This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Bespoken For" from season 9, which aired on April 24, 2017.
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Transcript[]
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Finn: Dang.
Jake: What in Grod's name am I looking at?
Finn: Fire, ice, candy, and slime.
Jake: Weird.
Finn: How did this happen, Ice King?
Ice King: Look, I know it's a lotto take in. Let's go to the living room.
[ Whoosh ]
Ice King: Now settle in, get comfortable, 'cause I am gonna tell you everything. And it is going to blow your ‐‐ Oop!
Ice King: I gotta kiss my skyhooks good night. Good night, my skookie‐wooks. [ Kisses ] Okay.
Jake: Dude... Why does it look like a four‐way pizza?!
Finn: Is everyone in Ooo like a zombie? Is everyone basically dead?
Ice King: Everyone is not dead. It's much worse. Let me start at the beginning.
{FLASHBACK}
Ice King: No. What am I gonna do without my besties around? Mm.
♪♪
Ice King: Mm, okay. Bird watching sounds cool.
Patience St. Pim: Hey, roomie! I'm going out to pick up some magic ingredients.
Ice King: Ooh! Are you making somethin' delicious?
Patience St. Pim: Oh, I'm building a magic battery to power my elemental purification spell.
Ice King: Cool. Bring me a snackie.
Patience St. Pim: Like...a doughnut?
Ice King: Surprise me.
Patience St. Pim: Oh, I'll surprise you. [ Under breath ] I'll surprise everyone.
{PRESENT}
Finn: Wait. What was Patience talking about?
Ice King: Oh, it's not important. Something ominous. Anyways, it was then that I really got into bird watching.
{FLASHBACK}
♪♪
Ice King: What else we got here? A penguin. Oh. Right. [ Gasps ] Something! Is that... Oh...my...glaah!
Ice King: [ Gasps ] You a toucan?
Betty: Simon, I've been trying so hard to help you. I've tried reprogramming‐‐nnnyour ‐‐ your crown, Code‐mapping, penguin‐napping, co‐mingling with magic, and grasping and grappling, but it just hasn't been happening. It's saddening, it's maddening, and I'm rapping and ‐‐ and...
[ Inhales deeply ]
Betty: So I'm trying the direct approach.
Ice King: Uhh.
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: No, I don't remember who she is, but I know how to find out.
Ice King: Hey! So good to see you! You still working at that same place?
Betty: Mm, my work takes me all over.
Ice King: I meant all over the place. Oh! Before I forget, I just got a new phone. Would you mind re-entering your info for me?
Betty: It's okay. I know you don't remember me.
Ice King: No, no, no. I can get this.
[ Inhales slowly, pfft! ]
Ice King: I lost it.
Betty: A long time ago, you and I were...colleagues. My name is Betty Grof, and ‐‐
Ice King: That's what I was gonna say!Betty!
Betty: [ Inhales ] Hey, do you wanna goon a date with me tonight?
Ice King: [ Babbles ] Uh, buh, buh, buh. Yes.
Betty: Meet me at 8:00 at my Magic Man House.
Ice King: [ Laughing ]
♪♪
[ Ring ]
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Hello?
Ice King: You are not gonna believe what just happened.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: What?
Ice King: A lady touched me!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: That's cool. Who is she?
Ice King: I think she might bean exotic bird. But guess who's going on a date tonight!
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Wow. So what are you gonna wear?
Ice King: Oh, probably my go‐to ‐‐blue muumuu.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Ugh! No! You need to get a nice bespoked suit.
Ice King: A be‐wudda‐wa?
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: "Bespoke" means it's custom‐madeto fit your specific dimensions and emphasize what's flattering about your shape.
Ice King: Like my abs.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: No, I'd say you're kindabottom‐heavy.
Ice King: No, that's just the muumuu,dawg. I'm jacked.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Hmm. Oh, yeah.
{PRESENT}
Jake: What the heck d‐‐
Ice King: Shh! 'Kay, so then we went suit shopping.
{FLASHBACK}
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: It's very important to pick a good, natural fabric. As for color, for a first suit, you should choose between black, navy, or charcoal grey.
Ice King: Why?
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: It's a wizard fashion rule. If you stray, you'll look like a fool.
Ice King: How's about if I make my suit a onesie? [ Smack ]Ow!
Ice King: Whoa.
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Let's get to work!
♪♪
{PRESENT}
Ice King: And then Life‐Giving Magus checked an even darker...
Finn: [ Whispers ] What is going on?
Ice King: ...shade of gray against my face.
{FLASHBACK}
Ice King: Until finally...
Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving: Yep!
