This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Freak City" from season 1, which aired on July 26, 2010.

Yellow forest
Rump Town
Freak City (location)
This transcript is complete.


[Episode begins in Yellow Forest. There are graves littered on the grass.]
[Birds are chirping; Finn and Jake walking]
Finn: Walking, walking, walking – hambone break! [Finn starts ham-boning]
Jake: WooHoo! Hey!
[Finn starts playfully slapping Jake]
Jake: Get away from me. Quit it. [Laughs and blushes]
Off screen: Food for a beggar…
[A mysterious man is lying on the grass in tattered clothing]
Man: Food for a poor old man? [Gets up off grass with a flip]
[Finn and Jake are surprised.]
Jake: Whoa!
Finn: Geez Louise, guy
Man: So you got any, kid? Food? [Hand out in front of Finn]
[Finn searches through backpack, finds a cube of sugar]
Finn: I got this little piece of sugar. [Thinks] Nuts, I'm freaking all about sugar. But I am even more about feeding hobos! [Clenches cube in fist]
Jake: Whoa, man. Maybe helping this starving homeless guy is wrong thing to do.
Finn: Why?
Jake: I don't know. I said "Maybe" [Shrugs]
Finn: A hero always helps someone in need and besides he's probably a secret elf who will reward us for being nice. Here you go, buddy. [Hands sugar to man]
Man: [snatches the sugar from Finn's hand and eats it] You know, believe or not, I'm not really a beggar. I'm actually a… [Reveals Himself] Magic Man!
[Magic Man little riff]
Finn and Jake: [Stunned] Whoa!
Finn: Aw, yeah!
Jake: He's magic! I didn't expect this.
Magic Man: [Magic Man is down on one knee and starts whistling, a bird lands in his hand. While the bird is in his hand, he rubs the fingers of his other hand together and the bird is turned inside out. Its Muscles and fat are on the outside.] Magic.... Away! [Shoos the bird away, it drops to the ground flapping its wings struggling to fly away. Finn and Jake are distraught. Finn is holding Jake.]
Jake: [with eyes closed and shuddering] Think happy thoughts… Little, cute, bees, little babies, tiny, tiny bunnies.
Finn: what is wrong with you, Magic Man?!
Magic Man: You gave me that candy now I'll do you a favor in return. A magic favor. [Zaps Finn, blue dust cloud covers Finn] [Sings] A mystical, magical favor! [Finn's body starts transforming]
Jake: [looks on worried. Finn is shaped like a giant foot, well just his lower half. His top half remains the same] Whoa, dude!
Magic Man: ...For you!
Finn: why did you do that!?
Magic Man: Because on this day, a magical life lesson comes to you.
Finn: No! Change me back.
Magic Man: Not until you appreciate what a jerk I am. Wazoo! [Magic Man jumps in the air and explodes into fireworks. Fireworks say "Eat It."]
Jake: What a nutty guy
Finn: What the heck, man?? What kind of deal is that? I help somebody out and they make me a stinky foot.
Jake: [sniffs Finn.] You smell pretty good.
Finn: [Shoves Jake away from him] Get off of me, man! I can't be a hero if I'm a big good-smelling foot!
Jake: Maybe you're looking at this magic gift all wrong. Now that you're a huge foot you can kick evil's butt, like, way more times as hard. You're 100% kick, man!
Finn: Why are you being so level-headed about this?
Jake: Don't be a siss, Finn. Here, c'mon kick my butt. [Jake stretches his butt big and wide. Finn blushes]
Finn: You're the SISS, siss! Augh! [tries to kick Jake but instead falls over, hitting Jake slightly.]
Jake: [rubbing his butt] Ouch! oooh! Ouch. See, man. Let's give your foot body a shot.
Finn: [still on the ground] No, dude! I wanna go find that magic man and get my body back!
Jake: [Jake cradles Finn's head] Shhh shhh shhh shhh. Just be a foot for a little bit [J manipulates F's mouth like puppet]
Jake as Finn: Ok, I will.
Jake: Awesome! Dude you will never regret this. Hahaha!
