What is Life?/Transcript

(The episode begins with Finn playing video games on BMO. Jake enters with a bag of butter.)

Jake: Hey, man. (Chuckles deviously)

Finn: What's so funny?

Jake: Oh, you know, just takin' this garbage bag of butter... (Grunts) ...into the house. (Chuckles again)

Finn: Dude. That's not that funny. (Jake throws the garbage bag at Finn, splattering him with butter.) EAAH!!

Jake: HAHAHAHAHA!

Finn: Ohhh, butter pranked! I can't believe I didn't see that coming!

Jake: Heh, yeah, I'm a genius.

Finn: You have offended my honor, sir, and in so doing, you have awoken the pranking demon that sleeps in my pits! The demon is coming for you, mortal. It is going to prank you... so... HARD!

Jake: Whatever. I'm gonna take a day long nap. (Yawns and walks towards the door)

Finn: That's right, suckah! Go nap it up, for when you awake, the pranking demon will be upon you! (Jake shuts the door.) (To himself) Aww, man! Nothing's better than throwing a big bag of butter at someone! (Sighs) Gotta think! What's... a better prank... than butter?! Answer me, book! What's better than butter?! A unicorn. (Turns page) A treasure hunter! (Turns page) A battleship! (Turns page) A pie! (Turns page) A young girl in lo—Wait! Book, rewind! (Turns back a page) That's it! I'll throw never-ending pies at Jake's face forever! (Laughs evilly)

(The scene shifts to the cave of the fort, where Finn is building something and singing the Never Ending Pie Song.)

Finn: It's never-ending pie-throwing time! C'mon, dude! Turn on! (It doesn't respond.) Why isn't it working?! (Throws it) I'll never make a prank better than Jake's garbage bag full of butter. (Lightning strikes the machine)

NEPTR: Ouch!

Finn: Holy stuff! It talked! Wow-cow-chow!

NEPTR: Greeting, creator!

Finn: Oh, whoa! Hey, man!

NEPTR: My name is NEPTR, which stands for "Never-Ending Pie-Throwing Robot".

Finn: Oh, perfect! You're exactly the kind of robot I was trying to make!

NEPTR: Creator, I am eager to commence the creation and propulsion of pies forever, but my pie-hucking appendage is... malfunctioning, and my oven lamp is cold, and my tank treads do not roll! They only do skids! Why, creator?! (Finn gasps.) Does it please you to watch me struggle?!

Finn: NEPTR! Don't say stuff like that! Look, I know we just met, and you're probably goin' through a lot of personal stuff right now, but I really like you, NEPTR, and I'm not gonna rest until you're working properly and throwing hot pie on my best friend's face. Together, we're gonna prank the poots out of Jake!

NEPTR: Haha! I'll always love you, creator!

Finn: I know you will, NEPTR. Now, all we need is more lightning power so you can be operating at full capacity! And I think I know just the dumb-hole who we can get some from.

(Scene transition—NEPTR and Finn are floating in the Ice Kingdom via balloons.)

NEPTR: Ooh, what beautiful piles of sugar!

Finn: Heh. No, NEPTR. We call that snow.

NEPTR: Snoooow??

Finn: UNH! (Crashes into the Ice King's lair, and ballons float up) Did y'all smack me into that mountain on purpose?

Balloons: Yeah!

Finn: Take note, NEPTR. These guys are grade-A pranksters. You guys hang out in case we need a daring escape!

(Balloons all talk at once ("Yeah! Sure! Daring escape, yeah! Absolutely! We got your back!") and Finn and NEPTR enter the lair.)

One balloon: I got his wallet. (All the balloons laugh.)

Finn: Just gotta sneak around until we find his lightning bolt stash.

NEPTR: But, creator, is not breaking and entering wrong?

Finn: No, we're pranking and entering, which is awesome!

NEPTR: Sneaking! We're sneaking...

Finn: (Whispering) Shush, NEPTR!

NEPTR: Sneaking...

Finn: Shh!

NEPTR: Sneaking...

Finn: NEPTR, you're gonna get us caught!

NEPTR: Sneaking!

Ice King: Is that you, honey? (Finn runs away before he can see him.) How was your day at work? (Mock-female voice) Terrible! How could I possibly stand to be apart from you, the Ice King?! (Normal voice) You see, Gunter, that's how it would go if I actually had a wife.

Penguin: Wenk.

Ice King: Game time! (Activates Battle Babe.) Kill the frog! Kill the frog! C'mon! Oh, he's right in front of you! Lower! L—(Scoffs) Stupid lady. Kill it...

NEPTR: Creator, if we get caught, I want you to know that I will always love you.

Finn: Shh! You already told me that! And we're not getting caught! We're gonna get you working so you can prank Jake! He could wake up from his nap at any second!

(Back at the Tree Fort)

Jake: I might wake up at any moment! Naaaah, I'm still asleep.

(Back at the Ice Kingdom)

Ice King: No, no! That frog is casting magic missiles on my babe! (Frustrated noise)

Finn: (Whispering to NEPTR) Quickly! While he's disracted!

(Finn stealthily moves away.)

Ice King: No, c'mon, get out of the—UGH! Move!

Penguin: Wenk!

Ice King: Baaugh! (Penguin waddles forward) This game cheats anyway! (Drops console, accidentally smashing it) LOOK WHAT YOU DID, GUNTER!!

(Finn slides behind an ice pillar.)

Finn: We're home free, NEPTR.

Penguin: Wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk wenk!

Ice King: What are you on about? You're starting to infuriate me... It's almost like you're trying to alert me—warn me about... I don't know, an intruder or something? Perhaps he's lurking in this very room, just outside my field of vision!

Penguin: Wenk wenk wenk wenk.

Ice King: Well, knock it off!!

NEPTR: What'll we do, creator?

Finn: We're gonna prank 'im, NEPTR. Hardcore.

Ice King: (Looking at reflection) Hmm. You're looking kinda fat, Gunter! Look at these arms! Fat fat fat! Daddy's little fattie! Oh, you'll never get a prom date with all that tub on your face, you know! (An ice spike lands on Ice King) Ooh! Oh, blast these melty ceilings!

Finn: Hee hee hee hee!

NEPTR: Creator, you have shown me the joys of pranking! I cannot wait to throw pies infinitely at Jake's face!

(Finn begins to slide off the spike.)

Finn: The ceiling really is melty! (Falls) Whoa! Whoa! (Slides away with NEPTR)

Ice King: What was that?

Finn: WAAAAH!