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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "City of Thieves" from season 1, which aired on May 24, 2010.

City of Thieves
This transcript is complete.


[Episode begin with Jake using his stretched legs to move through the Stock Woods.]
Jake: You're totally slow dude, speed up them gams.
[Finn comes behind Jake, walking on all fours, using shovels for stilts.]
Finn: Auh... I'm not used, uh... to running on all fours! Oahh!
Jake: Ready to admit it's harder than it looks?
Finn: I'll never admit anything to you. Hey where'd you go?
[Jake has shrunk down and stretches his leg to trip Finn's stilts]
Jake: Heh heh heh.
Finn: [falling] Whoa aoh oh! Umpf! Okay I admit it's, it's harder than I thought.
[They both laugh.]
Jake: Actually you did pretty good! Hey check it out!
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Looks like a giant dead turtle.
Finn: I think it's some kind of city of...
Hag: [Moving out of her camouflage] Thieves! It's the City of Thieves! Be warned boy! All who enter the city are destined to be come thieves themselves! [laughs] Even you.
Finn: I would't become a thief lady! I'm a pretty good guy.
Jake: Yeah, get your glasses on grandma, this kid is pure. In fact he's about to help that little crying kid. [Penny is shown crying.]
Finn: [running to Penny] Oh, whoa!
Hag: Be warned!
Finn: Enough lady! [to Penny] Hey little girl, are you okay?
Penny: [falling back] Please, don't steal anything from me!
Finn: Whoa! We wouldn't do that. We're heroes.
Jake: [stretching his stomach to look like a face] We want to turn your frown all the way around. [twisting the face he made on his stomach]
Penny: Ahh! [continues crying]
Finn: [nudging him] Jake!
Jake: I'll face the other way, but I'm gonna keep doing this.
Finn: So what's wrong?
Penny: Oh, it was terrible. I was trying to sell my flowers out here in the desert, when these two thieves came and stole my whole basket! Then ran into the city.
Finn: The city?
Hag: ...of Thieves!
Jake: Oh boy.
Hag: Heed my warning boy: enter the city, and you'll come out a thief!
Finn: Never. [takes Penny on his shoulders] I'll get this girl's flowers back-
Penny: My name is Penny.
Finn: I'll get Penny's flowers back, and come out of that city as pure as the driven snow. Let's go Jake!
Jake: Yeah! We're gonna purify that city!
[Scene switches to inside the City of Thieves.]
Finn: Cool.
Jake: Crud.
[Short Goblin runs by and steals the Big Guy's ring]
Big Guy: My ring!
Finn: [gasps along with Jake] Stop thief!
[The Short Goblin runs away while the Big Guy breaks through his house's wall and steals the Skeleton Baby from the Skeleton Mom.]
Finn: Stop!
[Skeleton Baby steals the ruby from Big Guy's tooth.]
Big Guy: My ruby!
Finn: Stop, baby! Don't steal!
[Skeleton Baby runs into Mr. Turtle. She falls over and the ruby is thrown into Mr. Turtle's hands.]
Finn: Don't steal, Mr. Turtle!
Penny: Finn, it's hopeless to try stopping a thief here. Everyone steals from each other. It's redoodoodiculous!
Finn: Penny! Never say that!
Penny: Redoodoodiculous?
Finn: No! The whole thing you said. About hopelessness. 'Cause I'm gonna get your basket back from whoever took it. And then I'm going to [yells] beat my purity into them!
Jake: And then I'm gonna beat your purity outta them. [lightly punches Finn] And then beat a sandwich into them! [grunts while throwing air punches] And then beat them to the punch! And then punch 'em!
Finn: We can beat these thieves while we search for Penny's flower basket!
Jake: Okay.
[Finn and Jake start running towards Mr. Turtle.]
Finn: Hey turd-le (turtle)! I'm gonna kick your butt! Also, have you seen this little girl's flower basket?
Jake: You're going down, turtle!
[Mr. Turtle flies off by using fires coming out of him.]
Jake: Woah! I want jets!
[Mr. Turtle lands on a roof and Crossbow Guy steals the jewel from his crown.]
Finn: Come back, Crossbow Guy!
[Finn punches Mr. Turtle. When Crossbow Guy lands, Two-Headed Thief steals his crossbow.]
Crossbow Guy: My crossbow!
Penny: Hey, my basket! That's my basket!
Finn: Don't worry, Penny. We'll get it right after I deal with this guy! [points to Crossbow Guy.] Stealing's wrong, doofus!
[Crossbow Guy drops the jewel from Mr. Turtle's crown.]
Penny: [laughs] This is fun, Finn!
[Finn whoops. Finn, Jake, and Penny fly off after the Two-Headed Thief. Wizard Thief is shown cutting off one of Two-Headed Thief's heads and stealing Penny's basket.]
Two-Headed Thief Head 1: My bro!
Two-Headed Thief Head 2: My body!
[The Cyclops confronts the Wizard Thief]
Cyclops: I'm gonna steal your flower basket, wizard!
[Wizard Thief casts a spell, and misses Cyclops.]
Wizard Thief: Pancake, pancake, pancake.