Ice King: Pretty fly for an ice guy.
♪♪
Male voice: [ Singsongy ] Ding dong! Someone's here!
Ice King: That's clever.
Betty: Hello, Simon.
Ice King: Uh, flowers.
Betty: Come in. Come in.
Ice King: I really like how you decorated the place. I'm really into skulls and old teeth in jars, too.
Betty: Ready for our date?
Ice King: You bet.
Betty: Bah‐bam! Aaaaah! [ Pants ] This a‐way.
Ice King: What is this place?
Betty: In the old days, we would meet here, and you would give me books because you had a subscription to the Book a Day Club.
Ice King: Book a Day?
Betty: You gave me the excess books because I was associated with Books for the Bookless.
Waiter/Bogo: [ Laughs ] Simon! You want your usual booth?
Betty: Bogo! You remember him? Lead the way, Bogo!
Ice King: So...
Betty: Yes?
Ice King: Are we going splitsies?
Betty: [ Sighs ]
Ice King: Okay, I'll pay for half your entrée.
Ice King: But if you get an appy or a dessert, it's on you.
Ice King: Mmm, mmm, mmm! [ Smacks lips ]
Betty: [ Inhaling deeply ] Aah!
Ice King: What? There something in my beard?
Betty: You don't remember any of this?
Ice King: [ Thinking ] She's starting to freak me out.
Ice King: [Outloud] Ring, ring! Sorry. I should take this. Oh, hi, Gunter. No. I'm on my date.
Betty: [ Inhaling deeply ]
Ice King: Gunter, I have to go. [ Chomping ] Technology, right? [ Chuckles ]
Betty: Aah! No! [ Zapping ] It's all wrong! Ugh! Zap!
Ice King: Wha?
[ Whoosh ]
Ice King: Well, that was terrifying.
Betty: I've tried everything I canthink of to make Simon remember. Is there something I'm missing? What am I doing wrong?
Tiny Manticore: Maybe you're going after someone who doesn't exist anymore. Why not take him as he is?
Betty: You're making a lot of sense,Tiny Manticore. We're like two shadows, two ghosts caught in limbo.
Tiny Manticore: It sounds depressing when you say it that way. Think of a different way to say it.
Ice King: [ Crying softly ] [ Sighs heavily ]
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: Oh, uh, just stretching.
Gunter: Wenk?
Ice King: The date? Uh, yeah, it went great. I don't know about a second date, though. I don't wanna be that guy who just hangs out with his girlfriend all the time and doesn't see his friends.
Ice King: Man, I wanna be that guy so bad.
[ Whoosh ]
Ice King: Hey, I was just talking about you to my penguin. Have you met Gunter?
Betty: Yes. I kidnapped him that one time. Look, Simon ‐‐I mean, Ice King.
Ice King: Yeah, who's this Simon guy you keep yakking about? Should I be jealous?
Betty: He's somebody I knew a long time ago. Hey, you still into bird watching? Watch this.
Betty: [ Electricity crackles ] Mmm...zow!
[ Birds chirping ]
Ice King: [ Laughs ] Amazing! [ Laughs ] Such beautiful birds!
Betty: They're all for you, Ice King.
Patience St. Pim: Woof. What a bust. These are some low‐grade fairies. My magic battery is going to su‐‐ Who's this dancing with the I. K.?
[ Electricity crackles ]
Betty: Bird friend! [ Laughs ]
Patience St. Pim: How delightful. [ Laughing ]
Ice King: Ha! [ Sighs ]
Ice King: Huh? Where did the weird lady go?
Patience St. Pim: Uh...well, when you weren't looking, her ‐‐ her mom showed up and told her that her old boyfriend wanted to be with her again, and they ran off together. The end.
Ice King: Her mom?
Patience St. Pim: Well, I gotta go.
Patience St. Pim: I almost forgot! Surprise!
Ice King: [ Crying, chewing ]
Ice King: [ Groans ] I wonder if my roomie has any more of these soothing doughnuts. Only one way to find out!
♪♪
Patience St. Pim: Elemental, elemental. Stand, do not sit.
Ice King: Cool.
Patience St. Pim: Elemental, Elemental. Can not quit.
Ice King: Weird Lady!
Patience St. Pim: Blast him!
[ Humming ]
Ice King: Eee.
[ Zaps ]
Ice King: Then everything went nuts. There was all this light and noise.
{PRESENT}
Ice King: I grabbed as many penguins as I could ‐‐ one. But now that you're here, we can go back and save Weird Lady.
Finn: Sounds like we got our first lead.
Jake: All we needed was...a little patience.
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
This party is so crazy!