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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Betty (episode)" from season 5, which aired on February 24, 2014.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode opens to Bella Noche opening his eyes in a secret chamber.]
Bella Noche: Have you obtained the staff of Stranson Doughblow?
Forest Wizard: Yes, Bella Noche. We procured the staff using the full extent of our wizardy ways.
Bella Noche: Then the time has come to reveal my true form, and when I materialize on this... [continues talking]
[Ice King spies on them and Bella Noche from behind the stairway.]
Ice King: [talking to himself quietly] Oh, this striz is going down, man.
Bella Noche: will receive your end of the deal.
Laser Wizard: The lost system of Antediluvian magick—the tightest of all wiz biz.
Forest Wizard: So right and tight, I get restless leg syndrome about it. Look! [shaking his restless leg]
Bella Noche: And now, it will be yours.
Ice King: And mine!
[Bufo, Laser Wizard and Forest Wizard surprisly looks at Ice King.]
Forest Wizard: What the blood?! Ice King!
Ice King: Listen, dudes, all I want is to be in the club and plus up my magic. What's the problem?
Laser Wizard: Your life is my problem.
Bella Noche: Too late, fools! Bella Noche emerges!
[Bella Noche grabs the staff and places it on the circle with his magic.]
Forest Wizard: Whoa! What the—?
[The Grand Master Wizard explodes the doorway with his magic, with the Wizard Police behind him.]
Grand Master Wizard: Stop that now, trash cones! Bella Noche must not cross into our world!
Ice King: Eh, why not, again?
[Bella Noche combines the sword, the staff, the golden cup, and the crystal ball. It all powers up Bella Noche.]
Grand Master Wizard: Duck!
[The Grand Master Wizard and the wizard policemen take cover. An explosion of anti-magic bursts. The wizards scream and Ice King screams too. Ice King's crown gems turn white, shut down by Bella Noche's anti-magic. With the crown off his head, Ice King turns young - turns back to his previous life before the Mushroom War: Simon Petrikov. The wizards were laying down, depowered. Bella Noche changed into a powerful form inside the black crystal of dark anti-magic.]
Grand Master Wizard: Aw, cram! Here we go!
Forest Wizard: [gets up] Uhhhh... hey. Hey, I—I can't feel my magic!
Laser Wizard: Me neither. What gives?
Grand Master Wizard: Bella Noche is a being of pure anti-magic! Y'alls got played!
Simon: Uh, hello?
Forest Wizard: Oh, what a fool am I! [Bella Noche slaps him aside.] Aaaaaaaaaaah!
Grand Master Wizard: [to Wizard Police] Go! Destroy! Throw your boots at it, or—I don't know!
Simon: Huh? [starts walking out]
[The Wizard Police charge at Bella Noche and throw their boots at it.]
Grand Master Wizard: Dang. Sorry, Ice King.
Simon: [panting] [trips] This must be it, man. [looks at his reflection in a puddle] I've crossed into some super-insane zone where I feel like I'm just normal again. [takes off crown] Or maybe I'm just normal again.
Ash: Hey, stop looking at yourself. You're ugly, bro. Get lost. This is my busking spot.
Simon: [punches Ash off his magic carpet] Sorry, man. No time! Go, carpet! [flies to the Ice Kingdom and then into the The Past room] Whoa! [gets off] It's got to be here. Even in my prolonged state of insanity, my immutable essence must have known to—oh, yes. [puts on glasses] Hello. [pushes over a desk, revealing a secret entrance] Ah, my research. My jackie—jacket! [reading books' spines] Mutation, mutation, mind expa—aha! [takes a book off the shelf] "Mystic Rituals And Their Space Time Applications" by Simon Petrikov and Betty Grof. [quietly] Betty. [opens book's cover, revealing a photograph of Marcy and Hambo, which falls to the floor] Whoops. Marceline?
[Scene switches to Marceline's house.]
Marceline: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four.
Finn: Wait!
Marceline: What?
Finn: Why are you holding your bass up high like that?