[Wizard Thief turns into a cat and runs away. Cyclops picks up the basket and turns it upside down.]
Two-Headed Thief Head 2: Ow, brotha'!
[Phil steals Cyclops's glasses and the flower basket.]
Cyclops: My glasses!
[Phil lands near a wall. The Rock Wall Thief steals Phil's pajamas.]
Phil: My jammies!
[Goblin Thief #1 steals the flower basket and Phil's glasses.]
Phil: My glasses!
[Jake punches Phil.]
Finn: There it goes!
[Goblin Thief #1 laughs.]
Finn: I will smite thee, goblin thief!
[Goblin Thief #1 is talking to Goblin Thief #2]
Goblin Thief #1: You stole that basket from me!
Goblin Thief #2: No I didn't! [Goblin Thief #3 steals the basket from Goblin Thief #2] Hey! Gimme that! I stole it first! I'll use my sword on you!
[Goblin Thief #1 steals Goblin Thief #2's sword.]
Goblin Thief #2: Hey! [runs off after Goblin Thief #1]
Finn: [to Goblin Thief #3] You there! It's time to step into the purification chamber, son! [Goblin Thief #4 steals the basket from Goblin Thief #3] Hey!
[Goblin Thieves #5 and #6 steal the basket from Goblin Thief #4 by using a fishing rod. Goblin Thief #7 steals the fishing rod from them. Goblin Thief #8 steals the fishing rod and basket from him, and Goblin Thief #9 steals the basket from Goblin Thief #8. Goblin Thief #9 runs off while Finn, Jake and Penny run after him. Suddenly, Goblin Thief #9 does not have the basket. Goblin Thief #10 has stolen it from above.]
Finn: [gasping for breath] How are we supposed to get that basket back if it keeps being stolen?! [grunts in frustration]
Jake: Hey! We can steal a new one from that guy! [Jake points to a 'Baskets & Boots' store. The owner is asleep.] He's got lots of flower baskets. And boots! I'd like to steal me one of them pairs of boots, especially.
Finn: No, Jake. We can't steal. We have to stay pure!
Jake: [reluctantly] Okay.
Penny: I have an idea! My mom used to tell me that there's a King of Thieves who lives in the center of the city, and everything that gets stolen from little girls ends up at his tower. Maybe we'd find my basket in his treasure chest!
Finn: That's a great idea, Penny!
Penny: There's one thing, though. The tower that he lives in is surrounded by a magical barrier. Which magically keeps thieves out.
Finn: Have you forgotten?! We three ain't thieves! We're pure! Right, Jake? [Finn turns to look at Jake, but he isn't there.] Jake?
Jake: [tiptoeing towards Baskets & Boots and whispering] Just gotta steal these boots...
Finn: Jake!
Jake: Huh?
Baskets & Boots owner: [wakes up] Hey! Go away!
Finn: What are you doin', man?
Jake: It's the city, it's getting to me. Help me, Finn!
Finn: I'm here for ya buddy. [hugs Jake]
Jake: Thank you Finn, thank you.
[Jake then breaks away from Finn's arms running to the 'Baskets & Boots' store screaming.]
Finn: [running after Jake] Nooo! [tackles him] I won't let you become a thief! [puts something on Jake's hands]
Jake: Uh, what are these? [show bells tied onto his hands]
Finn: Bells. That way, I'll hear you if you try to steal again.
Jake: Oh. Hmm. [shakes bells]
[Scene switches to King of Thieves' tower. Finn, Penny, and Jake are walking up stairs to reach the top]
Penny: The King of Thieves' tower is right up here.
Finn: Woah. [The tower is shown surrounded by a light blue aura.] You read to pass through, Penny?
Penny: I'm too afraid! Is it okay if I wait out here?
Finn: Sure. C'mon, let's go, Jake!
Jake: [sighs] Comin'! [Jake is wearing a pair of red boots.]
Finn: Jake, where'd you get those boots?
Jake: Huh, what? What boots? [looks down] Oh, no! I stole! The city! It took advantage of me!
Finn: [sighs] Jake, you're a thief now! You won't be able to get in anymore!
Jake: Yes, I can. [runs up to the barrier and gets knocked back] Oh. [chuckles]
Finn: [sighs] It's up to me, now.
Penny: Legend says you'll find the loot in the King of Thieves' chest. Good luck, Finn! Oh, yeah, and that high window is the only entrance.
Finn: Hmm. Alright, wish me luck!
Jake: She already did, man.
Finn: Oh, yeah. Right. [passes through the barrier and starts to climb the tower while Jake cheers him on. He reaches the window, only to find that there is a rope leading downward] Great, now I gotta climb down?! [floor starts to break] Huh? [The floor completely breaks and he falls down and screams, eventually hitting a spider-web at the bottom. He sees the remains of the King of Thieves.] The King of Thieves! [to the corpse] Sorry to trespass, I just... Uh, hello? [sees a treasure chest] The chest! In it's in his chest! Thanks! [A rat crawls out of the King's eye in his skull. Finn runs off screaming.]
[Scene changes to outside, where Jake and Penny are waiting.]
