Boxcars & Bindles

Boxcars & Bindles is a scrapped episode outline for Adventure Time, which was never produced into a full episode.

Synopsis
Finn and Jake meet a group of hoboes on a train.

Story
ACT I

Finn & Jake are fooling with the Tree Fort's generator (a converted locomotive engine sticking out of the ground) near the rusting hulks of other train cars. To Finn's surprise, Jake's face starts ringing. Jake casually pulls out an alarm clock from under his jowl.

JAKE: "Trainspotting Time in 10 seconds!" Jake quickly sets up a lawn chair in front of two huge holes in the ground. FINN: "What are you doing, buddy?" Jake: "I'm trainspotting, dude." Suddenly, the ground shakes and a train erupts from one of the holes, arching through the air like a dolphin before diving into the other hole. The train is gone in a flash. Jake marks down the train in his trainspotting logbook. JAKE: "That train passes by every day at noon and midnight. On the dot."

FINN: "Jake, what do you think is on that train?" JAKE: "That train's been coming by for a dog's age. Some say that it holds the greatest minds in Ooo, endlessly looping in their quest for knowledge (Finn looks unimpressed)... or treasure. Lots of treasure."

That does the trick. Finn REALLY wants to catch that train and see the treasure! It's ADVENTURE TIME! They make plans to hop on it and just see where it takes them. Jake grabs his alarm clock and Finn loads some rations and whatnot into his backpack.

They go to the train tracks and wait for the right moment. To kill time, they beatbox a little and pick some berries. The train will go by so fast that they'll need to time their jump to the split second. Jake sets up a mound of pillows. Finn asks why they need a pile of pillows. "Trust me, dude." Jake replies.

The alarm clock goes off and they get into position. JAKE: "10 seconds!" Jake tosses Finn on his back and starts Jake galloping towards the "train jump" at breakneck speed. Finn digs his nails into Jake's fur. FINN: "You sure about-"

JAKE: "Just trust me, dude." Jake bounds one more time and LEAPS into empty air... The train comes barreling out of the hole and catches them in mid-jump! Finn & Jake fly through the side door of a boxcar and fall into the midst of a clutch of HOBOES engaged in a bindle duel (the equivalent of a knife fight). The duelists turn their bindles on Finn & Jake as soon as they crash the party. They sure don't look like the greatest minds in Ooo!

ACT II

"Give us your stuff!" demands the lead hobo, wrestling Finn's backpack away from him. Luckily, Jake has the alarm clock hidden under his jowls. The hoboes take their stuff and rip it apart and fight over it. "I like this book... I'm headin' to the bathroom..." Rip! Rip!

FINN: "Hey, you stole my backpack!" The lead hobo barks at Finn, "Stole? I thought this was a GIFT! You've broken the hobo CODE!" The other hoboes react with consternation and start chanting, "The Code! The Code!" The angry hobos start backing Finn & Jake into a corner of the boxcar. FINN: "What did we do?!"

A little ghost hobo pops up through the floor next to Finn, "Psst! You've transgressed the HOBO CODE." FINN: "Yeah, we know that. What's the code? What should we do?!" The ghost offers, "Just do something AMAZING or you're goners!"

Finn & Jake start hamboning! The hoboes cease their advance and begin nodding in time to Finn & Jake's body percussion. They've been on this train so long that this is the first time they've seen hambone performed. They're enthralled!

Things cool down— the hambone has won over the hoboes and Finn & Jake are accepted into the fold. The lead hobo, Alpha Marvin, dubs them hoboes with a bindle stick. The other hoboes mash up the berries and draw a five o'clock shadow on Finn and the hobo sign for ‘dog’ on Jake’s belly. They also get their stuff back; Finn even contributes some fixings to the hobo stew. The timid ghost reappears next to Finn.

FINN: "Hey, ghost.Thanks for helping us back there.” The ghost seems surprised that they’re paying attention to him. "Wait.You can see me?!" FINN: (a bit confused)... yeah. RUPSACK: (suddenly confident) "Of course you can! Everyone can see ME! I'm Rupsack the ghostliest hobo who ever died.” ALPHA MARVIN: “You’re no hobo, Rupsack!”

The hoboes don’t usually accept outsiders and, as a ghost, Rupsack is also considered an outsider. They’re also sticklers for rules and if a hobo breaks the hobo code too often, they’re tossed off the train. That doesn’t seem too bad. Rupsack throws open the boxcar doors and reveals the fields of razor-sharp brambles below.

Rupsack: “If you jump off at the wrong place, you’ll be trapped here forever as a ghost.” Finn & Jake ask why Rupsack is the only ghost on the train. ALPHA MARVIN: “Because he was the only one stupid enough to try jumping. Hyuck hyuck hyee!”

Rupsack looks defeated. Finn tries to encourage Rupsack by asking for advice on how to be A-Number-One hoboes. You know, show them the ropes. Rupsack shows Finn some ropes hanging on the wall. RUPSACK: These are some pretty thick ropes... some little ropes... soap-on-a-rope.”

