Mortal Folly/Transcript

(The episode begins on a dismal-looking day at Princess Bubblegum's castle where she, Finn, and Jake are meditating.)

Jake: Ohhhhhmmmmm...

Finn: (Whispering) Jake! What am I supposed to be meditatin' about?

Jake: (Whispering) Dunno. I'm thinking of pillows stuffed with spaghetti.

Princess Bubblegum: Clear your minds.

(The three inhale deeply. Finn exhales; his thought bubble shows himself as a heroic adult. Jake exhales. His thought bubble shows Lady Rainicorn riding a horse. Princess Bubblegum exhales. Her thought bubble shows the Lich muttering in front of flames. She gasps.)

Princess Bubblegum: I have to go check on something!

Finn: Can we go with?

Princess Bubblegum: ...Perhaps you are ready to go with. (Finn and Jake bump fists.) Guys, you'll need to put these on. (To Finn) Pull back your hat.

(Finn does so. Princess Bubblegum puts the jewelry on Finn's head. A protective sphere appears around his head. She puts the jewelry on Jake; the same happens.)

Jake: Neat!

(Princess Bubblegum rubs the gem on her crown; a protective sphere appears around her head as well.)

Princess Bubblegum: Stay close to me. (She claps nine times (the specific rhythm is "1 &-a 2 & 3 & 4 &"). Peppermint Butler appears and blows a huge bubble which engulfs the trio.)

Finn: Whoa!

(The bubble rises to the canopy of the castle tree.)

Princess Bubblegum: At the heart of this tree is an ancient evil, held in a prison of amber—the Lich.

Finn: What's that sound?

Princess Bubblegum: He's casting spells—trying to get in your head and control your bod... but these gems are protecting our minds from his influence. If we lost the gems, we'd be defenseless. (The snail comes out of Finn's pack.) He would have full control over us.

Finn: That's freakin' nuts!

(The snail looks at the Lich and suddenly becomes hypnotized. The snail crawls towards the Lich while Princess Bubblegum speaks.)

Princess Bubblegum: Beyond Iceberg Lake lies the ruins of the Lich's tower, where he was converting the planet's life force into unholy power to destroy all of Ooo... but before he could, the Legendary Billy attacked him and pummeled him into the resin of this tree. (The snail, who has reached the Lich, bangs his head against the amber, cracking it. The Lich converts his body to dark energy and escapes through the crack.) I—WHAT THE NUTS?!

(Finn and Jake turn and gasp. The Lich is right there, lying on the ground, looking at the trio.)

Finn: Dude, be a big sword!

Jake: Oh, okay! I'll try!

(Jake more or less takes on a sword shape. Finn grabs him and uses him to attack the Lich. The Lich turns into dark energy and escapes through the wall.)

Princess Bubblegum: (Gasps) Quickly! To the other secret room! (The three arrive there.) There's only one known weapon that can harm the Lich. (She opens a cabinet with a key revealing said weapon.) The Gauntlet of the Hero.

Voice: BIIILLYYYYYYY!!!

Jake: Billy's big ol' beef fingers!

Princess Bubblegum: Finn, you have but one chance. While the Lich isn't at full power, you must smite him with this gauntlet! (Finn equips the gauntlet. It becomes smaller to fit Finn's hand.) His only desire... is to destroy life. (Whispering) If you fail... he'll kill everyone.

Finn: No. That will not happen.

(Princess Bubblegum smiles and blushes.)

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, and there's something else that I want you to have. The Lich's lair is supposed to be cold. ...I just don't want you to get sick. (She holds up a pink sweater.) Take this sweater. I made it myself. I'm not great at knitting, but please wear it. I care about you, Finn.

(Finn dons the sweater.)

Finn: I love it.

(Princess Bubblegum comes over and holds Finn. Finn responds by hugging her.)

Jake: Me, too!

(Jake makes it a group hug. Suddenly, the window seal shakes and opens. The three gasp.)

Ice King: (Appearing in window) Hey hey hey! (The three scowl.) So... I've been thinking about this a lot lately and, well, uh... Hoo, gosh, I'm so nervous... Finn, and Jake, will you give me your blessings so I can marry Princess Bubblegum?

