Princess Monster Wife (episode)/Transcript

(Scene shows Wildberry Princess standing before a mirror in her kingdom missing her right arm and gasping in shock)

Wildberry Princess: My arm!

(next scene shows Turtle Princess in bed missing half of her face and she too gasps in shock)

Turtle Princess: My face!

(Muscle Princess is seen, waking up to find her left arm is missing, but takes notice to her right bicep and kisses it. Next, Skeleton Princess is shown also waking up to find that her left leg is gone, but seems unsurprised)

Skeleton Princess: This happens sometimes...

(Finally, Hotdog Princess is shown missing the lower half of her body, and is murmuring unhappily. The tree fort is shown in the next scene, as a group of princesses gather outside Finn and Jake's door)

Finn: Wait...what?!

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my gosh, how many times do I have to tell you? Somebody broke into my house and stole my lumps!

(other princess start to talk at once)

Finn: Peebo?

(Princess Bubblegum turns around to reveal half of her face missing)

Jake: eeeeugh...

Finn: eh...okay, calm down...

Lumpy Space Princess: How am I supposed to calm down? A lumping thief is out there getting fresh with my lumps!

Jake: Haha, gross.

(Princesses again errupt into arguement)

Finn: Whoa! Gals...we'll find this crazy freak and return all of your body parts!

Hotdog Princess: Thank you so much Finn!

(She tries to walk over to Finn on her two front legs) 

Hotdog Princess: I shall give you a kiss!

Finn: It's...it's okay Hotdog Princess! We'll be right back.

(At the Ice Kingdom)

Ice King: I said I don't know! I have nothing to do with this!

Jake: Stop lying! We found your fingerprints at the crime scene!

Ice King: What? Really?

Jake: Uuh... no.

(Finn giggles)

Ice King: Oh, well...then...why would you say that?

Finn: Ice King, we know you did it!

Ice King: Finn, I'm as concerned as you are. There's some sicko out there...what if he comes after my princess?

Finn and Jake: You're princess?

Ice King: Yeah...let me introduce you to my new wife.

(Ice King removes a cloak from a shadowed figure revealing a grotesque frankenstein like mash-up of all the princesses, making Finn and Jake gasp)

Ice King: Oh, wait...you mean I'm the guy stealing all the p-...yeah okay, I get it now.

(Princess Monster Wife steps out of the shadows making Finn and Jake scream and then faint) 

Princess Monster Wife: What happened to them, husband?

Ice king: Hmmm...mmm aah! They're sleepy. They are our limp sleepy children! Come on wife, let's have a nice family meal.

Princess Monster Wife: Okay.

(Ice King drags Finn and Jake to his dining table and sits them down)

Ice King: Wife, you sit here. Isn't this nice?

(Princess Monster Wife accidently drops some food on her arm, feeling embarassed)

Ice King: Uh oh... I mean, that's good!

(Ice King copies her)

Ice King: Oops! How fun! You're so fun!

Princess Monster Wife: Hahahahaha

Ice King: Aww...marriage is fun!

(Next scene shows Ice King and Princess Monster Wife doing the dishes) 

Ice King: See, when you wash and I dry, we get done faster! Then tommorow night we switch!

(Princess Monster Wife has trouble scrubbing a pan)

Ice King: Here, let me show you a trick my darling. See, you let it soak and we'll wash it in the morning.

(Princess Monster Wife giggles)

Ice King: Enough chores...come along dear. I want to show you something special...

(The song Let me Show you Something Special begins. Ice King takes his wife to a blanketed sculpture)

Ice King: Here it is. I hope you like it...

(Ice King removes the blanket, revealing a sculpture of himself and his wife. Princess Monster Wife tries to shove a banana in the sculpture's mouth, but it falls to the ground)

Princess Monster Wife: Is there something wrong with me? The way I am...it's not normal, is it.

Ice king: Oh....pretty baby wife. You're the most normal thing in my whole life. We're like two normal jelly beans sitting at the bottom of the jar, floating in a sea of olives, waiting for somebody to guess how many jelly beans are in the jar...which I guess I mentioned.

