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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Crystals Have Power" from season 2, which aired on November 29, 2010.

Tree Fort
Forest setting (flashback)
Crystal Dimension
This transcript is complete. Only minor edits are needed.


[Episode opens with Finn sitting at the kitchen table with giant crystal in his arms while searching through a holobook.]
Finn: Hmm...
Jake: Yo, man, what's going on?
Finn: I found this crystal on our door step, it's pretty mysterious, I'm trying to find information about it using the holobook.
Jake: Oo, that's cool, but do you know what's really cool? Tough Guy contest! [flexes bicep] Whoo-hoo! [Does a spin and poses] Tough Boys!
Finn: [Stares at crystal's side] Wait man, doesn't this look like Tree Trunks' lipstick?
[Jake visualizes the scenario of Tree Trunks's explosion.]
Jake: That's impossible, Tree Trunks exploded in the scary dark forest after she ate that Crystal Gem Apple, remember?
Finn: Yeah, I remember. [looking solemn.]
Jake: Come on man! Tough Guy contest me!
Finn: Ha! [cheers up]
Jake: [Flexes his bicep] you got what it takes to rip-it?!
Finn: Uh, yeah! [puts down crystal.]
Jake: Then let's get it on!
[The contest begins with Finn breaking a branch over his knee.]
Finn: Yeah-yo!
[Pan over to Jake who is holding a chaise longue, he brakes it over his knee.]
Jake: Hee-yah!
[Cue screen [Finn's voice] "Round Two, baby!"]
Jake: [Holding out his arm] Do it, Finn, do it! [clenches fist.]
Finn: [Pinches the skin on Jake's extended arm.]
Jake: [His face wrinkles up trying to hold back a single tear. The tear is sucked back into his eye and Jake rubs his arm.]
Jake: [Quickly grabs for Finn's chest and twist.]
Finn: [He begins to shriek but stops himself by biting his lip.] [A single tear tickles out of his eye and splashes onto the floor.] Noooooo!
[Cue screen [Jake's voice] "Round Three"]
[Both Finn & Jake lock hands, trying to best the other. Finn puts Jake in a headlock.]
Finn: Got you, dude!
Jake: I'm gonna break out! [he begins to inflate in size.]
Finn: No way!
Jake: [Laughs and continues to inflate] I'm breaking out of my fat! [red and inflated] I win, Finn! Finn? [He finds that Finn is beneath him and quickly deflates] Finn, Finn! Are you okay?! [he rolls Finn over.]
Finn: [Turned on his back he begins to cough.]
Jake: [Touches Finn's face] I was just messing with ya, dude.
Finn: [Weakly] I... was just... messing with... you [poking Jake's forehead.] [He stands up and staggers to the tree's ladder.]
Jake: [Still concerned] Are you okay?
Finn: [Weakly and holding his stomach] Yeah, [breaths in] I'm just going to rest my muscles. [He climbs the ladder.]
Jake: Oh dangit, Jake [kicks a pink object] you can't get all out of control like that! [grabs a cup of juice] Why am I like this?! [echoing of last words] like this... like this...
[Flash back to Jake and his brother Jermaine in the forest, both have boxes gloves. Jermaine is face down in the grass while Jake cries over him.]
Joshua: [Walks up to them] Jake, what did you do to your brother?
Jake: We were just playin' and then I got out of control! I'm sorry, dad.
Joshua: [Pats Jake's head] No, son, you did good. [points at him] Having no self control makes you a tough galoot, like me!
Jake: [Teary eyed] But I don't want to hurt nobody!
Joshua: Well, that's too bad, kid, 'cause you're going to hurt everybody!
Jake: [Covering his ears and wails] Noooo!
[The flashback ends, Jake is still holding the cup, his eyes are wide and he is shaking]
Jake: [Snaps out of it and tosses cup] Whatevs', daddy! [Huffs and crosses arms.] [He continues to huff, turn, and then another huff to sit on the couch.] I'm never going to hurt anybody, ever, starting... now!
[Close up of window as the sun goes down and night comes.] [Shot of Tree Fort's exteriors as a bird's crowing is heard and the sun comes up.]
Jake: [Sitting on the floor sipping coffee]
Finn: [Arrives in the kitchen and yawns] 'Sup, dude?
Jake: Finn, you're okay! I was afraid I mashed your potatoes too hard last night.
Finn: Ha, you didn't mash my potatoes! [quietly] You didn't even make me cry silently into my pillow last night for- thirty minutes. In fact, you read to go again tough stuff?!
Jake: Nope, no more, dude.
Finn: What?!
Jake: I never wanna lose control again, man! I'm going totally soft [body becomes blob like.]
