The Jiggler/Transcript

(The episode starts with Finn and Jake walking away from an unknown, burning city)

Finn: (Singing) Baby!

Jake: Ooo!

Finn: (Singing) I know what you need.

Jake: What's that?

Finn: (Singing) You want your little baby socks, for your little baby feet.

Jake: Woo!

Finn: (Singing) Baby!

Jake: Yeah?

Finn: (Singing) I know what you crave.

Jake: Oh, yeah? What's that?

Finn: (Singing) You want to poop your pants all day long. Well, baby behave!

Jake: Hey, how can you sing like that, dude?

Finn: Remember when I swallowed that little computer?

Jake: Oh, yeah.

(Finn and Jake arrive at a small house and drop off fruits and a string of sausages at the doorstep)

Finn: Alright, Stanley. You and your family are safe... Again...

Jake: Seriously, Stanley. For a watermelon you get into trouble way more often than you should.

(Finn and Jake are walking across the Grass Lands and Jake is whistling)

(A creature rolls up behind them, whistling and knocks Jake off his feet)

Jake: W-whoa!

Finn: What the... Shmow-zow! Look at that!

Jake: That... is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. And he loves your baby song. Sing some more of it, dude.

Finn: Alright. (Singing) Baby! You lookin' so good. You lookin' like you might... want some baby food.

(The creature is dancing along to the song)

Jake: Keep it going, man! (Laughs)

Finn: (Singing) Baby! You lookin' so fine. You lookin' like you might... just start cryin'.

Jake: (Laughs) Yeah!

Finn: Dude! This guy... is a pal for life! It looks like he's got two jiggly bellies stuck together.

Jake: I've got that on my back. I call it my butt.

(The creature jiggles Jake's butt)

Jake: Whoa!

Finn: (Laughs) He's the Jiggler.

Finn: (Laughs) You are the best thing ever. Let's take the Jiggler back to the house and just stick him by our bed so we can wake up...

Finn & Jake: Next to a little dancing guy every morning!

(Finn, Jake and the Jiggler walk towards the Tree Fort)

Finn: (Singing) I gotta tuck you in, girl. I gotta sing you sweet melodies about babies. Yeah!

Jake: Little baby feet!

(The scene changes to inside the Tree Fort)

Finn: (Carrying the Jiggler on his back) Welcome to your new home. Feast your eyes on... everything!

Jiggler: (Whistles)

(Finn grunts and tears a toothbrush in half, vertically)

Jake: What are you doing?

Finn: Splitting my toothbrush in half, so he can use half.

Finn: (Handing half to the Jiggler) Here you go. It's for your teeth.

Finn: (Mimes brushing his teeth) Like this.

(The Jiggler swishes the toothbrush around the inside of its mouth)

Finn: Yeah! You got it.

Jake: Enough hygiene. (Putting a record into a phonograph) Let's get to it!

(Music plays and the Jiggler begins to dance while holding its toothbrush)

Finn: Yeah! Toothbrush dance. (Laughs) This is cool!

(They all start dancing together, Finn and Jake copying the Jiggler's moves)

(Jake breaks a table in half while dancing)

Finn: (Flipping the freezer over) Yeah!

(Finn and Jake break more objects while dancing and laughing)

(The scene cuts to night-time)

Finn: (Nodding his head) Dance... dance... (Yawn) dance... (Snapping upright) I'm not tired! How about you, Jake?

(Jake is sleeping on the floor)

Finn: (Grabbing the Jiggler and climbing the ladder) Maybe we should go upstairs.

Finn: (Placing the Jiggler in his bed) You can have the comfiest spot on the bed. Goodnight. (Whistles)

Jiggler: (Whistles)

(Finn blows out the candle and curls up on the end of his bed)

(The scene changes to morning, where Jake is making tea)

Finn: Mornin', Jake!

Jake: (Yawns) Mornin'.

Finn: Are you ready to get down? (Synthesizer voice) Let's get this party started!

Jake: (Laughs) Yeah, ok.

Finn: Where's the little guy?

Jake: (Pointing with his cup) Over there.

(The Jiggler is face-down on the back of a bench)

Finn: Hey, pal. You ready to cut loose? Wake and shake, buddy. Let's do this thing! (Whistles)

Jiggler: (Whistles pathetically)

Jake: Slam-a-cow! That fool looks rumped.

Finn: What do you mean?

Jake: Well, look at him. He's all limp... and weird.

Finn: Aww... I bet he just needs some breakfast after a night of extraordinary jiggling. Hey! Let's combine everything we can find in the kitchen... and have the Jiggler drink it! That'll wake him up! And then we can... Get (Synthesizer voice) doooowwwn!

