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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Billy's Bucket List" from season 5, which aired on March 17, 2014.

Candy Kingdom
Billy's crack
This transcript is complete.


[In the Candy Kingdom, a crowd of Candy People and Party Bears is dancing in front of a stage, on which are Finn, Party Pat, and Rap Bear.]
Rap Bear: Yo! Check, check, one, two! Hey! I'm Rap Bear! I can rap... like that. Ha-ha, I'm back! It's a battle of rhymes. I'm gonna do it this time. I'm Rap Bear. My raps are mystical... quantum physics! Whoo! [drops mike]
Crowd: Whoa!
Rap Bear: Yeah, yeah!
Jake: Boo! That was pre-written. It's so obvious! Take him out, Finn!
Finn: Off...
Starchie: Nope.
Finn: Off the dome, here we go. Uh! I'm-a start it now. I'm-a battle now. We gonna make a rhyme, so I can rap this time. I rap for millions... [beat] sesquipedalians.
Crowd: [cheering]
Starchie: Yeah, that was tight.
Finn: Whoo! [sees Rap Bear crying] Huh? Rap Bear, what's wrong, man?
Rap Bear: How can I be Rap Bear if I'm not the best?
Finn: No way! You are the best! Going up against you was a dream come true. I look up to you, man. You're like... You're like my hero, Rap Bear.
Jake: Awesome.
Rap Bear: [hugs Finn] Thank you, Finn.
Crowd: [cheering]
Party Pat: I thought Billy was your hero.
Finn: Yeah, but Billy's dead, so... Billy.
[Flashback begins. Billy is standing on a pile of fallen monsters.]
Billy: Ha-ha! Check out these dummies.
Finn: [jumping and clapping] Ha-ha! Yeah! You're awesome Billy! Ha-ha!
Monster: You're gonna pay for this, Billy!
[Billy grabs the monster by the face and throws him upward. He jumps up after it, punches it away, then lands with a thud.]
Finn: Sick.
Billy: [laughs] Billy! [Half his face becomes the Lich's.]
[Flashback ends. Finn walks offstage and away from the crowd.]
Party Bear: I love rap music, but only when it's good rap.
Woman: Finn! Finn! Finn.
Finn: Huh? Who dat?
Woman: I'm Canyon, Billy's ex-girlfriend.
Finn: Say what?! That's so weird. I was just— [stammering] Party Pat was just like—
Jake: What's going on here? Who's that?
Finn: This is Billy's ex-girlfriend.
Jake: His special Lady?
Canyon: No, his ex-girlfriend.
Jake: Oh, man, I'm sorry. Well, I hope you guys get back together. Whoo-oop! [leaves]
Finn: Jake's still in denial about Billy.
Canyon: Billy and I broke up four years ago, but I held on to this. [takes out brown cloth]
Finn: [gasps] Billy's loincloth!
Canyon: After Billy died, I couldn't keep it in my place anymore. I heard you guys were friends, so when I saw your name on the rap battle flyer, I thought it would be cool to bring it to you.
[Finn dons the loincloth like a cape.]
Starchie: [coughs] Oh, that's some smelly. [leaves]
Finn: Thank you, Canyon. I guess I've been in denial, too. Have you been back to Billy's crack?
Canyon: No, I can't.
Finn: It's time to go see Billy's crack.
[Finn and Canyon stand outside Billy's crack.]
Canyon: Shouldn't Jake be here?
Finn: He needs more time. This would mess him up too much. [enters crack]
[Several Gnomes are seen lying about.]
Finn: [gasps] Fairies! Oh, they've infested the place! Okay, you guys, out! This is Billy's crack.
Gnome 1: Billy got aced by the Lich.
Gnome 2: We have dibs on the crack, so beat it!
Finn: I'll dib up your brains if you don't respect the mems of Billy.
Jordan: Flimsy threats! Like a tiny blade of grass in a maelstrom, you are. That storm is me, Jordan, Lord of the Fairies. I ain't afraid of you or this big—
[Finn cuts his pants off.]
Jordan: You think you can chump me like that? This breeze feels great, doofus!
[Finn cuts his head off.]
Jordan's head: All right.
[Some fairies fly off with his head.]
Finn: Laters.
[Canyon is sitting on Billy's motorcycle.]
Finn: Um, so, Canyon, why did you and Billy break up?
Canyon: Huh? Oh. Well, I loved Billy, and I believed in him, but then Billy stopped believing, and that jammed up our whole deal—being a top-tier, red-belt power couple. After a while, all he did was watch movies and play video games. Pretty lame, right? So I bailed.
Finn: Even heroes have slumps, bro.
Canyon: Yeah, I know. I heard he was making a comeback, too. What a weird world.
[Flashback begins. Billy and Canyon are riding on his motorcycle and fighting demons. Billy does a wheelie.]
Billy: Billy!
[Flashback ends.]
Canyon: What the—? [takes a rolled-up paper out of the motorcycle]
Finn: What is it?
Canyon: It looks like Billy's bucket list.
Finn: Whoa, let me see!
[Canyon hands it to Finn.]
Finn: Hmm. Looks like he got to most of these. He sure lived a full life. Okay, here's one. Wait. "Tell Finn that thing." What the butt is that?
Canyon: [shrugs] I don't know.
Finn: Okay, that's gonna bother me forever. Well—well, here's one more. We should do it for Billy.
Canyon: What's that?
[Scene cuts to Finn and Canyon riding Billy's motorcycle through a desert. Finn has to use wrenches to reach the handlebars.]
