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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dad's Dungeon" from season 3, which aired on February 6, 2012.

This transcript is complete.


[The story begins on the boat of the Tree Fort. Finn, Jake, and BMO are lounging around. Finn yawns.]
Jake: Alright. Whaddaya wanna see next?
Finn: A cheetah! A fart!
BMO: A cookie! An external hard drive! Ooh, ooh! Change into Finn, but give him my body!
Finn: BMO, your ideas are boring.
BMO: What? Your head on my body isn't boring! It's weird! [Giggles]
Jake: Alright, I'll try to turn into a cheetah farting. [Turns into a cheetah and makes a long farting sound while moving his face and tail around his body.] I can't do the spots.
[The group notices sparkles on the Tree Fort's leafroof.]
Finn: Sparkles on the house? LET'S SQUISH 'EM!
[Finn and Jake jump into the Fort through the weeping willow leaves. They chase the sparkles to a secret room in the Fort, containing a holo-message player and a holo-cartridge.]
Jake: Did you squish the sparkles?
Finn: No. They're around this holo-message player. It's got a cartridge with it.
Jake: Oh, snap! [Claps once] Well, plop that cartridge in the slot, playah!
Finn: Yeah! Okay! [Inserts cartridge into holo-player]
[The holo-player activates, and the late Joshua walks into view in the 3D holo video.]
Joshua [On tape]: [Clears throat] Hello, boys. [Coughs]
Finn and Jake [In unison]: Dad!!
Joshua [On tape]: If you're hearing this prerecorded hologram message, it's because I passed on, and my spirit sparkles guided you to its secret hiding place. Right now, I'm holding both of you in my hands. You're both still little squishy babies. [Finn cries and Jake chuckles. Joshua scowls at Finn who is still crying. He lets them both crawl away. Joshua has a disappointed look on his face.] I made you boys something. It's a dungeon. A proper dungeon. Full of evil monsters, traps, and magic. The whole kazoo!
Finn and Jake: Whoa! Kickin'! Kickin'!
Joshua [On tape]: Now, this next part of the message is just for you, Jake, so Finn, cover your ears. [Finn covers his hat's ears.] Jake... really, this dungeon is for Finn. I know I won't be around forever, and I wanna make something that will force Finn to toughen up.
Jake: What?!
Joshua [On tape]: Now, tell Finn to uncover his ears now.
Jake: Dude, take your hands off your head.
Finn: WHAT?!?!
[Jake slaps Finn's arms off his head.]
Joshua [On tape]: Alright, boys. Now to give you some incentive, at the end of the dungeon, I'm going to put the Family Sword. It's made out of Demon's Blood.
[Just then, the Blood Demon appears behind Joshua in a wall of flames.]
Finn: Whoa, what the--?!
Jake: Whoa, dang!
Blood Demon [On tape]: Give me back my blood, Joshua!
Joshua [On tape]: Kee Oth Rama Pancake.
Blood Demon [On tape]: Waaaaah!! [Banished by Joshua's spell, he disappears in flames]
Jake: Whoa!!
Finn: Geez-louise!
[Finn and Jake high-five.]
Joshua [On tape]: The dungeon's eighty paces west of here under a dumb-lookin' rock. And Finn, this dungeon's gonna kick your tail. I bet you won't even get past the first trial, ya whiny baby!
[The player deactivates.]
Finn: What?? What was that about?
Jake: Uh... [Makes an "I don't know" noise and shrugs]
[Scene switches to outside in the grasslands. Finn and Jake are near the dumb-looking rock.]
Dumb Rock: Duh... duh... du-ugh... duh...
[Finn pushes the rock aside revealing a hole. He jumps down.]
Finn: Whoo! [He reaches the floor and sees a pile of burgers and a pile of hotdogs. Jake drops down.]
Jake: Whoa! Burgers and hotdogs! Yeah, yeah, YEAH! [Runs towards the food]
Finn: Wait, Jake!
Jake: [Stops] But... burgers and hotdogs..
Finn: Didn't you say you were hungry for burgers this morning?
Jake: Yeah, so?
Finn: And I said I was hungry for hotdogs?
Jake: Mm-hmm, I remember.
Finn: I don't think those burgers and hotdogs are burgers and hotdogs at all.
