Wizard (episode)/Transcript


 * [The episode begins with Finn and Jake walking through the Grass Lands.]


 * Finn: Hey, Jake.


 * Jake: Yeah?


 * Finn: You ever wonder what a demon's heart looks like?


 * Jake: Of course, dude.


 * Finn: You ever wonder what a demon's heart tastes like?


 * Reaper: Hey, kid... You want some magic powers...? Magic powers for absolutely-free...


 * Finn: Heck yeah!


 * Jake: [To Finn] Wait! Let's not be too rash! Just look at this guy! [The reaper chuckles menacingly.] Check out the sunken, lifeless eyes... The foul stench of decay... You know what that means?


 * Finn: Means he's evil, I guess.


 * Jake: Well, evil, sure... but mostly, he's unattractive, and unattractive people are desperate. You should haggle with him!


 * Finn: [To Reaper] Hey! I want more than just free powers! What else ya got?!


 * Reaper: Alright... Free magical powers and... [Pulling left arm off] Eh! And this keychain.


 * Finn: [Jumping excitedly] OH! OH! OH!


 * Jake: [Whispering] Play it cool, Finn.


 * Finn: Right. [To Reaper, faking] I begrudgingly accept your offer.


 * [Storm clouds begin to cluster above the reaper.]


 * Reaper: [Menacingly] Yes... Then the deal is struck! [Lightning flashes] WAHAHAHAHAHA! [Storm clouds abruptly go away.] You can pick up your powers right through that door. [A mystical, dangerous-looking portal suddenly appears next to him.] [Holding up a sign that says "FREE MAGICK"] This way...


 * [The Adventure Time logo spins onto the screen. The sword goes through the logo. The scene shifts to a realm in which there is a wizard training facility. Finn and Jake fall from the portal and land here.]


 * Finn: This place looks magical. You think this is where we get the powers?


 * [Door opens.]


 * Host: Yes, I do. [Emerging from door] Free powers for all. Want some?


 * Finn: Yeah! Are you the guy handing 'em out?


 * Host: You seek Bufo, the wizard!


 * Finn: So, where's that guy?


 * Host: [Indicating his person] He is here, of course.


 * Finn: Uh...


 * Jake: He's here... but he's not you.


 * Host: That's right.


 * Jake: [Making his fist bigger] We should beat 'im up until he starts makin' sense!


 * [The host shrinks in fear and expands his neck. Tadpoles emerge.]


 * Bufo: [All speaking simultaneously] We are Bufo!


 * Finn: Ohhhh...


 * Bufo: [One tadpole is lagging behind this time] So... you wish to be inducted into the ancient order of—[Only one tadpole speaking] Dang it, Leonard!! If we don't talk at the same time, nobody can understand us!


 * Leonard: Sorry... geez...


 * Bufo: [All speaking simultaneously] Ahem... So... You want free wizard powers... Powers like... [Creating mystical energy blasts from the host's hands] these!


 * Finn and Jake: [Excitedly] Hahaha! Yeah! We want 'em! Give us the stuff!


 * Jake: Oh, boy!


 * Finn: Yes, we do! Can't wait!


 * Bufo: [Slowly etreating to the building] [Mysteriously] Then follow....


 * [Finn and Jake enthusiastically follow.]


 * Finn: Whoo-hoo!


 * Jake: Whoo!


 * Bufo: Behold the Grand Hall of Wizardry! [Camera pans to show wizard students training.] This is where young potentials train to become Ultimate Wizards! Most are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it.


 * Finn: [Cheerfully] I'm responsible, dude!


 * Jake: Yeah! So am I!


 * Finn: [Still cheerfully] That's a lie!


 * Jake: It is a lie.... and I take full responsibility for it!


 * Bufo: Yes, yes... very responsible. Now I bestow upon you these wizard cloaks!


 * Finn and Jake: Whoa!


 * [They don the cloaks.]


 * Finn: Hey! This is a dress!


 * Jake: Yeah! And I am into it! It's, like, gossamer!


 * Finn: [He stuffs the bottom of the cloak into his shorts and unhoods.] This way I won't be embarrassed!


 * Bufo: Fine, fine. Now for every power that you accrue, [Creating star badges on cloak] you shall receive a star badge like these. [Pointing to big star on cloak] This final star betokens the rank of Ultimate Wizard!


 * [Finn and Jake gasp in awe.]


 * Finn: Mark me, Jake. I shall have that final star! [To Bufo] Where do we start?!


 * Bufo: Level 1—Dustomancy.


 * Finn: Yeah! Dustomancy! Whatever that is! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!


 * Bufo: To receive this power, you must first... [Making two brooms appear] eat these brooms.


 * [He gives the brooms to Finn and Jake.]


 * Finn: Alright. [He and Jake begin.] Ah, wait! [Spits out splinters and sticks tongue out, showing splinters on tongue] This is gross!! Man, I can't eat this!


 * Jake: Yeah, you can! Do what I do! RAAAAWR!! [Increases size then eats broom with ease. He shrinks back to his normal size, but the broom remains the same size.] Oops. [Slighly increases size] Ah, there we go.


 * [A star forms on Jake's cloak. Finn and Jake make amazed noises.]


 * Finn: Whoooaaa! You got a star!


 * Jake: Haha! Observe my magics!


 * Finn: Wait, Jake! Don't use 'em until I finish my broom! [Gnaws furiously on broom. Scene transition; Finn and Jake are sitting on the floor. Finn's broom is almost completely eaten.] [Weakly] Last... bite... [Eats it]


 * [A star appears on Finn's cloak.]


 * Jake: [Rising up] Dude, you got your star, too!


 * Finn: [Rising up] WE'RE DUSTOMANCERS! [Strains trying to use powers] Nothing happened! This is a total ripoff!! Bufo! You tricked us! Stupid power doesn't even work!!


 * Bufo: Calm yourself, boy. [Strikes Finn] You are acting hysterical. Do you not see that you are using Dustomancy? Behold...


 * [A dust mote appears.]


 * Finn: I'm doing this? So... I have—


 * Bufo: Yes. Mastery over all dust motes. You can also read their emotions. For instance, this mote is very unhappy in his marriage.


 * Jake: Well, that's... sorta cool.


 * Finn: Sort of cool?!? THIS IS RADICAL!


 * Jake: Whoo, yeah! Force that enthusiasm!


 * Bufo: Are you ready for more magic?


 * Finn: We get more?!


 * Bufo: So much more... like Level 2... the power of... Shadowcery! [Makes blindfols appear over Finn and Jake's eyes] You can't see through those, right?


 * Finn: Nope... Not at all.


 * Bufo: To gain provenance over the shadows, place your hands into [Making bowl of peeled grapes appear] this bowl!


 * Jake: [Slightly removing blindfold] What bowl?


 * Bufo: No! Cover your eyes!


 * Jake: [Annoyed] Hrmmm, fine...


 * Bufo: Thrust your hands into this bowl... of eyeballs.


 * Finn: Eyeballs?!


 * Jake: Dude, it's okay. They're just peeled grapes.


 * Bufo: No! They're eyeballs... [Giggles mischievously. Finn and Jake feel the grapes and make disgusted noises.] Well done. You have groped the eyeballs fearlessly.


 * [Finn and Jake each get a new star on their cloaks.]


 * Finn: Another star! Yeah! Shadowcery... [He morphs his shadow into a three-dimensional form of a horse. The horse neighs.] Onward, my shadow steed! [Tries to jump on horse but phases through it]'' Huh?


 * Shadow Horse: No touchies. [Disappears]


 * Finn: Wizard powers are so cool... I want ALL THE STAR BADGES!!!