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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Fionna and Cake" from season 3, which aired on September 5, 2011.

"Fionna and Cake"
Candy Kingdom (within story)
Tree Fort (within story)
Ice Kingdom (outside story)
This transcript is complete.


[The episode starts out in Prince Gumball's castle]
Fionna: Throw it, Cake!
[Cake grabs a Jelly Kinder and twirls it up to Fionna with her arms]
Fionna: Eyahh! [Kicks it to the ceiling where others are]
Fionna: These Jelly Kinders aren't... alive, are they?
Prince Gumball: [Holding one] What? No! They can't even talk.
[The Jelly Kinder frantically lets out a sound and Prince Gumball hastily covers its mouth]
Prince Gumball: Kick it! Thanks for helping me out guys.
Cake: What are these boogers for, anyway?
Prince Gumball: Oh, they're decorations for my Biennial Gumball Ball. Tonight!
Fionna: Sounds like it gonna be large.
Prince Gumball: Yes! So very large. I'd like you to be there as my special guest.
Fionna: You want me to go with you to the ball?
Prince Gumball: Heck yes. As my pal!
Fionna: Oh. Right.
Prince Gumball: It starts at seven, so don't be late!
[Outside storm clouds are forming quickly]
Cake: Fionna, we got trouble! My tail is totally frizzin' out!
Fionna: I'll check it out.
[She goes outside and coming out of the clouds is a cackling Ice Queen]
Fionna: It's Ice Queen!
Ice Queen: The Prince shall be mine!
[Creates a giant glacier]
Fionna: Back inside!
[As they go in the glacier smashes through the wall and Ice Queen slides down it]
Ice Queen: Outta my way, tomboy!
Fionna: Ice Queen, why are you always predatoring on dudes?
Ice Queen: Ha! You should talk! Keeping all the babes to yourself, totally ice-blocking my game!
[Prince Gumball looks disgusted]
Fionna: What?
Ice Queen: Not [Forms a slush beast around herself] this time!
[Slush beast surrounds Prince Gumball and Ice Queen can be seen lifting him up]
Prince Gumball: Gah! Slush Beast!
Fionna: Cake! Morning-star mode!
[Cake becomes a mace-like object and Fionna twirls her and smashes her into the slush beast, covering the room in frost and snow and Prince Gumball appears to come out of the mist]
Prince Gumball: You saved me from the Ice Queen!
Fionna: Oh, uh, yeah I guess. Is she gone?
Prince Gumball: She must have fled. Fionna, you're so strong. And you look so beautiful in the snow. What are you doing later?
Fionna: I was just going to go home, I...
Prince Gumball: Come with me. Let's go out.
Fionna: Go... out?
Prince Gumball: Yeah. Let's go somewhere.
Fionna: What?
Cake: We'd love to!
Prince Gumball: Great! Meet me in the castle gardens in an hour!
Cake: [Dragging a stunned Fionna out of the room] Yes, we'll be there!
[At the Tree Fort]
Cake: Oh, it's a date!
Fionna: No, it's not. I'm sure when he said "go out," he meant "go out," not "go out!"
Cake: Shut up, he's into you!
Fionna: Come on, you heard what he said. I'm like his guy-friend.
Cake: Well, that could change tonight.
Fionna: If it's a date, why are you coming?
Cake: I'm coming to help you! Hold on, I'm bringing my dulcimer.
Fionna: [groans] Man.
Cake: It's a conversation starter. [Puts dulcimer on her back]
Fionna: Fine, I'll do this if only to prove you wrong.
[Scene switches to the Castle Gardens]
Fionna: Mm... Let's just bail, I changed my mind.
Cake: No! No retreat, girl.
Prince Gumball: Hello, Fionna. And I see you brought Cake.
Fionna: That's cool, right?
Prince Gumball: Only if it's cool that I brought... Lord Monochromicorn!
[Lord Monochromicorn falls out of the sky onto the ground]
Cake: Hiya, gorgeous.
Lord Monochromicorn: [In Morse code] H-E-Y.
[Cake's tail puffs up]
Prince Gumball: Accept these tokens of our esteem.
Fionna: [Awkwardly] Hey you didn't have to, guy...
