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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gumbaldia" from season 10, which aired on March 18, 2018.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode opens with Princess Bubblegum flying the Morrow over Gumbaldia. Starchy is hanging from the underside of the Morrow with a camera.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, Starchy. Now!
Starchy: I'm on it! Do I - Do I just pull this lever? [A roll of film is ejected out the back of the camera.] No! [He pulls out some replacement film and closes the camera again.] I'm on it.
[Starchy begins to photograph the city. The photographs show weapons and military parades. Scene changes to a darkroom in the Candy Kingdom, where Princess Bubblegum is developing the photographs.]
Princess Bubblegum: Excellent. These photos will help us find out what sort of forces Gumbald has amassed before we mobilize our troops.
Colonel Candy Corn: What's that, dear?
Princess Bubblegum: These photos will help us find out - [She is interrupted by Colonel Candy Corn.]
Colonel Candy Corn: I'm glad there's going to be another proper war before I kick the bucket. Wipe 'em out!
[Princess Bubblegum nods. Suddenly, Finn opens the door to the darkroom.]
Finn: Hey, Princess.
[Princess Bubblegum gasps. The light causes the photograph she's working on to fade.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, you donked up my recon!
Finn: I've got some important stuff to say. [He inhales deeply.] I don't think going to war with your uncle is a good idea.
Princess Bubblegum: I don't have any choice. By building an army, he's forcing my hand.
Finn: It seems to me that all these rhubarbs down through history don't do nobody no good.
Princess Bubblegum: [Throwing away the ruined photograph as well as her gloves and apron] Finn, we all love how sweet you are, but sometimes we just have to buckle down and do things the ugly way. Excuse me. [She exits.]
Colonel Candy Corn: It's gonna happen, son. Best thing to do is sharpen your sword and stock up on flower wreaths. [He exits.]
Finn: You're dark, Colonel Candy Corn.
[Finn follows Colonel Candy Corn out of the darkroom. Jake is waiting on a couch just outside.]
Jake: How'd it go?
Finn: No good. PB is on the road to war.
[The two of them walk along a corridor together and watch through the windows at the Candy Kingdom making preparations for war. A metal helmet is lowered over the head of one of the Gumball Guardians using a pulley system, overseen by Princess Bubblegum. The guardian taps the helmet and gives a thumbs up.]
Finn: Jake, it's up to us to fix things with Uncle Gumbald.
Jake: Didn't he try to kill you with monsters made out of your own baby teeth?
[They watch two armored banana guards sparring outside.]
Banana Guard 1: Take that banana face!
Banana Guard 2: [Uncertainly] Uh, take this, you banana face.
Finn: Does everyone have to get caught up in this mentality? I'm going to march right over to Gumbaldia on a last-ditch diplomatic mission. Want to come?
Jake: [Excitedly] Do I? [He climbs onto Finn's head and shape-shifts to look like Finn's hat.] This is cute, right?
Finn: You bet! And that's the number one priority for kick-butt diplomacy - the cuteness offensive!
[The scene changes. Finn approaches Gumbaldia with Jake still stretched over his head.]
Finn: Hey, this is kinda backwards, right?
Jake: How so?
Finn: I used to be all about violence. Now it's, like, I'm different.
Jake: You're a beautiful flower and I love to watch you grow.
[Finn hums to himself as he reaches the entrance to the ziggurat at the center of Gumbaldia.]
Unknown voice: Halt!
Finn: Gumbald?
[Jake stretches out his arms and points Finn's head in the direction of the entrance, and clicks his tongue. The Green Knight emerges from the shadows, menacingly.]
Green Knight: None shall pass.
Finn: [Growling] Fern.
Jake: [Whispering to Finn] Cuteness offensive. [He clicks his tongue again.]
Finn: [Sighs] Okay. [Calling out to the Green Knight.] I don't wanna fight! I'm just here to see your boss.
[The Green Knight approaches]
Finn: Fern, I know we have beef, but let's just talk. I didn't even know you were alive.
Green Knight: [Scoffs] You thought you had beaten me? [He shapes his arm into a blade.] Me?!
[Finn draws the Night Sword and they begin to duel.]
Green Knight: Cool sword.
[Lolly is seen viewing the fight from a balcony.]
Finn: Fern, stop!
[The Green Knight draws his axe and Finn backflips out of the way as it comes crashing down, then blocks a follow-up attack.]
Green Knight: I used to want to be you. Now I'm a better you! [He opens his helmet, revealing Fern's face.] I've proved it. There's nothing you have that I don't.
