? [looks around] Oh, yeah. Hey, Finn, how long have I been out?
Finn: I don't know. A couple hours
Jake: Say what?! Why are you still reading?
Finn: It's actually not that bad. There's a bunch where he knows he's dreaming. Here, let me read you a little. [reading off page] "So I said to the first guy, if everyone in my dream is me, then you are me. And he said, I am who? And I said, me. And he said, who is me? And I said, you. [Jake sighs and flops down in exasperation.] And he said, what about you? And I said, no you!" [stops reading] It's like he's trying to solve a mystery that doesn't exist! You want me to keep going?
Jake: No, I'm hungry.
Finn: Yeah, I'm hungry too. How about a truce while you go make us some lunch?
Jake: Oh, I didn't know we were allowed to call truces. I'll totally remember that the next time my doggy bag is hurtling towards a fence post.
Finn: You know, you could use the opportunity of cooking me food to mess with me.
Jake: [gasps] Wait a sec, you just gave me an idea!
Finn: Yeah? [Jake laughs evilly.] Uh-oh. Oh, look out, you gonna make me something gross? Soemthing spicy? You know I can take it! [Jake blindfolds Finn while BMO is dancing to music in his headphones in the background.]
[Scene changes to later, when the dish is ready. It is served in a dish with a lid on top. Jake makes Finn take the lid and his blindfold off at the same time.]
Jake: Ta-da!
Finn: Meatloaf? That's my favorite dish.
Jake: Mmm-mmm.
Finn: What did you do to it?
Jake: I assure you, it's delicious.
Finn: Okay, well, you're really terrible at this. [Finn grabs a bite of meatloaf and holds it up to his mouth. Jake snatches it up before he can eat it. BMO dances in the background.]
Jake: Yummy!
Finn: Oh, that's just mean.
Jake: Admit you're wrong, and you can have some of this delicious meatloaf!
Finn: Nah, I'm good.
[Jake stretches out of Finn and devours the entire meatloaf off the plate. After he is done, a robotic voice is heard saying 'special occasion' repeatedly.]
Finn: Jake, it's my special occasion phone! Someone's calling me to tell me about a special occasion.
Jake: So?
Finn: So can you walk me over there? I wanna see who it is! [Jake walks Finn over. Finn looks at the back of the phone.] Oh, it's Flame Princess. [laughs] I'll talk to her later. I don't want you embarrassing me or, uh, anything. Jake?
[Scene changes to Flame Princess's house at night. Jake is walking Finn over towards it.]
Finn: Jake! Seriously, don't do this!
Jake: Tell me I win, dude!
Finn: No, absolutely not.
Jake: Alright. Say goodbye to Flame Princess thinking you're cool! I'm gonna embarrass the Bjork outta you!
[Flame Princess walks out to greet Finn.]
Flame Princess: Oh, hey, you came! I got worried because you didn't answer special occasion phone. My relatives are waiting inside.
Finn: What?
Flame Princess: Well, that's why I called on special occasion phone. All my less-evil family members are here for dinner. Come eat!
[Jake laughs evilly and makes Finn walk awkwardly into Flame Princess's House.]
Flame Princess: Finn, this is my family. [Flame Princess gestures at table.] These are my two younger brothers, my brother who's home from the military, and my judgmental aunt and uncle. [Camera shows each family member as she described them.]
[Jake laughs evilly.]
Finn: [whispering to Jake] Jake, whatever you're about to do, please don't do it.
[Jake makes Finn take his shirt and backpack off and pull his pants down. He walks him over to the table. He takes the aluminum foil tablecloth and shoves it in Finn's underpants. Jake mimmicks Finn and sings Puncha yo Buns, while making Finn dance. When he gets to the line 'Punch all your buns, I can punch all your buns!', he grabs the turkey from the table and starts punching it. He then throws it down.]
Older brother: What are you doing in front of my family?!
Flame Princess: Hold on, bro. Perhaps it is a non-flameish custom unknown to us.
Jake: [as Finn] Nope! Just doin' the kind of stuff I do all the time!
Older brother: This is a nightmare come true for me, sister.
[Flame Princess walks Finn out of her house. Jake continually says 'tough tootin' baby' as they walk out.]
Flame Princess: What are you doing?!
Jake: [as Finn] Don't you wanna see more?
