This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Happy Warrior" from season 9, which aired on April 26, 2017.
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Transcript[]
Finn: [ Sighs ] Jake, hold on, buddy.
LSP: Cheer up, Finn. So what if Jake got absorbed into Slime Princess' rockin' body? He's probably having fun, and doing way better without you.
Betty: Give me the Slime jewel! [ Sing‐song voice ] Hooray! Just two more of these sweet princess jewels, and I'll be able to fix everything.
Betty: [ Laughs maniacally ]
LSP:[ joins in Betty's laughter then stops abruptly ] Your laugh is really annoying.
Finn: I changed my mind. Skyhook me back to Slime Kingdom!
Ice King: [slaps Finn across the face] Ugh! Don't talk that way about the skyhooks! Focus, Finn.
Finn: You're right. Let's go get that Fire Jewel!
Ice King: [summoning his ice powers] Please keep your hands and bags away from the cloud's edge.
[Ice King transports the cloud towards the Fire Kingdom.]
[Device beeping as Finn scrolls through photos of him and Jake]
LSP: [slaps the device out of Finn's hand and it falls to the Fire Kingdom below and vaporizes immediately] No! Don't torture yourself! And don't drop your phone into the Fire Kingdom, dummy.
Betty: Hey, I'm feeling some of my old zazzle. Enough to cast the strongest flame shield to protect you. If I don't, you'll die. [ Chuckles ]
Betty: [ Recites incantation in unknown language ] [ Screams ] [blows raspberries]
Ice King: Look, guys. My ice powers are tapping out, what with all the elemental fire magic down there. But I would never ever let you down, so I'm sending Gunter.
Gunter: Wenk.
[Ice King lowers Finn and Gunter into the fire Kingdom]
LSP: (to Ice King and Betty) So, you guys want to do something? You got any music? You guys aren't just like boring and old, right?
[Ice King and Betty ignore LSP]
LSP: Finn, wait for me! [LSP floats down to Finn and Gunter]
Finn: [looking around] This doesn't look so bad.
[a bird lands on the ground and vaporizes instantly from the scorching heat]
Finn: Ooh!
LSP: You see that bird? Gross.
Finn: LSP?! Be careful! You don't have a Flame shield!
LSP: Eh, it's fine. I've been in, like, all four zones without a scratch.
Finn: Huh, that's weird.
LSP: No, I'm just super cool.
[ Screaming ]
Finn: Whoa! Tiny warrior.
[ Grunts ]
[ Screaming ]
Finn: Oh, no, you don't! [Kicks warrior in the chest and they tumble to the ground]
Tiny Warrior: Oof!
Finn: Show your face, you ‐‐Wyatt? What are you doing?
Tiny Warrior/Fire Wyatt: I'm Fire Wyatt! I got rage! You cannot defeat me! [ Growls ]
Finn: [unfazed] Let's take his armor.
LSP: Okay.
Gunter: [puts on the armor] Wenk.
Fire Wyatt: [ Groans ] I'm going, but I swear vengeance, okay?
Finn: [brandishing the fire sword and feeling it's power course through him] Cool.
[ Distant grunting and fighting sounds ]
Fire Kingdom Citizen: Your cooking stinks! Aah!
Second Citizen: [screaming] So sick of your face!
[ Distant screaming ]
Finn: Man, this place used to be nice...er.
[ Sudden roaring from an unknown person who begins speaking Korean aggressively]
Finn: Lady Raini‐‐ er, Flameicorn! It's me ‐‐ Finn! I got important news about Jake‐‐[Lady Flameicorn violently swats Finn into a tree] Oof!
Finn: [with rising anger] Get out of my way, Lady. I'm gonna get the Fire jewel even if I have to put you in the ground! [Finn is briefly overcome by elemental fire magic, but calms down.]
Finn: [ Groans ] No, we're not gonna fight you.
LSP: [suddenly attacks Lady Flameicorn] Aah! Step off, Lady! I'm fighting you!
Gunter: [to Finn] Wenk, wenk.
Finn: I can't--She's like family!
Gunter: [moves in to assist LSP] Wenk!
LSP: [is struck down by Lady Flameicorn] Aah!
Lady Flameicorn: [ Speaking Korean ]
Gunter: [is also struck down by Lady Flameicorn] Wenk!
Lady Flameicorn: [ Growls and traps the trio with her body. ]
Lady Flameicorn: [ Ignites her body into blue flames then screams ]
Finn: [preparing to fight back] Don't make me!
Cinnamon Bun: [sudden whipping sounds] Hyah! Hyah! Kyah! Get out of here!
Lady Flameicorn: [ Groans ][ Speaks Korean, then flees ]
Finn: Dang, Lady. Calm down.
