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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dungeon Train" from season 5, which aired on September 30, 2013.

Dungeon Train
This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn and Jake walking down a path in a forest.]
Finn: What... is the meaning of "soup"?
Jake: What? I don't know. What's with all the weird quest—?
Finn: What... is the meaning of "spoon"?
Jake: Shoot, man, are you still lady-sad about Flame Princess? Y'know, it's okay if you are.
Finn: Naw, that's all fine. I just been feeling kind of... gray, is all. Like my inside voice has been kinda quiet lately. Not a lot of instructions forthcoming, y'know?
Jake: Yeah, well, sounds like you're sad. Listen, Finn, girls is like horses. When you fall down, it's important that you get right back on again—on a different horse. And there's a lot of fish in the sea. A lot of fish. A penny saved is a penny earned.
Finn: Yeah, I-I guess. Or maybe dating girls is like riding a bicycle.
Jake: Yeah, man, yeah!
Finn: Or, like, if you mess up, you could get really hurt forever, or hurt someone you really care about.
Jake: Eh, well, I suppose. Anyway, I hope this mystery cave we're looking for is as weird as Flambo's brother says it is. Maybe that'll snap you out of the—[stops walking] Whoa! What?!
[He walks up to a train, which is passing by on its tracks.]
Jake: What's this train all about? No one said nothing about no train in the way!
Finn: Relax, buddy. We'll just cross after it passes. No big thing, really.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[Finn is now sleeping on the ground.]
Jake: It's two hours later now. What the stunk? [stretches up above the train, seeing that the train is going around in a circular track] Oh, okay. [stretches back down] Hey, the train just goes in a big circle! We can cut right through the middle, blingle, blongle, blungle! Come on! [grabs Finn and stretches them onto the train] Wha-hey! You know, I just had another idea! If we just stay put here on the train, we could ride it all the way to the cave. [a door opens behind them] Blingle, blongle, blungle!
[A creature comes running toward them screaming.]
Creature: Gimme! Gimme the loot! [hits Finn's head]
Finn: Ow!
[The creature stomps on Finn's toes.]
Finn: Yeeow!
Creature: Gimme! Gimme that hat! [grabs Finn's hat]
Finn: Knock it off! [punches him in the chest and bites his arm]
Creature: Aah!
[Finn pushes him off the train.]
Creature: Oh, dang!
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: Hey, Finn!
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Look at all the loot that guy dropped while you whipped his butt!
Finn: Dang, look at that sword! [picks up the Lightning Sword] Whoa. Feels kinda right. [waving it around] Whoosh. Whoosh. Vvsh, vvsh. [points it at the wall, causing it to shoot electricity] [laughs] Whoa!
Jake: [laughs] Pretty fun, huh?
Finn: Yeah, man! It's spicy baby fun!
Jake: You wanna go see what other kind of monsters are on this train?
Finn: Yes! [runs off]
Jake: [following him] [laughs]
[They enter a different car of the train, where some blue ants await, holding loot in each hand.]
Finn: Whoa, Crystal Ants, I think! [runs past them, zapping each with his sword]
Jake: [laughs] Cool! [picks up loot] [laughs]
[They enter another car, where some rock monsters moan and walk toward them.]
Finn: Ha-ha! Yeah! [slicing each one] Die, die, die, die, die, die, die! [laughs]
[Scene changes to Finn fighting several monsters in quick succession. The last one explodes, getting some of its goo on Jake.]
Jake: [laughs] [to himself] Welcome back, buddy.
Finn: Man, look at all this rad loot!
Jake: Yeah, this is a pretty neat train. We should come back again someday.
Finn: Whoa, what do you mean? We just started only, like, three hours ago.
Jake: Heheh, yeah. I'm just gettin' a little bored, is all. All these cars of monsters are kinda all the same. It's a little boring.
Finn: Oh, come on. [elbows him lightly] It's fun! Just one more car. Come on. [elbows him] Come on, man! [elbows him again] Come on!
Jake: All right, just one more.
Finn: Ha-ha, yes!
Jake: [sighs]
[They enter another car, but this one appears empty.]
Finn: Hmm? Where is everybody?
Jake: Hey, hey! Empty car—think we beat it, buddy.
[A door opens behind them, out of which comes a chubby green monster with a crown that shoot fires.]
Finn: Whoa, man! Boss battle! Let's chew it up! [runs toward the monster]
Jake: Okay, but this is the last one, okay?
