Thread:Giaria/@comment-25253990-20141215030912/@comment-25253990-20141222020340

I want to talk to you about my brash behavior I display at times, this isn't a plea for a ban lift, I just want to explain to you why I get like this at times. So I'm sorry for being so confrontational, the thing is I admit it, I'm insecure about my self and whenever someone tries to make me out like I don't belong or I'm not apart of their social clique, I get defensive. I really didn't want to start any fights, I was just trying to enjoy myself and act a bit silly, But you know how some people are when they see a new face being too open with themselves, they take it upon themselves to pick on me to seem superior to me, have you ever had problems with people disliking you because you didn't exactly meet their "too cool to be nice and vunerable" standards?

I had that problem a lot when I was younger, people didn't bully me but they'd treat me like I was some punching bag, disreguarding my imput because I was too "Not hip and too nicey nice, not condenscending" for them to consider. My feelings were hurt so much because of that, I wasn't confrontational back then and I pretended not to notice which caused them to pick on me even further. Thankfully it all stopped once I hit the age of twelve, but ever since then I grew a harboring contempt for people who judge you because you're not socially cool as they are per say, so everytime anyone would even come off as that to me I'd be cruel to them in retaliation.

I came to this chat to make friends, but sometimes people come off to me as that because I just act a little random and they act like jerks because apparently in my mind they're trying to say that "being random makes you look like a goody goody and we're trying to be hard, we don't like you because you're being too nicey nice so you better be less nice." and it angers me, so I snap at them. Half expecting them to respect me because in my eyes they seem to think "if you're a rude and hateful jerk, we'll like you because being rude and hateful is cool not being nice", and the other half is to show them that just because I'm nice doesn't mean I can lie down and take abuse.

I hope you take the time to read this, I know you don't utterly hate me and just looking out for my best interests, but this is how I feel everytime, and why I act like this. I hope you under stand where I'm coming from, I'm sorry for this inconvience but in my eyes I was standing up to bullies who make people who express their feelings in a nice way feel bad. I don't think you're a bully, nor a few other people.

And to the people who mistake me as someone who's natrually mean, I'm not I'm just trying to adapt to what I think these kind of people are.