Business Time/Transcript

(The episode begins at Iceberg Lake where Finn is lighting a flamethrower with a Flambit)

Finn: Yeah! (Laughs and torches an iceberg) Yeah!

(The iceberg melts, exposing several objects inside)

Finn: I found another bike, and more computers. What do you got?

Jake: I keep finding baby shoes!

(Jake torches an iceberg with his flamethrower and exposes more baby shoes)

Jake: What the heck, man? And they're all lefties. Sorry I'm not finding any loot.

Finn: Keep it together, chubby, because I think we found enough scrap to finish building our gauntlet dock; a dock that is also a gauntlet.

Jake: Aww. Building this gauntlet dock is hard, man. Hard work sucks.

Finn: Don't be lazy, Jake.

(There's a bubbling noise coming from the lake behind Finn and Jake)

Finn: Huh?

Jake: Incoming iceberg!

Finn: Whoa! That one's huge!

Jake: I got dibs! Ooo. I hope it's not baby shoes.

(Jake wipes the surface of the ice, which reveals a face within the ice)

Jake: (Gasps) It's a guy.

Finn: Creepy. It's a buncha guys.

Jake: You know what they remind me of? Well-dressed pickles.

Finn: Stand back, Jake! I'm gonna melt 'em outta there! Full charge.

(Finn blasts a huge flame out of his flamethrower and Jake runs up to stop him)

Jake: Whoa, don't roast 'em, man. You gotta flambé.

(Jake gently brushes the flame across the iceberg and it soon melts)

Jake: Ah. Perfecto. Bon appetit.

Finn: Hey! Can you hear me? Hello?

Jake: (Knocking on one of their heads) I don't think they made it.

Finn: Hey. (Reaching for a briefcase) This one's got some kind of pack.

(One of them comes to life and pushes Finn away; Finn screams)

Red-tie business man: I remember... business.

Finn: Let go! Let go! Let go!

Red-tie business man: We... business men.

Finn: Oooh... Well, I'm Finn and he's Jake.

Jake: What kind of business do you do?

Red-tie business man: Been frozen... so long, I... (The business men all shake their heads, as if in pain) can't remember. Can't remember! Oh. Looking for help, your business? We love work for you.

Finn: Nah. Adventurers don't need any help.

Jake: Yes! Help us fix that dock.

Red-tie business man: Dock-ka?

Jake: Yeah! Right over there.

Red-tie business man: Yes. This dock-ka... could be more... efficient.

Finn: No! Wait!

(The business men reel back and murmur as if frightened)

Finn: Jake, this dock is our fun pie. We should be the ones to bake it.

Jake: But they're begging for it, Finn. Just look at 'em.

(The business men look excited and several of them are drooling)

Business men: (Murmuring) Build dock. Build dock.

Jake: Finn. These poor souls are lost without jobs. We can't ignore their plight.

Finn: Uhh...

Jake: (To the business men) Go on guys, fix it up!

Business men: Woo!

(The business men murmur excitedly as they run over to the dock and begin building)

Finn: Well... they do seem really happy to do it.

Jake: Of course, man. They said they "love work for you."

Business men: (In unison) Uhh... We finish.

(The camera zooms out to show a completed gauntlet dock)

Finn: Whoa!

Jake: Told ya so.

Finn: Come on! Let's try it out!

(Finn and Jake run through the gauntlet dock, avoiding the traps and obstacles, while Finn screams excitedly)

(At the end of the dock, Finn and Jake jump into the water)

Finn: (Laughing) Yeah! Woo!

Jake: (Laughing) Yeah! Woo! (Panting) See? If we hire them full time, they'll be back in business and we'll be able to focus on fun stuff. Everybody wins!

Finn: Maybe you're right.

Jake: (To the business men) You hear that, guys? Maybe I'm right!

Red-tie business man: Really? Job? With... ad-ven-tur-ers?

Jake: Yeah, mans!

(The business men cheer and dance)

(The red-tie business man throws down his briefcase and chisels "Fin [sic] & Jake Adventuring Incorporated" into the side)

(The scene changes to the Tree Fort where the business men are cleaning weapons, ironing socks and shining shoes)

(Jake is playing a video game on BMO)

Finn: Feels weird doing nothing.

Jake: Relax, man. This is your day off.

Hot Dog Princess: (From far in the distance) Help! Somebody help!

Finn: Trouble, dude! Get your axe! I'll get my... wha?

Red-tie business man: Adventure pack... ready for you.

Finn: Hey, thanks man.

(The scene changes to Finn and Jake running across the Grass Lands, weapons in hand)

Finn: I have to say, Jake. My sword is totally shiny and stinkin' sharp!

Jake: Uh huh.

Finn: Even my shoes feel different. Not only are they clean, I feel radder, faster, more... adequate.