Marceline: Mm-mm-mmm. (I don't know.) I get better finger action this way.
Finn: But you look like a nerd. Move it back down. It's better.
Jake: Move the bass down.
Finn: A-move the bass a-down.
Jake: Be reasonable.
[Marceline's phone rings.]
Marceline: [annoyed] Yes?
Simon: Marcy, it's me, Simon. I'm back, but my body might donk out soon, so get to the Ice Kingdom fast and help me with this time portal so I can find Betty and say I'm sorry before I croakboat! I know that's a lot to process, but hurry, and bring Hambo. Hambo is the key.
[Marceline is now on the floor.]
Simon (over telephone): Okay, Marcy? You got that? Marcy?
[Flashback begins, showing Simon and Marcy walking through post-apocalyptic Ooo.]
Marceline: A long, long time ago, Simon was my only friend. He was there when I needed help.
[Flashback ends.]
Marceline: [holding Hambo] All he ever wanted was to find Betty, and now I can help him.
[Scene changes to Finn and Marceline riding Jake towards the Ice King's castle. Marceline gets off and enters.]
Marceline: Simon?
Gunter: Wenk! [leads them to Simon] Wenk!
Marceline: Simon!
Simon: Marceline!
[They embrace.]
Marceline: I thought I'd never see you again.
Simon: I can hardly believe it myself. You're all grown up.
Jake: Believe! She's like a million years old!
Simon: One million years? How could it be?!
Marceline: He's just kidding. I'm only a thousand.
Jake: And still looking good!
Finn: Do you remember anything from when you were the Ice King?
Simon: Nothing specific—just dreamlike impressions.
Finn: Do you still have impressions from all the times we flipped your bricks?
Simon: I have... bruises. [coughs] Excuse me. I—[coughs harder]
Marceline: Man, Simon.
Simon: I'm fine. [coughs]
Marceline: You're dying!
Simon: Well, yes, but only in increments. I've still got work to do. Finn and Jake, will you run my generator?
Finn: Yeah, man.
[Finn and Jake climb onto the stationary bike and start pedaling.]
Jake: Cool.
[The time travel device starts glowing.]
Simon: That's great! Keep pedaling! All we need now is the catalyst—an object from the past that has been lovingly tended to through the ages.
Marceline: [sighs] Goodbye, Hambo. [kisses it and hugs it one last time]
Simon: Because of you, I can say goodbye to Betty and tell her I'm sorry for driving her away. Thank you, Marceline. [drops Hambo into the liquid]
[The portal opens, showing Betty running around a corner and hiding.]
Betty: [panting]
Simon (possessed): [shooting ice lightning skyward] Where's my Betty? Where's my princess?! Princess! Princess!!
Betty: Simon, don't leave me like this.
[Suddenly, the portal opens above her.]
Simon: Betty? Betty. Betty!
Betty: Simon? What is going on?
Simon: I'm a thousand years in the future, love. I opened this portal so we could say goodbye.
Betty: You're dumping me?
Simon: No! It's just that everything changed after I put on that crown. I—I went crazy. You ran away. I—I never saw you again.
Betty: But where would I go without you?
Simon: I'll never know.
Betty: I don't understand. You don't seem crazy now. I mean, in the future.
[The portal opening starts shrinking.]
Simon: The portal is closing. There's no time to explain. Just know that I love you, and I forgive you for leaving me.
Betty: Simon, I know who I'm leaving you for!
Simon: Who?
Betty: [leaps through portal] You, dum-dum! [kisses Simon]
[Simon collapses.]
Betty: Simon? [picks him up and places him on the magic carpet] What's wrong? Are you sick?
Simon: No, I'm old. The crown was keeping me alive, but its magic was negated by the creature Bella Noche.
Betty: Don't die, Simon. I just got here.
Simon: Oh, I'm sorry, Betty.
Betty: I know! I'll fix the crown, and then I'll figure out how to fix you!
Simon: What? No. Guys, stop her.
Jake: Uh...
Marceline: Hmm...
Finn: Yeah, but...
