This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Five Short Tables" from season 8, which aired on May 26, 2016.
Characters
Ice King
Fionna
Cake
Gunter
Prince Gumball
Butterscotch Butler
Marshall Lee
Lumpy Space Prince
Flame Prince
Turtle Prince
Ice Queen
Flynn
Jacques
Ice President
Cuber
Snail
Ice King
Fionna
Cake
Gunter
Prince Gumball
Butterscotch Butler
Marshall Lee
Lumpy Space Prince
Flame Prince
Turtle Prince
Ice Queen
Flynn
Jacques
Ice President
Cuber
Snail
Music
None
None
This transcript is incomplete, missing [actions].
Transcript[]
- Ice King: Get back here, worm! What?! The last chapter of "Cosmic Kissing"? My stirring lyrical interlude from "Fionna Goes to the Market"? The epilogue from "Flame Prince Breaks a Sweat"?! [ Gasps ] Who gave you permission to edit my fan fiction?! Prepare to be punished! But first... what'd ya think?
- Gunther: Wenk!
- Ice King: Great critique! [zap]
- Gunther: Wenk.
- Ice King: I don't need an editor. I'm my own editor -- editor-in-king!
- Ice King: Ooh! My custom tape! Remix! [ Clears throat ] "Sunlight gleamed through the window as Fionna sat patiently at the breakfast table." [ Humming ]
- Cake: Hah! Check out my sweet flippin' moves.
- Fionna: You're a real ace in the kitchen.
- Cake: Roar! Ha ha! Cooking is fun! Here come the flapjacks!
- Fionna: Know what's better than cooking?
- Cake: No!
- Fionna: Wha?!
- Cake: These are narrative flapjacks. Darlin', don't you see the brilliant comedy laid out before you? You wouldn't eat Act II before Act I, silly. Now try starting with the dockworker having a moral crisis.
- Fionna: Okay. This...one?
- Cake: Fionna, this character doesn't serve any thematic purpose until much later in the meal.
- Fionna: Sorry, Cake, but these just look like formless blobs of sweet flapjack to me.
- Cake: Mmm... It's true. Maybe if I based them off real people, do some "life cooking" -- nonfiction flapjacks! Let's go griddle up portraits of the entire kingdom! Got to get my supplies together. My portable griddle... Mmm. Some peppermint eggs... and the twice-cursed flour! Got it! Ready for stories and flapjacks?
- Fionna: Heck yes!
- Flour Demon: You're wasting me on breakfast!
- Fionna and Cake: No one asked you, Flour Demon.
- Ice King: That was like a cookbook... written by a genius. On to the next chapter -- "A Game of Gumball."
- Fionna: Prince Gumball would probs make a great flapjack model. Sometimes he gets so absorbed in his work that he doesn't move for days.
- Cake: Ooooh! I can break out the pink sea salt and --
- Fionna: Hey, there's Gumball!
- Prince Gumball: [ Papers rustling ] Is it here? No. No. Ah! Just what I need! The periodic table of candy elements! If I use this one and this one here... Ha ha! The perfect strategy! Hyup! [ Inhales sharply ] Butterscotch Butler, the butterscotch Scottish butler, I challenge you!
- Butterscotch Butler: [ Sighs ] Again?
- Prince Gumball: I've gathered all the necessary strategy and tactics to finally defeat you!
- Butterscotch Butler: To play, one must know strategy, yes. But to know victory, one must also know their opponent!
- Prince Gumball: Opponent?
- Butterscotch Butler: Their dreams... ...their ambitions.... ...their rrrregrets... ...and their fears!
- Prince Gumball: M-My mortality!
- Butterscotch Butler: King me.
- Fionna: Maybe we should find someone a little more relaxed.
- Prince Gumball: How?! How did you know?!
- Butterscotch Butler: Huh? Oh. You leave that lying around everywhere.
- Cake: Yes! Still not quite right.
- Fionna: How about this for some inspiration?
- Cake: Pancakes and flapjacks are nothing alike!
- Fionna: Aw, Cake.
- Cake: It's just that flapjack literature is such a niche genre, and none of my flapjacks are turning out any good.
- Fionna: Come on, Cake. We've still got 10 minutes before the library closes. It's Flame Prince!
- Cake: What's that fire hazard doing in the library?
- Turtle Prince: Hmm? Oh, no! Oh! I love that author! Have you read her newest book? I-I could, uh, find it for you.
- Flame Prince: Oh. Uh, n-nah, that's okay. I'll just start with this one. Thanks, though.
- Turtle Prince: Uh -- Aah!
- Flame Prince: Oh. Sorry about that. Uh -- Uh -- W-w-w-- W-w-w-- Eh... No, no, no, no, no! Hot, hot, hot!
- Flame Prince: Wow. I am not graceful today.