[Finn stops in front of the hotdogs. The ketchup on one of them suddenly turns into mustard. Finn kicks it [Aaaaaah... BOO!] and the Hamburger Monster and the Hot Dog Monster awaken. Jake attempts to run and Finn grabs hold of him. Finn charges, dodges the Hot Dog Monster's attack, and jumps on it; he runs on it until it head-butts him and Jake to the ground. When the monster picks its head back up, Finn and Jake are seen to be still on it. When the monster attempts to slam its face on the ground again, Finn takes out its brain, and Jake says, "Ew." The duo lands in the Hamburger Monster and its heads explode. Finn and Jake quickly escape and Finn kicks the exit with a, "HI-YAH!!" making it crumble. Jake approaches a hamburger which is part of the Hamburger Monster and attempts to eat it.]
Jake: Aaaahh...
Finn: [Slaps Jake] DUDE!! [Notices the next cartridge on a pedestal] Look!
[The duo runs up to it, and Finn places the cartridge in the player. The player activates.]
Joshua [On tape]: Finn, cover up those nubs on your head.
Finn: Man... again? [Does it]
Joshua [On tape]: Alright. Hey, Jake, I wanna remind you what this dungeon's for. [Holds up baby Finn who is crying] In order for Finn to stop whining, he needs to be put through a trial that forces him to take charge of a situation.
Jake: But Dad, Finn's already figured that out. He's a good kid with a kind heart.
Joshua [On tape]: Remember, Jake, this is a prerecorded holo-message. I can't hear you if you're talking to me right now.
Finn: [His ears are still covered.] I'm gonna go walk around!
Jake: Okay!
Joshua [On tape]: Jake, I need your help. You gotta call Finn a whiny baby.
Jake: But—
Joshua [On tape]: Butts are for pooping! Do it for Poppy!
[Player deactivates.]
Jake: [Putting player in backpack] Finn!
Finn: Over here! [Jake runs towards him.] Check it out, Jake. I found two ways. This way has some kinda flower trap, and that way... has that guy.
Ugly Monster: None shall pass!
Jake: Ugh... Let's take the flower path!
Finn: [Nodding] Mmm.
Ugly Monster: Wait! Why don't you wanna take my path?!
Jake: Because... you're super gross, man.
Ugly Monster: Oh... [Sighs]
Finn: Cheer up, man. We're only tellin' you you're gross because we're your bros.
Ugly Monster: Really?
Finn: Yeah! Bros are real with each other, and you're gross, brother. Take a bath.
Ugly Monster: Thanks, brother. Hahaha.
Finn: Hahaha, no probs. [He and Jake enter the Flower Path.] Hey, what did Dad say?
Jake: Um... He said he's surprised a whiny baby like you made it this far.
Finn: What?! Why's Dad sayin' all that jive??
Jake: Mm...
[Joshua appears in Jakes imagination]
Imaginary Joshua: Jake, do it for Poppy! [Disappears]
Jake: [Frustrated sigh] Because... you cry like a baby... Baby!
Finn: Dude... you're pickin' on me, too?
Jake: [Nods] [He turns and notices the fruit witches laughing.] Whoa.
[The three fruit witches are seen floating over a table filled with various delicious-looking fruit.]
Finn: I don't even cry much. I only cry when it's healthy, like when people die.
Brown-haired witch: Partake of the fruit... [She gets some of her hair in Finn's mouth.]
Finn: Pff, blech... If I didn't cry when people died, I'd have a cold butt for a heart.
Blonde witch: The fruuuuit...
Jake: [Mocking Finn; feigning crying] Waaaah, I cry when people die. Waaah, I'm Finn.
Black-haired witch: Partake of the fruit!
Finn: [Grabs an apple] Maybe I will partake of the fruit.
[The witches gather around excitedly, further urging Finn to eat it.]
Jake: Dude, don't eat that!!
Finn: Why not? All the people that I care about in this world are being wads.
[Jake makes a worried noise and an imaginary Joshua appears again.]
Imaginary Joshua: Don't you blow Poppy's cover!
[Finn almost eats the apple, but Jake jumps in and grabs it from his hands just in time. Jake force-feeds the black-haired witch the apple, causing her to grow vines out of her mouth and eye sockets. The vines cover her body.]
