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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Gotcha!" from season 4, which aired on June 18, 2012.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode starts with Finn, Jake, and BMO playing a game of bocce. BMO throws a ball.]
BMO: Jake, if I beat you, you have to call me "sensei" for a month.
Jake: Deal.
[Turtle Princess goes by on a slow-moving rocket.]
Turtle Princess: Hi, guys!
Finn, Jake, & BMO: 'Sup, Turtle Princess?
[She leaves them. Scene cuts to Lumpy Space Princess swatting bugs off of herself.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Get your hands off me, Steven!! YAH! [Throws him down] And you, too, Chad! [Flicks ant away]
[Turtle Princess enters.]
Turtle Princess: Heeeey, giiiirl!
Lumpy Space Princess: Heeeey, giiiirl!
Turtle Princess: Brought you some little fruit pies.
Lumpy Space Princess: Awesome. [Starts eating]
Turtle Princess: How ya doin' out here?
Lumpy Space Princess: Turtle Princess, the men out here will not leave me alone!
Turtle Princess: Huh... it must be nice.
Lumpy Space Princess: Nah. It's horrible. They just want me for my lumps! [Vulture screeches at them.] These lumps aren't for SALE, BILLY! [Throws fruit pie at vulture making it fly away.] [To Turtle Princess] Aren't you sick of men going after your turtle lumps?
Turtle Princess: Actually, I've never been able to work my T-lumps. I just know what I read in books. [Gasps] Hey! You should write a book telling me how to do it!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob! Turtle Princess! I've always wanted to write trashy books for ladies! [Snake hisses at her] YAH! [Hits it] BACK UP OFF ME, RICKY!! [To Turtle Princess] Yeah, everyone needs to know when I work these lumps, no man is immune to their influence!
[Two balls land in front of them. Finn enters.]
Finn: Jake's ball landed over here, BMO!
Turtle Princess: [Gasps] LSP! Finn would be perfect as the test subject for your lump studies!
[BMO and Jake enter.]
BMO: Yay! I win! [To Jake] Bow to your sensei!
Jake: Aaah...
Finn: Heh heh heh heh heh heh!
Turtle Princess: [To Lumpy Space Princess] You gotta go undercover and conduct your lump science on him. Prove to the world that even a white knight like Finn is no match for the power of your lumps!
Lumpy Space Princess: I'll do it! For the world! And for you, girl!
Turtle Princess: Oh, girl!
[They both smile. Lumpy Space Princess grabs a plastic grocery bag off the ground and dons it like a spaghetti-strap dress. Scene shifts to the Grasslands; Lumpy Space Princess is going to the Tree Fort.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Recording herself] Day one: on my way to Finn and Jake's. Side-note: I look fresh to death with my new dress and purse. Mm! Mm! Mm! [Takes out a fruit pie and "puts on" its custard before eating the fruit pie; knocks on Finn and Jake's front door; Jake answers.]
Jake: Hello?
Lumpy Space Princess: [Seductively] Heeey, Jaaaake... Is Finn hooome...?
Jake: [Wincing in disgust] Ooh!
Finn: 'Sup, LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, hey. I'm answering that ad you put out for the adventure secretary.
Finn: Wha?
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh... Hold on. I'll get it. [Starts digging through bag] Hold on. It's down in there. Okay, wait, I got it. Uh, here you go.
Finn: [Reading fake ad] "WANTED—ADVENTURE SECRETARY." [Sniffs it] Smells like fruit pie.
Jake: It's nice of you to wanna be our secretary... but we don't need one.
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Dude, look at 'er.
Lumpy Space Princess: [Messily slathering custard on her face] Mmm... Oh, Glob...
Finn: Yeah, it's sad. Come on. We've gotta help 'er.
[Jake hesitates speaking for a moment]
Jake: Alright, LSP. Come inside.