Jiggler: (Whistles pathetically)

Jake: He doesn't want to drink that goop, man.

Finn: Then let's just give him some, uh... purple whatevers.

Jake: You mean the grapes?

Finn: Yeah. Whatever.

(Finn feeds the Jiggler a grape and the Jiggler swallows it)

Finn: Hey! I think he's diggin' it!

(The Jiggler's body contorts and it makes a strange humming noise)

Jake: That doesn't sound good.

(The Jiggler's body violently changes color and shape)

Finn & Jake: (Screaming)

(The Jiggler stops contorting and changing color)

Finn: Uhh...

Jake: (Looking at one of the Jiggler's holes as it leaks a pink juice) Uh, you think we... think we fed the wrong hole?

(Jake flips the Jiggler upside-down)

Finn: Nah. He just doesn't like purple whatevers. What we need to do is figure out what he does like to eat.

Finn: (Drawing pictures) Here, Jiggler. What kind of food do you like? Meat? Some banana? This looks like corn... I think. Uh... hot dog. Stanley the watermelon.

Finn: (Showing the drawings to the Jiggler) Look! Jake! He likes it!

(The Jiggler reaches up and pulls the drawings off of the paper)

Finn: (Gasp) Wow!

Jake: No way!

(The Jiggler slurps the drawings into its mouth and eats them)

Finn: His favorite food... is drawings! Awesome!

Jake: Holy fig, that's awesome! What food are you drawing now?

Finn: I'm drawing a picture of you.

Jake: (Distressed) Well, don't feed it me!

Finn: (Laughs and offers the drawing to the Jiggler) Come on. Eat him up, Jiggler!

(The Jiggler slurps the drawing off of the paper, but Jake pulls him away before he can eat it)

Jake: No!

(The drawing of Jake floats towards them)

Jake: (Running away with the Jiggler) Ahhh! Keep it away! Shoo! Shoo! (Screaming)

Finn: (Grabs the drawing) Alright. Alright. I got it. Calm down... I'll eat it. (Opening his mouth) Ahhhhh.

Jake: (Snatches the drawing away from Finn) Dude! You eating me is just as bad as the Jiggler eating me.

Finn: Well... You gonna eat yourself, tough guy?

Jake: Yes. If that is what must be done.

(Jake chews the drawing of himself and swallows)

Jake: I taste awesome.

Finn & Jake: (Laughing)

Finn: Ok. Alright. Now, let's get back to some jiggling!

Jake: I'll get the tunes!

(The Jiggler is shaking and whimpering)

(Finn and Jake are dancing)

Finn: Like this. Yeah! Woo! Come on Jiggler! wiggle and whistle!

Jake: Yeah, Jiggler. Go nuts! Go nuts like there's bugs on your butts!

(The Jiggler, looking sick, shakes its head and then pink juice spurts out of the hole on the top of its head and it collapses)

Jake: Whoa!

Finn: (Gasps) Jiggler?

Jake: What the heck? What's wrong with him?

Finn: Uh... There's nothing wrong with him. We just gotta plug up his holes.

(Finn sticks his finger into the hole that is gushing juice)

Finn: See? That worked. Ready to jiggle again, little guy?

(Juice gushes from a different hole)

Finn: Whoa!

Jake: Oh, man...

(Jake plugs up the hole that is leaking, but another hole starts to leak)

Finn: (Plugging the new hole with his finger) Quick! We gotta plug those holes!

(Jake walks away and juice gushes all over Finn)

Finn: Jake, hurry!

Jake: All I could find was your glass eye collection!

Finn: What about your eyepatch collection?

Jake: Aw, man. They're in mint condition.

Finn: Jake!

Jake: (Running over with glass eyes and eyepatches) Alright! Coming!

(Finn and Jake start plugging up the Jiggler's holes with glass eyes and eyepatches)

Jake: One... more... patch! (Sigh) Finished. Ugh. He looks terrible. Finn, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we should cut our losses and bring this fella back to where we found him.

Finn: We can't just abandon him. Look at him, Jake. He needs us now more than ever. (To Jiggler) Just need to take better care of you from now on, right little guy?

(The Jiggler swells and then explodes, spraying pink juice everywhere)

Finn: Jiggler!

(The Jiggler's body stretches in every direction and drapes the inside of the Tree Fort like taffy)

Jake: Oh... Finn. Ok... Our pet exploded.

Finn: (Distressed screaming)

Jake: Maybe we can... scrape him up! And... eyuhh...