Cinnamon Bun: It's no use, Finn. Like all of the fire people, Lady Flamicorn knows only fighting.
Finn: Cinnamon Bun! You're still normal.
Cinnamon Bun: My Flame shield protected me from the change, but the rest of the kingdom...is lost.
Finn: Not for long, man. Will you take us to Flame Princess?
Cinnamon Bun: It won't do any good. She is spicy with anger.
Finn: I know I can reason with her. We used to really bond over music and...stuff.
[Cinnamon Bun shakes his head in disbelief, but he lowers his steed,Jake 2, so the trio can climb on.]
LSP: Comin' in. [Nuzzles into Cinnamon Bun's back] Mmm.
Cinnamon Bun: [slightly shocked] Wha--? Mm.
[ Distant barking ]
Finn: [ Gasps ] That was the throne room.
Cinnamon Bun: This is as far as I go.
Finn: Don't you want to see FP?
Cinnamon Bun: She said some...hurtful things.
Finn: I'll give her a good talking to...[again, Finn is briefly overcome with Fire Elemental magic] I'll talk her into next week!
Cinnamon Bun: [fiercely] No! I'm gonna let her do her. I'm a loner now.
LSP: What about your wolf friend?
Cinnamon Bun: My wolf is also a loner. We are both loners!
LSP: [as Cinnamon Bun and Jake 2 ride away] When did he get cool? Everyone slept on that.
Flambo: Hey, youse mugs.
What for ya come tothe Fire Kingdom for, huh?
Flambo?Are you still normal?
Die in a ditch.
[ All scream ]
Flambo, you used tobe about the laughs.
This is whatI think is funny.
Boi‐oi‐oi‐oing.
Hyah!
Talk about a spicy meat‐‐
If you can't run the saw, then stay out of my woodshed!
[Roars]
Dramatic boys.
Never again.
Wenk, wenk. Wenk.
Finn! The duck found a secret tunnel!
Okay. [Sighs]
Wenk, wenk, wenk.
So, are you still into Flame Princess?
What? No, FP and I are just friends.
And I'm really proud of that friendship.
Getting there took a lot of trust building and emotional growth.
Okay. I believe you.
Do you do squats?
Gunter?
Dang. Just look at these ding‐dongs.
[Swords clashing, shouting]
Roars]
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[Growls]
Hyah!
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
Fire Wyatt's still in the game.
Aah!
[Grunts]
[Grunting]
Wenk!
Oh, there he is.
Wait. Look at what's caught in that dragon's teeth.
That's FP's jewel!
Oh, dang.
That big gross dragon ate your ex.
Give me...that...jujubee!
I'm gonna tear you apart if you did anything to hurt ‐‐ wait ‐‐ Flame Princess?
- Flame Princess: Return the jewel, worm.
Oh! It is you.
Listen. I need this to fix Ooo.
'Cause Jake is slime,
and this place is a toxic aggro machoscape.
- Flame Princess: This place is great.
[Yells]
- Flame Princess: Fire Kingdom rules!
That was messed up and not who you really are.
Aah!
[Grunts] [Groans]
- Flame Princess: Stop talking to me like we're friends! The only friend I have is violence, and the only thing we do when we hang is fight.
[Growls]
Finn, wait!
Flame Princess is the dragon!
‐Ah! Ah! Ah!‐I'm being arrowed!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Wenk.
Gunter, you saved me!
Wenk. Wenk. Wenk.
Wenk!
I know you won't hurt me, Gunter.
Wenk. Wenk. Wenk.
Oh, no! I'm too trusting!
Finn, I want to leave! Wrap that up.
Give it!
[Roars]
No! I have to save Jake.
Phoebe. Stop.
[Gulps]
[Laughs evilly]
Aaaaaah!
Hyah!
Aah!
I'm gonna ruin your universe.
[Grunts]
[Roars]
Aah!
Honestly, I could still see those two working out.
Oh, come on.
Ugh!
No one touches my charm!
Hey.
Hey!
‐Wenk.‐This is terrible.
Nobody's paying attention to me.
Everyone just stop fighting!
- LSP: What's wrong with you? Why can't you be more like those nice, boring losers in the Candy Kingdom? With their little faces and songs? Or like me? Why isn't everyone more like me?
Kill her.
- Flame Princess: No, she's right. We must stop senselessly attacking each other… and start senselessly attacking those disgusting nerds in the Candy Kingdom!
[All shouting]
Clutch.
That's a huge extrapolation from what I said.
All: Smash the nerds! Smash the nerds!
Smash the nerds!
[All shouting]
Surely, this is the end of all things.