[Jake rams Fern with his shapeshifting powers, sending him flying.]
Jake: [Retracting back over Finn's face] Bark! Bark, bark, bark, bark! Bark, bark, baraaaah!
Lolly: Boys! Boys! [She walks out onto the terrace above the fighting.] Stop all this roughhousing!
Fern: [Sighs] Yes, Aunt Lolly.
Finn: "Aunt Lolly" - she sounds kind of like mom, yeah?
Fern: Hey! She was my mom too!
Finn: I know, man. We're like family. So why are we fighting?
[Fern looks away and covers his face again with a sigh, before returning into the darkness.]
Lolly: [Walking down the steps to meet Finn and Jake] Sorry about him. Now what's a sweet boy like you doing here?
Finn: I'm trying to stop this ridiculous war. I mean, this whole thing is crazy, right?
Lolly: Between you and me, honey, I don't want war either.
[Scene changes. Lolly leads Finn down a corridor.]
Lolly: Gumbald is becoming so paranoid and erratic. All he talks about is baking that wretched, wretched cake. Maybe you can talk some sense into him.
Finn: Did you say he's baking a cake?
[Lolly opens the door into a room where Chicle is painting a portrait of Gumbald. Gumbald himself is sat on a horse, modelling for the portrait.]
Chicle: Aah! A breach! [Running away] But my secret plan is to never die!
Gumbald: So, it begins. [He taps a button on his wrist and an alarm starts blaring.]
Finn: Wait! I'm a diplomacy boy today!
Lolly: Gumbald! He's just here to talk. [She takes his wrist and turns off the alarm.]
Gumbald: [Snatching away his wrist] Traitor!
Lolly: I think we can trust him.
[Lolly begins whispering indistinctly into Gumbald's ear, glancing back at Finn and Jake. Jake idly messes around with his shapeshifting abilities while they whisper, taking the form of various hats on Finn's head.]
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Stop.
Gumbald: [To Finn] I'll hear your case boy, but I've got a busy day. We'll have to walk and talk.
[Gumbald dismounts from the horse. Lolly gives Finn an uncertain thumbs up. The scene changes to Gumbald leading Finn down another corridor.]
Finn: Look, PB doesn't want to attack you. You're gum from the same sidewalk. Like, just look at this bomb secret laboratory over here. This is exactly the kind of thing PB would have.
Gumbald: [Slams the door to the laboratory so that Finn can't see inside, and holds up photographs of the Candy Kingdom's war preparations.] Then why is she building up her arms? [He scatters the photos at Finn's feet. He points at his arm.] You see this? This is her forcing my hand. [He grabs his wrist and moves it back and forth.]
Finn: But that's exactly what she's saying. You're both so unreasonable.
Gumbald: You want unreasonable? Get a load of my unreasonably bad boy battle automaton! Her name is The Cake. [He gestures up at The Cake, which fills the chamber they are now standing in.] My niece would never have the ambition for a project like this. But ambition is my whole deal! You want a closer look, boy? I grant it to you.
[Finn, Jake, and Gumbald board a platform and it begins to carry them upwards.]
Gumbald: This magnificent dessert shall make the whole war relatively swift and painless.
Finn: So there's truly nothing I can say to change your mind?
Gumbald: Princess Bubblegum has made her bed, and now she must lie in it. But not get back up because she'll be dead. [Laughs evilly.]
Finn: I was wrong about you. You're nothing like Bonnie.
Gumbald: Wait. She'll have her cake and eat it too - because she'll be dead! The Cake makes her dead!
[There is a thud and the platform lurches. Finn and Gumbald both cry out.]
Gumbald: What the -
[One of the ropes snaps and Finn and Gumbald are both thrown off the platform, screaming. Jake, who is still on Finn's head, latches onto the platform while Finn falls.]
Gumbald: No! No, no, no, no, no! Aah!
[Finn catches Gumbald, and Jake slowly lowers them both to the ground by Finn's neck.]
Finn: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. The pain is astonishing.
Gumbald: You could have let me die and saved your princess a lot of trouble. Maybe there is a way to co-exist after all.
Finn: [Looking straight ahead.] Hey-o. That's what I like to hear. Sorry. I'm worried if I turn my neck my head might snap off.
[All three laugh. The Green Knight is shown perched above the chamber. The scene changes. Finn and Jake are eating a banquet with Gumbald, Lolly, and Chicle. Jake is still on Finn's head. They are all laughing together.]
