Too Young/Transcript

(The Candy Castle, zoom in as we hear young PB in voiceover)

Princess Bubblegum: Finn? Finn? Finn! Where are you? I need you to try this!

(Finn is waiting outside PB's room, looking inside)

Finn: I'll be there in a sec! (takes phone from backpack, calls Jake)

Jake: What's the status?

Finn: Good, man!

Jake: Nice! Seal the deal, bro!

Finn: *laughs nervously* Okay, man! Whatevs!

Jake: You can do it, you hear me?! I'm playin BMO- call me later, bye! *hangs up*

BMO: How's Finn's date?

Jake: I think it's goin' good.

BMO: Unlike your game- boiiiii!

Jake: Where's the key to the tower, BMO?! Tell me! AAAGH!

(Return to Candy Castle)

Finn: Okay, Finn. She's 13, you're 13. Just have fun! Be yourself. *raises arms above head in robotic way* Wooooo!

(Continues saying "wooo" as he walks over to PB, and sits down beside her. She is wearing science goggles and tinkering around with potions.)

Finn: What's that? Are you trying to make yourself 18 again?

Princess Bubblegum: Nah- this is an instant bath serum. It makes you sweat cleaning agents.

Finn: I don't bathe. I want that!

(takes potion, guzzles it down. Face turns red, and he screams.)

Finn: WAAAUGH! Hot, hot, oh- WAAAAUGH! Oh... so spice! So spice!

Princess Bubblegum: *neels down beside Finn and touches him playfully* YOU'RE so spice!

Manfried: Bwaaa bwaa bwaaaaaa! *imitating trumper* Announcing the arrival of the Earl of Lemongrab!

(Lemongrab, on Lemon Camel, enters castle gate, frowning, where he sees Cinnamon Bun swinging from a swing)

Cinnamon Bun: Heh hah hah- AAAAUGH! Oof! Ha ha ha!

(Cinnamon Bun falls from swing, and lands on the floor with a loud "splat," sending sticky dough flying. He laughs, and tries to scoop it back up into his belly)

Earl of Lemongrab: This castle is... in... Unacceptable Conditiiiioooon! UNACCEPTABLLLEEE!

(Candy people mutter amognst themselves, wondering who this strange yelling man is)

Earl of Lemongrab: *points into the room* Thirty days in the dungeon?

Cinnamon Bun: *still on floor* For who?

Earl of Lemongrab: Everyone in this ROOM! *raises his arms up over his head, and his eyes widen* MMMLLUUUUUGH!!!

(PB and Finn rush to the scene)

Princess Bubblegum: Wait, wait! You can't give orders like that! I'M in charge here, Lemongrab!

Earl of Lemongrab: *eyes widen again nervously, he poins at PB* TOO YOUNG! TOO YOUNG TO RULE THE KINGDOM!

(Finn jumps up and slaps LG on the hand)

Finn: Watch your manners with the prince-

Earl of Lemongrab: *cuts Finn off, holding his hand* HHHHUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOH?!

Finn: What the huh?

Earl of Lemongrab: MMMM! *purses lips* HAH! *gasps, and begins rubbing his sore hand* I am next in line to thee throne! Sooo... I will be in charge... UNTIL PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM turns... 18 again!

Finn: That's bunk! Right, Preebos?

Princess Bubblegum: No... He is rightful ruler under kingdom law. It's complicated. *looks down in shame* I created Lemongrab.

Finn: *gasps*

Princess Bubblegum: He was the first of my experiments gone wrong...

(Flashback to Lemongrab's creation. 18 year old PB is looming over a bed/table, on which is lying Lemongrab, who doesn't have a face. She sticks a nose on him in the manner of someone sticking a carrot nose onto a snowman. The princess reaches for a vial on a nearby table, and pours the liquid onto Lemongrab's face. Features start to form, and he gains a mouth and a pair of closed eyes. Suddenly, his eyes snap open in fright, and he groans loudly.)

Earl of Lemongrab: Nnnnnnuh!

(He sits up quickly, and frantically flaps his arms at Princess Bubblegum)

Earl of Lemongrab: Gaaaaaah!

(His eyes roll back into his head, leaving only the whites exposed as he screams.)

Earl of Lemongrab: EEEEEEAAAAAAGH!

Princess Bubblegum: *looking mortified and frightened, she gasps*

(The scene returns to the castle at present day, and young Princess Bubblegum continues)

Princess Bubblegum: ... And now that I'm younger than him, he inherits the right to the throne.

