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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Blank-Eyed Girl" from season 7, which aired on January 13, 2016.

This transcript is incomplete.


Transcript[]

Jake: Why don't we call, like child services? Or an exterminator?
Finn: This is gonna work. Just trust me, a'ight?
Jake: Ugh.
Finn: Do as I do.
[girls exhale, Finn inhales deeply]
Finn: Boy, I just love walking through our delightfully not-creepy doorway. Don't you, Jake?
Jake: Uh-huh, uh-huh. [shrieking]
Finn: Walking through the not-creepy air to my not-creepy couch, sitting on my not-creepy butt.
BMO: [chuckles]Your butt is kinda creepy.
Finn: I say 'creepy' is just another label we use to distance ourselves from stuff we don't understand. Or that it reminds us of something in ourselves that we're not comfortable with. I mean, it just ain't an actual thing, you know? Unless you choose to believe it. Right, Jake?
Jake: It's baloney! It's baloney! It's Starchy's baloney! I just got to think of something wholesome.
Lady Rainicorn: (as Jake's imagination) [speaks korean] 파이 먹자. (Let's eat a pie.)
[Jake screams]


Starchy: welcome back to "Graveyard Shift." I'm your host ‐‐ starchy. You know what today is, everybody? It's our fifth‐anniversary show. So many things have happened in that time. I switched from drinking rainwater to eating distilled ice chips. I took up rock climbing. That all chocolate has been secretly replaced by mud.

And why is the burrito man giving away free burritos? He's an amateur mad scientist trying to genetically change us into tortillas. Mm. Dude, come on. When was the last time you sharpened your pencils? Hm? Never. They're pens painted to look like pencils. Conspiracy! Okay, the board is lighting up.

We're going to a caller. You are on the air, caller.

Banana Guard: I'm a banana guard.

Starchy: Oh. That's a good job to have.

Banana Guard: Yeah, it's pretty good.

Jake: Why do they have it tuned to this every time we're here? I call baloney!

Finn: Shh! I'm trying to listen to the frightened caller.

Banana Guard: So, I think I might have seen something not from this world.

Starchy: Go ahead, caller.

Banana Guard: It happened last Sunday. I was doing my laundry at the mat, when I saw a reflection of a girl with eerie blank eyes! I turned around, but nobody was there. It was scary.

Starchy: Yeah, weird girls with soulless blank eyes ‐‐ They've been spotted around multiple kingdoms across the centuries. Nobody knows what they are. ‐but I have a few theories.‐

Jake: [ growls ]

Starchy" Was so horrific, it made their eyes turn blank. Pbbbbbht! Baloney! The pizza. Pbbbbbbbbbbbbht! Take the rest to go.

My second theory... Okay, all boxed upand ready to go. 200 bucks. ...By other blank‐eyed girlstouching their eyeballs. Blblblblbl! Spooky! Ooh, look at me! I'm listening toa dumb nonsense radio show! How can you beso dismissive After some of the stuffwe've seen? You got to draw the linesomewhere. Starchy's my line. They're walking fish That just happen to look likelittle girls. Baloney! Don't touch my radio!

It's dark. You're sure that blank‐eyedgirls are made up, right? Yeah, man,it's all baloney. [ owl hoots ] [ shudders ] [ chuckles ] Jake?

Jake?

Uh... Blank‐eyed girl? Boo![ high‐pitched ] aaaaaah!

[ laughs ] [ both laugh ] Boo! [ both sigh ] [ twigs snapping ]

[ snapping continues ] [ both gasp ] [ both panting ]

Aaah!

[ both laughing ] That was stupid. Must be someone else. Aaah! Aaah!

Who was that? Maybe it was nobody.

Courage, courage. What's wrong with me? That could be a normallittle girl who needs help. [ both screaming ]

She's too creepy,man! I know! I know! Yeah, you're on. Longtime listener,first‐time caller. We got the wonderfulfinn the human on the phone. Go ahead, finn. Starchy, I'm in a blank‐eyedgirl situation right now. What should I do? I'm going upstairsto get a better look. All right, stay calm.You called the right guy. The question is,why did she choose you? Are these visitsrandom events? [ gasps ]

[ whimpers ] Jake.Aaah! Finn, have you invitedthe blank‐eyed girl inside? No. Why? Because I believe the girlshave to follow vampire rules. As long as you don't invite herin, you should be fine. Okay.Let me write this down. Oop.