Finn: So Jake is literally inside me, controlling my body and I'm standing in front of my girlfriend's entire family.
Gumbald: [Apparently engrossed in the story] No!
Finn: This is my first ever girlfriend. I really want her to like me.
Jake: So then I made him do a diaper baby dance! [Laughs]
[Everyone except Finn joins the laughter.]
Chicle: You're as funny as me - the funny one!
Finn: Thanks, Chicle. But, if I could get serious for a second -
Gumbald: No need, Finn. Your example has said more than words ever could. Chicle, fetch the celebration bucket. I declare all hostilities between Gumbaldia and the Candy Kingdom ended. [He presses a button on his wrist and confetti falls from the ceiling.]
Finn: Yeah!
Jake: Whoo-hoo!
Chicle: Celebration bucket! [He throws a bucket of glittery pink liquid over Finn and Jake.]
Gumbald: Be sure to give Bonnie a big hug from me when you tell her.
Finn: You guys are goofballs.
Jake: [Shaking himself off.] Blblblblbl!
[As the liquid is scattered over the room, Gumbald and Lolly stand up suddenly and shield themselves with their cloaks. Chicle doesn't manage to find shelter and is splashed by the liquid.]
Chicle: [Gasps] Don't look at me! [He runs to an adjacent room and slams the door. Pink smoke poofs out from underneath. Everyone else is silent for a second.]
Lolly: Now there's a guy who - who really cares about his hair!
Finn and Jake: [Together] Oh, cousin Chicle!
Jake: Man, I almost thought that was something really serious.
[The scene changes back to the Candy Kingdom. It is evening, and Princess Bubblegum is holding a peace treaty while she talks to Finn and Jake.]
Princess Bubblegum: I don't believe it. A signed peace treaty? Finn, you're amazing. I could hug you right no- ...Did you stop at a craft store on the way here?
Finn: Oh, the glitter juice. It's part of a weird Gumbaldia treaty-signing ritual. Once I got to know him, your uncle was actually pretty cool. As I get older, I see the most important thing is to empathize with my friends and enemies. Like, co-exist instead of cutting off people's heads and stuff.
[While Finn is talking, Peppermint Butler produces a towel and dries the liquid off Finn and Jake. Some of it gets on him, and in a puff of pink smoke he is transformed into a baby.]
Peppermint Butler: [Squeaks]
Princess Bubblegum: Peps?
Peppermint Butler: [Cooing and dancing]
Princess Bubblegum: [Sniffs] You've been doused with Gumbald's dumdum solution! [Growls and then yells out] Gumbald!
[This is seen by the squirrel from a nearby tree, who exits the scene.]
Finn: Where are you going!?
[Princess Bubblegum angrily ascends a nearby tower and begins cranking a siren.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Yelling] Candy citizens, we are going to war!
[The candy people below begin screaming. In a panic, they begin to arm themselves and file out of the castle.]
Colonel Candy Corn: Hoopty hoo, hoopty hey! Let's cut 'em up, folks. [Laughs]
[Finn and Jake watch the candy people from a balcony.]
Finn: I donked up.
[The scene changes. The squirrel approaches Gumbaldia. The Green Knight guards the entrance.]
Green Knight: Don't halt. Continue running. I command it.
[Inside, Gumbald is addressing a gathering.]
Gumbald: My thanks to you all for joining me here today. I hope you're enjoying the hors d'oeuvres.
Squirrel: [Whispers indistinctly in Gumbald's ear.]
Gumbald: It seems that the Princess avoided our attempt at a peaceful resolution. But it was still a good plan... Aunt Lolly.
[A flashback to an earlier part of the episode occurs, when Finn and Gumbald were on the platform.]
Gumbald: This magnificent dessert shall make the whole war relatively swift and painless.
[Lolly is shown lurking above the platform with an axe to cut the rope. The flashback ends.]
Lolly: Eh, I love to plan.
Crunchy: Hey. What's a plan?
Gumbald: Oh, cousin Chicle, you've still got it. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to unleash plan B. My formidable legion of Candy Kingdom haters. Ricardio, Bandit Princess, Samantha the warrior dog, Peacemaster, Me-Mow, Pete Sassafrass, Ash the Warlock, Sir Slicer, Scorcher, the Green Knight, and finally, the Iced King.
[Each character is shown as Gumbald lists them.]
Ice King: Uh, I think I might be here by mistake. What are we doing again?
[Gunter draws a knife.]
Gumbald: It's Gum War!

Episode ends