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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gut Grinder" from season 1, which aired on September 27, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn walking through some bushes, looking for Jake.]
Finn: [calling] Jake! Jake! [coming out of bushes] Jake? [sees Jake's viola resting on a rock] Hmmm... [picks it up and starts playing it poorly]
Jake: [off screen] Aaaah! [comes out of bushes covering his ears] Aaaaah! [rolls on ground] Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl! [gets up and knocks the viola out of Finn's hands] Uh! That sounded horrible, man! [picks up viola]
Finn: I don't know how to play.
Jake: Exactly! [starts tuning viola]
[Distant screams are heard off screen.]
Finn: Huh? Let's go! [runs toward screaming]
Jake: Oh, wait up. I gotta finish tuning my viola.
[Scene changes to Finn running toward the Soft Village. He enters it and sees several Soft People crying.]
Finn: Soft People! Why are you all in a tizzy?
Soft Person #1: The Gut Grinder! He's back!
Finn: The "Gut Grinder?"
Old Soft Person: Yes, the Gut Grinder is a gold-eating monster. In the past, the Soft People of this village enjoyed piling our gold in the center of town and dancing wildly around it. It was awesome [laughs]! But then, the Gut Grinder came and stole our pile of gold. So we adapted and learned how to hide our gold using a big cup. And it worked! The Gut Grinder didn't come back! But recently, and admittedly it was probably a bad idea, we took our gold out from under the cup and we put it in the center of town. Haha, 'cause--'cause we really like dancing around it! But, boy oh boy, was that a mistake. You know what happened?
Finn: Uhhh... it came back and ate all your gold?
Old Soft Person: [crying] Yes, oh, yes!
Finn: Aw, don't cry, Soft Old Man. I'll find this monster and bring peace to this village. I swear!
Soft Person #1: Swear to what?
Finn: I swear to justice!
Soft People: Whoa! He swears to justice!
Finn: Okay, so, what does he look like?
Old Soft Person: Ohh, it's so scary we usually close our eyes and go wee-wee when he attacks. But... [walks over to footprint] he left this footprint... [Jake (giant-sized) storms in] Wha--?
Jake: [putting his foot in the print] Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
Soft Person #1: Look! His paw matches the footprint!
[Soft People start murmuring, terrified.]
Soft Person #1: I'm so scared, I'm gonna go wee-wee!
Finn: Whoa, no, no-no-no-no! Calm down, everybody. This is my friend, Jake the Dog.
Soft Person #2: [sigh] Thank goodness.
Soft Person #1: Yeah--I almost wee-wee'd!
Jake: Wait, you were gonna wee-wee if I was the Gut Grinder?
Soft Person #1: Oh, yeah! We're terrified of him.
Jake: [loudly] Then I am the Gut Grinder!
Soft Person #1: I'm gonna wee-wee! [squirts liquid out of its armpits and spins around in a circle]
Finn: [laugh] That guy wee-wees weird.
Jake: I'm just kiddin', everybody. I'm not the Gut Grinder. I'm... [shrinks back to normal size] Jake the Dog! Woohoo!
Soft Person #3: Aw, he's just a cute little dog!
Jake: Hey, I'm not cute!
Soft Child: [running up to Jake] Doggy! [petting Jake] Pet, pet, pet! [laughs]
Jake: Huh? Oh, heheh. [closes his eyes, purrs, drools]
Finn: Pfft.
Jake: What?!
Finn: I didn't say anything. [to villagers] People of the village of Soft People, I, Finn, and my buddy Jake, will find this monstrous monster and slay it!
[Soft People cheer.]
Finn: Come on, let's go, Jake.
Jake: [getting a belly rub] Oh... heheh. What? No! [Finn grabs him and drags him away] Noooo...
Soft Child: Bye-bye, doggy!
Jake: [still being dragged by Finn] Bye, Soft Village.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake following the footprints. Jake is walking in them.]
Jake: Hey Finn, my feet fit these prints pretty well. Hm, what if I really am the Gut Grinder? [laughs nervously]
Finn: Dude, your paws'll fit anything.
Jake: [laugh] That is true. Check this out. [shrinks his feet to fit Finn's prints and walks in them; says mockingly:] I'm Finn the Human and I stink at viola!
Finn: [imitating Jake] I'm Jake the Dog and I put my nose in poop.
Jake: There's a lot of interesting smells in poop.
[Commotion is heard in the distance.]
Finn: Huh? [sees that it's coming from Cube Village]
[Scene switches to Finn inside Cube Village.]
Finn: Hey Cube People, what's going on here?
Cube Person #1: The Gut Grinder stormed into our village and ate all of our gold!