Jake: What is wrong with you?!

Ice King: (In disbelief) What's wrong with me?! (Jake closes the window.) No! (Jake latches it.) Not the latch!

Princess Bubblegum: Quickly now, Finn! Track the Lich by his trail of death.

Finn: Here I go!

Jake: Here I go!

Princess Bubblegum: Be safe!

(The two exit. The scene shifts to outside where the two are hurrying towards their destination.)

Jake: This is our first fate-of-the-world deal!

Finn: Yeah, man! We gotta shut this fool down hardcore!

Jake: Running this fast makes my stomach hurt!

Finn: Run through it, man! (The Ice King appears in front of Finn) We gotta get beyond Iceberg Lake before the Lich!

(Finn runs into Ice King. They both tumble down.)

Ice King: Oh, my! How clumsy of me!

Finn: What the heck, Ice King?!

(Finn pushes Ice King out of the way and the duo keeps running.)

Ice King: Hey, wait, you guys! I'm serious about Bubblegum! Look, I wrote her name all over my arms and legs!

Finn and Jake: Yugh!

(They keep running.)

Ice King: Guys! It's not fair! She always hangs out with you, and it's not like you wanna marry her!

Finn: (Blushing) Why are you following us?! (Throws a rock at him)

Ice King: Whoa! (Dodges it) I told you already. I want your blessings so I can marry Princess Bubblegum! (They keep running. Ice King uses his ice magic to block their path with ice.) Come on, guys, give me permission to marry her! I'll... I'll do a little dance for you! (Dances) Hmm? You like this?

Finn: No!

Ice King: (In desperation) Oh, come on! If you bless our wedding, then maybe she'll really love me.

Finn: (Fed up, pointing the gauntlet at him) Ice King, go away, man.

Ice King: I will! When you bless our wedding!

Finn: No thanks, guy. Hmm? How does this gauntlet (Banging on gauntlet) work?!

(The gauntlet activates.)

Jake: Whoa!

(Finn flails it around uncontrollably.)

Finn: I can't turn it off!

Jake: Punch it in the eye!

(Finn does so. It makes an angry face as its eye waters.)

Finn: Phew!

Jake: Let's blow this stand!

(The duo leaves.)

Ice King: (To himself) I tried to do this right, but you've driven me to this—driven me to bad doing.

(Back at the Candy Castle)

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn and Jake, please be okay. (Stress-eating a Candy Person) Please be okay... please be okay...

(A card partially comes through the window seal and nudges the latch.)

Ice King: Eh... stupid thing... come on... eh...

(He finally opens the window.)

Princess Bubblegum: Ice King?! Get outta here!!

Ice King: I didn't want to do this, but by not blessing our wedding, Finn and Jake have forced me to kidnap you.

(Ice King cuffs her with ice.)

Princess Bubblegum: That's insane!

Ice King: I know! But I'll show them... I'll show them how they've hurt us!

Princess Bubblegum: (Leaving with him) NO!!

(Over at Iceberg Lake)

Jake: There! Out over the lake!

(The Lich is seen in the lake. A trail of dead aquatic life is behind him. He emerges from the lake to fly.)

Finn: After his butt!

Jake: (Turning into a boat) I'm your dingy dog!

(Jake goes over the lake with Finn riding him. Finn imitates a motorboat.)

Finn: Here! I'll help paddle! (To gauntlet) Hey. It's me. (The gauntlet looks at Finn for just a second.) Aw, come on. I'm sorry I punched you in the ball.

(Finn kisses it. The gauntlet activates, and they move much faster across the lake in hot pursuit of the Lich.)

Jake: Waaaah!

Finn: Ah, yeah, haha! Closing in... Gonna get you, man! (Readying gauntlet) Closer, Jake! (They get nearer and nearer to the Lich.) Closer... closer...

(Ice King and Princess Bubblegum fly in front of the heroes.)

Ice King: Ah!

Finn: PRINCESS?! NO!

(Finn blasts the water, propelling himself and Jake high into the air.)

Ice King: Oh, no. (Water falls on him and Princess Bubblegum.) Oh, gross. This water stinks.

(Finn and Jake make it to the lake shore.)

