Forum:The dark truth of adventure time

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Okay, so there are a lot of adventure time theories going around but we'll start with the definite fact, There was a nuclear war called the mushroom war, it wiped out most of humanity. Now for my theory the only (still purely*) human survivors were the diseased Mertens family, *The rest of the surviving humans were either spliced with their surroundings or bonded to mystical objects. The devastation of the nuclear war was so great that the creatures of this earth (also mutated) invented a game for CHILDREN which is like hide and seek, but where they say something of the impending doom of nuclear bombs (something about behind the mountain in an ominous cloud, nobody's safe... Or something) and don't even bat an eye, it must be some kind of thing so common you get used to it. The point is eventually Martin mertens and his wife have a son, when he is 1 year old, his mother dies of a disease spread by her husband, he succumbs to depression and gambling and eventually becomes a criminal when he loses his son in the forest at the age of two, A mutant female dog adopts the child after finding him in the woods, and in the time he is raised by Joshua (her husband) "Pen" as he is named has to deal with abuse from his "father" for whining, which is not natural for the young of mutant dogs. He is abandoned at 13 to fend for himself in the wild, and Jake, one of his supportive older "brothers" runs away so he can protect him, but discovers that Pen can look after himself, Pen later changes his name to Finn and befriends a princess, and the rest from there is just the cuddly kid appropriate show you know which is in no way dark...

Unless you watch "Simon and Marcy" and "I remember you" on the same day.... or catch that "body sweep" "I am feeling dirty!" In the "Davy" episode. Yknow what, never mind I quit making up this crap!!!