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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Business Time" from season 1, which aired on April 26, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins at Iceberg Lake where Finn is lighting a flamethrower with a flambit]
Finn: Yeah! [Laughs and torches an iceberg] Yeah!
[The iceberg melts, exposing several objects inside]
Finn: I found another bike and more computers. What do you got?
Jake: I keep finding baby shoes!
[Jake torches an iceberg with his flamethrower and exposes more baby shoes]
Jake: WHAT THE HECK, MAN?! And they're all lefties! Sorry I'm not finding any loot.
Finn: Keep it together, chubby, because I think we found enough scrap to finish building our gauntlet dock; a dock that is also a gauntlet.
Jake: Aww. Building this gauntlet dock is hard, man. Hard work sucks.
Finn: Don't be lazy, Jake.
[There's a bubbling noise coming from the lake behind Finn and Jake]
Finn: Huh?
Jake: Incoming iceberg!
Finn: Whoa! That one's huge!
Jake: I got dibs! Ooo. I hope it's not baby shoes.
[Jake wipes the surface of the ice, which reveals a face within the ice]
Jake: [Gasps] It's a guy.
Finn: Creepy. It's a buncha guys.
Jake: You know what they remind me of? Well-dressed pickles.
Finn: Stand back, Jake! I'm gonna melt 'em outta there! Full charge.
[Finn blasts a huge flame out of his flamethrower and Jake runs up to stop him]
Jake: Whoa, don't roast 'em, man. You gotta flambé.
[Jake gently brushes the flame across the iceberg and it soon melts]
Jake: Ah. Perfecto. Bon appetit.
Finn: Hey! Can you hear me? Hello?
Jake: [Knocking on one of their heads] I don't think they made it.
Finn: Hey. [Reaching for a briefcase] This one's got some kind of pack.
[One of them comes to life and pushes Finn away; Finn screams]
Red-tie businessman: I remember... business.
Finn: Let go! Let go! Let go!
Red-tie businessman: We... are Business Men.
Finn: Oooh... Well, I'm Finn and he's Jake.
Jake: What kind of business do you do?
Red-tie businessman: Been frozen... so long, I... [The businessmen all shake their heads, as if in pain] can't remember. Can't remember! Oh. Looking for help, your business? We love work for you.
Finn: Nah. Adventurers don't need any help.
Jake: Yes! Help us fix that dock.
Red-tie businessman: Dock-ka?
Jake: Yeah! Right over there.
Red-tie businessman: Yes. This dock-ka... could be more... efficient.
Finn: No! Wait!
[The businessmen reel back and murmur as if frightened]
Finn: Jake, this dock is our fun pie. We should be the ones to bake it.
Jake: But they're begging for it, Finn. Just look at 'em.
[The businessmen look excited and several of them are drooling]
Businessmen: [Murmuring] Build dock. Build dock.
Jake: Finn. These poor souls are lost without jobs. We can't ignore their plight.
Finn: Uhh...
Jake: [To the businessmen] Go on guys, fix it up!
Businessmen: Woo!
[The businessmen murmur excitedly as they run over to the dock and begin building]
Finn: Well... they do seem really happy to do it.
Jake: Of course, man. They said they "love work for you."
Businessmen: [In unison] Uhh... We finish.
[The camera zooms out to show a completed gauntlet dock]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Told ya so.
Finn: Come on! Let's try it out!
[Finn and Jake run through the gauntlet dock, avoiding the traps and obstacles, while Finn screams excitedly]
[At the end of the dock, Finn and Jake jump into the water]
Finn: [Laughing] Yeah! Woo!
Jake: [Laughing] Yeah! Woo! [Panting] See? If we hire them full time, they'll be back in business and we'll be able to focus on fun stuff. Everybody wins!
Finn: Maybe you're right.
Jake: [To the businessmen] You hear that, guys? Maybe I'm right!
Red-tie businessman: Really? Job? With... ad-ven-tur-ers?
Jake: Yeah, mans!
[The businessmen cheer and dance]
[The red-tie businessman throws down his briefcase and chisels "Fin [sic] & Jake Adventuring Incorporated" into the side]
[The scene changes to the Tree Fort where the businessmen are cleaning weapons, ironing socks and shining shoes]
[Jake is playing a video game on BMO]
Finn: Feels weird doing nothing.
Jake: Relax, man. This is your day off.
Hot Dog Princess: [From far in the distance] Help! Somebody help!
Finn: Trouble, dude! Get your axe! I'll get my... wha?
Red-tie businessman: Adventure pack... ready for you.
Finn: Hey, thanks man.
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake running across the Grass Lands, weapons in hand]
Finn: I have to say, Jake. My sword is totally shiny and stinkin' sharp!
Jake: Uh huh.
Finn: Even my shoes feel different. Not only are they clean, I feel radder, faster, more... adequate.
Jake: Cool!
