Susan Strong (episode)/Transcript

(The episode begins with Finn, Jake, and Princess Bubblegum standing in a field of tree stumps.)

Princess Bubblegum: And at this site, my Uncle Gumball cut down all these taffy trees in a single night.

Finn: 'Cuz those trees were evil... right, Princess Bubblegum?

Princess Bubblegum: Nah. Hey, but I bet they have a ton of stories about your human relatives.

Finn: Um... not really. I've never even met any other humans. If I think about it too much, I get all soul-searchy and weeeeiiirrrd...

Princess Bubblegum: (Embarrassed) Ohhh, boy... I've made things awkward. Well, let's forget about that. I brought you guys here because I need you to rip out all these stumps!

Finn: (Half-heartedly, in a daze) Okay... I guess so...

Jake: Yeah, man, it'll be fun! (Shrinks and gets in Finn's hand) Toss the Jake-sploder! (Finn tosses Jake towards a stump) Nyeeeeh, boom!

Finn: (Spiritedly) SPA-MOW!!

Princess Bubblegum: (To Finn) I'm glad to see you out of that funk... about being the only huma... (Her voice trails off; she realizes what she said and gets embarrassed) I mean... (Walking away) Well! I'm gonna scram! No hard feelings right? (Exits)

(Jake lands in Finn's arms.)

Jake: Again, man!

Finn: (Throwing Jake) Huck!

(Jake lands on something; there's a loud clang.)

Jake: Ow!! Whoa... I don't think this is a stump.

Finn: (Running over) Huh? (Moving bush) It's a hatch.

Jake: A hatch? (He jumps on it and opens the lid.) We should check it out, ya think?! (He jumps down.) (Excitedly) Waaah!

Finn: Heh-heh. (Finn jumps down, and the lid closes. He and Jake exit an entrance chamber with a ladder and enter a dark room filled with old, moldy garbage, water, and ruined buildings.) S'dark, huh? (Finn turns on a flashlight. They run further into the area.) Whooooooaaaaaa!

Jake: What a dump! (Finn's flashlight goes out. He tries to get it working again.) Can you imagine the jerks that musta lived here?

(A figure emerges behind them.)

Finn: (Turning to look) Huh?!

(The figure stares at them.)

Finn and Jake: AAAAH!!

Figure: AAAAH!!

Finn and Jake: AAAAH!! (They run backwards with a start and run into a pile of junk. Another figure emerges. Finn and Jake gasp then retreat.)

This figure: Wee meeb youp nuh hur! (Presumably: "We mean you no harm!")

(Finn and Jake run while panting heavily. Many more of these figures emerge, surrounding the duo. Finn's flashlight works again; the creatures retreat. The first figure from earlier runs into Finn's light; she stops and stares at them like a deer in headlights. She looks at her shadow.)

Figure: SHAHOW!! (Presumably: "Shadow!!") (The other creatures gasp.) O my gra cup-ssah! (She hides in a refrigerator.)

Finn: These people are so terrified... Scared of their own shadows...

Jake: We could rule them... like gods! (Deviously) ...Angry gods...

Finn: (To humanoid) Don't be scared, c'mon. (The creature walks towards Finn cautiously.) Yeah, it's okay. (The humanoid goes into the light, revealing herself to very much resemble a human.) Your... your face! You're... (Yelling) JUST LIKE ME!! (She and the other creatures get spooked and retreat again.) Hey, wait!

(Jake stops Finn and shushes him.)

Jake: (Whispering) They're startled. Ya gotta be gentle with wild animals.

Finn: I don't think they're animals, Jake... I think... this could be... a tribe of... humans!! (Laughs happily) What are these guys doing down here in this crummy hole?

Jake: I don't know, man. Maybe they just don't know any other thing.

Finn: (To creatures) Hey, fellows! Don't you wanna get out of here?! I could take you to see the sun! (The female creature tilts her head. Finn motions his hands to draw a circle.) Suuuun. Suuuun.

Susan: Suhhhn... Ow la koo sow suhn. (Presumably an agreement that she'll look at the sun.)

Finn: You poor things... Living down here has made you all weird, hasn't it? (The creatures duck behind the trash and mumble to each other.) Jake, I've got to save these guys! They're my people, and it's my duty to lead them outta this gross cave! Starting with you, Miss, uh... (Grasping for her name)

Susan: Suuhh... suhhhn... (Presumably: "Sun.")

Finn: ...Susan? (Susan stands up.) Pleased to meet you!

Jake: Well, let's bring 'er up!

(Jake turns into a couch; Finn sits on him.)

Finn: (Patting Jake, to Susan) C'mon.

