User blog:LittleGhostPrankster/A stupid, hunger-induced fanfiction, lol

      The curtains were parted slightly, letting into the room the soft, gentle afternoon sun. Beyond the muted green drapes, Lemongrab had a pretty nice view of the Candy Castle. He wondered if Mother Princess could see him. Munch-Wag, one of the little ones who slightly resembled a goat, comfortably rested on the earl’s lap. Lemongrab alternated between gently rubbing the child’s head, and grabbing fistfuls of lemon candies from the table. At this point, he was healthily plump and nearly up to his former weight.

      In his cozy stupor, he absent-mindedly stared down at the pile of lemon candy. Then he looked at the Candy Castle, imagining that dear young Mom was building something. He glanced down at sleepy Munch-Wag, who occasionally flicked his lemon-shaped tail in contentment. The little one’s skin felt the same as the lemon candy. Earl glanced again back to the candy, thinking of Lemonjon. Young Lemonjon. He’d given the lemon family enough food to last several long years. That was awfully nice of him. Lemongrab wondered when Lemonjon would come back.

      Then his eyes widened from the sudden realization.

      Instantly, Lemongrab recalled his joy as he’d added the finishing touches to his giant lemon sculpture. Something magical happened, he couldn’t quite recall what, that had brought the great thing to life. It was an overwhelmingly tender feeling that was difficult to put into words. He likened it to what he’d seen in the Candy Kingdom during one of his stalking phases, when he would sneak into the hospital and watch women giving birth. Their joyful tears as they hugged the new person they created.

      Munch-Wag sat up in alarm when he heard his dad make a strange noise. The little one wasn’t sure what the noise was, but it sounded wrong. Little Munch-Wag hopped off the earl’s lap and trotted out of the room. He returned about a minute later with Lemongrab 2 at his side.

      “Lemongrab, why are you crying?” asked Lemongrab 2.

      The earl whipped around in desperation and grabbed a handful of the lemon candy. He furiously showed it to his clone. “THIS!” he roared. “THIS IS OUR SON! HE’S NEVER COMING BACK!” A squeaky sob escaped him, and his nose and eyes freely dripped down his contorted face.

      The clone was silent for a moment. “I know,” he said. “Why do you think I’VE been crying so much lately?”

      Lemongrab bit his lower lip angrily and balled up his fists. He wasn’t sure how to quite articulate himself.

      “Whose fault is it?” he asked. “Who killed our baby?”

      “The fat boy and the dog?” said the clone. “But…”

      “Not them, not them,” said the first earl, his grieving tears subsiding to pensive anger. “They were the ones who saved us…. most of us from dying. What about Mom?”

      “Not her fault,” Lemongrab 2 said. “I can’t remember how, but she was somehow the reason we were able to have this family.”

      The earls silently thought for a moment, and Munch-Wag trotted out of the room to play with one of his brothers. After a while, a startled Lemongrab 2 spoke:

      “What if it… was OUR fault?” he suggested reluctantly.

      Lemongrab was shaken. He put his hands on his knees and expelled a sigh from his barely-open mouth. The confused earls slowly looked at each other in disbelief, then began to melt into shaky, tearful wrecks. In unison, the agonized words clawed their way out of their throats:

<p class="MsoNormal">      “We’re bad parents!” They hugged each other and sobbed.

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<p class="MsoNormal">      “There’s still some candy lying around, I discovered,” Princess Bubblegum said. “We can salvage it and give it to the poor. I have an appointment to speak to the patients at the mental hospital today, so I’m leaving you in charge of picking up all these lemon candies.”

<p class="MsoNormal">      “Can do,” said Finn.

<p class="MsoNormal">      “Say hi to Baby-Snaps for me,” Jake insisted.

<p class="MsoNormal">      As Princess Bubblegum walked away, Finn and Jake began scouring the grass for lemon candies to place in a basket-shaped Jake.

<p class="MsoNormal">      Abruptly, they all heard two familiar screams. They turned and looked to see the Lemongrabs falling out of one of the windows. As they hollered, Finn, Jake, and the princess looked at them in helpless surprise. The earls shrieked in despair until their bodies collided with the ground below.

<p class="MsoNormal">      After a few seconds of frightening silence, Lemongrab yelled in pained frustration:

<p class="MsoNormal">      “It didn’t work!”

<p class="MsoNormal">      This was followed by Lemongrab 2 yelling something that sounded quite un-royal.

<p class="MsoNormal">      Princess Bubblegum gasped and covered her mouth. Finn sighed in relief, and Jake let out a long string of nervous, awkward laughter.

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<p class="MsoNormal">And then Ice King ate them all and exploded. The end.

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