[The businessmen are running behind Finn and Jake, writing notes]
[A battle cube is chasing Hot Dog Princess]
Hot Dog Princess: Help!
Finn: Don't cry, Hot Dog Princess! Jake and I will fend off these battle cubes!
[The businessmen sit off to the side and continue to take notes while eating donuts and drinking coffee]
[Finn and Jake begin to fight the battle cubes, which are flying around Hot Dog Princess' kingdom]
[The scene fades to a later time, where everyone is tired from fighting and Hot Dog Princess is taking a nap]
Finn: Man. I'm getting tired.
Jake: [Groan] Me too. These cubes are... frickin' resilient. Hey, business dudes! Hold off these cubes so we can catch our breath?
Finn: Jake! They don't know how to fight.
[The businessmen run over, wearing armor and wielding weapons; they begin fighting the battle cubes while Finn and Jake rest]
Red-tie businessman: [Offering bottled water and orange slices] Water. Orange slices. Help rehydrate.
[Red-tie businessman runs back into battle, shouting]
Jake: These guys are great, right?
Finn: I gotta admit... they are helping. [Surprised] Oh! I think I figured out how to defeat the battle cubes!
Jake: That's 'cause you had time to rest your body and refresh your brain.
Finn: [To businessmen] Ok! We'll take it from here, guys!
Jake: Yeah! Good work.
[Finn and Jake run towards the battle cubes; Jake roars and grows large]
Finn: Grab all the cubes together!
[Jake stretches his hands to become giant and clasps them together, grabbing all the cubes]
Jake: Got 'em!
[Finn grunts and jumps into Jake's hands with a rope and ties all the battle cubes together into a single, large cube]
Finn: It worked!
[Jake throws the cubes off into the distances]
Finn: Wake up, Hot Dog Princess. You're free.
Hot Dog Princess: Oh! Thank you, Finn and Jake! Especially you, Finn.
[Hot Dog Princess stands on her hind legs and puckers her lips, as if to give Finn a kiss]
[Finn rears back, disgusted]
Finn: [Whispering to Jake] Ugh. She smells like old hot dog water.
[Jake giggles and the red-tie businessman runs in between Finn and Hot Dog Princess to take the kiss instead]
Red-tie businessman: [Whispering to Finn] I take one for team.
Finn: This is awesome! You get a promotion, fella.
[Red-tie businessman cheers and dances]
businessman: Take one for team, too.
[The other businessmen begin kissing Hot Dog Princess]
[The scene changes to the Tree Fort where Finn and Jake are playing BMO]
Jake: Oh... Lost again!
Finn: [Grabbing the controller] My turn.
[Jake walks over to the businessmen, operating a large collection of wires and monitors]
Jake: What's that?
[Jake goes to the freezer and takes out a tub of ice cream]
Red-tie businessman: Hero vision monitor. Use satellite to tell us world problems.
Jake: Oh, wow. Anything going on?
Red-tie businessman: Just small things. You save stress for big thing.
Jake: Freakin' awesome, man.
Finn: What are they doing?
Jake: Takin' care of business.
[Jake eats a scoop of ice cream and Finn plays the video game]
Finn: Jake, hit me!
[Jake flings a scoop of ice cream into Finn's mouth]
[Time passes, showing more and more empty ice cream tubs stacked near Finn and Jake while both of them are getting fatter and fatter]
Video game: Mission complete.
Jake: Yeah!
[Finn and Jake get up and dance around, shaking their enormous guts]
Finn: We beat Adventure Master!
Jake: Holy moly!
Finn: We're adventure masters!
Jake: Woo! Yes!
[Finn and Jake both get tired and stop celebrating to take a breath]
Finn & Jake: [Tired] Ooo.
Finn: I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding.
Jake: Yeah. [pushing around Finn's gut] You're gut's so huge and moldable.
Finn: Hey!
Jake: Hold on a sec!
Finn: [Laughs] Man, that tickles.
[Jake manipulates Finn's gut to look like the Ice King]
Jake: [Impersonating Ice King's voice] I'm the Ice King, and I'll never find a bride because I'm such a tool.
Finn: [Laughs] Alright, let me try.
[Finn manipulates his gut to look like Princess Bubblegum]
Finn: [Impersonating Princess Bubblegum's voice] I'm Princess Bubblegum and I'm a dork, because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Finn thinks is attractive!
Jake: [Laughs] That's a- Hey, what'd you say?
Lumpy Space Princess: [On a hero vision monitor, running from a Swamp Giant] Ahh! Oh, my gosh! Leave me alone. All I said was "you're ugly," which is totally true. Somebody help me! Oh no!
Jake: Man, I am not in the mood for saving Lumpy Space Princess.
Finn: Hey, business dudes!
[The businessmen enter the room from various directions]
Finn: What do you guys think?
Red-tie businessman: Hmm... Just one monster. We do.