Jake: It kind of sounds like a good idea.
Betty: Right, whoever you are. [takes crown from Gunter and walks back to Simon] I'm sorry. It's the only way. [pulls carpet out from under him]
Simon: No!
Betty: [gets on carpet] Okay, rug, take me to Bella Noche.
[Simon grabs on to the back and flies upward out of the castle with Betty.]
Betty: Get on, Simon!
Simon: I am getting on... the death bus.
Death: [flying alongside them] I've got you in my sights, Simon. [laughs]
Simon: It's my time, Betty! I don't want to be the Ice King again. It's like living with eternal diaper butt. I can't do it!
Betty: Not forever. Destroying Bella Noche and getting your power back will buy me time to find a loophole that'll undo your curse and your death. I can do it! You got to believe me, Simon.
Simon: I...
Death: Get real, man. You're gonna be the Ice King till the sun blows up. This is your one chance. I made a mix tape for the ride: "Summer Jams 3"!
Simon: If I don't let her try, then what am I? What am us?
Betty: What?
Death: Eh, fair enough. See you in a few. [disappears]
[The scene changes back to Bella Noche, who was grown gigantic.]
Grand Master Wizard: This brioche won't stop growing. [shoots crossbow] Ron James, what took... [One of Bella Noche's tentacles slams the ground.] you?
Ron James: Yo, my lab got creamed! I had to dummy-rig an alchemical filter out of a dirty bidet and a vaporizer!
Grand Master Wizard: But will the double-negative magic work?
Ron James: Heck yeah! Ron James always delivers! Check it out, brotha! Yaah! [throws potion at Bella Noche] In your face!
Bella Noche: [screams]
Grand Master Wizard & Ron James: Yeah!
[Bella Noche grows even larger.]
Grand Master Wizard: What the stink is that?!
Ron James: My lab conditions were not ideal.
Grand Master Wizard: But you did not deliver! [shakes him]
Ron James: Peace, man! Aaah!
[Betty and Simon arrive.]
Betty: We're here to help!
Grand Master Wizard: Help how?
[Bella Noche shoots an electric bolt at Ron James and Grand Master Wizard, who both fall flat on their backs.]
Grand Master Wizard: We're toast, bro.
Simon: [grunts] [falls off carpet]
Betty: Simon!
Simon: [sighs]
Betty: Hey, don't scare me like that.
Simon: Just hold my hand to your face. This will be my... last sensation.
Betty: Don't be a wimp, Simon! Just give me a second! [gets on carpet and flies toward Bella Noche]
Death: You got about 15 seconds.
[Bella Noche shoots at Betty, propelling her onto the creature's exterior. Betty then climbs inside and reaches the core.]
Bella Noche: How the—? Wait.
Betty: Surprise! [punches, then kicks Bella Noche] Tranch.
[Bella Noche explodes, sending out a shock wave of magic energy.]
Death: You lose, Simon. Sorry, man. [walks away and disappears]
Ice King: Uh, huh?
[The wizards cheer and use their powers in celebration.]
Ice King: This a party? Huh?
Grand Master Wizard: Wizard City is saved! [laughs] [hugs Ice King]
Ice King: Whoa! Heh. Okay. Whoopee!
[Scene changes to the Ice King's castle.]
Ice King: So then, Ron James told me this girl I was with flew into Bella Noche and mysteriously defeated it for me! Wow! [laughs]
[Muscle Princess struggles to free herself from a block of ice.]
Ice King: Just my luck, right? Black out for a day and meet the woman of your dreams.
Muscle Princess: I will get you!
Ice King: Hey, don't be jealous, Muscle Princess. She's gone—kablooey. Let's be realistic, right? We both know you're not my top pick.
[Muscle Princess breaks free.]
Ice King: Oh, Grod!
Muscle Princess: [roars]
Ice King: No!
[Muscle Princess pommels him repeatedly.]
Ice King: Aaah! Go home! You can go! Aah!
[Gunter turns to see Betty outside, watching from her flying carpet. She lingers for a moment then flies away.]

Episode ends