Earl of Lemongrab: IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I'LL BE TAKING A NAP! A...a-a-and CLEAN this place up or Dungeon! THREE HOUAHS DUNGEON!

Starchie: But sir... Who are you talking to?!

(Lemongrab suddenly points at Starchie accusingly, and the candy people gasp)

Earl of Lemongrab: THREE! HOURS! DUNGEON!

Starchie: *clenches fists and screams in outrage/defeat* NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!

(Lemongrab leaves the room with a blank expression on his face)

Finn: We'll see you in a few hours; okay, Starchie?

Starchie: *walking away dejectedly* Yeah, right... If Starchie survives that long...

Princess Bubblegum: Finn, this is dirt balls! We gotta do something to make him leave!

Finn: Yeah- like pranking him up his face!

Princess Bubblegum: Heh- yeah! And I have the perfect prank! C'mon, Finn!

(She takes Finn's hand, and they run off)

(The next scene shows Lemongrab, sleeping peacefully in a small, dark room of the Candy Castle. Finn and PB loom beside his bead and smile at him mischeviously. They set up an elaborate Rube Goldberg-esque prank in the room, do a fist-bump, and leave. Lemongrab's alarm goes off, setting off the last part of the prank. The prank causes a ping-pong ball to gently bump into Lemongrab's forehead. He sleepily opens his eyes, to see a large note saying "YOU REALLY SMELL LIKE DOG BUNS" beside him.)

Earl of Lemongrab: *sleepily* Huh? *reaches over to nightstand, puts on reading glasses, squints, and keeps his hand on the side of his glasses as he reads to himself* you... really... smell... like.........dog buns...?


 * Clenches fists in outrage, widens eyes, and opens mouth up wide to emit a long, cracking scream that continuously rises in pitch until it becomes a shriek*

Earl of Lemongrab: NNNUUUUuuuuuooooooooooOOOOOOOO00000000UUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!

(The next scene is in the hallway of the Candy Castle. The candy people are lined up beside the wall as Lemongrab paces nervously, with Peppermint Butler by his side.)

Earl of Lemongrab: Well, well, well... IS THIS EVERYONE, THEN?!

Peppermint Butler: Yes- all of the castle staff.

Earl of Lemongrab: Sooo which one of yooou WAS it?! Who did... the thing?!

Random Candy Person: The... thing?

Earl of Lemongrab: *clenches fists angrily* FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU- *eyes widen* UUUMMMM!!! *unpockets the Dog Buns note, and unfolds it, showing it to the Candy People. He points at it, trembling frantically* THE THING, THE THING!!!

Peppermint Butler: Hey, man! Calm down! *gently tugging on the leg of Lemongrab's jumpsuit* It's just a prank, man! For laughs?

Earl of Lemongrab: Prank? For... laughs? *looking confused* Yes, of course... Just a harmless prank... f-for laughs... Ahhh... *bursts into a wide, jovial grin, then suddenly looks startled, and begins laughing, with the same startled expression, as his head bounces with every laugh with strange squishing noises over the soundtrack* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH- OH! HAOAHOAHAOAHOAHAOAHAOHAO

(The candy people look frightened)

Peppermint Butler: Heh, heh...

Earl of Lemongrab: *continued* HAHAHAOAHAHAOAAHA- *facial expression returns to his usual blank one, and he abruptly stops laughing. He turns to Peppermint Butler* Twelve years dungeon! *turns to Candy People* All of you- dungeon! Seven years, no trials! *shakes head disapprovingly* C'mon... LET'S MOVE IT!!!

(Princess Bubblegum and Finn, hiding behind the wall)

Princess Bubblegum: *sigh...* I don't think that worked out to math, Finn.

Finn: What? No, no! He just needs some more prankins to finish the job! He'll leave the kingdom. Let's try it my way this time. Okay?

Princess Bubblegum: Okay!

(They hold hands)

(Cut to the next scene, where Finn and Princess Bubblegum are in her room, cutting up sheets to make ghost costumes. They exchange smiles, and put on the sheets. The two run out of the room, waving their arms and whooping loudly. Lemongrab is standing in the hallway, minding his own buisiness. As he sees the little ghost pranksters, he turns his head nonchalantly. Instead of scaring him, Finn suddenly delivers a hard little punch to Lemongrab's tummy)

Earl of Lemongrab: OOF!