[Next scene: still in the forest. Finn is upside-down and attached to some sort of spring catapult with a trigger.]
Jake: Okay, when the next monster comes along, he'll step on that trigger over there, sending your giant foot body into the monster's crotch!
Finn: This sucks, dude.
Jake: [Caressing Finn] Shhh!
Monster: [Off- screen roaring. A two-headed monster comes into view.] We're evil! [steps on trigger and Finn is launched into its crotch, monster roars] Our crotch! our evil crotch!!
Jake: [runs away while holding Finn's foot body in the air] Hahaha! What'd I tell you? You're a great hero! Let's go set up some more crotch catapults so we can laugh and be heroes.
Finn: No, Jake. Let's find that Magic Man.
Jake: Finn, being an enormous crotch-kicking foot is a gift. Don't scorn a gift.
[Indistinct shouting is heard; they see Rump Town on fire]
Jake: Town on fire! This looks like a job for foot Finn stomping ability!
Finn: But I-I can't even bend these big fat toes, man.
Jake: You can do it, Finn. What'd I teach you, dude?
Finn: [unsure] Not to scorn the kicking of people in the crotch?
Jake: You got it! Now I'm gonna go rescue all the babies in town [deep voice, face close-up] --only the babies. [Normally] Get your hero on, dude!
[Jake throws Finn towards Rump Town. Finn flies through the air]
Finn: Aaahh!
[More shouting and running townspeople. Finn land in the middle of the town]
Finn: Uhh. Okay, you can do this, Finn. [Sweaty and determined] Start small, man. I'm taking you down! [Points at the fire]
[Finn struggles to move his body and falls on top of a small fire]
Finn: [screaming] It's hot! Oh, man, I'm smoking hot! Please, help me out! I can't move!
[Townspeople gather around Finn, angrily]
Townsperson (red shirt): It's another one of those freaks!
Townsperson (green shirt): He probably started this fire!
Finn: No, I didn't start any –
Townsperson (blue shirt): Throw him under the bridge with the others!
[Townspeople pick up Finn and carry him off to the bridge]
Townspeople (all): Get rid of the freak. [Chanting] Freak! Freak!
[Finn is thrown off the bridge]
Finn: Unh! [Sighs and sniffs] I'm not a freak, I'm a hero.
[Jake calls out to Finn. Jake runs toward Finn with his arms full of babies.]
Jake: Finn!
Finn: Jake, how'd you find me?
Jake: Oh, I can sense when you're about to cry. It's like a mother/daughter thing.
Finn: [upset] I'm not going to cry, man! I just feel like crying. We have to find that magic guy and [Jake lets go of the babies and they crawl away.] get my body back now!
Jake: What we have to do is find out what reeks under this bridge [sniffs]
Finn: Jake!
[Jake walks toward the underside of the bridge.]
Jake: Ew, it's blocking out your good foot smell.
Finn: Get back here!
Jake: Ugh, it—it smells like vomit on fire. It's like fancy cheese in an old guy's mouth.
[Behind Jake there is a Cyclops creature with no legs or arms under the bridge. It hops towards Jake.]
Cyclops: Welcome, travelers.
[Jake jumps in the air, surprised.]
Jake: Ahh!
[Jake picks up Finn.]
Cyclops: I am Gork, leader of Freak City. Ah, I can see one of you has felt the Magic Man's touch. [Looks at Finn]
Finn: Yeah! You know that guy?
[Gork walks back underneath the bridge. Finn and Jake follow.]
Gork: I will tell you all that I know.
[Under the bridge, Gork vomits lava on the ground that turns into fire. The fire illuminates the makeshift cave(Freak City). There are other creatures seen under the bridge.]
Gork: We are the accursed ones, all once normal guys and gals who crossed paths with the Magic Man. [Gork proceeds to introduce the other inhabitants of the cave.] That's Zap, the Arm. [the screen is focused in Zap, a pink humanoid arm. Zap mumbles.] Trudy, the Waist. [Trudy is shown as a blue lump. Trudy coughs.] That's Wee Wee and Gorflax. [They are shown as light brown ovals lying in a puddle. One is biting the other.] They were turned into tonsils and that's Kim. [Kim kisses a can and chuckles. She is beige colored leg.] But, please, make yourselves at home. Would you like something to drink?