Jake: [emerging from behind a building] Wait, what happened?
Cube People: Aaah! The Gut Grinder!
Finn: Whoa, no, no, no! He's not the Gut Grinder! He's my friend!
Cube Person #2: We saw the Gut Grinder and he looks exactly like him!
Jake: [laughs nervously] Th-that's ridiculous.
Finn: Jake, back to your normal size.
Jake: Oh yeah. [shrinks down, starts dancing] Ooh ooh ooh. [sings] I am not... the Gut Grinder. Ooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh ooh.
Cube Person #1: Aw, he's just a cute little dog.
Jake: Hey! Y'all are the ones who are cute. I'm hot.
Cube Person #1: Aw, look--he's all mad!
Cube Person #2: Even cuter.
Jake: Aaah!
Cube Person #1: [running over to Jake] So cute! [hugs him, rubs his belly] Aw, so cute, so cute!
Jake: I'm not cute! I'm--mnh, [closes eyes] ooh.
Finn: We are also seeking the Gut Grinder. Me and my friend Jake will find it and slay it! Tell us what he looked like.
Cube Person #2: Exactly like him, [points to Jake] but bigger.
Jake: [getting belly rubbed] Ruff, ruff, grrrr... [continues making dog sounds]
Finn: Huh... Which way did he go?
[Cube People point left.]
Finn: Jake! Hey, come on!
Jake: Wha--? [getting up] Where am I?
Finn: [running left] Thanks, guys!
Jake: [following Finn] I'm not cute. I'll mess you up.
[Scene changes to Finn riding Jake through a field.]
Jake: Finn...? What if I am the Gut Grinder?
Finn: What?!
Jake: What if I'm, like, stealing gold in my sleep?
Finn: You can't be stealing gold in your sleep--I watch you while you sleep.
Jake: Wha--? Yo, Finn, that is creepy, man.
Finn: I can't help it. I take pictures.
Jake: Well, when do you sleep?
Finn: Justice never sleeps.
Jake: Well, there's gotta be a time when you're not watchin' me... that--that I--that I might be stealin' gold unconsciously!
Finn: [into Jake's ear] You... are... not... the... Gut... Grinder!
Jake: [worried moan]
[An alarm starts sounding. Finn and Jake see that it is coming from the Spiky Village.]
Alarm: City in danger! City in danger!
Finn: Let's go! Oh, wait--what if these guys think you're the Gut Grinder? Hmm... [snaps fingers] Ah-ha! [reaches into his pack] Got the perfect thing for ya: [pulls out glasses] Groucho glasses! [places glasses on a lump of Jake's fat]
Jake: I love it! [kisses lump, hides his face by moving it to his chest] Launch in 3, 2, 1! [jumps toward Spiky Village]
Finn: Woohoo! Yeah!
[They enter Spiky Village. Several Spiky People are seen crying.]
Finn: Oh, man! These people are a mess!
Spiky Guard: Halt! Identify yourselves immediately!
Finn: I am Finn the hero!
Jake: [moving lump] I'm Groucho!
Finn: We're on a mission to catch the Gut Grinder.
Spiky Guards: [gasp]
Spiky Mayor: I am the mayor of this village. Our gold has just been stolen by the very monster you speak of.
Finn: I hereby vow to catch that thief and bring your gold back!
Spiky Mayor: Our people thank you. I present to you this photo [Spiky Person enters carrying a photograph] of the Gut Grinder to help in your mission.
Finn: [takes photo] Oh, thanks.
Jake: [quietly] Wha--? [looking at photo] Finn, it's me!
Finn: [crumbles photo into a ball; says quietly:] Well, duh, it looks like you. [puts photo in pocket] We already knew that. It's just one of those weird coincidences--like how my belly button looks like your face.
Jake: Yeah, I-I know you think it does, Finn--but this is different. I'm scared, Finn. [starts shaking nervously]
Finn: Jake, stop it!
[Jake accidentally shakes off the Groucho glasses.]
Spiky Mayor: Wha--? Oh, it's the Gut Grinder!
[Spiky People start murmuring angrily and surround Finn and Jake.]
Finn: No, no-no-no-no! He's not the Gut Grinder! I swear on my good name... and justice... and Jake's cute face!
[Jake bats his eyelids.]
Spiky Mayor: His face is weird. The truth is obvious: your friend is the Gut Grinder!
[Spiky People take Jake.]
Spiky Mayor: [as Spiky People put Jake in jail.] You are under arrest for stealing our gold.
Finn: [running up to Jake] I'll get you out of here... somehow.
Jake: No, Finn... I belong behind bars. Look at the evidence--I really am the Gut Grinder.