Jake: You see, if you have too much earwax, you won't be able to hear anymore.
Finn: [exiting the tower] I got it, guys!
Penny: The chest! Gimme that! [grabs the chest from Finn]
Finn: Huh?
[Penny puts the chest down. She pulls out a black crooked knife.]
Jake: Woah, woah, woah. Easy, kid.
[Penny opens the chest. Inside the chest are gold coins, jewels, a dagger and a Game Boy. She laughs maniacally.]
Finn: What?! [stammering] Is you basket under all that gold?
Penny: Of course it's not! I set you up to steal this chest of gold! I couldn't get past the barrier 'cause I'm a thief!
Finn: But you're just a cute little girl!
Penny: And, I'm a thief!
Finn: Well, if this isn't yours, I'm gonna return it right now! [closes the lid and starts to walk back toward the tower and gets knocked back] Huh? [puts hand and body against barrier, to no avail] Why can't I...?
Penny: Because you stole something in the city! Now you're a thief!
Finn: No! [yells] No!!! What have I done?! What have I become?!
Penny: You've become a thief, stupid! [runs away with chest and laughs]
Finn: [looks at hands] My hands. They're all dirty. Covered in the dust of a criminal act! I'm a thief!
[Suddenly, laughing is heard. Jake looks around for the source. Underneath him, the floor rises up and the Hag emerges.]
Hag: Oh, what did I tell you, boy? This city will get you, no matter how pure you think you are! [laughs] I was right.
Jake: Hey, that's enough from you, Hag! [puts feet around Hag's face and throws her away] [walks over to Finn] Finn?
Finn: Don't touch me! I'm impure, man! Unfit to be a hero! Unfit to be your friend.
Jake: Come on, Finn, keep it together!
Finn: No, Jake. This is a one-way path, down a jacked-up road. And I gotta walk it... alone.
Jake: I'm not gonna leave you alone in the city. You're my buddy. Besides, I stole these boots. These super-big style boots. So I'm just as dirty as you are, Finn. We gotta walk this filthy path together!
Finn: Then we shall embrace the darkness of this wicked city and use the methods of the criminal to seek vengeance on Penny.
Jake: Cowabunga! [stretches into a cape for Finn]
Finn: Cowabunga, indeed.
[Finn and Jake start hopping over rooftops and into the house of the Short Goblin. They steal Crossbow Guy's crossbow from him and exit. They go into a different house with a crocodile in it and steal two swords. They also go into a house where a horse is showering. They steal the soap it was using and it whinnies. Scene changes to tent where Penny lives.]
Penny: [inspecting jewel from chest] Mmm. Yes. Yeah. [Finn's shadow can be seen on the tent. A twig is heard snapping.] Wha? Is someone there?! [Finn's shadow goes away and Penny returns to her inspecting. Finn and Jake's head comes down from the top of the tent and Finn quietly says "Penny," who turns around at the sound of her name. She pulls her black crooked knife out.]
Finn: [off-screen] It's me, Penny. The hero whose purity you stole! And I'm here to enact my revenge upon you! [Jake flies over Penny, who squeals. Finn lands on the other side of the tent.]
Jake: Hi, Penny.
Penny: Finn, please don't punch my lights out! I'm just a poor, homeless baby girl.
Finn: I trusted you, Penny. You made me steal. And you took my purity. You ruined me!
Penny: I'm sorry, Finn. [reaches into a nearby bag] Let me give you some uh, gems, or some gold, or uh, have some [pulls out knife] knife in your neck! [Penny jumps at Finn]
Jake: Watch out, Finn! [shoots boots at Penny, making her drop the knife and fall down]
Finn: Thanks, dude.
Jake: Yeah, dude.
Penny: You may have soiled my purity, but I think you can still come out clean. [holds out soap] C'mon, Jake! [Jake laughs and throws water over Penny while Finn cleans her]
Penny: No! No! [Bubbles fill the screen and once they disappear, Finn, Jake, and Penny are all clean.]
Jake: Nice work, dude.
Finn: She's purified!
Penny: [sparkles] I feel...clean! Like all the filth of the city and wrongdoings are gone! Thank you F and J! I haven't felt like this since I was young!
Finn: You're welcome.
Jake: Woah, dude! [rubs Finn, making squeaky sounds] The soap got on us, too!
Finn: We're clean!
Finn and Jake: Yes! [fist pounds]
Finn: This good deed we did has purified us once again. We're virgin islands! [Cherubs fly from off-screen, playing a trumpet and a harp. They steal the swords from Finn that he stole earlier.]
Penny: Finn, thanks for the second chance to live a pure life.
Finn: And you know what that means, Penny. No more stealing! [winks]
Penny: Never again.
Finn: Well, I think it's time for us to get the math out of here.
Penny: [jumps up and gives Finn a hug] I'm going to miss you, Finn!
Finn: I'll miss you, too.
Penny: [exiting the tent] G'bye!
Jake: Woah, dude. Why are you naked? [Finn is shown wearing nothing but his pack and underpants.]
Finn: [gasps in shock] PENNY!

The episode ends.