Jake: Do you have any orange juice?
Gork: No. [Pause] Well, uh, I don't know. Maybe. Uh, I don't think so. I'll go check.
[Gork goes off in search of orange juice.]
Jake: Yo, Finn, this place is really bumming me out. Let's get out of here.
Finn: What?! No, dude. These guys might be my only hope of finding the Magic Man.
[Gork comes back with orange juice.]
Gork: Hey, we actually do have orange juice.
[Jake starts drinking the juice.]
Finn: Thanks for being cool and all, but what do you know about this Magic Man? How do we catch him?
Gork: Oh, he can't be caught. He's got magic and we're worthless freaks. We can't ever beat him. So we've gather here to wallow in our self-pity.
Finn: But don't y'all even want to try?
Kim: Eh, no.
Finn: Why not? You're all totally miserable here.
Zap: Ugh. It's a living.
Finn: No, it's not, Zap! It's not a living! It's dookie diapers! I don't want to be a foot!
Trudy: Well, get used to it. We did.
[Gork falls to his side.]
Jake: Yeah, Finn, maybe there's another lesson to be learned here--
[Jake walks to a pile of garbage, sits down and gets comfortable.]
Jake: To accept what fate has given you [puts his arm around a rat] and stay a miserable foot. Gork, can we stay here in this pile of trash and rats forever?
Gork: Yeah, man. Do it up.
Jake: [flops down in trash] Awesome. [Rats flock to his body] Here we go.
Finn: Jake, stop screwing around. [slumps] You're gonna make me give into depression.
Jake: [rats crawl on his face] Eh, what are you going to do about it? Probably nothing, right? If you're depressed, you'll do nothing. [Rolls over]
Finn: I… [Depressed] Maybe I will do nothing.] Maybe I'll just lay down here. [Grunts and struggles to get to the floor] Lay down –uh [falls to the ground]—and rot like the rest of you.
Jake: [Excited] Yeah! [Chanting] Stay a foot! Stay a foot! Stay a foot!
[Finn closes his eyes and begins to daydream. Song begins.]
Finn: [singing] ♫ Is this really my life?
Is this how my story ends?
[Finn is in space with his foot body.]
Bein' in this body,
Seems like a battle that I cannot win.
[Finn is trapped in a neon cube.]
Maybe I should lay my head down slow,
And sleep until it's all over,
[Finn lays his head on his hands. The cube disappears but leaves lines that bisect Finn.]
Is this the end,
of the hero boy named Finn?
[The pieces of Finn break apart and move through space. Finn opens his eyes and is back in the cave.]
Heck no! Darn it, no!
This isn't how I go!
[Finn picks himself up.]
I'm gonna kill it! I'm gonna kick life's butt,
And win it, to win it.
I'm gonna take life's name,
And spit on it, and kick it!
[Spits and hops towards Gork.]
Life can just go eat it,
'Cause this is a man's game! ♫
[ends singing]
Finn: Get up, Gork!
Gork: Huh? Why?
[resumes singing]
Finn: ♪ I'm not gonna let you lie here,
And waste away,
You better get up, Gork, or I'll kick you up,
Today's the day! ♪
Gork: Whoa. Okay man, just be cool.
Finn: ♫ And I'm not gonna be cool!
[Finn kicks Gork.]
'Cause I'm pipin' hot!
[Finn kicks Trudy then kicks Kim.]
Get up, Trudy! Get up, Kim!
I'm not gonna let you rot! ♫
[Finn hops to Jake.]
Jake: Hey, Finn.
Finn: ♫ Ja-a-a-ke, stop tellin' me to enjoy, bein' a foot, and get out of that trash! ♫
Jake: Heh heh. I can't take you seriously when you're singing, man.
Finn: Get up!
[Kicks Jake into the air]
Jake: Ahh!
Finn: ♫All of you make me sick!
I'll fix you with my kicks!
Gonna reconstruct y'all's self-worth,
[Kicks them all out of the cave and into the light]
Brick by emotional brick. ♫
Gork: Wait, Finn!
