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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Another Way" from season 3, which aired on January 23, 2012.

This transcript is complete.


[The scene opens to Finn and Jake's Tree Fort. A bunch of Clown Nurses are acting around while circus music plays in the background. The head Clown Nurse is sitting by Finn. He is sitting in bed reading the Enchiridion, and his right foot is bandaged.]
Head Clown Nurse: Who wants a cookie? [She moves it around, making airplane sounds.] Milk-dipped chocolate chip cookie?
Finn: No thanks.
Head Clown Nurse: Now, come on, Finn. You have to eat. Open Sesame...
Finn: Uh, Jake, can't we get rid of these Clown Nurses? They make me feel ridiculous.
[The camera cuts to Jake. He, too, is sitting in bed, with his right foot bandaged. A big Clown Nurse is standing near him.]
Jake: No way, man.
[Finn groans in disgust.]
Jake: Well, now you know we can't jump off of birds. [The fat Clown Nurse waves a cookie around, mimicking airplane sounds and plops it into Jake's mouth.] I paid them up front. They don't leave until the job's done. Besides... [He honks the big Clown Nurse's nose.] They're funny. [He honks the big Clown Nurse's nose again, and she farts this time.] [laughs] Look, she just farted.
Head Clown Nurse: Time for our love therapy.
Finn: Wait, what are they doing? [The Clown Nurse starts smooching Finn's bandaged foot.] Whoa! Stop!
Head Clown Nurse: [gasps] Oh my! Did that hurt, dear?
Finn: NO!! I just don't want you kissing my toe!
Head Clown Nurse: Now, now, honey, you gotta understand. This is the only way to "foo-foo" your boo-boo.
Finn: What does that even mean??
Jake: I don't know... but I'm feeling better already. Ah. That tickles.
Big Clown Nurse: You want me to stop?
Jake: No, keep going. [The big Clown Nurse continues smooching Jake's toes.]
Finn: [Beat] You're gross, man. [He notices a page in the Enchiridion.] Look! Deep in the forest of trees, there's a Cyclops whose magical tears can heal any wound. See? See?
[The head Clown Nurse takes the book from him.]
Head Clown Nurse: Maybe you should leave the medical decisions to the medical professionals, and my professional prescription is... your toe needs crazy smooches! It's the only way! [laughs]
[The Clown Nurses all gather around and start holding Finn down.]
Finn: Huh? Wha?
[The head Clown Nurse gets near Finn's bandaged foot.]
Finn: Wait! Wait! Wait! There's another way! There's my way! Let me show you my way!
[The head Clown Nurse starts smooching Finn's bandaged foot.]
Finn: Ahh! Let me go! [The head Clown Nurse is still smooching Finn's foot. He screams and then blacks out. Finn starts having a crazy nightmare about running from Clown Nurses. He trips and sees the head of the head Clown Nurse.]
Head Clown Nurse: It's the only way! [laughs]
[The head rises up and floats in front of him. Finn screams and runs in panic, but ends up falling into the mouth of the Clown Nurse's head.]
Head Clown Nurse: [softly] It's the only way!
[Finn wakes up. The Head Clown Nurse is rapidly smooching Finn's foot. Finn gets up and the Clown nurses back off.]
Finn: MY WAY!!
[He runs out of the house and into the forest, screaming. He finally comes to a stop. He's staring at a tree stump with a sign. The road splits up into two paths.]
Finn: Hmmm...
Tree Stump: Ring, ring! Look, there's only two choices, bro. Take your pick. There's the path on the left, Hair Fall-Out Path. No more hair again, ever! Or the path on the right, Smelly Path. Makes you smelly forever. Hoohoo, you won't believe it.
Finn: Isn't there another way?
Tree Stump: Nope.
Finn: But what if I just went—
Tree Stump: No, that's it! You have to choose! There's no other way! Choosing is the only way. Choosing—is the only—way.
[The camera zooms in on Finn's face. A thought of the head Clown Nurse crosses his mind.]
Head Clown Nurse: It's the only way! [laughs]
[Finn suddenly screams and confronts the tree stump.]
Tree Stump: Hey, listen man, the Smelly Path's not actually that bad!
Finn: NO! I choose MY WAY!! [He kicks the sign off of her head.] My way.
[Finn runs right through the prickly bushes, screaming all the way. He comes out on the other side, all scratched and covered in thorns. He then comes across a river an walks up to the bank. A bush is on the bank nearby.]
Bush: Ring ring. Hello, dummy police? Yes, there's a strange dummy lurking around my house. Okay, yes. Thank you. Goodbye.
Finn: Wha...? [Beats] I need to cross the river. The Cyclops is over there.
Bush: You can't cross this river. It's impossible! Look! The current is so fast, it'll turn your butt inside-out for real, doofus. And the water's so acidic it'll crump your boat in half. It's like orange juice. It's gross. There's a bridge, but it's a trap! Plus, the water's jamming with electric eels. Wow, so weird. Anyway, that's it, there's no other way around, you dummy.
[While the bush speaks, the camera shows the river's current flowing, and the steaming hull of a boat that was corroded away. The bridge nearby is shown, then two pairs of eyes and shadowy arms pop out. Two electric eels are swimming under the water, their bodies surging with electricity.]
Finn: But I need to get across.
Bush: Listen what I'm telling you. There's no way. ...Ugly tramp.
[Another thought of a Clown Nurse crosses Finn's mind. He advances on the bush.]
Finn: Glob, Glob it, Glob it, Glob it...
Bush: Huh? What are you saying? "Globbit, Globbit"? Who's Globbit?
[Finn snatches the bush and uproots him.]
Finn: MY WAY!!
