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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Do No Harm" from season 8, which aired on January 23, 2017.

This transcript is complete, needs formatting.


Transcript[]

[ Groaning ]


Jake:What's the deal, bro?

I called you for grubforever ago.

I feel like crud, man.

Why do I feellike such crud?

Um...

Is it 'cause you lostthe Finn sword?


No.

Is it 'causeyou lost your arm again

and it got replacedwith a metal one?

No.The arm's cool.

Is it...

'cause you got,like, a grass clone

that lives on our roof?

No. That's fine.

[ Chewing ]Um, is it...

[ Munches ]

...'cause you crushedevery bone in Susan's body

and put herin the hospital?

Susan?!I totally forgot!

I gotta make sureshe's all right.

Wait!

What about...


[ Groans ]


He's not becomingpart of the tree

or something mythologicallike that, is he?

He's just thinking.

There's a birdbuilding a nest in his mouth.

[ Chirping ]

Hey, Grass Finn.

You all right?


[ Groans ]

Okay.I've gotta run an errand.

But Jake will be around.


[ Whispers ] I'll be backin a couple hours.

Man, IDK.

This guy kindagives me the willies.

Just set him upwith some activities.

Pretend he's me.

He is me.

Yeah, I guess so.

I'll just do...Finn stuff with him.

Thanks, bro.


Pbhtttt!

♪♪


Grass Finn!I made meatloaf!

[ Footstepsquickly approaching ]

Oh, boy!

My favorite!


Hey,that's Finn's meatlo‐‐

Yeah ‐‐ my meatloaf bib.

What about it?

Nothing.

This just has to restfor a while and ‐‐

I want my meatloaf now!

Ha! Okay, okay.[ Chuckles ]


Just how you like it.


[ Chomps ]

Mm‐hmm!


You lost some there.


It's this grass bod.

I guess grass boysdon't get any meatloaf.

It's okay.

We'll just find youa new favorite food.


[ Fan squeaking ]

Susan?

Can you hear me?

[ Sighs ]

I'm sorry I couldn'tstop you earlier.

I lost control...

and I realizedwhen my arm went all nasty

that being out of controllike that was so scary and ‐‐

and painful.

And that's howyou must've felt

after your brain jazzgot fried by that eel

and he went bonkerson everyone.

I wasn't strong enoughto stop you.

In a way,this is all my fault.

Finn!You did this?!

Doctor Princess!

Do you knowwhat it means

that she'shooked up to these?

Do you even knowwhat that one does ‐‐

and the creepybreathing one?

And that yuckydripping bag?

Ugh!

What are you going to doto fix this?

I'll do anythingto help Susan.

Anything?Yes!

Good, 'cause I'm tiredof doing double shifts.

Put this on.


Okay,you're a doctor now.

Good luck.


Wait, wait,whoa, whoa, wait!

I don't know howto doctor!

Look, no onereally knows anything.

The truth is...

I'm not technicallya doctor.

I don't even havea medical degree.

I just came in here one dayfor an X‐ray,

and my first nameis Doctor,

so, well,one thing led to another.

Ciao.

Wait! Doctor Princess!

Hey, Doc,can you help me?

Sorry.I'm not a real ‐‐

[ Sniffles ]


Aha! Just what we need ‐‐a real Finn‐style tune.

[ Air whooshing ]

I can't breathe.

I can't make music,I can't breathe, I can't ‐‐

Hey, hey.It's okay!

Not breathing is cool.

Hey, I know what you like ‐‐fighting evil!

Yeah! I hate evil!

Well, let's give troubleto some trouble!

You take the leadon this one, brother.

Know any evil dungeonsyou want to smash?


Yeah.I know somewhere evil.


Where does it hurt?

It's the big onefor me, Doc.

It's really over.

I get this painin my paw,

and it just staysin my paw.

Oh, it's horrible.


Ah!

Wow!

You're a healing genius,Doc.


Huh. This place feelskinda familiar somehow.