[The businessmen run off]
Jake: Right. We'll just save our strength for the big adventures, then.
[Finn and Jake sit back down on their couch and relax]
Jake: Ahh. Nice call, dude.
Finn: Imagine how awesome the adventure's going to be when it's time for us to go out there.
Jake: I'm too tired to imagine stuff, but I bet you're right.
Finn & Jake: [Both grabbing a tub of ice cream and toasting with them] To being great adventurers!
[They both begin eating ice cream; time passes and shows that they have empty tubs and ice cream all over their faces. They are even fatter, and Finn's gut is now visible outside his shirt]
[Finn and Jake both groan and waiver until they fall over]
Finn: Oh, gosh.
A voice in the distance: Help us!
Finn: Huh? Jake! Did you hear that?
Jake: Yeah. Let the businessmen handle it.
A voice in the distance: Help! Please!
Finn: I heard it again.
Jake: businessmen, dude.
A voice in the distance: Heeeeeelp!
[Finn walks over to the window and gasps, seeing the businessmen in a large robot, sucking up Fuzzy Friends into a container]
Red-tie businessman: [Through a PA system] Woo-hoo! Woo!
Finn: Jake! We messed up! The businessmen have gone bat-crazy, dude!
Jake: [Still lying on the floor] Man, just let the businessmen handle it.
Finn: THE BUSINESSMEN ARE THE PROBLEM, you lazy plug-hole!
Jake: [Opens his eyes, surprised] Huh?
Finn: [Yelling out the window] Guys!
[Finn begins to climb out the window and down to the bottom of the Tree Fort]
Finn: Guys, stop it!
Finn: [Running up to the businessmen's robot] Stop it, guys!
Red-tie businessman: Stop what, boss?
Finn: You're jacking up those Fuzzy Friends!
Red-tie businessman: But... We're being heroes. Like you, boss. We're protecting them. Collecting them in our care-sack so they cannot be hurt. It's the most efficient way to save people.
Finn: But you're making them unhappy!
Red-tie businessman: Irrelevant! These people are in our care-sack. Their happiness is not priority.
Finn: I am your boss! And you guys are all fired!
[The businessmen begin to murmur to each other]
Red-tie businessman: Fi-red?
[The businessmen shout angrily and start sucking up the Fuzzy Friends even faster than before]
[They move their robot and it crushes one of the Fuzzy Friends]
Finn: Nooo! Alright, guys. Now I've gotta take you down... Finn style.
[Finn runs over to kick their robot, and gets sucked up into the care-sack]
Finn: I'm kicking your care-sack, dudes!
Jake: Finn? Whoa... Crud.
[Jake squeezes his enormous gut out the window]
Jake: I'm comin' buddy!
[Jake flops onto the ground, still holding a tub of ice cream]
Jake: Ahh. I'm so fat, dude; I don't know what to do.
Finn: [Gasp] That's it! Jake! Demoralize them!
Jake: What? Why?
Finn: Do it, man! I have a legit plan!
Jake: Ok, Alright. [To businessmen] Hey! You guys are horrible at business!
[The businessmen lash about angrily and try to suck Jake up into their care-sack, but he's too fat to fit]
Jake: Huh? They're sucking me up, dude!
Finn: Now, eat that ice cream some more to become fatter, while also using your Stretchy Powers to grow huge!
[Jake chows down on the ice cream and starts getting bigger]
Jake: [lifting his head up for a second] Ok!
[Jake uses his Stretchy Powers as he gets pulled into the robot]
Jake: This sucks.
Finn: Yeah, dude! Keep growin'! You're breaking apart their robot!
[The robot begins to shake violently, the businessmen scream]
Jake: Oh no!
[The robot explodes and Finn, Jake and the businessmen go flying into the air]
Red-tie businessman: [Attempting to grab Finn] I'm going to kill you, not-boss!
Finn: Wait, man! Wait! I wanna re-hire you guys!
Red-tie businessman: Re-hire? Really?
Finn: Yeah, mans.
Businessmen: Woo hoo!
[As they all fall back to the ground, the businessmen and Finn grasp hands and form a five-point star]
[The scene changes to a beach, where Finn, Jake and the Fuzzy Friends are waving towards the water]
Fuzzy Friends: Yay! Hip-hip hooray! Pancakes!
[The businessmen are once again frozen in an iceberg and float back out to the middle of the lake]
Jake: So, wait... What'd you hire them to do?
Finn: I hired them to stuff themselves in that iceberg and get outta here.
Jake: [Sigh] I'm gonna miss 'em. And I'm gonna miss this gut.
[Jake uses his Stretchy Powers to return to his normal size]
Finn: [Laughs] I'm gonna miss my gut too.
[Finn strains and attempts to suck in his gut like Jake, but it doesn't disappear]
Finn: Huh? Aww...
[The episode ends with a stark close-up of Finn's frowning face with "The End" on it]