Finn: (He's had it.) ICE KING!!

Ice King: Look! Look what you've made me do to her!

Princess Bubblegum: Guys! Don't let the Lich reach his well of power! (A green explosion of energy occurs far off.) (In terror) Oh, no!! He's made it!!

Finn: Don't worry, Princess!

(Finn and Jake run towards the site of the explosion and enter an old subway station.)

Ice King: Hey, where're you guys goin'? What's goin' on?

(At the station, Finn and Jake are greeted by live skeletons possessed by the Lich. Finn blasts them all with the gauntlet.)

Finn: I don't have time for this!

Jake: Then let's go!

(Skeletons obtain Finn's pack.)

Finn: My pack!!

Jake: (Latching onto Finn like a backpack) It's okay!

(Finn runs. Suddenly, a big skeleton rises under his feet. Finn blasts it, accidentally blowing a hole in the ground, which he and Jake fall down. "Waaaah!!")

(Above the station)

Ice King: (To Princess Bubblegum) Man... I-I wanna go after them, but... that hole looks scary, doesn't it? (Beat) Well! Holes are holes! (Enters with her)

(Back in the station)

(Finn and Jake scream as they fall. Finn grabs onto a pipe using the gauntlet. He and Jake gently reach the ground. Muttering is heard.)

Finn: The Lich!

(The Lich puts his hands into the well of power.)

Jake: (Whispering) He's gettin' his powers back! Weird!

Finn: No! (H fires a blast at the Lich, who dodges it. Finn and Jake heroically go down to him.) Prepare thyself... to get smote in the name of Bubblegum!!

(The Lich effortlessly gets a hold of Finn.)

The Lich: Shhhh...

(The gauntlet gets destroyed. Finn adopts a look of shock. The Lich throws the two down.)

Ice King: (Entering with Princess Bubblegum) Yep! Holes are holes! NYEH!! (He notices the Lich, who fires a green fire ball at the heroes.)

Jake: Look out!! That's it! I'm gonna bark 'im!

(He angrily barks like a common dog in front of the Lich. The Lich simply burns his face with green fire. Finn, says, "Whoa!" Princess Bubblegum screams. Jake grunts as he collapses. When Finn reaches the ground, he accidentally bangs his head to the floor, smashing the protective jewelry.)

The Lich: Finn...

Finn: Oh, no.

(Finn becomes half-possessed.)

The Lich: Finn... (Finn turns) Come...

(Finn barely goes forward before stopping himself.)

Finn: STOP!!!

The Lich: Aren't you cold... Finn...? (Finn goes forward.) Walk into the well... Finn... Aren't you cold...?

(Finn barely keeps himself from going in.)

Finn: NO, I'M NOT!! I'VE GOT A SWEATER ON!!

The Lich: You are a joke to me!! (Fires green fire at Finn)

(Finn flinches as the green fire touches him. After a moment, he realizes it's not hurting him. The Lich stops.)

Finn: (In realization) This sweater... It's keeping me safe!

Princess Bubblegum's voice (In Finn's head): I care about you, Finn...

Finn: This is it. The ultimate weapon against evil—the power of... l-l-l-l...llliking someone a lot. (Sobers up, growls, and takes off the sweater) LICH!!!

(Finn bravely goes up to the Lich and stuffs the sweater into his head. Finn tugs the sweater and the Lich wails in pain. Princess Bubblegum and Ice King watch in astonishment. The Lich eventually laughs maniacally as Finn tugs the sweater, ripping the Lich's head apart, seemingly destroying him. Finn falls to the ground.)

Jake: Finn!! Buddy!!

(Jake pats Finn repeatedly.)

Finn: (Groans) Jake? (Looks around) Jake!

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn... you did it!

Ice King: We did? Hey, yeah, we did it!! Oh, you guys! This experience has brought us all so much closer together! Princess, I'm sorry for all of this. I love you, and I've decided to set you free. (Makes the cuffs disappear) Go free!!

(Ice King maladroitly drops Princess Bubblegum into the Lich's well. Finn and Jake gasp in horror.)

Ice King: Uh... Whoops, I've got the dropsies!

(Finn and Jake stare in shock. Ice King stares awkwardly. Iris out.)