Lumpy Space Princess: Awesome. [Recording herself] Totally nailed the interview. [Licks custard off face]
[The three walk inside.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I'm gonna need a secretary desk! [She immediately forces dishes off a table ("Rrr-AAAGH!") and puts her working equipment. Finn and Jake just look at each other.] I'm starving! What's for dinner?!
Finn: Oh. Uh... [Checks fridge] We got some blueberries.
Jake: Jake has saltines.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yuck. [Recording herself] Looks like I'll have to bust out these cobras to get a better dinner. [Seductively] Hey, Finn... [Rubbing her lumps] You got anything better to eat??
Finn: [Focused on the fridge] Oh, cool. Old spaghetti. I'm gonna go heat this up. [Exits]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Recording herself] Chapter 1: "Gotcha!"
[Scene changes to that night.]
Finn: [To Lumpy Space Princess] Have a good night. See ya in the mornin'.
Lumpy Space Princess: G'night, you guys! [They go upstairs.] [Recording herself] Finn is even more overpowered by my lumps than I thought. I guess at the end of the day, it's all about the lumps. [Her phone rings (Lumpy Space Princess's ringtone is Turtle Princess saying, "Heeey, girl!" repeatedly) and she answers it.]
Turtle Princess: [On other end] Hey, girl.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Turtle Princess! This book is coming out awesome!
Turtle Princess: Oh, good, girl! I can't wait to read it!
Lumpy Space Princess: Thanks, girl.
Turtle Princess: Goodnight, girl.
Lumpy Space Princess: Goodnight, girl. [Hangs up]
[Scene shifts to the next morning. Lumpy Space Princess wakes up grunting and drooling.]
Lumpy Space Princess: What's that?
[Lumpy Space Princess goes outside to find Finn putting rocks in Jake.]
Jake: 'Sup, LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: What're you guys doing?
Finn: We're carrying these rocks on an adventure, up to the Mystery Mountains.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, nuh-uh, I am not gonna carry rocks!
Finn: That's okay. Jake can carry 'em.
Jake: Yup.
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh... Fine... [Picks up two rocks] You're welcome, Finn.
[Finn gives a thumbs up. The trio starts going to the mountains.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh... My arms weren't meant to carry so many rocks, you guys!
Finn: C'mon, LSP. You can make it.
Lumpy Space Princess: Uuoohhh... [Drops the rocks in exhaustion; her phone rings ("Heeey, girl! Heeey, girl!") and she answers.] Turtle Princess, you can't call me! You're gonna blow my cover!
Turtle Princess: Good morning, girl.
Lumpy Space Princess: Good morning, girl.
Turtle Princess: Would you be mad at me if I ask out Billy, that vulture who was hitting on you? I think he's cute and I would—
Finn: Hey, LSP, shake a leg.
Lumpy Space Princess: [Whisper] Can't talk right now, girl! [Hangs up]
[The trio arrives at the top of one of the mountains.]
Finn: The Loch of Phantoms. Princess Bubblegum said the rocks would show us the safe path. [Starts throwing rocks into the lake]
Lumpy Space Princess: [To herself] This is way too boring for my book. [Acting] Oh... my shoulder strap... Oh, my orange juice is comin' out... Ha! Gotch—Huh? [Finn throws another rock in, paying no attention to her.]
Finn: Haha! Jake! "Ker-ploop."
Jake: Heh heh heh! "Ker-ploop."
Lumpy Space Princess: Not... gotcha?
[Finn throws another rock in the lake, and the rock stays on the lake's surface.]
Finn: Alright!
[Finn throws a bunch more rocks in to determine which path to walk in. The trio enters the cave opposite them. Sludge falls on Lumpy Space Princess.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh! This place is plops, Finn!
Finn: We can meetcha back at the tree house later if you want. [Continuing on] That weird light...
[The trio eventually stops in front of a strange vortex.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, Finn! Finn, my dress is slipping!!
Finn: [Not paying attention] Huh? Listen, LSP, we've gotta be carefu—
Lumpy Space Princess: [Swinging around her "dress"] Oooh, my dress...[her dress goes into the portal]
[She drifts into the portal.]
