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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Everything's Jake" from season 6, which aired on November 24, 2014.

Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


[In the Tree Fort, Jake is knitting on the couch and humming to himself. A fly-sized Magic Man flies in and lands on his head.]
Magic Man: Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz. The waffle doll shall fall lest you eat the yellow dough. [injects Jake with syringe] Bzzzzz... [flies away]
Jake: [stops humming] Hmm. [rubs eyes] I'll... I'll finish this later. [yawns and lies down] So tired. And also hungry... [rubs belly] Maybe I should... eat some— [starts snoring]
[Jake's face starts sliding down from his head and onto his chest. It then sinks into his body. Jake wakes up looking at a yellow sky.]
Jake: Huh? Uh... [touches yellow grass] Huh. Hmm. Everything's made of... me.
[A forest, mountains, and a flower grow out of the ground.]
Jake: Pretty neat. I bet there's, like—like a cool city or something around here.
[A city grows out of the ground.]
Jake: Nice. Jake City. [walks into city]
[Inside, Jake People grow out of the sidewalk and walk past him while waving.]
Jake Person: Hi!
Jake: Oh, uh, hi!
[Across the street, some more people wave to him.]
Jake Person: Jake! How you doing, Jake?
Jake: [waving] Uh, good, man! Good!
[A car drives past; its driver waves.]
Jake: Man, this place is awesome! [approaches a storefront] Ooh! [looks through glass] Cool dolls! They look like the rare antique kind. Maybe my kids will like them. Mm. Wonder what my kids are gonna have for dinner. Maybe pizza...
[The ground starts rumbling.]
Jake: Whoa-oh! Some kind of Jake-quake...
[Behind him, Goose grows out of the ground.]
Goose: Eh? Is that Jake?
Jake: [turns around] Hey there, um...
Goose: C'mon, man! It's Goose! Your best friend, Goose!
Jake: Oh, uh, of course! Goose!
Goose: Aww, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, ya big goof! How long's it been? Two, three years?
Jake: Let's see, uh... [counts on fingers] one, two, uh... I've never been here.
Goose: [laughs] "I've never been here." You've still got it, Jake.
Jake: [fake-laughs]
Goose: C'mon! Let's get you home. Everyone's waiting for you at the party.
Jake: Eh—party?
Goose: No. Par-tay!
[Jake and Goose walk to the party. Outside the building, a group of people cheer and applaud his arrival, and a band plays a lively tune. A banner reads "WELCOME HOME JAKE." Inside, portraits of Jake and his family line the walls, and dozens of partygoers dance. Jake and Goose are building card houses.]
Jake: [laughs] Do it again, Goose!
[Goose bounces his head up and down so his jowls slap together.]
Jake: [laughs]
Goose: Hey, Jake.
Jake: Hey, what?
Goose: Now that you're back, how 'bout that five bucks you still owe me?
Jake: Uh, what five bucks?
Goose: Cheeseburger cheesecake ring a bell?
[Just then, another Jake-quake shakes the building.]
Jake: What—? What is that?
Goose: Oh, oh, that. Don't worry about that. Do not—don't worry about that.
Jake: [thinking] Guess I'd better not worry about it. [aloud] Hmm. I'm hungies, Goose.
Goose: I think there's a leftover nacho basket or something in the fridge.
[The building rumbles briefly, knocking down the partially built card houses.]
Goose: [leaving] Just a sec. [gets food from the fridge and returns] Cold cut-and-nacho sandwiches!
[Another brief Jake-quake occurs.]
Jake: All right! [takes a bite] Ow! Something's wrong, Goose. Jakey can't eat any of these nachos... [ground rumbles] but Jakey needs nachos! Aah!
[Someone knocks on the front door. Jake answers it.]
Urchin: Mr. Jake! Mr. Jake! Mr. Jake, the Mayor wants to see you straightaway.
Jake: Alright, lad, show me the way! [follows Urchin]
[In the Tree Fort, Finn walks up to Jake.]
Finn: Jake! Hey, I got a for-real important question: do you like cereal in your cake? Jake? [pats him] Hmm... [shrugs and smiles] Mm-mm-mm.
Urchin: Mr. Mayor.
Mayor: Urchin, thank you for your help. Help yourself to the herring cakes.
Urchin: Right-o!
Mayor: [shaking Jake's hand] Hello, Jake. Thanks for making it.
Jake: Heh. Okay.
Mayor: Now look, we're at orange alert here. Below us are gathered the city's top minds.
Jake: Hmm.
Mayor: And they've noticed that our seismographic troubles have increased exponentially since your arrival.
Jake: Mayor, uh, I want to meet these minds.
[Scene cuts to the Mayor and Jake on the floor with the scientists.]
Mayor: Here are some of the minds.
Scientist: Jake, we want to perform some tests on you to discover the cause of the quakes.