[Finn kicks them into a pile. Gork is on top of Trudy and Kim and Zap are at his sides.]
Gork: Hey, stop it, man! [Gork, Kim, Zap, and Trudy stand up.] We don't like touching each other.
[Finn kicks them all (except Jake) and is puzzled.]
Finn: Huh?
[Gork, Trudy. Kim, Zap, Wee Wee and Gorflax are all clumped together.]
Gork: Please, man.
Finn: Wait a second. Kim, get underneath Trudy.
Kim: No, man. Please. I freakin' hate Trudy.
Finn: [angry] Kim, I will destroy you!
Kim: Okay, Okay! [Moves to get under Trudy]
[Jake walks up to Kim.]
Jake: Yeah, do it, Kim.
Finn: Yes! Now for me [gets on the other side under Trudy] Look at us!
[Gork, Trudy. Kim, Zap, Finn, Wee Wee and Gorflax are joined together to make a single body.]
Jake: Whoa!
[They walk to a puddle and look at their reflection.]
Gork: We're like a big, normal guy.
Kim: Thank you so much
Zap: We are perfect together
Kim: Oh, Finn, thank you.
Finn: Word! Now let's go wreck up that Magic Man!
[They jump up and down excitedly.]
Jake: Let me get in on this. I'll form the pants. [Jake wraps his body around them]
Magic Man: Food. Food for a beggar
[Finn gasps. Magic Man is in his hobo disguise]
Magic Man: Y'all got any food?
Gork: We've got a little orange juice left over from – Wait a second…
Magic Man: That's right. It is I, the magic Man! [Reveals himself and heaves magic their way.] Zap
[They all shout.]
Magic Man: Come on, apple grease! What are you gonna do?
[Zap punches Magic Man.]
Magic Man: Ohh!
Zap: We're not afraid.
Magic Man: Are you sure about that?
Finn: You're darn right we are!
[Gork vomits lava at Magic Man but it is deflected.]
Finn: Give us our bodies back!
[Finn kicks Magic Man into a pile.]
Magic Man: Why should I? You still act like a hero only so you can get what you want.
Finn: Oh. You were trying to teach us to be kind without expecting anything return. I should've given you that sugar cube without even thinking about a reward.
Magic Man: Wrong! [Hurls magic at them again. It hits Finn in the face.]
Finn: Ah, geez!
Jake: [worried] Finn!
Finn: [angry] You've gifted us nothing but heartache, Magic Man! What is the life lesson in that?!
Magic Man: [laughs maniacally] Yes, my children, you are so close to the answer.
Finn: Answer this!
[They jump on top of Magic Man. He is stuck underneath Finn's foot body.]
Kim: Get his eyes! Cut him in the eyes!
Finn: I wish I'd never been nice to you 'cause you're just a big jerk!
Magic Man: Oh, yes, that's it! [Slips from under Finn's foot body] You've finally learned your lesson. [Zaps them with magic that returns them back to normal] And now I'm off spread my teachings to more sissy do-gooders. [Opens a portal to escape] You're welcome!
Finn: Man, I frickin' hate that guy. But at least now we can all go back to our regular lives.
[Gork, Kim, Trudy, Wee Wee and Gorflax are still voluntarily linked as a single body – even though they have their original bodies back.]
Gork: Well, actually, we like being like this
Zap: Yeah, we're strong together
All: Bye, Finn! Thank you!
[They wave and walk off-screen.]
Finn: Oh, okay. Bye, guys. See you, later. [Waves back at them] Wait, so, what was the lesson we just learned?
Jake: [shrugs] Maybe it was, don't give your sugar to jerks.
Finn: Speaking of jerks, what the blubbins, man?! Why wouldn't you help me turn back into a boy?!
Jake: Well, because I kind of always wanted [mumbles]
Finn: What?
Jake: [embarrassed] I said, I kind of always wanted to be a foot myself.
Finn: You could be a foot right now. I saw you change into a foot twice yesterday.
[Finn and Jake start walking away.]
Jake: It's complicated, man. You'll understand when you're older.
[Episode ends]
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