Prince Gumball: Nonsense. For you, Cake, a satchel of nepetalactone. Mo-Chro picked it himself.
Cake: Catnip! Sweet babies! [Starts tapping the bag against her head]
Prince Gumball: And for you m'lady, a bouquet of posies.
Fionna: Oh, uh, they're...
Prince Gumball: There's a surprise at the center.
Fionna: Huh! A crystal sword! I'm all about swords! How did you know?!
Prince Gumball: I pay attention to things I see you being all about.
Fionna: Thanks dude. It's just...WOW.
Prince Gumball: Come, for the wowiness has only just begun!
[Fionna is riding a giant Cake and Prince Gumball is riding Lord Monochromicorn.]
Cake: [Whispering] Psst, Fi, tell Gumball that you think he's HAWT.
Fionna: [Whispering] What?! No!
Cake: [Whispering] Guys like to hear that they're hot!
Fionna: [Whispering] Will you keep your voice down?!
Prince Gumball: Oh, Fionna!
Fionna: Hey, what's up?
Prince Gumball: I thought we might have a little race. A playful race to Marshmallowy Mweadows.
Fionna: Okay, but I'm gonna kick your butt. [Awkwardly] Not that I'm thinking of butts...
Prince Gumball: Excellent. [He and Lord Monochromicorn take off]
Cake: After him, Fionna. After your man. [They take off]
[They race to the Mweadows]
Prince Gumball: [Breathless] Good race, Fionna.
[Cake are Lord Monochromicorn are both exhausted and breathless]
Cake: Why are y'all breathless if we're the ones running?
[Prince Gumball hums and jumps into a hole under the flowers]
Fionna: Gumball!
[Jumps in after him and they both come up, Fionna holding Prince Gumball and Prince Gumball holding a pink skull]
Prince Gumball: Sorry, I saw a pearl pygmy skull in there. It reminded me of you. The way your eyes sparkle. [Prince Gumball's eyes sparkle and Fionna's eyes sparkle as she laughs nervously]
[Fionna, Cake, and Prince Gumball are all riding Lord Monochromicorn]
Prince Gumball: Fionna, there's something I want to tell you.
[The song Oh, Fionna begins and at the end, Fionna and Prince Gumball gets dropped off on a hill laughing]
Fionna: Oh, my gosh, dude. That was, like, the stupidest thing ever.
Cake: See you back at the tree house. [Winks to Fionna, Fionna blushes, as Cake and Lord Monochromicorn fly away]
[It is night. Prince Gumball and Fionna are laughing]
Fionna: Jeez, I dunno, I thought about it, but I think you could wear your pants as a shirt, if you really needed to.
Prince Gumball: [Laughs] Okay, okay, now you ask me something.
Fionna: Oh, um, is this a date?
Prince Gumball: ['Laughs] Fionna, come to the ball with me.
Fionna: As your chum?
Prince Gumball: No, as my girlfriend.
[At the Tree Fort, Cake is playing a game on BMO and Fionna rushes in]
Fionna: It was a date! There was singing and junk!
Cake: I know! I was there for that part!
Fionna: Cake, he wants me to come to the ball as his girlfriend!
Cake: Oh, my goodness! It's almost seven! You need something to wear! Oh, hold on honey, I am gonna make this happen!
[Cake is fitting a white dress on Fionna, purse and all]
Fionna: How am I supposed to fit my weapons in this?
Cake: It's a ball! You don't need weapons!
Fionna: [Puts the crystal sword in her purse] I'll take my retractable sword.
Cake: Okay! Lets go, go, go!
[Fionna arrives at the ball on Cake's back, inside Marshall Lee is flying around and he and Fionna wave to each other, others like Lumpy Space Prince are there and Prince Gumball is talking to a female Cinnamon Bun and sees Fionna]
Prince Gumball: I've been looking for you.
Fionna: Well, here I am.
Prince Gumball: Ha ha! Hey, I wanna show you something.
Fionna: Okay. [Goes with Prince Gumball]
Cake: Okay, girl! I'll see you later!
[Prince Gumball and Fionna go up a flight of stairs to his room]
Fionna: What? Hey, is this your bedroom?
