User:RandomKitten/Evicted! (Loz) - Transcript

(The scene begins at the 'treefort'.)

Jake: Hey Finn, has anyone ever told you that at the time when dusk falls, our world intersects with the twilight realm?

Finn: No.

Jake: Well, they say that you can feel dead spirits at that time.

Finn: I don’t believe you

Jake: Oh, it’s true. And some say that the twilight being can come too.

Finn: Twilight Beings? That sounds fake dude.

Jake: Oh, well it’s not fake. They are real.

Finn: No dude. Just leave. Come back when you make sense.

Jake: Ok, but I warned you. They are real. And vicious!

Finn: Hey Jake!

(Jake goes downstairs)

Finn: You’re never gonna tell good stories!

Finn: Errr... (he hears croaking and sees a worm on his bed) NO WORMS ON THE BED! (Hits worm with pillow.)

(sees a tree limb tapping on his window, then a mysterious figure taps on the window)

Finn: Huh? (lightning crashes, and the figure's scary face is seen)

Finn: AAAAAH!!! (runs downstairs)

Finn: Jake! Jake! I saw someone outside the window! I think it's a twilight being, and I think we're unprepared, and I--

Jake: I thought you didn’t believe in twilight beings.

Finn: I didn’t… but… but... I saw one!

Jake: Dude, you can’t see them! They’re invisible.

(the window blows open by itself, the lights go out, and Jake screams)

Finn: No one's outside.

Jake: Whew!

Finn: It was just the wind, scaredy-cat.

Jake: I wasn't scared, I was singing. I was singing my scream song. Ahh! Ahh! AAaah-uh-aah!

Finn: You're a total wuss, man.

(a bag drops, there is a twilight being on the ceiling that hisses and scares Finn and Jake)

Midnaline: Hey, guys. What's up? I'm Midnaline the Twilight Queen.

Finn: (afraid) Are you gonna turn us into ghosts!?

Jake: Don't kill us!

Midnaline: (laughing) Calm down, weenies. I'm not gonna do that. (lights candles)

Finn: Sooo, you don’t  kill people?

Midnaline: Sometimes, I do. But it's not like it does anything for me.

Midnaline: Ugh, I am exhausted. I've been traveling all over the Hyrule. And I've seen some things that would really make you say "like what?"

Finn: Like what?

Midnaline: I encountered a school of goldfish beasts. (a flashback of Marceline riding giant goldfish)

Midnaline: And I fooled around in the Fire Kingdom. (a flashback of Marceline hula-hooping in the Fire Kingdom)

Finn: OOO!

Midnaline: Oh, and check these out. (she has nuts in her hands)

Finn: Nuts?

Midnaline: Oh, these aren't ordinary nuts. (squeezes the nuts and they become little creatures)

Finn: (laughs) You're wonderful.

Jake: Um, yeah. Thank you for not killing us.

Midnaline: You guys seem cool, too, but as you can imagine, I'm really tired, so you two should probably get going.

Finn: What?

Midnaline: (sighs) Look. (she moves a picture frame and reveals an "M" carved into the tree) "M" for "Midnaline".

Jake: Aw, man.

Midnaline: I carved in this tree years ago. Way before you two rascals started squatting here. (zaps F and J out using her twilight powers)

Midnaline: But seriously guys, thanks for keeping the place warm for me, I mean really great!

(Creates a twilight barrier around the fort)

Midnaline: Good night!

Jake: Come on, Finn. Let's get out of here.

Finn: She can't kick us out of our house!

Jake: Finn!

Finn: Get down here, lady, and fight me!

Jake: She's a Twilight Being, dude!

Finn: I'm gonna kill her.

Jake: Dude, Twilight Beings will kill you.

(Midnaline hisses at them and then walks away, laughing)

Finn: But, what about our home?

Jake: A TWILIGHT BEING TOOK IT! Aw, we should go house-hunting. Bag us a new house.

Finn: But I like our home.

Jake: Finn, house-hunting is wild! You've got to try it.

Finn: Really?

Jake: Yeah, man! It is so nuts!

Finn: Ha! You wouldn't know nuts when you say it.

Jake: Bla-bla-bla-ble-ble-bla-bloo-bloop!