Canyon: Are you sure you're okay?
Finn: [screams]
[A giant reptilian monster snaps its teeth at them as they ride past. It chases them, brandishing short swords. It lunges at Canyon, but she ducks under it and punches it away.]
Finn: Holy shram! Whoo!
[They hit a ramp, which launches them into a canyon. They leap from the bike and grab a tree as the bike hits the bottom and explodes. Finn and Canyon look at each other contently. At the bottom of the canyon, Finn and Canyon stand beside the river.]
Canyon: That was awesome, Finn. You know, you remind me of Billy when he was young.
Finn: Whoa. So... can I see you sometime?
Canyon: I have a feeling our paths will cross again. Take care, Finn.
[They fist bump, and she turns to the river. She raises her left hand, parting the water and revealing some steps. She walks down them and is swallowed by the river.]
Finn: [takes out bucket list] "Take Canyon on one last ride." [crosses it out and drops his pencil] Whoops. [As he picks up his pencil, he sees something written in the corner.] What? Another item? You sneaky Billy. "Lie on my back in the ocean. Just float." Cool. [screams] Why the ocean, Billy?!
[Scene cuts to Finn looking out at the ocean. It is revealed that during the scene cut, he took off his shoes, socks, shirt, and pants. He is now wearing nothing but his backpack, hat, grass sword on his wrist, and his red-and-white underwear.]
Finn: Okay, Finn, don't think about your fear. Just jump in there like it's no biggie. Do it for Billy. For Billy!
[He runs at the ocean in his underwear, screaming, then runs away. He shivers and pants from fright.]
Finn: I'm afraid. I'm afraid! Oh, dang, here he comes! Here comes the Fear Feaster!
[The Fear Feaster comes out of Finn's bellybutton and laughs.]
Fear Feaster: Way to go, Finn the Coward. Still afraid of the ocean, eh? [laughs] You should just give up! You're not a hero. You're a wimp-o! A cringing, cowardly—
[Finn walks down the beach toward a dock.]
Fear Feaster: Hey, where you going? Fool, I come with. Ha-ha! I'm gonna nosh on your insecurities. Then I'll—I'll squat on your hopes. So now what, little boy?
[Finn breaks a board off the dock.]
Fear Feaster: Huh? Uh, hey, man, don't do anything stupid. Hey! You're too chicken to face your fears with open eyes? This stank is cheating!
Finn: This stank is for Billy. [hits himself in the head with the board]
Fear Feaster: No! [goes back inside Finn]
[Finn falls backwards into the ocean. He floats for a second, then crosses his eyes and sinks. A whale takes Finn's hat and swims off with it through a circular opening. Finn follows it, but the opening turns out to be the opening to a giant-sized version of Finn's hat. As Finn swims upwards, the giant hat turns and faces Finn. Finn glances back at it, and it suddenly launches toward him.]
Finn: Huh? [continues swimming, then looks back again] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[Finn reaches the surface and gasps for air, but the hat comes out of the water, too, supported by a tall pillar of water. Finn is lifted up by the water. He tries to swim away, but he can't move. The whale suddenly swims up the column of water and out the opening of the giant hat. It opens its mouth wide.]
Finn: For Billy!
[The whale snaps its mouth shut around Finn.]
Fear Feaster: Wake up. Wake up!
Finn: [gasps and pants, struggling to stay afloat]
Fear Feaster: [laughs]
[Finn's sword arm raises itself out of the water and slaps Finn.]
Finn: Huh? Whoa!
[The grass sword extends itself.]
Fear Feaster: [laughs] No mortal blade can harm—
[As if responding to the Fear Fester's taunt, the sword slices through the Fear Feaster... much to the apparition's big time dismay.]
Fear Feaster: What?! [explodes]
[Finn looks at his sword, stunned, and it retracts itself.]
Finn: Was that you or me? Huh? Hey. Hey! I—I'm doing it! [laughs] I'm not afraid of the ocean anymore! I'm doing it, Billy.
Billy: Billy!
[A constellation in the form of Billy draws itself in the sky.]
Billy: You finished my list. Now I can rest like a great hero. Thank you, Finn.
Finn: You're welcome. Canyon helped, too.
Billy: Tell Canyon I watch her sleep. Man, love is weird, Finn.
Finn: I know. Is that the thing you wanted to tell me?
Billy: No. Goodbye.
[The constellation disappears.]
Finn: Wait. Billy!
[The constellation reappears as quickly as it disappeared.]
Billy: What?
Finn: What's the thing you wanted to tell me?
Billy: Oh, uh, you must go to the Citadel. That's where your father is.
Finn: Joshua's not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the—
Billy: Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.
Finn: What?
Billy: Your father, Finn. He's alive.
[The constellation disappears as Billy's words echo in Finn's head. The Crystal Citadel is shown floating somewhere in space, and Finn's dad's silhouette is seen trapped in a crystal.]

Episode ends