Finn: You look like a wuss!
Jake: Mmm hmm.
Finn: [Laughs] [Notices the crystal on the table.] Hey, the crystal is glowing a different color! [Picking it up and turning it, it begins to glow brighter causing Finn to drop it]
Jake: Whoa...
[There is an explosion of bright light and Finn is knocked to the floor. Suddenly a portal appears and three Crystal Guardians step through.]
Finn: Chip-chap-chop, what's going on?!
Crystal Guardian #1: Uh, which one of you is Finn the Human?
Finn: It depends on who's asking, are ya'll good or evil?
Crystal Guardian #1: Uh, we're good.
Finn: Oh, I'm Finn
Crystal Guardian #1: Get him! [Finn screams.]
Jake: [Still sitting with his coffee] Hey, you guys, put my bro down.
Finn: Jake! [being taken away.]
Jake: Finn! [runs to the portal and jumps through.]
[Jake lands face down in the Crystal Dimension. He quickly recovers to see Finn in a large bubble like prison, guarded by a single Guardian]
Finn: Hey!
Jake: Hey, man, what happened?
Finn: I don't know, but I'm trapped in this crystal ball, get me out of here!
Jake: Okay, I'll try to do it using 'controlled conversation' [rolls over to prison's door way.]
Crystal Guardian #3?: Halt.
Jake: Hey, man, I'm Jake.
Crystal Guardian #3: Beat it!
Jake: [Purses lips] I wanna know why you took my buddy and I'm not going to use force to get it out of you.
Crystal Guardian #3: I'm just following orders, bub.
Jake: Whose orders?
Crystal Guardian #3: Um, well, it's a secret but part of it is we're turning Finn into a crystal.
Finn: Jake, you can stop these guys now! [Two guardians appear and zap the crystal ball]
Jake: Ah, man!
Finn: [Pounding on the prison] get me out of here!
Crystal Guardian #3: No, you'll look awesome in crystal, like us!
Jake: Can't we work this out like gents?
Crystal Guardian #3: Get lost! [Kicks Jake]
Jake: [Smashes into a crystal and gets a vision with his father speaking to him.]
Joshua: Jake, lose control, flip out on those guys!
Jake: No, dad, I gotta control myself! [His body morphs thin and long as he slithers back over to the doorway] Control, control, control, con-trol.
Finn: [Still surrounded by the two guardians, he is zapped again] Help! My arm! [His arm changes into crystal.]
Jake: Whoa, okay okay. I'm hatching a controlled plan. Alright, man, move out of the way and let me get my friend.
Crystal Guardian #3: Nope, not doing it.
Jake: Then I'll have to move you myself, [zoom in of his mouth] with my mind. [Putting his hands to his head he concentrates intensely.]
Crystal Guardian #3: You're going to hurt yourself. Stop it.
Jake: [His face gradually reddens.] [He stops once a fart is let out and breaths heavily.]
Crystal Guardian #3: You're time is running out little dog. Hey, speed it up in there, guys.
Crystal Guardian #1: Okay, turn up the juice, man.
Crystal Guardian #2: Yeah, man. [They zap Finn again.]
Finn: [Screaming] JAKE, HELP!
Jake: Finn! [pumps up] Don't hurt my buddy! [gasps] No, Jake, no, don't lose control.
Joshua: [Appears to Jake again as a vision] Jake, Jake, come on punch them, Jake, punch everybody. Why not? Come on! Why not?!
Jake: No, no punchies! I am in control! [covers his face and cries.]
Crystal Guardian #3: Who are you talking to?
Jake: Nobody, man, don't look at me! [runs away crying.]
Crystal Guardian #3: Whoa, [chuckling] did you guys see that?
Crystal Guardians: [Chuckling] Yeah. Yes
Finn: Don't make fun of him, he's having problems, everybody has- [he is zapped again.]
Jake: [Punches a crystal and puts his head against it] Stupid-ghost-dad! I'll show him! [calmly] Okay, intimidate them with controlled attack.
Crystal Guardian #3: Hurry up, guys, I gotta drop a crystal donk.
Crystal Guardian #2: Oh, come on, I don't wanna hear that.
Crystal Guardian #3: Hey, whatever man, I ain't ashamed- whoa, what the?! [A shadow looms over him.]
Jake: [Morphed his body into a tall wall like appearance] [speaking a deep voice very slowly] open up! Feel my controlled attack! Whoooomp psssh [lightly punches guardian's face] Whoooomp psssh, Oooo oooh psssh.
Crystal Guardian #3: Stop it!
[Cue screen "4 minutes later."] [Jake is still lightly punching the guardian.]
Jake: I'm not hurting you am I?