(Jake stretches himself, Finn, and Susan out of the cave. Finn opens the hatch and leaps out.)

Finn: Aw, man, you're gonna love it up here, Susan!

Susan: (Squinting) Huh?

Finn: There's all sorts of wonders top-side!

(Susan leaps onto the grass.)

Susan: Aah! AAH!!

Finn: Susan, it's just grass.

(Susan pants heavily and jumps on Jake's back.)

Jake: Ooooh! Mah back!!

Finn: (To Susan) Grass can't hurt you. (Patting grass) See?

Susan: Graaaahhhss... (She lands on the ground and feels the grass.) Huh... huh... huh. (She slams her face to the ground.)

Jake: Oop. Ya killed 'er.

Finn: Wha?! I did?!

Jake: Yep. Felled by surface-world germs. (Susan starts scurrying with her face still planted in the ground. Finn scowls at Jake.) Heh. Just kiddin'.

(Susan laughs as the plays in the grass. Finn and Jake stare. Susan rises with grass stains all over her.)

Susan: Ha! Two be cah reh ss... buh a thuh ahp fer ger... ss.

Finn: Aw, Susan... You got grass blood all over your face. (Tries to wipe her with handkerchief)

Susan: (Scared) YEEH!! ITSA PHA TUH MUP!

Finn: Susan... a hankie won't hurt you.

Susan: (Taking it) Ohhhh. (She wipes herself.)

Finn: (Frustrated sigh) How'm I supposed to show 'er the wonders of Ooo if every little thing freaks her out?

Jake: (Semi-French pronunciation) Patience...

Finn: Very well. Then I shall introduce Susan to Ooo... by degrees!

(A logo that says "INCREMENTAL TIME" pops up. A ruler goes through the word, "TIME.")

(The three are now walking through the Cotton Candy Forest. Susan gasps and stops as she spots a beetle.)

Susan: (Scared) Manee mah nuhp lehp!

Finn: That can't hurt you! That's a dancing bug! (The beetle starts dancing. Finn and Jake start dancing, too. After a while, Susan joins in.) Yeah! Hahaha!

(Scene transition; the three are now on the cliffs above Red Rock Pass. Susan gasps at a rock.)

Jake: That's just a rock. (Punching it away) A low-level enemy.

Susan: (Relieved sigh) Jus a rah. ("Just a rock.") (She hugs the rock and squeezes it until it shatters.)

(Scene shifts to a forest where the three are having a campfire. Finn opens a package of marshmallows as Jake plays his viola. A beaver rises in the bushes behind Susan. Susan recoils in fear and breathes heavily.)

Finn: What's wrong?! (He spots the beaver.) Hey, hey, hey, it's okay! (He feeds the beaver a marshmallow.) See?

(The beaver takes three more marshmallows and runs off. Finn and Susan laugh.)

Susan: (Singing and looking around) Hm, hah, prety go-ah-suh pattah! ("Pretty golden patterns!")

(Finn decides to sing, too. He sings Susan a song about how glad he is that she's with him and Jake on the surface world. He hands Susan a stick with a marshmallow on it.)

Finn: Hey, Jake, how's your marshmallow, man?

Jake: Golden as a wheaty sunset! How's yours?

Finn: (Staring at inflamed marshmallow) Hmmm... (He blows out the flame and eats the marshmallow.) Perfect! (Muffled) How's yours, Susan?

(Susan chews on the stick itself.)

Jake: Heh. That's adorable. Hup!

(Jake throws a marshmallow into Susan's mouth.)

Susan: MMMM!! Ohhh... Tha ees goo!! (Presumably: "That is good!!") (Susan ravenously attacks the marshmallow bag.)

Jake: Dang... She is way into candy.

Finn: Hey, yeah! Susan! We should take you to the Candy Kingdom! Everything is candy there!

Jake: You know, she may be too excited about candy.

Finn: (Shrugging notion off) Nyah...

Susan: (Breathing extremely hard; mouth watering profusely) CAAANDY KING-DOOOM!

(Scene transition to Candy Kingdom at Candy Castle.)

Princess Bubblegum: I've enjoyed your visit immensely, Susan Strong.

(They signal each other goodbye.)

Susan: (Whispering) Finn!

Finn: Yeah, Suze?

Susan: (Whispering) Finn, where's all the candy yuh werp ta ah bup?! (Presumably: "Finn, where's all the candy you were talking about?!")

Finn: Oh, well, it's... everywhere! The buildings, the lamp posts, even the people!

Peppermint Butler: We're all candy here!

Susan: (Excitedly) CANDY! CANDY! (Slobbers on Peppermint Butler)

Finn: Susan! (Pulling Peppermint Butler away) Susan!! No! You can't eat the ones that talk! They're special! They got aspirations. (Finn let's Peppermint Butler run off.)