Starchy?She invited herself in. Uh...Run.

Starchy, she's staringright at us! Oh! I got it ‐‐fairy rules. Try offering hersome cream in saucer. That should appeasethe blank‐eyed girl's hunger And send her away. Gotcha. [ inhales sharply ] ‐jake, go get the cream.‐what?! No! You go!This is your deal! Just go! Okay! Geez! Thank you.

[ hair rustling ]

Okay ‐‐ cream.

Euggggghh.

[ bowl shatters ]aaah! ‐ewww!‐starchy? Mm. Didn't work, huh? Must be a haint, then. Try playing the clarinet.Haints hate the clarinet.

[ groans ]

[ clarinet playing ]

I think it's working!Keep playing! [ clarinet continues ]

Uh...

[ breathing heavily ]

Jake, stop! [ music stops ] Starchy, I thinkthey like the clarinet music! Also,there's six of them now! Jeepers! Really? Uh... O‐okay. Now I definitely knowwhat you're dealing with ‐‐ An undead. The undead fear the gazeof the common yard chicken. Our chicken ran away,though. [ growls ]

Are you surewe need the feathers? My chicken'spretty spot‐on. We don't want to takeany chances, you know?

Hm. Hey!

[ bawks ]

All this adviceis just made‐up baloney! Starchy, all your adviceis made‐up baloney! Aww. Well, what are we supposed todo? Just live with this?

No morerelying on hearsay. We're gonnatake it to the source. Secondary source.

Girl stuff, boy stuff,ear stuff, butt stuff. Hey! Creepy stuff!

[ both grunt ]

Got it. Aah! Aah! Shh. Library's closed. Turtle princess! Did you dye your hair? Oh, yeah, I did. Do you like it? Yeah ‐‐ hotness. Say, do you know anythingabout creepy blank‐eyed girls? No, but I can find out.

"Creepy blank‐eyed girls." Oh! Says herethey're an urban legend That first appearedfive years ago. ‐they're supposedly...‐wait ‐‐ five years ago? That's ‐‐ that's just likestarchy's radio show.

[ gasps deeply ] Maybe they're tulpas! What the blobis a tulpa? Physical manifestations ofconcentrated collective thought. They're entitieswho depend on the energy Of people believing in themin order to exist ‐‐ People likestarchy's listeners. Okay. And where did you learnall this blobbity‐bob? Starchy's radio show. I think I knowwhat we need to do. Thanks turtle p. [ grunts ]

[ muffled ]any time, finny. Why don't we call, like,child services? Or an exterminator? This is gonna work.Just trust me, a'ight? Ugh.

Do as I do.

[ all exhale ] [ inhales deeply ] Boy, I just lovewalking through Our delightfully not‐creepydoorway. ‐don't you, jake?‐uh‐huh, uh‐huh. Aaaaaaaah! Walking throughthe not‐creepy air To my not‐creepy couch,sitting on my not‐creepy butt. [ chuckles ]your butt is kinda creepy. I say "Creepy"Is just another label we use To distance ourselves from stuffwe don't understand ‐‐ [ gasping ]or that reminds usof something in ourselves [ gasping ]that we're notcomfortable with. Hm.

I mean, it just ain'tan actual thing, you know? Unless you chooseto believe it. Right, jake? [ sighs shakily ] It's baloney! It's baloney!It's starchy's baloney! I just got to thinkof something wholesome.

[ speaks korean ] Aaah!

Aaaah!

[ breathing heavily ] Nooooo!! Pizza's creepy now! [ crying ] You win, all right?! You're mad‐creepy! Do what you will,you globless blank‐eyed girls!

Uh... [ high‐pitched ] what?

What the butt fuzz?! Contact lenses?! Ha! Baloney. Nothing but some kidsplaying a dumb prank!

Man. This whole time,they were just regular girls. Where are your parents,huh? You guys are going to jail!You hear?

So, y'all are bald.

Good job.

I'm still calling the cops. [ squeaking ]

[ both whimpering ]

What the junkwas that? I think it was... Beautiful.

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