Princess Monster Wife: I don't think I understand...

Ice King: Just look into my eyes and know that everything is okay.

(In the Ice King's living room)

Ice King: Are you feeling normal yet?

(Princess Monster Wife shrugs, and then giggles.)

Ice King: Okay.

(Ice King's television shows a normal looking humanoid family sitting together.)

Ice King: See that? We're normal, just like the normal people are.

Princess Monster Wife: Oh...

(Finn and Jake suddenly wake up to Gunther's hissing and start freaking out)

Princess Monster Wife: Hi!

Jake: Monster!

(They both pass out again making Princess Monster Wife start to cry)

Ice King: Oh....don't mind the kids! It's just a phaze!

Princess Monster Wife: I need a glass of water.

Ice King: Ooh, I'll go get...

Princess Monster Wife: No, it's okay. I'll get it.

(in the kitchen, Princess Monster Wife stares at her reflection in the sink)

Princess Monster Wife: You are not normal! You are a monster!

Ice King: Hey, hey, hey....

Princess Monster Wife: Monster! A monster!

Ice King: What's going on in here? Nobodies a monster! All I see in this room is a young kind hearted intelligent, hot looking ice king, and his beautiful princess bride! That's you sweetie...

Princess Monster Wife: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a freak!

Ice King: I will prove to you that you are beautiful!

(scene cuts to Ice King sewing together an outfit for Princess Monster Wife)

Ice King: To me my penguins! Gunter, Gunther, Gunder, Goonder come on! Gunter, Goonthy, Gonter, Ginthy follow!

(Ice Kings assembles all his penguins into chairs set around a runway.)

Ice King: Don't rearange the chairs please. You're all gonna clap and cheer or I'm gonna smack your buns.

(Princess Monster Wide walks out onto the runway wearing the outfit Ice King created for her as penguins clap.)

Ice King: Whoo! Yeah! ... Clap louder, you gotta be all like whoo!

(Penguins clap louder, and Finn and Jake arrive carrying mirrors.)

Finn: If we look at her with these mirrors, her ugliness will have no effect on us.

Jake: Where is she? Oh! I think she's right over...

(Both Finn and Jake once again pass out upon seeing her. As she blows a kiss to one of the penguins, he vomits causing her to cry and run out)

Ice King: Hey!

(Ice King is now standing at Princess Monster Wife's door)

Ice King: Baby do you want to talk about it?

Princess Monster Wife: You should just find another princess to marry. I'm unlovable!

Ice King: Baby, I love you as much as all of the other princesses in the world combined!

Princess Monster Wife: You don't really mean that...

Ice King: I'll prove it! See, you have Elbow Princess's hips, and Dr. Princess's heart and intestines, Slime Princess's bottom...you have all my favorite parts of my favorite princesses!

Princess Monster Wife: I'm just a bunch of stolen parts?

Ice King: Oh, the parts don't matter. It's you that matters.

Princess Monster Wife: But... who am I?

Ice King: You're my wife! And I will always love my wife no matter what!

Princess Monster Wife: You'd love me, even without these other princess's parts?

Ice King: Sure baby, even without all your fine lady parts. Now give us a hug.

Finn: Hey, Ice King!

Jake: Your wife's face can't make us faint anymore!

Ice King: Don't listen to them babe, they're being negative! Run my happiness! I'll distract them with ice magic!

(ice King nibbles on Jake's arm)

Jake: ow.

(Finn and Jake tackle Ice King into submission)

Finn: Do you give up?

Ice King: Yes! I give up...

Jake: Finally...let's get those princess parts back to the ladies.

Finn: Yeah mans. Wait...where'd your wife go?

(Princess Monster Wife returns all the stolen parts including Princess Bubblegum's face, Hotdog Princess's body and Wildberry Princess's arm, but misplaces Turtle Princess's face with Lumpy Space Princess's, as her spirit then returns to the Ice Kingdom)

Finn: Huh?

Ice King: Let me go! Let me go!

Princess Monster Wife's spirit: Though my parts be scattered, I will always be your wife.

Ice King: She....she....gave away all my stuff!