Finn: (Gasp) Oh, holy moly! Don't worry, Jiggler. We'll fix you. (Whistles)

(The Jiggler tries to whistle, but only makes raspberry noises)

Finn: Let's gather him up, Jake. He's all over the place... even between the floorboards!

Jake: And the cupboards!

Finn: And the galoshes!

Jake: I wonder... Where's his hiney?

(Jake looks over and sees the Jiggler's hiney on their phonograph)

Jake: Found it! Come here, you!

(The Jiggler's hiney jumps away and runs around)

Jake: Hey!

(Finn and Jake gather all of the Jiggler and bring him together)

Finn: Come on. Let's put him back together.

Jake: Ok.

Finn: Squeeze real hard. He's slipping!

(Finn and Jake hug with the Jiggler in between them)

Jake: Got him!

(The Jiggler gets pressed back into a globular mass)

Jake: Well, at least he's all in one piece.

(The Jiggler collapses)

Jake: Sheesh. You think he's dead?

Finn: No way! I won't let you die, guy! Not this time.

(Finn blows into various holes on the Jiggler's head and then kisses it)

Jake: Finn. Stop it, man. What are you doing?

Finn: I'm kissing him! What do you think? It's all I could think to do.

Jake: Just put him down.

(Finn lays him down and the Jiggler makes kissing motions with its lips)

(The Jiggler begins leaving many different colored kiss-marks on the floor)

Finn: He's kissing colors with his dying breath.

(The Jiggler has painted a picture with his colored kiss-marks)

Jake: I think he's trying to tell us something. Finn, this looks like it could be his mom.

(The Jiggler crawls up to the image of its mother and hugs it, whistling)

Finn: We took this child away from its mama, Jake. We're kidnappers and murderers! I just wanted to have fun and jiggle!

Jake: Look... Chill out, ok? We can fix this. Check it out. (Pointing to a house in the background of the image) His mom looks like she's out by Stanley's house... where we found the Jiggler. If we get him back to her, she'll be able to fix him up!

Finn: (Picking up the Jiggler) Then there's no time to spare.

(The scene changes to the Grass Lands, near where they found the Jiggler)

Finn: (Holding the Jiggler) Shhh. Just hold on a little longer, buddy.

(There is a whistling sound in the distance)

Jake: Did you hear that? Whistling!

(Finn and Jake enter a cave)

Finn: Perpendicular! It's the mama!

(Mama Jiggler and several babies are sitting and splashing in a pool of pink juice, which is pouring out of Mama Jiggler's holes)

(The Jiggler stretches towards them and whistles pathetically)

Jake: Look! The little guy wants to go home!

Finn: (Setting the Jiggler down) Well. This is it, buddy.

Jake: (Waving) Be well.

(The Jiggler walks up to Mama Jiggler and she sniffs it; She goes into a rage, screeching and changing colors)

Finn: (Running to the Jiggler) Hey! Stop that!

(Finn fends off Mama Jiggler and carries the Jiggler to safety)

Finn: I don't understand. That crazy mama almost killed him.

Jake: He feels cold.

Finn: What are we supposed to do now, man? We can't bring him home, or he'll... or he'll...

(Finn tears up and the Jiggler deflates a little)

Finn: Dang it! Why doesn't she love him? I love him! (To Jake) You love him! It's not fair! (Running) Ahhhh!

(Finn runs at Mama Jiggler with the Jiggler in his arms, but she goes into a rage again and attacks him)

Finn: Mama's supposed to love baby! She's supposed to love baby!

Jake: Huh?

(Jake notices the other babies floating in the pool of pink juice)

Jake: (Sniffs the air and then himself) Oh, man!

Finn: It's yours, idiot!

(Finn jumps up on top of Mama Jiggler's head and holds the Jiggler up close to her face)

Finn: Don't you recognize your own baby?

Jake: (Stretches his arms, grabbing Finn and pulling him back) Finn! I figured it out, dude. It's the juice. The Jiggler needs to smell like its mama's juice. That's how wild animals know what’s going on... and this guy right here is all drained out. We gotta toss it in the soup, brother.

Finn: Alright. Ok. (To the Jiggler) I loved you, baby. I hope you know that.

Finn: (Tossing the Jiggler at Mama Jiggler) Word to your motheeeerrrrr!

(The Jiggler flies through the air and lands in the pool of juice; It now looks normal and begins to whistle)

(Mama Jiggler picks it up and sniffs it, then holds it against her cheek and they both whistle)

Finn & Jake: Awww...

Finn: I'll never kidnap again.

Jake: You said it! That was a nightmare.

(The episode ends)