Flame Princess: Oh, my Bjork! No! I don't want to see more! Wait, what's that in your mouth? Jake?
Jake: [in normal voice] Oops! Busted.
Flame Princess: Are you controlling Finn?
Jake: Yeah, I'm causing Finn pain. We have a bet going on.
Flame Princess: And you made him dance like a baby, semi-nude, in front of my family? Wow, that's pretty hardcore.
Jake: [chuckles] What?
Flame Princess: Good luck, Finn. Hope you win!
Finn: I will!
Jake: Hmm!
[Scene changes to Lady Rainicorn's house. She is washing dishes while Finn walks in. She gasps when she suddenly sees Finn. Finn barges in the door.]
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] Finn! Oh, of all days! Where are you going? Jake, where are you?
[Jake streches out of Finn's mouth.]
Jake: I'm right here.
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] Oh!
[T.V. walks by.]
T.V.: 'Sup?
[Jake, Lady Rainicorn, and Finn look at T.V.]
Jake: What's T.V. doing here? I thought all the kids found apartments.
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] No matter what, I think he's stay-at-home.
[While Lady Rainicorn is talking, T.V. sits by the computer and starts typing.]
Jake: Ha-ha! That's my boy. Momma's basement baby. [Jake makes Finn sit down.]
Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] Jake, what are you doing? Please tell me.
Jake: Oh, it's this bet we're doing. It's not really a bet. It's more like a showdown. I'm trying to get him to admit that it's hard when someone wears you as a suit. How do I win the bet, Lady?
T.V.: Hey, Dad? Why don't you try jumping in a volcano? [resumes typing]
[Scene changes to a volcano. Jake walks Finn over while laughing evilly.]
Jake: Yes!
Finn: So, what are we doing, bro? [Finn shoes start to melt to the ground.]
Jake: The Universe is going to have a full-on make-out session with you, bro. I'm talkin' minimum tier 8. Behold!
[Smoke clears to show a pack of Fire Wolves.]
Finn: Fire Wolves? That's your plan? Please.
Jake: Oh no, bro, that's just fortuitous circumstance! [Jake makes Finn take some kibble out of his backpack.] Allow me to take advantage! here, pup pups! Want some kibble? Want steak flavor? Steaky-steaks?
[Wolves start to whine and walk up to Finn, eating the kibble and licking his face.]
Jake: How you like it, bro? Pretty painful, huh?
Finn: Eh, whatev.
[Jake stretches Finn to the top of the volcano.]
Finn: Hmm. Looks hot.
Jake: Oh yeah, bro! The pain-train has arrived at the station! Choo-choo! [He wraps one leg around a rock on top of the volcano and lowers Finn down into the volcano.]
Finn: I'm ready, bro! Bring it! You're nothin', lava! You're a bum! I can handle you!
Jake: Look, just say stop, and you won't get burned.
Finn: [yells] Never!
Jake: Okay, bro. This'll pretty much wreck up your whole life, so think about it.
Finn: Bring it! Yeah, baby, feels good, love it, lovin' that heat on my skull!
Jake: Okay...I'm gonna lower you some more...probably gonna cook up your brain.
Finn: Oh, yeah, give it to me!
[Jake lowers the tips of Finn's hat into the lava.]
Jake: [thinking to himself] Dang, he's flippin' crazy! This isn't gonna do anything, he's never gonna give up!
[Finn grunts from the heat. Jake screams and stretches them out of the volcano. They land, and Finn coughs Jake out of him.]
Finn: What happened? You robbed me of the win!
Jake: You're right, man. My bruises are hickeys from the Universe. And I should just accept that.
Finn: Yeah boy! In yo' face!
Jake: Yeah, in my face.
[Finn enters Jake through his face and Jake turns into the Jakesuit. Finn runs them inside the volcano while they both scream. The screen fades to black.]
[Scene changes to inside of the Candy Kingdom Hospital. Finn and Jake are lying down on beds, with casts all over their bodies.]
Jake: Dangit, Finn.
[Finn laughs.]
[A door opens and Head Clown Nurse and Big Clown Nurse walk in. Head Clown Nurse hums "Entry of the Gladiators."]
Big Clown Nurse: Who's ready for rehabilitation?
Head Clown Nurse: We'll start with full-body immersion therapy. [starts making kissing noises]
Finn: [screaming] No!
Jake: [quietly screaming to himself] Yes!
Episode ends.