This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "I Am a Sword" from season 8, which aired on April 23, 2016.
Finn
Jake
Bandit Princess
Finn Sword
BMO
Spiky People
Cameron
Sharon
Box People
Box Prince
Science Cat
Spear Bear
Merchant
Snail
None
Transcript[]
- Finn: When we catch that bandit, I'm gonna be like Then I'm gonna give him just a wicked noogie, then a lecture on personal responsibility. Then another noogie, like, "Get that knowledge in there.
- Jake: Yeah, dude, but it's getting pretty late. We might got to catch him tomorrow.
- Finn: Aww. What do you think, Finn Sword? Should we stay out a little longer? [Finn Sword shake your head] Should we do a sword trick? Is that a better idea? [Finn throw up the Finn Sword]
- Jake: No looking. [Finn close the eyes and take the sword, Finn Sword shake your head] I bet you can't do that behind your back.
- Finn: Like this? [Finn throw up the Finn Sword] Sword trick! [Finn take the sword behind]
- Jake: What a sword trick.
- Finn: Finn Sword, are you just loving this? [Finn Sword shake your head]
- Jake: Oh, oh! I bet you can't do that and freestyle some bars.
- Finn: I can do that! Hyup! [Finn maximum throw up Finn Sword] It's the boy I-I'm a boy[the bridge broke and falls] Whoa! Aah! [Finn try to catch but fail] Finn Sword! [Finn Sword it fall]
Finn: Oh, man.
[ Panting ]
Dude, we got to call it.
He's got to be around heresomewhere.
Finn!
[ Echoing ] Finn!
See? Is that even an echo?
There's no way to tell.
Uh, swords don't talk.
Come on.We can find you a new sword.
We do that all the time.
You don't understand.
That sword is like me.
Like a sword me.
I don't think I'm totally scooping what you're pooping.
I'll make you a new sword that looks like you.
We got a bun‐tonof arts and crafts stuff lying around at the house.
Bandit Princess: [ Sighs ]
Yeah. Yeah.
That's that good‐good.
Now kiss.
Mwah!
Man: ♪ Pay it in the front, pay it in the back ♪
Hmm.♪ Pack that dollar in the dollar sack ♪
♪ They call me badfoot money when I step in the street ♪
Huh? Someone there?
I must just be nervous.
Probably because I'm carrying around
these succulentmoney bags.
Got to go get these muchachosin a bank.
Aah! Please, I'm so rich!
[ Screams ]
Waking upscreaming again.
Finn: Jake! Jake! Breakup? Lich?
Me dying? You dying? Other breakup?
Growing up? Never growing up?
Or spiders? It was a totally new nightmare.
I was in the woods and ‐‐and I was gonna rob this guy.
Aw, that sounds like a nasty guilt dream.
Here, this'll cheer you up.
Do, do, do, do,do, do, do!
Take a look at this!
Dooooo!
What's this now?
It's a sword just like your old one.
I couldn't get your mouth right.
Sorry.
Thanks, dude.
Science Cat: Yo, Finn!
Hey, Science Cat.
It's time for the daily brawl, remember?
[ Sighs ]
I don't think can make it today, guys.
But we came all the way here.
This is why Spearbear even owns a watch.
It's fight o'clock, Finn.
It's fight o'clock.
Okay, okay, I'll come down.
[ Grunts ]
Aha!
Yah!
[ Laughs ]
Bye, guys.Thanks for coming.
Science Cat:Your heart's not in it, Finn.
He's right, isn't he?
Did I take Finn Sword for granted?
Maybe I take a lot of people in my life for granted, you know?
Talking to inanimate object.
Get a load of this guy.
[ Humming ]
[ Yawns ]
Hey, man, you're still up? Yeah.
I'm afraid of having another scary guilt dream.
Okay then.Let's stay up.
We can put onsome up‐tempo music,
and I'll set you up witha brainy modern video game.
Here you go, buddy.Have some tea.Thanks.
This'll be fun.
Like the oppositeof a sleepover.
And I'll stay upwith you all night if ‐‐
[ Snoring ]
Night, dude.
Hmm."You kick open the chest.
It's a trap!
You've awakenedthe Demon Queen!
Fight the Demon Queen!
The Demon Queen cackles
and swats your arrows away"?
Modern games are so intense.
How do I check my stats?
[ Grunts ]
Lady, you can'tcome in this bank.
My whole job isyou can't come in this bank.
Oh, it is on.
[ Grunts ]Don't kill me.
I've never knowntrue love.
[ Screams ]
Oh, my Glob!
I wasn't even asleepthat time.
Jake![ Snores ]
I think Finn Swordis trapped
in the villageof Spiky People.
We got to go rescue him.What?
Why come you know that?
That sword is me.
He's been sending mepsychic Finnmails
of sadness and fearto my Finnbox.