Susan: (Ashamed) Ohh-ho. (Scowls)

Finn: It's okay. You're learnin'. Here. (Tears a piece of the pavement out.) Have some sidewalk brittle instead. (He puts in Susan's mouth, and she eats it.)

Susan: Mmm! (Finn smiles at her.) Now, I gonna get friends. We eat all of Candy Kingdom.

Finn: (Shocked) What?!

Susan: Oh. No, no, no, no, no. We won't eat red stripe man. Only everyone else. (Running away) Bye!

Finn: Susan, no!! (Runs to Candy Kingdom entrance) No!!! You can't eat the Candy People!! (Tired sigh) Oh, boy...

Jake: So now what? Fight the humans to the death when they attack?

Finn: No, man! They're my peeps! We have to save the Candy Kingdom without hurting them.

(Cut to Candy Castle)

Princess Bubblegum: They're gonna what?!

Finn: Don't worry! We have a plan! We just have to scare the humans away!

Princess Bubblegum: Very well. I shall gather my citizens in the courtyard... and you shall see how terrifying the Candy People can be! (Mock-scary) Hah-bloo-bloo-bloo!! (Giggles)

Jake: (Whispering to Finn) They're doomed.

(Back at the hatch, Susan busts out and blows a horn. The rest come out of the hatch. They get scared as they touch the ground.)

Susan: (Calming them down) Just grass!

Celina: Jus grah...

(Scene shifts to the Candy Armory.)

Jake: Ahh, these candy weapons are too cute to be scary.

Princess Bubblegum: Good news, Finn! I've managed to make my people horrifying!

Finn: But how?! (Drops candy weapon)

Princess Bubblegum: I've disguised them as gruesome creatures, like witches, and ghouls!

Starchy: Starchy's a beelzebub!

Jake: Aw, so cute! I just wanna give them candy!

(Finn looks worried. He hears the hunting horn.)

Finn: (To Gumdrop Girl) Quick! Show me your scary face!!

Gumdrop Lass 1: Oh, uh... (Shining flashlight in her face.) Rawr.

Jake: I don't think that'll scare anybody...

Finn: NO DUH! She's...! She's... (Noticing her menacing shadow) Hey! Princess. I need a little wagon and your biggest roll of wax paper.

(The tribe arrives.)

Finn: Now, Princess Bubblegum! (Princess Bubblegum lets the wax paper come rolling down.) Now, Jake! (Jake puts logs on a fire in a wagon. The Candy People's shadows emerge on the wax paper, and the tribe gets scared.) It's working...

Susan: (To tribe) Wah!! Just shadows!

Finn: Aw, man! They've learned how to learn! Hide yourselves, Candy People! I'll try to make Susan see reason!

(Jake blows on the fire to keep it lit.)

Marshmallow Kid 1: The Marshmallow Kids never run from a scrap! (To others) Come on, fellas! (They charge) Today... we are man-mallows! (Jake inhales deeply and blows the fire with a gient gust.) Huh? (The Marshmallow Kids are engulfed in flames.)

Finn: Please, fellow humans! The Candy People are no threat to you!

Marshmallow Kids: CHARGE!!!

(The Marshmallow Kids charge out of the flames to attack the tribe.)

Finn: WAIT!! STOP!!

Susan: DUCK!!

(She ducks; the Marshamallow kids ignite the other tribesmen's animal hoods. They scream in terror.)

Finn: MY PEOPLE!! (One of the tribe members pulls off his hood to reveal a fish-like head.) HUH?!?! (Another tribe member pulls off his hood to reveal his fish-like head.) WHA?!? ''(All of the tribe members reveal their non-human heads.) They're... they're not humans? (They run off. Susan starts to follow, but then stops and stares at Finn.) Susan? (Susan looks away at the others then reluctantly goes towards Finn.) Susan... what are you??''

(Beat; Susan runs off; the fire behind Finn dies down. Finn turns around.)

Finn: Is everyone okay? (The Marshmallow Kids are pulling off burnt skin.) Marshmallow Kids?

Marshmallow Kid: We'll just be gooey for a while.

(They give their burnt skins to Finn and run off giggling. Finn stares forward in the direction that Susan ran off.)

Jake: (Running up to Finn) Hey, buddy! We did it! Finn? You okay?

Finn: Jake, do you think she was human, or just another wild animal?

Jake: (Beat) We're all wild animals, brother.

(Finn eats some burnt Marshmallow Kid skin.)

Finn: (Low, quiet voice) Yeah... I guess we are... brother.

(The episode ends.)