Rupsack talks a little about hobo culture and shows Finn how to mend his backpack and sweater. Everybody is busy boiling and mending their clothes. Jake surreptitiously winds up the alarm clock again. RUPSACK: “But the hoboes only really value people who have GUTS.”

Some nutty hoboes come up to Finn & Jake and enthusiastically hambone (they're still overly excited about it) in their faces. Past them, Finn sees Alpha Marvin carrying a big pot of stew through the mystery door. He asks Rupsack about it. RUPSACK: "Don't ask about that. You'll be alright here as long as you don't worry about that. "Finn prods further, and Rupsack reveals that there’s ancient power behind that door... a mysterious secret worth a thousand railroads. RUPSACK: “And only Alpha Marvin is allowed to go back there. Hobo code.” Finn: “Well, then how do YOU know what’s really back there?” Rupsack just shakes his head in silence.

But that mystery door won’t get out of Finn’s mind. Finn convinces himself that that must be where they’re keeping the treasure. Finn MUST see what’s behind that door! Finn & Jake secretly discuss how to see what’s "behind the door". They scope out the security-- there’s a lanky hobo guarding the door named Slim Starvo. They try talking their way past Starvo but he won’t be duped. Starvo: “I might be bribed, though.”

Finn & Jake try scrounging up some food (since Starvo looks so starving) to bribe Starvo but they come up empty. (They don’t want to get caught stealing hobo stew.) Finn offers up the stuff out of his backpack but Starvo turns it all down. STARVO: “Not shiny enough.” Finally, Jake offers to give Starvo his shiny alarm clock, instead. FINN: “How will we know when to jump?” JAKE: "It’s worth it. For a secret." Starvo greedily accepts the alarm clock and gulps it down right away. But he still refuses to budge. STARVO: “Can’t. Hobo code.”

Dang. They’ll need to take another tack. The other hoboes are still busy trying to figure out how to hambone. Finn & Jake decide to try sneaking past Starvo using hamboning as “infrared” camouflage. (Like in that Predator scene where Arnold covers himself with mud) And it works! Finn & Jake seem to blend in with the other hamboners.

Having snuck by Starvo, Finn & Jake are just about to set eyes on the secret hobo treasure but – when they stop dancing to open the mystery door - they're CAUGHT! Starvo sounds the alarm by yelling, "Whoooop! Whoooop!" like a car alarm. Finn & Jake try to harmonize with his whooping with a doo-wop song. If anything, that draws more attention to them. ALPHA MARVIN: “Seize them!” All the hoboes grab Finn & Jake with murder in their eyes.

ACT III

Alpha Marvin: “You’ve broken the hobo code once too often! Time to catch the westbound, boys.” Finn & Jake aren’t sure what that means. By way of explanation, Rupsack draws his finger across his throat. The hoboes brandish their bindles at Finn & Jake and drive them to the edge of the boxcar-- they plan on pushing them off into the thorny abyss!

They’ll be killed and, what’s worse, Finn will never know what’s behind that mystery door! Just then - the alarm clock starts ringing in Starvo’s belly. Jake: "10 seconds, dude! "Finn: "But ... the door!"

Finn & Jake battle the hoboes to stay aboard until the right time to jump. Finn keeps desperately looking to the mystery door. Jake: “5 SECONDS!”

At the last second, Rupsack appears and grabs the handle of the door! Jake: "3! … 2! … 1! Time to jump, dude! ”FINN: “But ... the DOOR!” Jake jumps back from the boxcar and pulls Finn out with him. At the very VERY last second, Rupsack, risking his own welfare, opens the door wide to show Finn what’s behind the mystery door—

It's a GIANT FARTING BUNNY! And he looks really embarrassed at being exposed.

As Finn & Jake fall from view, Alpha Marvin slams the mystery door shut.

ALPHA MARVIN: “Rupsack, that took GUTS to stand up to me and defy the hobo code. You really ARE a rugged individualist. Just like us.” RUPSACK: “Thanks, Marvin.” ALPHA MARVIN: “Besides, if we throw you off the train you’ll just come back, anyways.

Finn & Jake land safely in the pile pillows. Propelled by that fat bunny’s expulsions, the train disappears into the tunnel. Finn & Jake dust themselves off, no worse for wear. FINN: “Oh, THAT’S what the pillows were for.” JAKE: “You got it, dude.” Finn tries to describe the strange sight he glimpsed. Jake pretends he saw inside the door, too, and makes up all sorts of junk... even messing with Finn by trying to convince him that FINN is the one making things up. FINN: “Trust me, Jake.” Finn picks up a stick; Jake hops on to it in the shape of a bindle. They start heading back to the Tree Fort, singing a doo-wop tune.

Characters

 * Finn
 * Jake
 * Hoboes
 * Alpha Marvin
 * Rupsack
 * Starvo Slim
 * Giant Farting Bunny

Trivia

 * The character list at the top of the outline names a character called "Chambreaux, a werewolf", but no such character is mentioned in the outline.