We got to go save him.It's really important to me.
Aah!
Do you evertake those off?
[ Explosion ]
[ All screaming ]
Oh, Glob!
What happenedto my peaceful world?!
It's Nacho Island Tuesday.[ Coughs ]
Nacho bros,can you hear me?!
It's Kurt, nacho bros!
Finn Sword: Stop!Aah!
A talking sword?
I was keeping it on the DL,
but yeah, I'm Finn Mertens,a. k. a. Finn Sword,
a.k.a. sick ofyour non‐irie antics.
You can't be using meto rob banks.
Hero use only.
Cameron: Bandit Princess!
I, Cameron,mayor of Spiky Village,
along with the trusteesof Spiky Village Bank
ask politelythat you put our gold
back where you got it
in exchange fora pre‐approved home loan
with 0% APRfor the first six months,
and [coughs] APRfor the next 30 years.
Monthly processing feesapply.
What do you say?
[ Whispersindistinctly ]You know what?
I just spoke to Ruby G,who owns the bank,
and he said thatwe can cut you a bigger break
on that loan.
I mean ‐‐ pfft! ‐‐of course, right?
How aboutwe cut you a break, huh?
I'll be cuttingand breaking you, Mr. Mayor.
[ Laughs ]
Oh, no!I'm toast!
Aah!
OMG, you've ruined my life,Bandit Princess.
Mine, too.
You've trashedmy hero streak.
And I'll keep trashing itover and over and over
until you can't remember
ever having done a good deedin your life.
Why would you do that?!
I was born with rabies
and my parents didn't love mebecause they both had mono,
so now I do stufflike this.
[ Laughs ]Cameron: Call my wife!
This is terrible.
Oh, we're gonna do so manyterrible things together.
It's gonna be hilariousto watch you cry, Finn Sword.
Cry as you end livesand steal from the week.
Bandit Princess.What?
I will find a wayto kill you!
Hey, take a time out,dude.
We got a lot of livesto ruin.
[ Laughs ]
Finn #2,if you can hear me,
this gray area wet wipeis using me against my will.
Please find me soon.
Find me and use meto slay this bleeble.
That's what I sawin my vision.
[ Cries ]
Finn and Jake,you've come in my time of need.
Sharon,what's going on here?
A princess of banditsstole our gold reserves,
and with a mighty sword,
she took offwith my husband's head.
Mayor Cameron?!Mayor Cameron?!
[ Wailing ]
It's a massive hangnail.
I got one, too.It hurts.
Can you hear me,Mr. Mayor?
Can you sense wherethis bandit princesstook your head?
All: Whoa!
Finn: We'll getyour husband's head, Sharon.
And the gold, please.
You think he knowswhere he's going?
He made it seem that way.
Yeah, but maybehe's like a chicken
when, um ‐‐when, you know.
When what?What happens to chickens?
Uh, I forget.Never mind.
Like our chickenLorraine?
Finn and Jake!Both: Whoa!
Thank you for escorting meback to my head.
Mr. Mayor, did you seewhere Bandit Princess went?
That waytowards Box Kingdom.
Let's close the gap, Jake.Jake: You got it.
Good luck, you's two.
Oh, shoot!
Don't forgetto bring back my gold!
Dag!
Sharon's gonna bereal upset.
Bandit Princess:[ Grunting ]
[ Cats yowling ]
Gross!
[ Grunts ]
Ha! ha!
Box Prince!
[ Yowls ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Grunts ]
I'm gonna need all these boxesto store my gold.
Give up now or join your princein the recycle bin.
Finn: Wait!
No recycling!
Hm. You looking for this,I suppose?
You okay, buddy?No, man.
This creep showmade me prey on the innocent.
Ooh!This is freaking serious.
Jake, no matter what happens,don't step in.
Jake: [ Gags ]
Give me back myself,dude!
I'll slay youwith your own body!
Give this tranchacute arthritis!
You gonna getbopped in the brain!
Dag! Useless.Eat it!
[ Grunts ]
Finn!Stay put!
[ Groans ]
[ Grunts ]
Hey, gimme that!
What the crease?
You gonna get it now,dude.
That's the grass sword!
[ Grunts ]
Yah!
[ Shatters ]Aah!
Finn!
Hang on, man.I'll take care of this.
[ Laughing continues ]
Keep your busted sword.
Pfft!
Jake, why does this thinghappen to Finn?
BMO,it's a wooly bully world.
People be acting crazyalways.
You mean some peopleare just
pure city sidewalk boom‐boomfrom a rat donk
and that'sall there is to it?
Um,I don't know for sure.
Here's the sticker I madeof Finn's sword's face.
Thanks, BMO.
Yo, that'sa spot‐on drawing.
Did you noticeI got the mouth just right?
Uh, yes, I did.
Come on.Let's get some air.
Okay, I like air.
[ Door closes ]