Jake: There's no need. I've got it figured out. The tremors are happening because Jake is hungry, [pats belly] and his stomach is growling. And the hungrier he gets, the worse the quakes will become.
[The Mayor and the scientists laugh out loud.]
Jake: I'll prove it!
Scientists: Huh?
Jake: Mention a food item.
Scientist: Omelet.
[The ground rumbles.]
Jake: What's in the omelet?
[The ground briefly shakes again.]
Scientist: Chili! It's a four-egg chili omelet!
[The ground shakes violently. A large metal pole falls toward them.]
Scientist: Watch out!
[It crashes to the ground, leaving the scientists unharmed.]
Scientist: Analysis, Tim!
Tim: It's too early to say; this evidence is anecdotal!
Jake: Look, just let me stretch outside to get something to eat, and the quakes will stop.
Tim: That doesn't sound very science-y.
Scientist: No, but you have my permission to test your idea.
Erik Adamkinson: I don't like that idea.
Scientists: Huh?
Erik Adamkinson: If Jake leaves, that would mean the utter destruction of our world. I believe that Jake is an extra-dimensional being, a Glob if you will, whose psychic field holds our world together. If he leaves, his flesh will reconfigure, and everything and everyone here will disappear completely!
Tim: Oh, Erik Adamkinson, you're just a fringe scientist, well known to have a crackpot of crazy theories.
Erik Adamkinson: Hm! Perhaps I am. And maybe I am wrong... but are you really willing to take that chance? We should imprison Jake immediately!
Jake: What?! No way! The world's not gonna end just because I go get a bagel.
[The ground shakes.]
Mayor: Seize him!
Jake: Uh, peace! [grows in size]
[Several Jake People jump on him and hold him down.]
Jake: Why?!
Mayor: Finish him.
[One last Jake Person jumps on Jake, landing on Jake's face. Jake is now in a tiny cell, guarded by two Jake People.]
Jake: [sadly] Mm. [longingly] Bagel.
[Jake's stomach growls, and the ground shakes.]
Erik Adamkinson: Don't worry, everybody. I will journey to Jake's Glob world, which, legend would have us believe, lies beyond the great sky-hole, and bring back the food of the globs to appease Jake's appetite, thus saving everybody.
[The crowd cheers. One Jake Person runs after Erik Adamkinson.]
Erik Adamkinson's father: Wait! Wait! [hugs Erik Adamkinson] I want to go with you, Son!
Erik Adamkinson: I-I'm sorry, Dad. Y-you can't; i-it's too dangerous. Your mind is unprepared.
Erik Adamkinson's father: My son. [weeps]
[Erik Adamkinson climbs to the top of a mountain and then climbs the wall. A balloon floats next to him.]
Erik Adamkinson: Huh? [grabs balloon] Yeah!
[The balloon takes him higher.]
Erik Adamkinson: There it is, the sky ho-o-o-o-ole!
[Erik Adamkinson passes through the sky-hole and climbs onto Jake's body. Projected on a screen nearby is a movie with a bear and a rabbit.]
Erik Adamkinson: Phew! Oh, my stars! It's just as I envisioned! Almighty Jake Globs, I beseech your aid! Do you have bagels? Hello? Hmm. Maybe those aren't the true globs. Yeah, they're too ugly to be— [gasps]
[Finn lifts his head with spaghetti hanging out of his mouth and looks at Erik Adamkinson.]
Erik Adamkinson: [screams and then weeps] I thought you'd be beautiful. But you're not! [cries] You're hideous! Hideous! [melts into Jake's body]
Finn: [points to projector] BMO, resume.
[Back in Jake World]
Jake: Spaghetti... [stomach rumbles]
[In the city, the dolls Jake was looking at earlier fall down as people scream in panic. Outside Jake's cell, one guard is checking his phone, while the other is about to touch him with his spear.]
Guard: Don't!
[The guards hear a slapping sound.]
Guards: Huh?
[Out of a bush pops Goose, slapping his jowls together. The guards laugh and run to him.]
Guard: Hey, you're a le—
[Goose smacks them down with his jowls.]
Jake: [sighs] Huh?
[Goose bends the bars of the cell with his jowls.]
Jake: Goose?
Goose: Go.
Jake: But—but what if Erik Adamkinson is right? What if you and all the Jake peeps disappear and I can't bring you back?
Goose: Then you won't have to pay me back that five bucks.
Jake: But—
[Goose slaps Jake with his jowls.]
Goose: Go eat, Jake!
[Jake takes a huge breath, steps out of his cell, and stretches straight up. Goose waves goodbye as he is pulled into the ground. As Jake grows taller, Jake People in the city get pulled into the ground, and then the city gets pulled in. Jake yells as he continues stretching his way up to the sky hole. The screen goes black just as Jake's mouth engulfs our view.]
Finn: Uh, Jake? What's going on, man? Feeling okay?
Jake: [eating beans] Just getting a snack, Goose. [sheds a tear] Just getting a snack.

Episode ends