User blog:AlanTheWizard/The Strange Door: Chapter 1: Exactly What It Says On The Tin

Finn and Jake were wandering the countryside near the Candy Kingdom, searching for adventure. "Man, I'm bored," Jake said, impatiently walking up a hill, with Finn following close behind. Finn was panting, having obviously run a great distance earlier. " Phew . Hey, what's that?" Finn panted, pointing at what appeared to be an ornate door, with frame, sitting upright in the middle of a meadow nearby. "I dunno. Looks like a door." "Dude, I know that ." "I'm gonna put it in my room." "Uh&hellip;Jake? That sounds like a bad-" "Psh. Don't worry, Finn. It'll be fine." Jake chided, walking up to the door, his hand morphing into a crowbar. He attempted to pry the door out of the frame, only succeeding in falling on his elastic rear. "Whoa. That's really stuck!" Jake said, in spite of how obvious his statement was. "Dude, did you try opening the door?" Finn said, simply turning the knob. The door opened easily, but instead of the meadow, there appeared to be a hallway, which is obviously unusual. "Whoa! There's like a whole hallway in here, man!" The two heroes, upon seeing this strange structure, suddenly realized that they had found their adventure for the day. They entered the mysterious hall. After in inordinately long period of walking, Finn saw a shadow dart past him. He instinctively drew his sword, forged by his adoptive father from the blood of a demon. "What's up, Finn?" "I thought I saw something." "Where?" "Over there! YAAH!" Finn cried, swinging his sword in a wide arc, felling the shadow. The interesting bit, was that instead of screaming or squawking, or grunting, or whatever sound monsters make, the shadow said, "Ow." Not "Ugh!" or "Rawr!" but "Ow." The figure got up one its remaining good leg, and hobbled into the light to reveal that he was a Sign Zombie. Finn, recognizing the creature, raised his sword again. "WAIT!" The Sign shouted, bracing himself for a maiming. "Huh?" was the only response our protagonists were able to muster, as Sign Zombies rarely have the intelligence required to watch Mind of Mencia, let alone speak. "Please, put that sword away! I'm not interested in becoming a paraplegic construct!" "Dude, How are you talking?" Finn asked, sheathing his blade. "By opening my mouth. Now, follow me." The Sign retorted. "Uuhhhh, Finn? I don't trust this guy. I mean, what if this is some sort of trap, where he takes us to his buddies, and then they kill us, carve our bones into signposts, and take us on awkward dates! ...or something?" Jake pondered aloud, shuddering at the thought. "Don't worry man, we can handle a bunch of Sign Zombies." "Alright, but if I end up on an awkward signpost date, I'm totally gonna haunt you." Jake said, still a little uneasy. They followed the Sign Golem (he found the term Sign Zombie to be offensive,) down the hall, up several staircases, along a myriad of other halls, and just when they thought this was just some stupid wild goose chase, the Sign Golem (Whose name was Duck Xing, if you're curious,) came to a stop, and started chanting in Gaelic, " Oscail an doras an m&aacute;istir folaigh! " At that moment, a glowing door appeared in the side of the cold stone door. "My master wishes to see you." They entered the door with obligatory apprehension, only to see what appeared to a young (humanoid) man, in his late teens to early twenties, singing the Electric Light Orchestra's hit, Strange Magic to himself while reading a very large tome. He stopped, straightened up as if somebody had poured ice down his pants, and stood to face Finn and Jake. "Hello!" he said, very happy to see the first sentient visitors he's had in who-knows-how-long, "My name is-HURK!" Now, his name was not actually HURK, he had simply been punched in the face. "Prepare to get hurt, dark wizard!" Finn shouted, drawing his blade, "You can't keep me captive here!" Finn swung his sword, barely giving the stranger time to put up a protective shield, which looked rather like a glowing plane of glass. Finn swung again, leaving cracks in the panel. While Finn was preparing to swing again, the stranger took the advantage and slammed the panel into him, pushing him across the room. He shouted " Folaigh! " and his tome disappeared, while placing a force cage around Jake. Jake quickly squeezed between the bars, while Finn stood up and charged the man. Hmm...Elastic dog, Violent kid with a magic sword, I guess it's time to see if that new spell I've been working on is any good... The mage thought to himself, as he raised his hands to trace arcane symbols into the air, while shouting, " Geimhle Iarann! " The spell seemed to work, as Finn and Jake both unexpectedly faceplanted due to their arms and legs being chained to the floor by force links. "Alright, let's start over. My name is Alan, and you two are the first sentient visitors I've had in who-knows-how-long. Now, If you would kindly stop trying to kick the royal jelly out of me, I'd be happy to release you so you two may be on your way," Alan explained, motioning to the force chains. "Wait, so you're not gonna take us prisoner?" Jake asked, raising his eyebrow. "Or make us go on awkward dates?" Finn added. "Uh...no. I'm just glad to speak with somebody I didn't create. Poor Ducky here is a dysmal conversationist...Wait! The door's back! I can leave!" Alan stated quite gleefully. "What do you mean, bro?" Finn asked, standing and rubbing his wrists. "I've been stuck here for about a thousand years! And now I'm free! From now on, if you need me, just shout into this here mirror," Alan said, handing Finn a mirror marked " MHUIRLINNE ." Alan then disappeared, and Finn and Jake found themselves standing in the meadow next to the ornate door, upon which there was now a note posted, which read, " Out for adventures. Be back soon! "