(He doubles over in pain, holding his sore belly and wincing. Princess Bubblegum pushes him onto the floor. The sound of glass breaking plays over the soundtrack as Lemongrab falls to the ground, curled up in a fetal position, while Finn and PB run away happily)

Earl of Lemongrab: *whimpers softly, as fat tears stream from his eyes.* Cough, cough* *he continues to cry pitifully, obviously in much pain* Oooooh...* He suddenly looks up with a huge grin on his face at PB and Finn as they run off, and laughs a broken, cracking laugh, triumphantly raising his fist into the air* Ha, ha-ha... *coughs a terrible-sounding cough into his fist, and cringes again, then looks up at the pranksters with another smile* Keep 'em coming! I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!! Ho... ha... Ah-ah-oooow!

(Lemongrab doubles over again, crying and moaning loudly. Finn and PB, still wearing the ghost costumes, run off down the hallway)

Finn: I got a new plan!

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, yeah? What?

(Scene changes to the rooftop. Finn and PB are sitting side by side on the roof.)

Finn: We'll work together and use that serum you made. The one that was "Ah- So Spice!" And spice-bomb him non-stop 'till his butt falls out! How's that sound?

Princess Bubblegum: *sighs, and smiles romantically, leaning her head on Finn's shoulder.*

Finn: Hoooo! *exhales nervously, his cheeks red with blush*

(Scene changes to a small room in the Candy Castle that appears to be under construction, with half-painted walls and unopened cardboard boxes everywhere. Lemongrab is seated at a small table. Peppermint Butler approaches him, holding a golden platter of food covered by a silver dome.)

Peppermint Butler: Thank you for releasing me early from the dungeon, Master Lemongrab.

Earl of Lemongrab: I determine what is early, and what is late, Mr. Peppermint! *With these last words, he closes his eyes and makes a small, bowing sort of gesture to Pepbut.*

Peppermint Butler: Yes, Your Earlness.

Earl of Lemongrab: Also... I don't know where food comes from!

Peppermint Butler: My Lord, food comes from Ma-

Earl of Lemongrab: *cutting him off* AAAAAAAHT-AT-AT-A... NOOO! That is why I am royal... and YEEEEOOOUH are SERVAL!

(Princess Bubblegum and Finn are hiding in the ceiling, watching Lemongrab and Pepbut as they converse)

Finn: You ready to pour the stuff?

Princess Bubblegum: Yeah- I made it super-hot this time!

Finn: Wait 'till he opens the lid!

Peppermint Butler: Behold- a plate of mashes carrots, lo-

(A drop of spicy serum falls into Pepbut's eye, and he screams)

Princess Bubblegum: Shoot!

Peppermint Butler: HHHHAAAAAAA!!! HAAAAAAA! HAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAGHAAA!!!!! *throws lid aside*

Earl of Lemongrab: STOP SCREAMING!!! WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?!

Peppermint Butler: Because I'm excited by this meal I made!

(drop of serum lands in carrots, Peppermint Butler rubs his eye, and Lemongrab calms down.)

Earl of Lemongrab: Me, too. I'm excited, too.

(Lemongrab grabs a fist full of mashed carrots and pops it into his mouth. Something's wrong- his eyes widen, and he looks sickened, his face quickly turning a vibrant, dark shade of red. Suddenly, he projectile-vomits the carrots into Peppermint Butler's face, and starts screaming)

Earl of Lemongrab: HHHHUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(Still screaming, Lemongrab stands up, blinded by pain, and starts walking away unsteadily, only to spproach the window and fall out of the tower. He falls quickly through the air, still red-faced and screaming. Princess Bubblegum, Peppermint Butler, and Finn watch Lemongrab fall into the ground heavily, his whole head smashed into the earth. Lemongrab pries himself up and gasps for air, shoveling handfulls of dirt into his burning mouth. His face quickly turns a healthy yellow again.)

Peppermint Butler: He's eating the dirt! SPICE IT NOW!

(Princess Bubblegum drips 2 drops of serum into the dirt, and Lemongrab's face reddens again as he screams, bolts upright, and begins running away. Candy people look at him nonchalantly as he runs through the castle grounds, screaming in agony.)

Peppermint Butler: He's heading for the orchard!

(Lemongrab, screaming and whooping loudly, shakily approaches an apple tree, resting his hands on his knees for a moment, obviously exhausted. He feebly reaches his hand up to the tree, in which Finn, Peppermint Butler, and Princess Bubblegum are hiding.)

Earl of Lemongrab: Apple!

(The earl jumps up to get an apple. He gets one, but the weight on the branch causes him to fall down onto his back. He moans. His falling causes the tree branch to shake, and Peppermint Butler is jossled out. Peppermint Butler falls into Lemongrab's mouth. The earl grabs Pepbut and begins sucking on him to relieve the spice. His face turns yellow once again, and he smacks his lips a few times. He continues lying on the grass, looking straight up at the tree branch.)

