This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Furniture & Meat" from season 6, which aired on June 19, 2014.
Music
Money
Money
This transcript is complete.
Transcript[]
- Jake: [snoring]
- [A fly flies into his mouth.]
- Jake: Ah. [smacks lips]
- BMO: Stand and deliver, boy, because I'm Robbing Hood. Give me all your funny money, Sheriff of Naughty-hams.
- Neptr: But BMO, I don't want to be the bad guy. I want to be Robbing Hood's pal, Friar Tux.
- BMO: No, Neptr. [uncaps marker and draws a mustache on Neptr's face] Ha ha! Friar Tux would never have a mustache like that. [laughs]
- Neptr: No fair. En guard!
- BMO: On Blitzen!
- [They hit their sticks together repeatedly. Neptr swings his stick at BMO, but BMO jumps and dodges it.]
- BMO: You're terrible!
- [Neptr swings again, but BMO ducks.]
- BMO: Whoa!
- [The stick hits the wall of the tree fort, which starts rumbling. The wall suddenly cracks, and out bursts a deluge of coins.]
- BMO: Eeeee!
- Neptr: Aaaaa!
- Jake: [wakes up] What? Hey! What are you kids doing breaking the treehouse?
- BMO: Uh...
- [Finn and Jake climb down from the boat.]
- Finn: Yo, BMO, what happened?
- BMO: You got too much money, honey. All of this dosh is threatening the structural integrity of the treehouse.
- Finn: Who would have thought we could have too much treasure?
- [Something groans behind them, under the treasure. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant emerges.]
- Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: I'm sorry, master.
- Finn & Jake: Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
- Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: You told me to stay inside the money room, but now I am outside. What is your punishment, master?
- Finn: No punishment, dude. Just chill where you are.
- Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: All right. I will chill where I am until you command me.
- Finn: So what should we do with all this swash?
- BMO: You should give it to Robbing Hood.
- Jake: No way, BMO. This is our treasure.
- BMO: Aw.
- Finn: Hey, maybe we could, like, spend it?
- Jake: Really? How much of it?
- Finn: Dude, like all of it. Then we can find completely new treasure.
- Neptr: Neptr knows just the place to blow your grease. Behold, this recent advertisement. [hands flyer to Finn]
- Jake: Whoa! We get mail?
- Finn: Check it out, Jake.
- [The flyer reads: Come to Wildberry Kingdom, a really expensive vacation destination.]
- Jake: Dang! Wildberry Kingdom got all fancy.
- [Jake lifts up the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant, gathers together all the treasure, transforms into a legged dump truck, and sets the elephant back down. Finn climbs in, and the two start leaving.]
- Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant: I continue to chill.
- BMO: [following Finn and Jake] Come on, Naughty-Hams.
- [Finn and Jake arrive at the Wildberry Kingdom, passing a gondola, a roadside meat stand, and restaurants. A waiter serves two Wildberry People a plate of meat.]
- Patron: Thank you.
- [The waiter takes the patrons' stacks of money.]
- Finn: Nice place. So how are we gonna spend all this gish?
- Jake: I don't know. I've never really spent money before. I've only stolen it or hoarded it.
- Finn: Ha!
- Jake: [laughs] [sighs] So... here we are in the middle of town.
- [Jake dumps the load of treasure in a fountain.]
- Jake: Let's parse out some dough to spend.
- [Finn and Jake climb in to the fountain.]
- Strawberry Guard: Hey! What are you doing? No people or money allowed in the fountain, ya dums! Where's your sense at?!
- Jake: Sorry, man. We were just looking to spend some cash in town. [offers three coins] Want some?
- Strawberry Guard: Fellas, goofing in a public fountain is punishable by a lashing, and you're trying to bribe me.
- [Jake offers a crown.]
- Strawberry Guard: Ooh! Now that's what I'm talking about, fellas. [takes crown and coins and starts to leave] [laughs] Have a good time in the fountain.
- Finn & Jake: [laugh]
- Jake: Whoa. Spending money is kind of fun.
- Finn: Yeah, this'll be easy. [stands up] Ho, ho, young berry lads!
- Wildberry kid: Yeah?
- Finn: Go buy the most expensive meats and furniture to adorn our new fountain home. Keep the change for your families in need. Hyup! [throws a bag of money to them]
- Wildberry kid: Thanks, but we're, uh, middle-class.
