Dad's Dungeon/Transcript

(The story begins on the boat boat of the Tree Fort. Finn, Jake, and BMO are lounging around. Finn yawns.)

Jake: Alright. Whaddaya wanna see next?

Finn: A cheetah! A fart!

BMO: A cookie! An external hard drive! Ooh, ooh! Change into Finn, but give him my body!

Finn: BMO, your ideas are boring.

BMO: What? Your head on my body isn't boring! It's weird! (Giggles)

Jake: Alright, I'll try to turn into a cheetah farting. (Turns into a cheetah and makes a long farting sound while moving his face and tail around his body.) I can't do the spots.

(The group notices sparkles.)

Finn: Sparkles on the house? LET'S SQUISH 'EM!

(Finn and Jake jump into the house through the weeping willow leaves. They chase the sparkles to a secret room in the house.)

Jake: Did you squish the sparkles?

Finn: No. They're around this holo-message player. It's got a cartridge with it.

Jake: Oh, snap! (Claps once) Well, plop that cartridge in the slot, playah!

Finn: Yeah! Okay! (Does so)

(The player activates, and Joshua walks into view on it.)

Joshua (On tape): (Clears throat) Hello, boys. (Coughs)

Finn and Jake (In unison): Dad!!

Joshua (On tape): If you're hearing this prerecorded hologram message, it's because I passed on, and my spirit sparkles guided you to its secret hiding place. Right now, I'm holding both of you in my hands. You're both still little squishy babies. (Finn cries and Jake chuckles. Joshua scowls at Finn who is still crying. He lets them both crawl away. Joshua has a disappointed look on his face.) I made you boys something. It's a dungeon. A proper dungeon. Full of evil monsters, traps, and magic. The whole kazoo!

Finn and Jake: Whoa! Kickin'! Kickin'!

Joshua (On tape): Now, this next part of the message is just for you, Jake, so Finn, cover your ears. (Finn covers his hat's ears.) Jake... really, this dungeon is for Finn. I know I won't be around forever, and I wanna make something that will force Finn to toughen up.

Jake: What?!

Joshua (On tape): Now, tell Finn to uncover his ears now.

Jake: Dude, take your hands off your head

Finn: WHAT???

(Jake slaps Finn's arms off his head.)

Joshua (On tape): Alright, boys. Now to give you some incentive, at the end of the dungeon, I'm going to put the family sword. It's made out of demon's blood.

(Blood Demon appears behind Joshua in a wall of flames)

Finn: Whoa, what the--?!

Jake: Whoa, dang!

Blood Demon (On tape): Give me back my blood, Joshua!

Joshua (On tape): Kee Oth Rama Pancake.

Blood Demon (On tape): Waaaaah!! (Disappears in flames)

Jake: Whoa!!

Finn: Geez-louise!

(Finn and Jake high-five.)

Joshua (On tape): The dungeon's eighty paces west of here under a dumb-lookin' rock. And Finn, this dungeon's gonna kick your tail. I bet you won't even get past the first trial, ya whiny baby!

(The player deactivates.)

Finn: What?? What was that about?

Jake: Uh... (Makes an "I don't know" noise and shrugs)

(Scene switches to outside in the grasslands. Finn and Jake are near the dumb-looking rock.)

Dumb Rock: Duh... duh... du-ugh... duh...

(Finn pushes the rock aside revealing a hole. He jumps down.)

Finn: Whoo! (He reaches the floor and sees a pile of burgers and a pile of hotdogs. Jake drops down.)

Jake: Whoa! Burgers and hotdogs! Yeah, yeah, YEAH! (Runs towards the food)

Finn: Wait, Jake!

Jake: (Stops) But... burgers and hotdogs..

Finn: Didn't you say you were hungry for burgers this morning?

Jake: Yeah, so?

Finn: And I said I was hungry for hotdogs?

Jake: Mm-hmm, I remember.

Finn: I don't think those burgers and hotdogs are burgers and hotdogs at all.

(Finn stops in front of the hotdogs. The ketchup on one of them suddenly turns into mustard. Finn kicks it ("Aaaaaah... BOO!") and the Hamburger Monster and the Hot Dog Monster awaken. Jake attempts to run and Finn grabs hold of him. Finn charges, dodges the Hot Dog Monster's attack, and jumps on it; he runs on it until it head-butts him and Jake to the ground. When the monster picks its head back up, Finn and Jake are seen to be still on it. When the monster attempts to slam its face on the ground again, Finn takes out its brain, and Jake says, "Ew." The duo lands in the Hamburger Monster and its heads explode. Finn and Jake quickly escape and Finn kicks the exit with a, "HI-YAH!!" making it crumble. Jake approaches a hamburger which is part of the Hamburger Monster and attempts to eat it.)

Jake: Aaaahh...

Finn: (Slaps Jake) DUDE!! (Notices the next cartridge on a pedestal) Look!

(The duo runs up to it, and Finn places the cartridge in the player. The player activates.)

Joshua (On tape): Finn, cover up those nubs on your head.

Finn: Man... again? (Does it)

Joshua (On tape): Alright. Hey, Jake, I wanna remind you what this dungeon's for. (Holds up baby Finn who is crying) In order for Finn to stop whining, he needs to be put through a trial that forces him to take charge of a situation.

Jake: But Dad, Finn's already figured that out. He's a good kid with a kind heart.

Joshua (On tape): Remember, Jake, this is a prerecorded holo-message. I can't hear you if you're talking to me right now.

Finn: (His ears are still covered.) I'm gonna go walk around!

Jake: Okay!

Joshua (On tape): Jake, I need your help. You gotta call Finn a whiny baby.

Jake: But--

Joshua (On tape): Butts are for pooping! Do it for Poppy!

(Player deactivates.)

Jake: (Putting player in backpack) Finn!

Finn: Over here! (Jake runs towards him.) Check it out, Jake. This way has some kinda flower trap, and that way... has that guy.

Ugly Monster: None shall pass!

Jake: Ugh... Let's take the flower path!

Finn: (Nodding) Mmm.

Ugly Monster: Wait! Why don't you wanna take my path?!

Jake: Because... you're super gross, man.

Ugly Monster: Oh... (Sighs)

Finn: Cheer up, man. We're only tellin' you you're gross because we're your bros.

Ugly Monster: Really?

Finn: Yeah! Bros are real with each other, and you're gross, brother. Take a bath.