Finn: No, LSP! It's not safe!
[Lumpy Space Princess gets trapped in a room full of mirrors.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Heeeeeeey... [Noticing Finn in a mirror] Oh. Hey, Fiiiiinn...
[Finn and Jake bang on the wall.]
Finn: She's stuck in there!
Jake: We gotta bust through this wall!
[They attack the wall.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I knew you couldn't resist me, Finn. [The reflection of Finn takes off his hat revealing long, luscious hair.] Oh, lump. I took it too far! [The Mirror Finns reach out for Lumpy Space Princess] My powerful lumps have turned Finn into a grody monster! Get away, Finn! AAH, NO, AAAAAH!!! [Finn and Jake bust in just in time to defeat the shadow Finns.] OH, I CAN'T LOOK! [Opens one eye] Aah!
[Finn and Jake finish defeating the shadow Finns and pant heavily.]
Lumpy Space Princess: That was so crazy! What just happened?!
Finn: Oh. Uh, Bubblegum sent us on a quest to destroy these cursed mirrors. Evil stuff happens when you look into them.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Glob... I had to look because I looked so good!
Finn: LSP... you don't need a mirror to know you look good. [Sheaths his sword and grabs Lumpy Space Princess's "dress."] You're beautiful on the inside. Like... your brain and stuff!
Lumpy Space Princess: Thanks for sayin' that stuff... and for saving me from those mirror-yous. That was pretty nice.
[Finn smiles. Scene shifts back to the Tree Fort.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Okay. Time to write. Gonna make this... trashy. Turtle Princess'll be all, [Imitating her] "Oh, my gosh! Number one best-seller!" Hah... Yeah. [She looks around with uncertainty and notices Finn sitting on a log outside.] [To Jake] What's he doing out there?
Jake: Sometimes, after an adventure, he likes to sit out there and think. [Goes upstairs]
[Lumpy Space Princess looks at Finn. Her cellphone rings ("Heeey, girl! He—") and she answers.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Fearful] Hello?
Turtle Princess: Hey, girl. Are you almost done with your book?
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh... I'm working on it! I've been doing so much research!
Turtle Princess: Did Finn fall victim to your lumps?
Lumpy Space Princess: [Prevaricating] Um... yeah...
Turtle Princess: Great! Bring in your manuscript right away! Click! [Hangs up]
Lumpy Space Princess: [To herself] Yeah... A book about how I'm hot, and Finn only wants... He's so... hot. [Gasps in realization and has flashbacks of Finn from earlier moments in the episode.] ...Finn has the hottest lumps, but his lumps are on the inside! YAAAAGH!! [Pushes equipment off desk in frustration] HE'S GREAT!
[Lumpy Space Princess begins typing a new manuscript. As she's typing, it begins to rain, and Finn runs inside. In response, Lumpy Space Princess hurriedly gathers up her manuscript and leaves as Finn enters.]
Finn: Uh... Bye, LSP.
[Scene cuts to the Library. Turtle Princess reads the manuscript confused.]
Turtle Princess: This isn't what you said it'd be about...
Lumpy Space Princess: I know, I—
Turtle Princess: I LOVE IT!
Lumpy Space Princess: OH, MY GLOB!
[Turtle Princess makes the cover and titles the book "I Wrote a Book." Billy screeches. Back at the Tree Fort, the rain clears, and Lumpy Space Princess returns.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn! You've probably been wondering where I've been for the last few hours!
Finn: Oh. Yeah! Yeah, I have.
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn... I was never really your secretary, Finn. I was writing a book about how you were a slave to my lumps because I'm so hot, Finn!!
Finn: [Not seeing anything wrong with this] Oh. Okay.
Lumpy Space Princess: But you're the one who's hot, Finn!!
Finn: Wow. Uh, thanks!
Lumpy Space Princess: No... thank you. [Goes over to a window and opens it to exit]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Whisper] Gotcha... [Slowly exits and floats away from the tree house. Her floating falters for a moment as the episode ends.]