- Turtle Prince: N-Not the first editions! Ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow! Easy... Unh! Gah! Huh?! Leaving, yes?
- Flame Prince: Yeah. I'll borrow this one, please.
- Turtle Prince: Of course! I'll just need you to sign it out.
- Turtle Prince: I'm sorry. I have a duty to serve the library's patrons, but I'm also sworn to protect the books. I can't in good conscience let you take it home. But maybe I could read this book to you?
- Flame Prince: Listen, I just came in here to use the bathroom, man. I thought you had to, like, check out a book first to pee. Actually, I don't even have a library card.
- Marshall Lee: Lumpy Space Prince! Lumpy Spaaaace Priiiince! Come on. You've been coughing for five days. Just take one tablespoon.
- Lumpy Space Prince: Uh... B-Bumpy Space Prince? Uh, there's no one here by that name.
- Marshall Lee: Then who am I talking to?
- Lumpy Space Prince: Uh, this is Ja-- Jack. [ Coughs ]
- Marshall Lee: Huh. Well, if you're Jack, then I'mmmm... MMMMichael Dean. Yeah. And I'm looking for this beautiful prince. I got to give him this...magic potion! See, he was cursed by this evil snot gnoll.
- Lumpy Space Prince: Really?
- Marshall Lee: The snot gnoll transformed him into a totally disgusting mucus monster.
- Lumpy Space Prince: What?! No, I'm not!
- Marshall Lee: Did you hear that?
- Lumpy Space Prince: Huh? What is it?!
- Marshall Lee: It's -- It's -- [ Roars ] It's the snot gnoll! Aah! Uh-oh! It's coming towards your tree, Jack!
- Lumpy Space Prince: I'm stuck!
- Marshall Lee: I'll protect you, beautiful prince! Step off, snot gnoll!
- Lumpy Space Prince: Get him, Michael Dean!
- Marshall Lee: Gah! It got me! Ugh!
- Lumpy Space Prince: No!!
- Marshall Lee: I got one last hit in! I-It's running away! [ Sighs, coughs ] I think this is the end for me.
- Lumpy Space Prince: Rally, Michael Dean!
- Marshall Lee: [ Voice breaking ] It's...too late for me, beautiful prince. Take the potion. [Voice breaking ] Take it and live. Live!
- Lumpy Space Prince: I won't let your sacrifice be wasted. [ Glug! Glug! ]
- [ Glass shatters ]
- Marshall Lee: See? No more coughing.
- Lumpy Space Prince: Hey, yeah. Actually, I do feel better. [ Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! ]
- Marshall Lee: Wow. Maybe that was the wrong potion.
- Lumpy Space Prince: Much better!
- Ice Queen: Lounged atop their comfortable sense of ennui, Flynn the human being and Jacques the raccoon listened to the Ice President read his fiction.
- Ice President: "Lynn the person looked at Janet and asked, 'Am I my feelings? Do I exist because I can't stop feeling?' Janet the fox answered her. 'Feelings are action, and like all mortal action, they are doomed to failure.'"
- Ice Queen: Flynn and Jacques sighed. They totally got it. The end! What do you guys think? Too philosophical?
- [ Flute plays]
- [ Penguins chanting "Wenk!" ]
- Ice Queen: [ Groans ] Out of my way!
- Cake: Blazin' blueberries -- comin' through!
- [ Penguins chanting "Wenk!"]
- Ice Queen: You're ruining my literary reading!
- Fionna: Oh, hey, Ice Queen. Do you want Cake to make your flapjack portrait?
- Ice Queen: Why, ye-- No! I mean no! Why don't we table this for now, so I can... destroy you!
- Cake: Hang on to your turkeys, because I'm about to make the toughest flapjack ever. Some purple chicken milk... dramatic cornmeal... And the tears of this reflective turtle. [ Whispering ] You will outlive everyone you love. Cry for me, little mama! Here, Fionna!
- Fionna: Tasty! Hey, Ice Queen, I really liked your story. The imagery was tight.
- Ice Queen: Can you bElieve it was my first draft?!
- Fionna: No way!
- Cake: Gotcha! I call it "Portrait of an Author."
- Fionna: [ Chuckles ]I really did like her story, though. I wonder how that Ice President got elected.
- Ice King: Talk about life imitating art. Gunter, did you see what Daddy did? Did you guess the secret theme?
- Gunther: Wenk!
- Ice King: No! You're way off! Fionna and Cake were at the breakfast table. Gumball consulted the periodic table. Flame Prince set fire to the table of contents. The...purple thing had a tablespoon of syrup. And Ice Queen...did a tabley thing, too, probably.
- Gunther: Wenk!
- Ice King: They're not like regular stories. They're shorter. I'll call them...grabl-- No -- tables!
- Gunther: Wenk.
- Cuber: I'll never look at tables the same way again.