- Finn: Really?
- Wildberry kid: Uh, yeah, upper middle.
- Jake: Just get the darn furniture.
- Strawberry Guard: Hey, no furniture or meat in the fountain! You'll wreck up the water!
- [Jake offers some more treasure.]
- Strawberry Guard: You can't buy me off twice, fellas.
- [Jake offers still more treasure.]
- Strawberry Guard: [laughs] Ah, maybe you can, fellas, maybe you can. [runs off]
- Jake: [laughs maniacally]
- Finn: Dude, we bought all this furniture and meat, and we still have a ton of gamboni left.
- Jake: Hmm. [gasps] Look at those gams! Hey, yo, Legs! Legs! You want a bag of money?
- Legs: Sure!
- Jake: Well, what are you gonna do for it?
- Legs: Well, um, I'm a dancer by trade.
- Jake: Show me. [tosses him a moneybag]
- [Legs does a sequence of ballet moves.]
- Legs: Hup!
- Jake: [laughs] Finn, look. I made this guy dance.
- Finn: Yeah, man. Whoo!
- Strawberry Guard: Hold it! No dancing in the streets without a permit!
- Jake: Go away, dude.
- Strawberry Guard: Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
- [Jake tosses him four moneybags.]
- Strawberry Guard: All right, I'm going!
- Jake: [laughs raucously] This is crazy. People do anything for money. And I've got a ton of money. Dance harder, Legs! Harder!
- [Jake throws coins at Legs as he dances.]
- Jake: [laughs] [sighs] This bores me. You're boring! It's time to push this thing further. Middle-class berries, watch after this treasure while I'm gone. [throws them coins]
- Wildberry kids: Okay.
- [The scene changes to a house in the Wildberry Kingdom, where two Wildberry People are sleeping.]
- Jake: Ahem.
- Goji Berry Man: Mabel, do you hear something?
- [Mabel turns on the light, revealing Finn and Jake, who is covered in moneybags like a Wildberry Person.]
- Jake: Good evening.
- Wildberry People: Oh no! We're being robbed!
- Finn: Oh, no, we're not robbers. We're actually here to give you money.
- Goji Berry Man: What?
- Jake: Listen. I want to see you two do things [places a bag on the bed] for this bag of money.
- Goji Berry Man: Okay, man.
- Jake: [laughs] Yeah, nice. Goji Berry Man, you sleep on the left side of the bed normally. Now you sleep on the right!
- Goji Berry Man: Okay.
- [He switches places with Mabel.]
- Mabel: I don't like sleeping on your side. It's too close to the wall!
- Jake: Mr. Goji Berry, you sleep on your back nowāand on top of the covers.
- Goji Berry Man: I can't sleep on my back, man. I got sleep apnea. I won't get any sleep. My wife won't get any sleep. My dance instructing will suffer.
- Jake: Turning down all this smoosh, huh? Dance instruction pays more than I thought. [starts walking off]
- Goji Berry Man: Wait, man! There's got to be something else we can do to get those gold coins.
- Jake: Well, sure, man. As a matter of fact, you can have all the gold coins... all the gold coins you can eat!
- Wildberry People: [gasp]
- Jake: Dinner is served! [dumps a moneybag on each of their plates] Yummy, yummy, yummy. Hey, you kids need some desert? I'll just see what I can rustle upāin the toolshed! [laughs loudly] [walks off]
- Finn: Guys, I'm super sorry about my friend. Here. [gives them two moneybags]
- [The Wildberry People start munching the bags.]
- Finn: Don't eat it, ya dums!
- [The scene cuts to outside the house, where Jake is coming back from the toolshed with a wheelbarrow of various indigestible items.]
- Jake: How much do you think I'd have to pay them to lick the dust off all this dusty stuff?
- Finn: Dude, I do not approve of the way you're spending money right now.
- Jake: Dude, they're not doing anything they don't want to. They want my sweet cheddar, and I want to see some stuff in exchange. It's mutualāfree market.
- Finn: What?
- Jake: Free market! [wheels the barrow to the house]
- Finn: [to himself] Don't worry, brother. I'll help you see the error of your ways.
- [Back in the Wildberry Kingdom, the Wildberry kids are standing on the pile of loot. Finn runs up to them.]
- Finn: Berry lads! Berry lads! I need to spend all this blingo fast.
- Wildberry kid: Okay.