Finn: We'll see!
[The monster trips Finn and blasts fire at him, singeing his hat.]
Finn: Ha-ha!
Jake: Hey, man, [hitting monster with a stick] you remember we were going to that weird cave? Bet it's not too late to check it out.
Finn: [attacking monster] Eh, weird cave, weird train—I'm cool here.
Jake: [sighs] Okay.
Finn: Hyah! [hits the monster's crown]
[A head grows out of the monster underneath its crown.]
Head: Ahhhh, gimme a break!
[The monster disappears in a flash of light and drops loot.]
Finn: Oh? Oh, dang. Boss loot! [puts on the crown and dances] Oh, yeah. [the crown emits fire]
[Jake picks up the rest of the loot and tries on a glove, which makes him chubby and green like the monster. He quickly takes it off, throws it on the ground, and kicks it away.]
Jake: No, thank you.
Finn: Jake, hurry. Next car!
[They enter the next car, which contains green jelly creatures.]
Finn: Slime crimes! [starts fighting]
Jake: You have fun. I'm just gonna watch. [sits on a ledge away from the fight]
Finn: [sees a gold shield one monster dropped] Hey.
[A monster squirts some green liquid at Finn, hitting the back of his leg.]
Finn: Ow! [laughing] Ow. Cool... acid!
[The monster squirts again, but Finn picks up the shield and reflects it back at it, killing it. Finn walks over to the loot it dropped. Jake's stomach rumbles.]
Jake: Hey, also, man, aren't you, like, gettin' kinda hungry?
Finn: Yeah, man. I guess we've been here for a while.
Jake: More than a while, dude. I've already missed my bathroom window!
Finn: Yeah, I guess I could take a snack break.
Jake: 'Kay! Well, we'll go back to the tree house, and I'll make us some lunch. I could make the toaster pancakes you like.
[Finn kills a monster, which drops some meat.]
Jake: And maybe I can boil up some hot dogs, or—
Finn: [eating noisily] Look. [points to meat] Now we don't gotta do that thing you wanted to do. [uses his crown's flames to throw the meat at Jake]
Jake: [dodging it] Aah!
Finn: Hot meat!
[The scene changes to Finn entering another car, in which red ants await.]
Jake: Ants again? [goes to sit in the corner]
Finn: "Ant" no thang! [smashes one] Yah! [smashes another] Caught with your "ants" down! "Ants" for nothin'! [kills another] Forget about "ant"! [kicks one] What's wrong? Feeling antsy? [kills another and continues killing them]
Jake: [sighs] Dude, this is the ant car. We already did the ant car. We did all the ants!
Finn: Same car, [punches an ant] but those were blue ants. These are red ants.
Jake: Finn, I think we should take off. I think this place is bad news for you.
Finn: Man, no way. All this feels good. [smashes another ant] Like my inside voice is saying, "Hey, keep it up. This is good stuff." [two ants attack him] Aah! Hey! [knocks them away] Ah! Like when you made those biscuits way back? And I kept eating them until they were all gone. Like that!
Jake: Finn, [stands up] I made those biscuits with so much butter. You were just responding to the butter! This whole place is butter!
Finn: Yeah! [smashes the last ant]
[A door opens, out of which comes the second boss.]
Finn: Boss fight! [charges at it, blasting fire from his crown]
[The monster raises its wand and blasts Finn backwards.]
Finn: [laughs] [gets back up and continues fighting offscreen]
[Blasts from the monster's wand zoom by Jake, who is sitting in a corner. He picks up a pair of pants that one of the ants dropped and puts them on. Finn grunts and an explosion sounds.]
Boss: My jacket-sta! [disappears in a flash of light]
Finn: [holding loot] Check it out: battle moon.
[A small moons orbits around his head. A crystal ball rolls toward Jake.]
Jake: What? [picks it up and looks in it] [gasps] Finn! This is a future crystal! Look!
[In the sphere is Finn in full armor, battling yellow Crystal Ants]
Jake: That's you, dude! You're old, you're alone, and you're still fighting on this dumb train!
Future Finn: [slashes the ants] Get "ant" of town.
Finn: Whoa. I'm gonna have the best life!
[Jake gapes.]
[Scene cuts to them entering another car. Jake kicks the wall, and some Hair Apes shoot lightning at Finn, who blocks it with his shield.]
Finn: Oh, Hair Apes!