Finn: Buddy, listen to me. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember! That's enough evidence to prove to me that you're not a monster!
Jake: Then... why am I in jail? Only Gut Grinders go to jail.
Old Man Prisoner: I'm in jail and I'm not the Gut Grinder. [catches a grub] I'm here for the free grub. [puts grub in his mouth] Hehehehehe! [his gold tooth gleams]
Finn: Huh? Wait, I got an idea!
[Finn reaches through the bars and pulls out the old man's tooth and runs to the middle of town, holding up the tooth.]
Finn: Hey, Gut Grinder! I got some gold here that you missed. Come and get it!
[A manhole cover rattles nearby. Out pops a cute dog face.]
Finn: Huh. Whoa, you're the Gut Grinder?
[The face shoots out sharp points and rises up. It turns out to be a mace held by the Gut Grinder, who climbs out of the manhole. The Gut Grinder growls and sees the gold tooth in Finn's hand. He chases Finn, punches him, and steps on him, taking the tooth and laughing. The scene switches to inside the jail.]
Old Man Prisoner: [rubbing Jake's belly] Oh, Gut Grinder. Oh, Gut Grinder... you're a little cutesy. You're a little cutesy-wootsy.
Jake: Huh? Grrrr... not cute. [thinking] Am I the Gut Grinder? [looks through bars at Gut Grinder stepping on Finn] All the clues fit! [sees gold tooth] I must be the Gut Grinder! [as Gut Grinder, aloud] And I want GOLD!
[Jake grows huge, breaks out of jail, runs over to the Gut Grinder and kicks him, sending the gold tooth into the air.]
Finn: [catching tooth] Woohoo! Yeah! We got him! Thanks for saving me, Jake!
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] Grrrr! I'm not Jake--I'm the Gut Grinder! Now give me that gold tooth!
Finn: What? Jake? [Jake chomps at him] Whoa!
[Finn runs away and accidentally rips his pack on a spike, spilling its contents. Jake corners him.]
Finn: [panting] Whoa!
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] Rawr! Now give me that tooth!
Finn: If I give you this stupid tooth, will you stop being a crazy jerk?!
Jake: [snatches tooth, tosses it into his mouth, and laughs while walking away]
Finn: What the--? Jake! You never turn into a monster when I want you to. It's always, "Not now, Finn. I have a headache." Oh, Jake, [picks up viola] your viola is all I have now. [plays it screechily]
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] Huh? [comes back] Ah, stay away from my viola!
Finn: Jake, you remember your viola!
Jake: [as Gut Grinder] I also remember that you stink hard at playing it. And dookie is radical, man! I don't care what anyone says. [shakes head; normal voice] Wha--huh? What? Where am I? Finn, is that you?
Finn: Who else would it be, baby?
Jake: Whoo! [shrinks to normal size] I guess I went nuts.
Finn: You were so crazy, man! Like--like, actually crazy.
Jake: [burps up tooth, laughs]
Finn: [patting Jake's back] It's good to have you back.
Jake: It's good to have you pat my back.
Finn: [scratching Jake] Man, if I had known you were so easily manipulated, I would have eaten more of your ice cream.
Jake: [pushes Finn away] Cut it out!
[Scene changes to Gut Grinder. Spiky People surround it.]
Spiky Person: Cut open the Gut Grinder's belly!
[Something starts moving inside the Gut Grinder. It rips open and gold spills out.]
Spiky Mayor: What the--? [Sharon comes out of the pile of gold] What the--? Sharon, what are you doing in the Gut Grinder?
Spiky People: [murmuring] That's the mayor's wife!
Spiky Mayor: [holding skin] And the Gut Grinder's skin is not skin at all--it's cloth! Sharon! Have you been sewing?!
Sharon: [unapologetically] Yes, Cameron. I've been stealing gold.
Spiky Mayor: WHY, SHARON?!
Sharon: Because I like to buy things, Cameron! I like to shop! And I dressed up like Jake because I think he's hot.
[Spiky People gasp. Jake raises his eyebrows up and down.]
Spiky Mayor: You have been a naughty girl, Sharon. [turns to guards] Guards! Throw my wife in jail. [turns to Finn and Jake] Finn and Jake, thank you for saving my Spiky Village.
Finn: [gives thumbs up] No problem, mayor.
Spiky Mayor: Now give us a hug.
[Spiky People laugh and advance toward Finn and Jake.]
Finn: No, don't do that! Don't hug us! [Spiky People start hugging] Don't touch me! AAAAAAAAAH!
Jake: Ow! Hey! Don't touch us! OWWWW!

[The episode ends]