Jake: Cool!

(The business men are running behind Finn and Jake, writing notes)

(A battle cube is chasing Hotdog Princess)

Hotdog Princess: Help!

Finn: Don't cry, Hotdog Princess! Jake and I will fend off these battle cubes!

(The business men sit off to the side and continue to take notes while eating donuts and drinking coffee)

(Finn and Jake begin to fight the battle cubes, which are flying around Hotdog Princess' kingdom)

(The scene fades to a later time, where everyone is tired from fighting and Hotdog Princess is taking a nap)

Finn: Man. I'm getting tired.

Jake: (Groan) Me too. These cubes are... frickin' resilient. Hey, business dudes! Hold off these cubes so we can catch our breath?

Finn: Jake! They don't know how to fight.

(The business men run over, wearing armor and wielding weapons; they begin fighting the battle cubes while Finn and Jake rest)

Red-tie business man: (Offering bottled water and orange slices) Water. Orange slices. Help rehydrate.

(Red-tie business man runs back into battle, shouting)

Jake: These guys are great, right?

Finn: I gotta admit... they are helping. (Surprised) Oh! I think I figured out how to defeat the battle cubes!

Jake: That's 'cause you had time to rest your body and refresh your brain.

Finn: (To business men) Ok! We'll take it from here, guys!

Jake: Yeah! Good work.

(Finn and Jake run towards the battle cubes; Jake roars and grows large)

Finn: Grab all the cubes together!

(Jake stretches his hands to become giant and clasps them together, grabbing all the cubes)

Jake: Got 'em!

(Finn grunts and jumps into Jake's hands with a rope and ties all the battle cubes together into a single, large cube)

Finn: It worked!

(Jake throws the cubes off into the distances)

Finn: Wake up, Hotdog Princess. You're free.

Hotdog Princess: Oh! Thank you, Finn and Jake! Especially you, Finn.

(Hotdog Princess stands on her hind legs and puckers her lips, as if to give Finn a kiss)

(Finn rears back, disgusted)

Finn: (Whispering to Jake) Ugh. She smells like old hotdog water.

(Jake giggles and the red-tie business man runs in between Finn and Hotdog Princess to take the kiss instead)

Red-tie business man: (Whispering to Finn) I take one for team.

Finn: This is awesome! You get a promotion, fella.

(Red-tie business man cheers and dances)

Business man: Take one for team, too.

(The other business men begin kissing Hotdog Princess)

(The scene changes to the Tree Fort where Finn and Jake are playing BMO)

Jake: Oh... Lost again!

Finn: (Grabbing the controller) My turn.

(Jake walks over to the business men, operating a large collection of wires and monitors)

Jake: What's that?

(Jake goes to the freezer and takes out a tub of ice cream)

Red-tie business man: Hero vision monitor. Use satellite to tell us world problems.

Jake: Oh, wow. Anything going on?

Red-tie business man: Just small things. You save stress for big thing.

Jake: Freakin' awesome, man.

Finn: What are they doing?

Jake: Takin' care of business.

(Jake eats a scoop of ice cream and Finn plays the video game)

Finn: Jake, hit me!

(Jake flings a scoop of ice cream into Finn's mouth)

(Time passes, showing more and more empty ice cream tubs stacked near Finn and Jake while both of them are getting fatter and fatter)

Video game: Mission complete.

Jake: Yeah!

(Finn and Jake get up and dance around, shaking their enormous guts)

Finn: We beat Adventure Master!

Jake: Holy moly!

Finn: We're adventure masters!

Jake: Woo! Yes!

(Finn and Jake both get tired and stop celebrating to take a breath)

Finn & Jake: (Tired) Ooo.

Finn: I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding.

Jake: Yeah. (pushing around Finn's gut) You're gut's so huge and moldable.

Finn: Hey!

Jake: Hold on a sec!

Finn: (Laughs) Man, that tickles.

(Jake manipulates Finn's gut to look like the Ice King)

Jake: (Impersonating Ice King's voice) I'm the Ice King, and I'll never find a bride because I'm such a tool.

Finn: (Laughs) Alright, let me try.

(Finn manipulates his gut to look like Princess Bubblegum)

Finn: (Impersonating Princess Bubblegum's voice) I'm Princess Bubblegum and I'm a dork, because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Finn thinks is attractive!

Jake: (Laughs) That's a- Hey, what'd you say?

Lumpy Space Princess: (On a hero vision monitor, running from a Swamp Giant) Ahh! Oh, my gosh! Leave me alone. All I said was "you're ugly," which is totally true. Somebody help me! Oh no!

Jake: Man, I am not in the mood for saving Lumpy Space Princess.

Finn: Hey, business dudes!

(The business men enter the room from various directions)

Finn: What do you guys think?