[ Whirring ]


[ Roars ]

Both: Huh?!

[ Roars ]

Grass Finn! help me!

[ Groaning ]

Jake?!

Ouch! Ouch!

Jake! Hold on!


H‐Hey!Great job, man!

Hmm!

Okay.

Where's the next patient?

In here, Doctor.


Hey, baby!

What?!Where's Doctor Princess?!

I just wanted some TLCfrom a cute gal.

[ Click ]

So, uh...

how's your, uh...general condition?

My back is in agony,like always.

My toes taste like candy corn.Is that bad?

And everything smellslike licorice ‐‐

except for licorice,which smells like ‐‐

[ Crunch ]Wha?!


How do you feel,Ice King?

I...feel...

great!

Oh, mama!

I feel500 years old again!

[ Laughs ]

Hey, we should hit the town,go dancing...

[ Thinking ]"Doctor Finn."

This feels pretty right.

Grass Beast: All right.

So you've fought your wayto the center of the maze.

But to pass this gate, you mustanswer my deadly riddle.

"What squatson stony feet"‐‐


Time.

The answer wasprobably "time," right?

Good job, man.

Real good job.

Aw, come on.


[ Gate creaks ]

[ Sniffs ]

This iswhere the evil is.


And I'm‐a gonna kill it!

Hey...why don't wetake five?

[ Warbling ]

Who's out there?!

Busting into the Grassy Wizard'sgrassy fortress?!

Use your head!

Hey. Do I know you?

Uh, duh!I'm Jake the dog.

Everybody knows me.

No.I think he means me.

He...

[ Laughing evilly ]

[ Tink! ]

He...made me.

I did?

I did!

The, uh ‐‐the ‐‐ the ‐‐ the...

the grass sword!

Geez, my memory is bad.

Okay, guy, I got a lotof big questions for you.

Why did you make me?

Am I bad?

Am I partof a conspiracy

hatched byone of Finn's enemies?

Or am I an eternal cursesent by the globs?


[ Chuckles ]

No, nothing like that.

I just thoughtit would be cool.

"Grass blade" ‐‐it's a sort of pun.

Actually, this is greatfor me, personally.

Since you're my creation,you have to do what I say!

Chop upthis trespassing dog!


I am your master ‐‐

Ooh!

Obey m‐‐ Oof!

Okay, maybe just leave ‐‐Ugh!

[ Grunting ]

Hey, buddy,that's ‐‐ that's plenty.

Fight the evil, right?

Yeah...but not like that.

It ain't right.

Not ri‐‐ right?


Right here in my hand...

I holdthe latest miracle cure.

Once I releasethis surgical sword,

Susan's warrior instinctswill kick in

and she'll snap backto consciousness.

Any questions?


No, let's seewhere this goes.

I want to see brains.

All right.


[ All gasp ]

Hey, y'all.I'm back.

What?!


A sword?!

That's nothow you practice medicine!

Don't listen to her, Doc.You're great!

You fixed me uptip‐top.

Jibbs! Did your handalways look like that?!

Well...I guess maybe not.

But I trust you.

Yo, yo, yo, Mr. Fox!What's going on ‐‐

[ Crunch ]

Aagh! My back!

I'm no doctor.

That felt kind of rightfor a while. But nah.

They would've been better offif I had just stayed out of it.

Uh, yeah,speaking of that...

Banana guards,prep the garden shed.

We need 50ccof fertilizer, stat!

See, Grass Finn?

In the end,you did the right thing ‐‐

just like Finn would have.

Uh...good job, grass me.

But I'm not you.

It's clearthat I'm someone else.

So from now on,call me...

Fern the human.

[ Engine roars ]

[ Tires screech ]

Oof!

Hello.

Excuse me.Fern needs this bike.

[ Tires squeal ]

No!

Starchy's midlife crisis!

Hey, Fern, wait!

Let him go, man.

Trust me.

[ Engine revs ]


[ Monitor beeping ]


Awesome!

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