Crystal Guardian #3: No, [slapping hand away] you freak!
Jake: Well, there's a lot more where that came from! So you best tell me why you're turning Finn into a crystal.
Crystal Guardian #3: Or what, you'll touch me?
Jake: So, help me I will touch you!
Finn: [Screaming] JAKE! AHH! HELP!!
Jake: Finn, oh no!
Crystal Guardian #3: [Pushing Jake back] cut it out he looks good.
Finn: MY BODY!! [he turns completely crystal.] [The prison pops and he falls to the ground.]
Jake: Nooo! My bud!! [shrinks down.]
Crystal Guardian #2: Ah, let him in, he can't do nothing now.
Jake: [Runs over the crystallized Finn] I'm sorry, Finn, I'm super lame and're dead.
Finn: I'm not dead, I'm just all crystal stiff.
Jake: Oh.
A voice: Get your hands off My lover!
Jake: That voice.
Finn: It sounds like-
Tree Trunks: [She appears from a corridor, hovering, pale skinned and crystal-eyed.] Yes, Finn, it's me, Tree Trunks. [Jake dragging Finn away] but in this world I am known as Quartzion the Crystal Queen.
Finn: Oh my grosh, you're alive!
Tree Trunks: Oh, I'm more than alive, Finn. After I ate that Crystal Apple in the scary dark forest, I was transported to this crystal dimension where I become ruler of the crystal men. And the crystal men are all in love with me.
[All three Crystal Guardians run up to Tree Trunks to profess their love.]
Crystal Guardians: Love you Quartzion! Quartzion, I love you! Quartzion, we love you! [bows.]
Tree Trunks: Yes, yes I know, but you love... is not enough [grins evilly] [Her eyes glow and from her trunk, a beam zaps the guardians into dust, Finn and Jake gasp.] I wanted you, Finn, so you could be transformed into my sexy crystal king.
Finn: Tree Trunks, you've gone bananas with crystal power!
Tree Trunks: Finn, it's not sexy for a king to call his queen bananas! [she unleashes a beam of light that turns the surroundings into dust, but Jake grabs Finn and runs for cover.]
Finn: Jake, you totally gotta stop her!
Jake: I'll try man, but I'm still figuring out my bizz, [stretches his legs to reach her height] here I come, Tree Trunks! [lightly touches her trunk] Taste my gentle rubs!
Tree Trunks: Whoa there, don't you put your junk on my trunk! [wraps Jake up.]
Finn: Go, Jake, go!
Jake: She's too sassy and powerful! [gets thrown at a crystal.]
Joshua: [His disembodied voice is heard] Jake, Jake, I brought someone here to see you, it's your brother.
Jake: Jermaine?! Are you dead?
Jermaine: Nah man, we're just dreamin' at the same time.
Jake: Oh, I'm sorry about that time I beat you up.
Jermaine: That was an accident, I knew you were just horsin' off!
Jake: But dad, you said I was going to hurt everybody!
Joshua: Yeah, every-bod-y.
Jake: I don't know, dad, that doesn't really help me.
Joshua: Everybody who is evil, Jake. Let me finish next time, hm, yeah?
Jake: Oh, well then I'm over it then! Rarr [charges back into battle.]
Finn: Jake, kick Tree Trunks in the tummy, shes probably still got that crystal gem inside her!
Jake: That must be giving her all her powers!
Tree Trunks: Marry me, Finn, we can snuggle through time and space and kiss each other in an alternate dimensional place.
Jake: [Morphs his foot into a giant boot and kicks Tree Trunks in the stomach.]
Tree Trunks: [Coughs up the Crystal Apple and returns to normal. The apple bounces off a wall, lands and opens a portal.] Oh, dear.
Finn: [Busts out of his crystal body and cheers.]
Jake: TT, you're back.
Tree Trunks: Oh, Jake, I was behaving so inappropriately I'm so embarrassed.
Jake: Oh shush, Tree Trunks, if I had a penny for every time someone went crazy hopped up on magic energy... I'd be Abraham Lincoln!
Finn: Tree Trunks, you're okay!
Jake & Tree Trunks: Finn!
Finn: I'm okay toooo! [does a cartwheel.]
Tree Trunks: Oh, Finn, I was trapped here for so long and all I could think about was you and how your so nice to me and I, and I just wanted to say... I think... you're cute and I like you.
Finn: [Blushing] Okay, okay, let's go.
Tree Trunks: Finn, when we get home, it's apple pie time.
Finn: Ooooh!! [picks her up and jumps through the portal, she giggles.]
Tree Trunks: ♪Apple pie in the oven, Tell me you can taste lovin'♪

End of "Crystals Have Power"