Red-tie business man: Hmm... Just one monster. We do.

(The business men run off)

Jake: Right. We'll just save our strength for the big adventures, then.

(Finn and Jake sit back down on their couch and relax)

Jake: Ahh. Nice call, dude.

Finn: Imagine how awesome the adventure's going to be when it's time for us to go out there.

Jake: I'm too tired to imagine stuff, but I bet you're right.

Finn & Jake: (Both grabbing a tub of ice cream and toasting with them) To being great adventurers!

(They both begin eating ice cream; time passes and shows that they have empty tubs and ice cream all over their faces)

(Finn and Jake both groan and waiver until they fall over)

Finn: Oh, gosh.

A voice in the distance: Help us!

Finn: Huh? Jake! Did you hear that?

Jake: Yeah. Let the business men handle it.

A voice in the distance: Help! Please!

Finn: I heard it again.

Jake: Business men, dude.

A voice in the distance: Heeeeeelp!

(Finn walks over to the window and gasps, seeing the business men in a large robot, sucking up Fuzzy Friends into a container)

Red-tie business man: (Through a PA system) Woo-hoo! Woo!

Finn: Jake! We messed up! The business men have bat-crazy, dude!

Jake: (Still lying on the floor) Finn, just let the business men handle it.

Finn: The business men are the problem, you lazy plug-hole!

Jake: (Opens his eyes, surprised) Huh?

Finn: (Yelling out the window) Guys!

(Finn begins to climb out the window and down to the bottom of the Tree Fort)

Finn: Guys, stop it!

Finn: (Running up to the business men's robot) Stop it, guys!

Red-tie business man: Stop what, boss?

Finn: You're jacking up those Fuzzy Friends!

Red-tie business man: But... We're being heroes. Like you, boss. We're protecting them. Collecting them in our care-sack so they cannot be hurt. It's the most efficient way to save people.

Finn: But you're making them unhappy!

Red-tie business man: Irrelevant! These people are in our care-sack. Their happiness is not priority.

Finn: I am your boss! And you guys are all fired!

(The business men begin to murmur to each other)

Red-tie business man: Fi-red?

(The business men shout angrily and start sucking up the Fuzzy Friends even faster than before)

(They move their robot and it crushes one of the Fuzzy Friends)

Finn: Nooo! Alright, guys. Now I've gotta take you down... Finn style.

(Finn runs over to kick their robot, and gets sucked up into the care-sack)

Finn: I'm kicking your care-sack, dudes!

Jake: Finn? Whoa... Crud.

(Jake squeezes his enormous gut out the window)

Jake: I'm comin' buddy!

(Jake flops onto the ground, still holding a tub of ice cream)

Jake: Ahh. I'm so fat, dude; I don't know what to do.

Finn: (Gasp) That's it! Jake! Demoralize them!

Jake: What? Why?

Finn: Do it, man! I have a legit plan!

Jake: Ok, Alright. (To business men) Hey! You guys are horrible at business!

(The business men lash about angrily and try to suck Jake up into their care-sack, but he's too fat to fit)

Jake: Huh? They're sucking me up, dude!

Finn: Now, eat that ice cream some more to become fatter, while also using your Stretchy Powers to grow huge!

(Jake chows down on the ice cream and starts getting bigger)

Jake: (lifting his head up for a second) Ok!

(Jake uses his Stretchy Powers as he gets pulled into the robot)

Jake: This sucks.

Finn: Yeah, dude! Keep growin'! You're breaking apart their robot!

(The robot begins to shake violently, the business men scream)

Jake: Oh no!

(The robot explodes and Finn, Jake and the business men go flying into the air)

Red-tie business man: (Attempting to grab Finn) I'm going to kill you, not-boss!

Finn: Wait, man! Wait! I wanna re-hire you guys!

Red-tie business man: Re-hire? Really?

Finn: Yeah, mans.

Business men: Woo hoo!

(As they all fall back to the ground, the business men and Finn grasp hands and form a five-point star)

(The scene changes to a beach, where Finn, Jake and the Fuzzy Friends are waving towards the water)

Fuzzy Friends: Yay! Hip-hip hooray! Pancake!

(The business men are once again frozen in an iceberg and float back out to the middle of the lake)

Jake: So, wait... What'd you hire them to do?

Finn: I hired them to stuff themselves in that iceberg and get outta here.

Jake: (Sigh) I'm gonna miss 'em. And I'm gonna miss this gut.

(Jake uses his Stretchy Powers to return to his normal size)

Finn: (Laughs) I'm gonna miss my gut too.

(Finn strains and attempts to suck in his gut, but it doesn't disappear)

Finn: Aww! Aww...

(The camera zooms in to Finn's frowning face)

(The episode ends)