Finn: Whoa. [He picks up another apple]
[The vines covering the witch fall off to reveal an apple. After Jake slaps the second apple out of Finn's hand, the two remaining fruit witches feed the apple to their pets, revealing the blood and bones of the now dead fruit witch covering the apple's core.]
Jake: Time to go, baby. [Jake runs for his life.] Finn, come on!
Finn: I'm gonna hang here. With these fruit babes. They'll be my best buds now.
Jake: Rrrr... Yah! [Grabs Finn and runs]
[Jake comes to a wall and looks up; the witches follow in hot pursuit. He uses his powers to climb the wall quickly and the witches chase him and Finn. Jake farts on the witches, making them fall screaming. Jake stretches over the wall, puts Finn down, and turns into a cheetah pointing at the next cartridge.]
Jake: There's another cartridge. [Finn makes a long, sad fart noise.] Alright, man, Dad told me not to tell you this, but—
[Imaginary Joshua appears.]
Imaginary Joshua: Don't tell 'im!
Jake: You're not real. [Turns the imaginary Joshua into an imaginary Lady Rainicorn which kisses Jake; she disappears.] Dad asked me to call you "Baby" because he wants you to be tough.
Finn: But I'm tough! My whole body is a callus!
Jake: [Sighs, grabs Finn and slides down a slanted wall with Finn] On this next holo-message we listen to, when Dad tells you to cover your ears, don't. [Lets go of Finn]
Finn: [Falling off Jake's grip, laying on ground] Hmmph.
[Jake activates the player.]
Joshua [On tape]: Hey, hey! Finn! Jake! You made it past the fruit witches! Hey, did they make you cry, Finn? Huh? Huh? [Laughs] I bet they did. Alright, now cover your ears, Sue! [Jake shakes his head "No."] Jake, I'm almost done with this dungeon. I just have one last monster to fit into this pit I dug. I got him tied up in this building. It's really hard trying to fit him into this pit. He's pretty evil. Ha. [The monster's fingers extend.] You're gonna have a crazy time trying to defeat— [The monster grabs him.] WAAAAAH!!
Finn and Jake [In unison]: DAD!
[They run inside to find a dark room with the demon blood sword in it.]
Finn: [In awe] Dad's sword!
[Jake finds a bunch of cartridges and another player/recorder. He activates the player.]
Joshua [On tape]: Hey, Jake, when Finn finishes this dungeon, play this tape for him...
[Joshua's voice can barely be heard in the background as Finn attempts to pull out the sword but fails. The Evil Monster comes out of the shadows laughing and hits Finn.]
Jake: Finn! [The monster beats Finn badly.] Dude! Use your karate biz!
Finn: Ugh... I— [The monster hits him again.] I can't, man. I suck. I'm a whiny baby, and I'm fat, and all those things Dad said about me!
Jake: Dude... Dad loves you!
[The monster hits Finn yet again and laughs. Jake looks at the player. He puts a cartridge in and it activates.]
Joshua [On tape]: Finn! If you're seeing this prerecorded holo-message, it's because you finished the dungeon that I made for you. I'm proud of you. You're gonna do great things in this world. I love you, son.
[Finn smiles and stands. The monster hits him and laughs. Finn is now irritated. Joshua's Final Message Remix begins as Jake tampers with the prerecorded messages. Finn pulls the sword out of the ground and stabs the monster in its crystal eye. He then throws the monster into the pit. Jake comes up to Finn, and they smile at each other.]
Dumb Rock: Duh... Duh...
Joshua [On tapes, which are being tampered with by Jake]: I made you boys something. It's babies. Full of babies. ...the family sword. It's made out of—babies.
Jake: You know I don't think you're a baby, right?
Finn: Yeah. I know.
Jake: That sword is sweet!
Finn: Yeah! I'm stoked to slay some evil with it.
[Blood Demon suddenly appears in front of Finn and Jake.]
Blood Demon: Joshua! Return my blood to me, or by demon's law, I will cut off your love handles!!! [Jake begins to activate the player] Joshua, we go way back. Come on! Just give me back my blood!
Joshua [On tape]: Kee Oth Rama Pancake.
Blood Demon: NOOOOOOO!!! [Disappears in a wall of flames]
[The player deactivates, and the duo walks on like nothing happened.]
Finn: Man... Dad was cool.
Jake: Yeah.
[They both laugh, and the episode ends.]