Prince Gumball: Fionna. [Unbuttons his shirt and walks towards her]
Fionna: [Backing up] Heh... whoa. [A drip of water falls on Fionna and see looks up to find Prince Gumball frozen upside-down on the roof] What?!
[The Prince Gumball in front of Fionna laughs and that laugh becomes a woman's cackle as Ice Queen pops out his chest revealing it was her in disguise.]
Ice Queen: This was so much easier than I thought it would be! [Shoots ice lighting at Fionna, she dodges.]
Fionna: This is really messed up, Ice Queen! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?! [Ice Queen causes an ice pillar to grow under Fionna's feet and head towards the ceiling.]
Ice Queen: You're what stands between me and my Gumball! [Spikes come out of the ice pillar and tear into Fionna's dress. An angry Fionna rips her dress free and jumps off of the pillar.]
Fionna: I can't believe I fell for this trash! You got me to show up with a dress! And a pur— [in realization] My purse! My sword!
[Ice Queen throws ice shards at her and Fionna dives and grabs her purse and unsheathes it, Ice Queen just laughs as it recedes and locks her hands in an ice ball.]
Ice Queen: You like my ice sword?
[Cake comes from behind a curtain near the bottom of the staircase outside Prince Gumball's room and hears the sound of the struggle upstairs]
Fionna: Get it off me!
Cake: Fionna!
[Ice Queen laughs and Fionna rushes up and smashes the ice ball against Ice Queen's head, Ice Queen blasts her with a blizzard of snow, shooting her towards the ceiling by Prince Gumball and she smashes the ice around him, freeing him and her hands, Ice Queen shrieks in frustration and is brought to the ground by ice raining from the ceiling. Fionna lands on the ground with Prince Gumball in her arms.]
Prince Gumball: Oh, my goodness. [Fionna puts him down and Cake bursts through the door]
Cake: WHAT'S GOING ON IN HE— [Sees Prince Gumball with his hand on Fionna and her dress in tatters and rushes towards Prince Gumball] AAAHH! Don't you touch her! [She jumps up and flails and scratches on his face until Fionna pulls her off]
Fionna: Shhh... It's okay, it's okay. It was the Ice Queen.
[Ice Queen shoots a blast of ice needles at Cake]
Ice Queen: Paws off my prince!
[Cake lets a pained cat howl as Ice Queen laughs until Fionna punches off her crown and kicks her in the face.]
Ice Queen: [Groans and snarls] My magic tiara... my powers!
[Fionna grabs her neck]
Fionna: And this is for yanking my heart guts! [Punches Ice Queen to the ground where Cake, wearing the magic tiara, blasts her with snow.]
Cake: Ha ha! I'm a queen! [Fionna knocks off the tiara]
Fionna: No, you might catch her crazy.
Prince Gumball: Wow, Fionna. You're, you're just really incredible. Maybe we should meet up, for a date.
Fionna: [Pushes him away] No way, man. Not interested. [Thoughtful sigh] I think the reason I got all these guy-friends and no boyfriend is because I don't really want to date any of 'em. I don't need feel like I'm waiting to be noticed. I know who I am. And I'll know what I want when and if it ever comes along. But there is one guy I would do anything to date. [In a smitten voice] The Ice King!
Prince Gumball: What?!
Cake: Me, too. Ice King's the real deal!
[Lord Monochromicorn pops out from under the floor and says "ISE" in Morse Code].
Fionna: Ice King is the hottest hottie, and I can't wait— [The camera pans into Fionna's mouth and pans out of Ice King's mouth in the his castle]
Ice King: "—to marry him!" said Fionna. Then she turned to Prince Gumball and said, "I hope Ice King will sweep me off my feet and take me to the farthest corner of Ooo, where we will do nothing but kiss and eat a whole bunch until we get fat and die." The end. So, what do you think of the fanfiction I wrote about you guys?
[Finn and Jake are trapped with half their bodies in a block of ice, with Jake in head first, with book manuscripts in front of them, Gunter has a book too.]
Finn: Uh...
Ice King: [threateningly] Tell me you thought it was good!
Finn: Uh, it's good! It's good! It's really good, dude! It was amazing!
[The episode ends.]