[A screaming Finn then charges head-on into the river, using the bush to sweep the water off of the ground beneath. The bush is screaming in pain all the while. Then some electric eels jump out of the water and wrap themselves around Finn, shocking him and singing off the bush's leaves. Finn finally stops on a rock and the eels come off of him. Finn spits out a glob of vomit into the water.]
Bush: Glibby glob, man! You're crazy! We're not even half way across! You gotta go back, man! It's the only way, you ugly fat-smelling fat-head!
Finn: NO, MY WAY!! [Frustrated, Finn tosses the now-barren bush all the way across the river. Then he dives in. He emerges from the river, screaming and steaming from the pineapple juice-like water. He then happens upon a strange little man standing next to a wagon with watermelons in it.]
Finn: [panting] MY WAY! [He quenches the acid by smashing one of the melons over his head.] Oh, Glob, oh, Glob, oh, Glob, oh, Glob.
Pan: Uhh, excuse me, friend. [Finn blabbers his lips together.] You're pretty tall, can you reach up there and get my wheel for me? Gotta get these melons home to my wife. You know how it is.
[Still frustrated as ever, Finn pushes Pan aside and picks up the wagon.]
Finn: [panting] MY WAY! [He hurls the wagon down the hill. The wagon shatters as it hits the ground, and the melons tumble down the hill.]
Pan: Watch out, Rainy!
[Rainy realizes too late. She avoids the first one, which rolls over the wigwam house, but the others roll over her, injuring her. Rainy groans in pain.]
Pan: [gasps] Rainy!
Finn: Whoops. Uh... man, I'm real sorry.
Pan: Yeah? [sobs] No doy... friend.
Finn: But... I can still help. I'll fix your house for you.
Pan: Just get out of here! Leave us alone!
Finn: Uh... wh... I... [sighs]
Pan: Psycho fink.
[Finn walks uphill to a cliff overlooking the valley below. He realizes his plan didn't go as well as he had hoped. He takes off his hat and breaks out in song.]
Finn: ♫ I was wrong. Was I wrong? No. Yes... Yes... I was wrong. How could it be? I trusted in my guts, but ended up all nuts. I was wrong. How could it be? Listened to my brain, but ended up insane. The melons rolled...over that lady. I went too far. How could it be? [Finn puts his hat back on.] How did I go... too far? ♫
[As Finn finishes his song, the camera zooms out to reveal a little beneath the cliff. A giant eye opens up, looks up, and blinks. Suddenly something hunches up from the cliff. It's the Cyclops Finn has been seeking.]
Forest Cyclops: Hey! I know you're here for my magical tears, but you won't have any, because I never cry.
Finn: I don't want 'em anymore.
Forest Cyclops: What? Stop lying. You're here for my tears, aren't you?
Finn: No. I hurt a small, hairy man's wife. I just wanna go home.
Forest Cyclops: You're just trying to make me feel sad so you can steal my tears when I cry... but I've got a heart of stone, buddy. I'm EVIL!
Finn: Dude! What's wrong with you? I said I don't want your tears!
Forest Cyclops: YOU'RE LYING!
Finn: I'M NOT LYING!!!
Forest Cyclops: [Beat] You stink at lying.
Finn: Fine. Whatever, man. Have it your way.
Forest Cyclops: Okay... I WILL HAVE IT MY WAY!!
Finn: Huh? [The Cyclops pounds him into the ground.]
Forest Cyclops: Beg for mercy, or I'll kill you!
[Finn glances up at the Cyclops' eye. He notices water forming up in the big, round eye.]
Finn: [mutters]
Forest Cyclops: Whuh... What?
Finn: [mutters]
Forest Cyclops: What? I can't hear you.
Finn: I said... MY WAY!!
[Finn punches the Cyclops in the eye. The Cyclops starts crying as he screams in pain. Some of the tears fall onto Finn. His clothes are made anew.]
Finn: Magical tear drops. [He pulls off the bandage. His foot has been healed completely. He wiggles his toes.] My way can still work! Yeah!
[Finn pulls off the Cyclops' head. Finn first goes to Pan, who is still sobbing. Finn pours the Cyclops' tears over Rainy, who is restored.]
Rainy: Huh? I'm okay.
Pan: Yay!
[Finn runs off. He then goes to the bare bush and pours the Cyclops' tears over him.]
Bush: Huh? [The bush takes root, and all his leaves regrow.] Whoa!
[The stump is sobbing in pain from having her sign knocked off. Finn pours the Cyclops' tears over her, and a flower grows where the sign was.]
Tree Stump: Huh? Whoo-hoo.
[Finally, Finn pours Cyclops' tears over a ham sandwich at a picnic, bringing it to life.]
Ham Sandwich: Yeah!
[The scene cuts back to the Tree Fort, where the Clown Nurses are still doing their so-called duties. The big Clown Nurse is still kissing Jake's bandaged foot.]
Jake: Oh, yeah. Huh?
[The door suddenly slams open. Everyone gasps in shock. Finn walks in, still carrying the Cyclops' head.]
Head Clown Nurse: Have you come crying back for your proper treatment, Babylips?
[Finn throws the Cyclops' head. It lands in front of the head Clown Nurse, who gasps.]
Finn: Kiss that!
Head Clown Nurse: Oh, my! You look horribly injured! My kisses will make heal you. [She smooches the Cyclops' eye.] Now how does that feel?
Forest Cyclops: Bittersweet.
[Finn walks over to Jake, carrying a bottle of Cyclops' tears.]
Finn: Hey, man. You want me to heal your toe with my magical goo?
Jake: Ah, no thanks. I think the kisses work better. [To nurse] Excuse me, don't stop, keep going, please. [The big Clown Nurse resumes smooching Jake's foot.]
Finn: You're gross.
Jake: Hey! We all have our own ways.
Finn: [realizing] You know what? You're... right.
[Jake's eyes twinkle. The episode ends.]