- Finn: Take me to the seediest alley in the kingdom.
- Wildberry kid: That's Crudberry Back Alley... in Crud Town.
- [In Crudberry Back Alley, some homeless Wildberry People are sleeping on the ground. Finn and the Wildberry kids arrive with a wheelbarrow of treasure.]
- Finn: Friendly Crudberries, I have money for you! Come get it!
- Hobos: Money? Money!
- Finn: Easy, fellas! Let's pass these out one at a time.
- [A hobo tries to take one of Finn's bags.]
- Finn: Hey, take it easy, breh.
- Hobo: Give us that money! [punches Finn]
- Finn: I-I-I don't want any trouble. [punches a hobo] I'm trying to help you.
- [They continue fighting each other in the alley. Finn then runs out with his face covered in juice.]
- Finn: [sits] Whew! [pants]
- [One of the hobos peaks around the corner, but Finn punches him with his eyes closed.]
- Jake: How much coin would it take for you to be my berry foot warmer?
- Finn: Dude!
- Jake: Oh, hey, man.
- Finn: Jake, this money is bad. We got to get rid of all of it right now.
- Jake: Okay, I got a plan. And this time, it's gonna involve all the money.
- [The song "Money" plays as Finn and Jake bribe their way past several guards and the elevator operator to Wildberry Princess, who is sleeping in a tub of meat in a "decompressing" room.]
- [Jake throws moneybags at the door.]
- Wildberry Princess: [yawns]
- [Jake continues throwing the bags and breaks down the door.]
- Wildberry Princess: Finn and Jake?
- Jake: Princess, are you ready to earn all this cay-ash?
- Wildberry Princess: What...?
- Jake: All of this sweet, sweet crunkle is yours if you let me... [holds up a tiny stool] sit on your head.
- Wildberry Princess: [yelling] Get out of here!
- Jake: [scoffs] No one can say no to this much dinero. āŖM-m-moneyāŖ
- Wildberry Princess: Jake, I am warning you.
- [Jake shrinks down and sits on Wildberry Princess' head.]
- Jake: āŖM-m-moneyāŖ
- Wildberry Princess: [growls]
- Jake: āŖM-m-moneyāŖ
- Wildberry Princess: Aah! Guards! Guards! Seize Finn and Jake and prepare them for execution!
- Jake: Or don't do that and get paid mad bucks.
- Wildberry Princess: And take all their money!
- Jake: Take all my money?!
- [The scene cuts to Finn and Jake hanging by their wrists on a stage.]
- Jake: Well, we were trying to get rid of all that skrilla anyway, right?
- Wildberry Princess: Finn and Jake, yes, you have insulted me, but worse than that, you have abused the power of money!
- Crowd: [gasps]
- Wildberry Princess: We will deal with you swiftly and ironically by encasing you in your own molten gold!
- [Above Finn and Jake, a Wildberry Person stirs a gigantic pot of liquid gold.]
- Wildberry Princess: Release the golden flood!
- [A Wildberry Person turns a crank, which releases the flow of gold.]
- Finn: [gasps]
- [Just before the gold pours on to Finn and Jake, an arrow hits the chute and pushes it over the Strawberry Guard.]
- Strawberry Guard: Oh, no! Aah!
- [Gold encases the Strawberry Guard. The crowd disperses, screaming.]
- Wildberry Princess: Who dares?
- BMO: Ho, ho, ho! Robbing Hood is the defender of the poor!
- [A Jelly Horse gallops up, with Neptr tied to its side.]
- Neptr: Me too!
- Jake: Good shot, BMO!
- BMO: I was aiming for the rope. [shoots an arrow] Yeah!
- [The arrow hits Jake in the armpit. Jake pulls it out and cuts Finn and Jake's ropes with it.]
- Jake: Let's bounce, po' boy.
- [They all get on the Jelly Horse and ride away.]
- Wildberry Princess: Finn and Jake, if you ever return to Wildberry Kingdom again, I'll have you double-dipped in gold! Unless I get a written apology.
- [Outside the Tree Fort, Finn spots a coin.]
- Finn: Huh? Gold piece. You want to flip to see who writes that apology letter?
- Jake: How about you write it, I sign it.
- Finn: [laughs] No way, man.
- [Finn and Jake enter the now-empty treasure room. Finn flips the coin, which rolls across the floor and down a hole.]
Episode ends