Earl of Lemongrab: Mmmm!

Finn: Heh, heh... heh! *laughs nervously, as Lemongrab spots him and PB.*

Earl of Lemongrab: OOOOOONE MILLION YEEEEEEEARS, DUNGEON!!!!

(The scene cuts to the dungeon, where the castle staff, Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Peppermint Butler are imprisoned.)

Finn: Maybe if we... set his butt on fire.

Princess Bubblegum: No, Finn... There's only one way. I just didn't want to have to do it. If I change myself back to my real age, I can reclaim the throne.

Finn: What? No! I mean... you can do that?

Princess Bubblegum: *nods solemnly*

Finn: Then... why did you wait so long?

Princess Bubblegum: Because being 13 again is... Bloobaloobie!

Finn: Hm?

Princess Bubblegum: While being 18 is all plock thumbs and wagulsaks... I never really get to act like a kid. But, it's okay- really. My people need me, and that comes first!

Finn: Yeaaah...

Princess Bubblegum: First thing we need is more candy flesh to increase my biomass. But I need my lab equiptment to engineer it.

Peppermint Butler: Not necessarily, m'mady!

(Peppermint Butler and the Candy People take candy flesh from their own bodies and offer it to the young princess, who looks visibly touched by this gesture. She gasps.)

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you! Thank you, all! Okay... Next we need a bonding agent.

Finn: Princess? I think I can help.

(Finn licks all of the candy flesh as it is handed to him, and sticks it to Princess Bubblegum.)

Finn: Finished!

Princess Bubblegum: There's one last thing we need. *blushes* Only the heat from a whopping love hug can re-catalyze the re-ageifrying process.

Finn: *holds PB's hands* Are you ready, Princess?

Princess Bubblegum: Yes, Finn. But... First, I just want to say how much fun I've had hanging out with you.

Finn: Me, too!

Princess Bubblegum: And I... I wish I could stay.. like this, with you, but-

Finn: I... I know, Princess.

(Finn and Princess Bubblegum hug, then kiss. The screen fills with sparkles, which dissolve to reveal that Finn is hugging 18 year old Princess Bubblegum's waist, his face pressed gently against her pelvis.)

Princess Bubblegum: 'Scuse, me, Finn. *Gently nudges Finn aside, and approaches the dungeon door.* Yo, Earl!

Earl of Lemongrab: *from far away* WHAAAT?!

Princess Bubblegum: Hey- you're fired, 'ya BUTT!

Earl of Lemongrab: HHHHHRRRRRGGGRRRUUGGHHH!!!!!

(Scene cuts to outside of Candy Castle. Lemongrab is riding away on Lemon Horse, obviously too upset to speak comprehensibly, and muttering to himself in a sulky manner. Princess Bubblegum and Finn sit on the stairs, watching the dejected earl go back home to Lemongrab.)

Princess Bubblegum: I'm so glad everything's back to normal. Thanks for all your help, Finn.

Finn: Oh- you're welcome! But... uhm...

Princess Bubblegum: What is it, Finn?

Finn: Well, ah... Do you... do you wanna hug some more?

Princess Bubblegum: What? Finn, you silly! That was, like, five years ago! You really gotta move on.

Finn: Oh- yeah, yeah... Sorry...

Princess Bubblegum: Such a silly boy.

(The princess walks away, leaving Finn alone. He sighs, and his phone rings. Finn answers sadly.)

Finn: Hello?

Jake: Hey, man! What's the status?

Finn: Bad news, man... I... I got dumped.

Jake: Awww. I'm sorry, Finn. But look, man. Lemme share with you a little secret on how to win the heart of a princess. It's not easy, but ya have to be persistant. You might have to defeat a demon lord, and warp through several worlds.

(As he speaks, BMO's video game shows the actions being carried out.)

Jake: But once you do, you walk up the wizard stairs, and produce your magic key you got in a water world and unclock the chamber door. Then, walk right up to the princess, and give her a smooch.

(The video game characters kiss, and the words "You Win" light up the screen.)

Jake: Yesss! *triumphantly* Does that make sense?

Finn: Yeah, man- I see what you're sayin. Thanks, Jake.

Jake: Mmm-hmm. *smiles*

(Finn hangs up, and looks up at the tower, where Princess Bubblegum is on the balcony, her hair blowing in the breeze.)

Finn: Go up the wizard steps.