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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Everything Stays" from season 7, which aired on November 16, 2015.

This transcript is incomplete.


[The sun begins to rise over the mountains. Its light reaches the village and creeps toward Marceline.]
Finn: Marceline, no!
Marceline: Don't let anyone read my diaries! Burn them, Finn! They're embarrassi—! [screams]
[Marceline is bathed in sunlight. The screen goes white, and a flashback begins. A young Marceline sits on her mother's lap in an RV.]
Elise: And then he said, "Fine." That's the story of how I met your dad.
Marceline: Can I play now?
Elise: No, Marceline, Sweetie. It's nap time.
Marceline: But I don't want to sleep! My dreams are weird.
Elise: All dreams are weird.
Marceline: But, Mom, my dreams are we-e-e-eird.
Elise: [chuckles] Honey, something weird might just be something familiar viewed from a different angle. And that's not scary, right?
[She and Marceline embrace and sing "Everything Stays." The screen fades out, then returns to show Marceline a little older and packing a sled. Snow falls in a ruined city.]
Simon: [voiceover] Hello, Marci. I don't know if you'll ever hear this message. I fear my thoughts are no longer my own. Just watch over me...
[Marceline looks over to see Simon recording himself.]
Simon: ...until I can find my way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity. And then maybe, Betty, my princess—maybe you will love me again. [sighs] Please love me again, Betty! [sobs] Okay, bye! [takes out tape and pushes over camera] [sighs]
Marceline: Hey, Simon. I, uh, finished packing your gear. So can I have my tape now?
Simon: What? No. This is private, silly. [tucks tape into bag on sled] There you go. Snug as a bug.
Marceline: Seriously, Simon. Please don't go.
Simon: I... I have to protect you.
Marceline: How can you protect me if you're not even here?!
Simon: I'll arrange for someone to come take care of you. I'll make sure he doesn't leave.
Marceline: Please, Simon, I could help you with this.
Simon: Yeah, maybe one day you will. But until then, you have to stay brave, my fearless Marceline.
[Simon touches her cheek as tears escape her eyes. His thumb touches the tear, freezing it. When he moves it, the frozen tear scratches her face.]
Marceline: Ouch!
Simon: You see? I have to go now. Goodbye, Marci. [hops on sled and leaves]
Marceline: What? No! [chases after him] Wait! Ugh! [trips and falls in snow] Simon! Simon!
[𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘯. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰.] ⠀
Marceline: Yah! Ew! [𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨] Okay, I know you're here.
The Fool: Peek-a-pop! [Laughs]
Marceline: The fool!
The Fool: You found me, Marceline! Now you're it.

Marceline: We're not playing, fool. You're an evil, blood-sucking fiend. I'm trying to kill you.

The Fool: Hey, you want to see something funny? [Inhales deeply] I look like a butt. Pbht!

Marceline: Ohh!

The Fool: [Laughs]

Marceline: [Coughing] Huh? [Sniffs]

The Fool: [Laughing maniacally]

Marceline: Oh. Cool. Sweet music to my ears.

Marceline: Come on, little bun. Just turn around. Ugh, stupid animal.

Bunny Girl: Wha?!

Marceline: Oh! I'm sorry! All right, hold still. There you go. See? It's okay.

Bunny Girl: [Screaming]

Marceline: No, kid! You don't have to be afraid of me! I'm a really good... person.

[Indistinct conversations]

Bunny Girl: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

All: Huh?

Bunny Girl: There's...Ohh, hoo... a vampire!

All: No!

Bunny Girl: Yes way. I saw it real close. It looked like a girl, but it had fangs like... [Grumbling]

Two Bread Tom: Everybody, ready your weapons. Don't worry. We'll be ready for it.

[Bird squawking]

Marceline: Ohh! [Gasps] Hey.

[All gasp]

Marceline: No, no, i-it's cool. I'm on your side.

Two Bread Tom: [Whimpers] Go away, vampire.

Marceline: I'm in the sunlight. I'm not a flipping vampire!

[ All screaming ]

[ Sighs ]

Mm? Mm?

What's that?

Oh, you want old Two Bread Tom to play the song.

Please do not play the song.

No, the child is right.

As humans, it's our duty to tell the tales,

to sing the songs.

Art must survive.

♪ Streaks on the China

♪ Never mattered before

♪ Who cares?

♪ When you drop-kicked you jacket ♪

♪ As you came through the door

♪ No one glared

♪ But sometimes things get turned around ♪

♪ And no one's spared

♪ All hands, look out below

♪ There's a change in the status quo-o-o ♪

♪ Gonna need all the help that we can get ♪

[ Coughs ]

[ Growls ]

[ Imitates guitar ]

You want me to play more?

Two Bread Tom: Yes, please.

The consensus is that your cover's better.

♪ According to our new arrival

♪ Life is more than mere survival ♪

♪ And we just might live the good life yet ♪

[ Bass playing ]


Oh, man, Schwabl,

I sure hope there ain't a little vampire kid

sneaking up behind me.

Vampire attack!

Oh, no!

Ugh! I'm dead.

[ Spits ]

This is serious, Marceline.

What if I was a vampire?

You need an animal hat.

Looks like the project's coming along, huh?

[ Foghorn blares ] Waaaah!

[ Marceline whistles ]

Hey, Marceline! Marceline!

Two Bread Tom, how's it going, man?

Oh, so good. I had a hoagie for lunch.

And even better, the ship's repairs are almost done.

We should be ready to sail in another day or two.

Oh, that's really great.

But listen, I've cleared out

almost all the vampires that are left.

In another week or two, you won't even have to leave.

Yeah, Marceline!

Oh, Marci, you're such a sweet weird kid.

But it's not just the vampires or the oozers

or them hungry-looking rainbows.

The latest atmospheric readings are going bananas.

Something big is coming.

And it's gonna change all of this.

No, we'd do best to clear out of this continent altogether.

Hey, you should come, too.

After all, you're one of us.

[ Bell clanking ]

They're here! They're here!

Aah! He's biting my hat!

Get to the boat!

[ Vampire grumbling ]

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, geez. Oh, geez.

That's not Schwabl, man.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Well, you got me.

What gave it away? The boots?



Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hi, there, Hierophant!

Why can't you just let us eat humans?

You're, like, messing up the natural order.

This is our time.

It's MY time.

And once I stake and gank your shape-shifting power,

I'll be unstoppable.


[ Gasps ] What?!

[ Laughs ]

I picked up self-healing power last month,

of some vamp with a head like a garden trowel.

So, you've slain sister moon.

Look at you.

You're just a hapa demon punk,

blind to the price you must pay for such powers.

[ As Dracula ] Blah! I don't care!


Ah! Show yourself!



[ Gulps ]

[ Laughs evilly ]


[ Gasps ]

Oh, geez.

Hey, Marceline, let me "ax" you something.

[ Laughs ] You get it?

You have to leave, Tom.

Oh, I didn't think it was that bad.

You have to leave now!


He's here.

He's the worst of them all -- the Vampire King.

[ Screaming ]


Marceline, you're not dead! Whoo!

P.B.'s cure. It must have worked!

No soy vampire.

Also, untie me, please.

I'm not a murderer!

Okay, but wait, if she's not a vampire,

then what's been draining our cows?

[ Groans ]





I hope Finn didn't get blood-sucked

after I stress-fainted.

Who the heck is this?

[ Mellow music plays ]

[ Hisses ]