Finn: Haha, you always know what to say. Let's roll!

Jake: Sweet, things are gonna start going our way. (sun rises) Hey, look, see? What'd I tell ya?

(House Hunting Song begins)

Finn: This is weak! I don't even like any of these places. I wanna go home.

Jake: Finn, let me tell you a little something about what home really means. (plays viola) La, la, la... (singing) Home isn't a place, let me give you a clue... Home is anywhere, where people care about you...

Finn: I don't wanna hear a lecture, dude! I just wanna go home...

Jake: (singing) But, home is where your heart is, Finn! And where is your heart, Finn? Well, it's right here inside you when I'm sitting here beside you! (talking) With your lucky stars to guide you from above. (They look up, a star floats around, then poofs and disappears)

Finn: Yeah, I guess I'd rather be out here, wrapped in your ear, than be in some awesome house all by my... souse.

Jake: I'd rather be dancing with some babes!

Finn: (laughs) Shut up, dude!

Jake: Ew... Gross. This place looks gross!

Finn: And abandoned. (echos)

(both scream)

Finn: (gasps) Whoa, bro... Wanna just live in here?

Jake: Yes.

(song)

"So they cleaned the cave and built a house inside the cave"

Jake: So whaddaya think, man? We did pretty good for ourselves.

Finn: Yeah, we did... So, ah, what should we do first with our new digs?

Jake: Let's trash it and throw a party!

Finn: Ah this is it, feelin' good, I'm feelin', I'm feelin' like we did it. I'm feelin', completely satisfied. Nothin' else could go wrong, ya know, Jake?

Jake: Yeah, man.

Finn: Aww, yeah, I know, too.

Midnaline: Hey, Finn.

Jake: She's back!

Midnaline: Pretty awesome party ya got here.

Finn: What do you want, Midnaline?!

Midnaline: Oh, I just wanna show you somethin'. This cave belongs to me!

Finn: What!?

Midnaline: Thanks for fixing the place up for me.

Finn: Wha! You can't take our home twice!

Midnaline: (with guitar) Yes, I caaaannnnnn!

Finn: AAAAAAAHHHH! It's twilight-fighting time!

Jake: Finn! Nooo! Twilight beings will kill you... remember!?

Finn: But she's taking our home again!

Jake: We're home as long as we're together, bla-bla-bleep-bla-bloop, remember!?

Finn: Oh, yeah. Okay, Midnaline, I'm gonna let you keep this cave, but only because Jake is my home, and he's way better than all your homes combined!

Midnaline: Ya know, you're right. I guess I'll take him too!

Jake: (yells)

Finn: What!?

Midnaline: I'll hurt him a little, maybe turn him into a ghost.

Jake: AAH! Nooo!

Finn: Let go of Jake!

Midnaline: Make me.

(Finn slaps Jake out of Marceline's grip)

Finn: You okay, pal?

Marceline: (transforming) No one... makes me... let go... of Jake!

Finn: I'm not scared of you!

Jake: Finn!

Midnaline: (laughs) You're pathetic, little boy.

Finn: (grunts) You're pathetic! (spits) Get ready for an uppercut, you dog!

Midnaline: Make me. (laughs) Bleh-bleh!

Jake: I've... gotta help my buddy.

Midnaline: I will kill you!

Jake: (warbles)

Finn: (screaming) Jake!

Jake: Uh oh.

(Marceline kills Jake's blood and throws Jake's remains on the ground; she laughs.)

Finn: (screams; runs up to her and punches her)

Midnaline: Ow! That actually hurt, Finn. (laughs) (kisses Finn)

Finn: Why didn't you just kill me?

Midnaline: 'Cuz that was fun! I haven't fought like that in years! Thanks, Finn.

Jake: Finn!

Finn: Aren't you dead?

Jake: Naaah, before she hurt me I used my powers to shrink all my guts and blood over my thumb, see?

Midnaline: (clears throat) You two are pretty hardcore. I can appreciate that.

Finn: Soooo so does that mean we can have our old house back?

Midnaline: Yeah! Keep it, as a gift from me. Blaeargh!

(Finn and Jake both run away screaming)