Jake: Nuh-uh, dude. I'm bored, I'm tired, and I'm goin' back to the tree house. [opens up the side of the train] You can come with me if you want.
Finn: What? No, man! It's better on the train; stuff makes sense here.
Hair Ape: [hoots] [zaps Finn]
Finn: Yow! [laughs] [shoots a bolt from his wand at the ape, killing it]
Jake: I'm sorry. If you wish to join me, I'll be in the tree house experiencing the joys of life and not getting attacked by gorillas made out of hair.
Finn: You'll be back.
Jake: No, I won't, Finn. [hops onto the outside of the train] Goodbye!
[He makes it sound like he's getting farther away by making his face smaller. He looks back in at Finn.]
Finn: [sighs]
[A Hair Ape shoots some lightning at Finn, but his battle moon blocks it.]
Hair Ape: [hoots]
Finn: Hey! [laughs] [runs toward it] "Hair" we go!
Jake: [climbs on top of the rain, finding a Hair Ape] What're you doin' up here?
Hair Ape: [hoots] [shrugs]
Jake: [takes off his hat and sits next to it] Are you gettin' sick of things down there, too?
Hair Ape: [hoots]
Jake: Mm-hmm.
[He takes off his pack, and the Hair Ape pats his leg invitingly.]
Jake: You're not gonna try and zap me, are you?
[The Hair Ape shrugs. Jake rests his head on the Hair Ape's leg and looks up at the stars.]
Jake: I wonder what my kids are doin'. [falls asleep]
[Morning arrives, and Jake hears the Hair Ape rubbing his hands together to zap him.]
Jake: Hey! [dodges zap] I knew it!
[He hits the Hair Ape, which disappears in a flurry of hair. He then picks up his pack, puts on his hat, and picks up the Hair Ape's hat.]
Jake: [walks off] Gotta find that kid. Hey, Finn! [opens door] Fi—oh! [sees someone with a metal helmet, a cloak of fire, and a battle moon] Umm... hey, there, friend. I ain't lookin' for no trouble. Just lookin' for my friend, Finn. Maybe you seen him? About five feet tall, picks his nose, and always kinda smells funny l—
Finn: Hey, hey! Jake, it's me! [opens visor to helmet] I'm just all souped up now.
Jake: Ah, jeez, Finn. I... for a minute there, I thought you were one of those twisted-lost-soul boss guys.
Finn: [wiggles his tongue] Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl.
Jake: Wait, you are! You are one!
Finn: What? Those guys are cool!
Jake: That's it, man! I'm gettin' you off this train whether you like it or not! [advancing toward him]
Finn: Jake, stay back. I mean it!
Jake: Oh, please. What're you gonna do? I'm ten times stronger than—
[Finn squirts a large amount of silk at him with his spider wand.]
Finn: [laughs]
Jake: Ah, gross! [coughs]
Finn: [grabs Jake's pack] Yoink! [laughs] [runs to the next car] Pff, Jake—tryin' to tell me what to do. Pff, yeah, right. I tells me what to do. Now let's see what we got here. [reaches into Jake's pack] Apple, apple, chicken, apple... [pulls out future crystal] Oh, yeah, that little orb in which I rule! Let's see that again, orb. [the crystal reveals an old Finn, followed by someone] Yeah, that's right. Lookin' right. [laughs] Wait a second, who's that sad ward little guy followin' me around? [camera zooms in] Jake? All those years—he stayed with me.
Future Jake: Finn, can we slow down? My feet hurt.
Future Finn: What?
Finn: Oh, Jake. Hang in there, buddy. I'ma set this right.
[He gets up, and his battle moon falls. He makes his way toward Jake, taking off his helmet on the way.]
Jake: Finn? Finn, I'm sorry. I'll stay on the train with you, I swear. Just get this stuff off of me.
Finn: [using wand to take back silk] No, I'm sorry, Jake. I messed up, but don't worry. It's all over now.
Jake: You mean we're gettin' off the train?
Finn: Well... you are. I'm gonna keep playin' for a while. I'll meet you back home in a week or two.
Jake: Aw, man, don't you see that's just the train talkin'? It's got its hooks in you! [hits Finn's head lightly]
Finn: [laughs] No, no for real! [pats forehead] My inside is tellin' me it's time. Here, [hands Jake the future crystal] see for yourself.
[The crystal displays Finn and Jake washing dishes at the Tree Fort.]
Jake: Yeah, man. That's what I'm talkin' about. That... is what I'm talkin' about.

Episode ends