User blog:BNSF1995/Adventure Time with Finn & Fionna/Finn vs. The Lich

(A/N: This is an entirely new story, like you asked for. Hope you like it.)

(Episode begins in the void where Finn and Edana found themselves. Edana has just kissed Finn on the cheek, the latter of whom is blushing with wide eyes. They suddenly hear The Lich.)

The Lich (Voice of Ian McDiarmid): You followed me here? No matter! I will extinct life anyhow! And the Earth will become the galaxy's biggest strip mine!

Finn: If you are so confident that you can win, come at me, bro!

(The Lich casts Billy's pelt off into the abyss, never to be seen again. The Lich then reveals his new form, a young green humanoid with Lich horns, wearing a black cloak, and holding a sword.)

The Lich: With my new form, I shall crush you both!

Edana: Not if I have anything to say about it!

(Edana goes Fire Form.)

Finn: Don't get too carried away, Edana!

Edana: I won't!

(Edana charges at The Lich with lightning speed, totally taking The Lich off-guard. The Lich is launched backwards and just barely manages to grab the ledge.)

Finn: Your reign of terror is at an end. Too bad it wasn't long enough!

The Lich: Once again, you underestimate my power!

(The Lich leaps back onto solid ground and grabs Edana.)

The Lich: Your girlfriend will make a fine addition to my army!

Finn: EDANA!!

Edana: FINN!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!

Finn: I'm comiiiiiiiing!!!

(Finn runs as fast as his legs will carry him, but The Lich disappears through a portal as Edana screams. Finn collapses to his knees and beats his fists on the ground while crying. He then stands up with a look of extreme rage on his face)

Finn (Grimly): You just signed your death warrant, Lich. I'm coming for you, and you too, Edana. I won't let you down.

(Back in the real world, Fionna and Princess Bubblegum work on a machine to open up a portal to reach Finn.)

Fionna: Is it ready yet?

Princess Bubblegum: Almost, Fionna. Peppermint Butler, did you raise the hunting party?

Peppermint Butler: The pack is on its way, Princess.

Princess Bubblegum: Excellent. Go to the lab and prepare "Project X" for deployment.

Peppermint Butler: Yes, m'lady.

Fionna: Project X?

Princess Bubblegum: Long story short, we made a clone army using mine and Prince Gumball's DNA, plus Finn's leftover DNA used to create Stormo so they'll be loyal to us and us alone.

Fionna: Sounds like Star Wars.

PB: That was half the inspiration. Ah! It's ready! And just in time, too!

("The Pack" arrives, consisting of Marceline, Marshall Lee, Hunson Abadeer, Sir Slicer, Jake, Lady Rainicorn, Ice King, several Penguins, The Freaks, BMO, Tree Trunks, Mr. Pig, the Lemongrabs, NEPTR, and an unknown man.)

Princess Bubblegum: This is "The Pack", a coalition I put together in the event The Lich would return.

(Fionna pulls out her sword and points it at Sir Slicer.)

Fionna: Back off, Slicer, lest you feel the wrath of demon's blood!

Sir Slicer: Hold on! Hold on! I'm on your side!

Fionna: Hubbawha?

Sir Slicer: I quit the Anti-Human League because I realized, why would I hunt down children?! It's unheard of!

Fionna: Sounds legit.

Princess Bubblegum: Members of The Pack. You all know why we are here.

Marceline: To destroy The Lich!

Jake: To rescue Finn and his girlfriend!

Earl of Lemongrab: For the free food!

Fionna (Unamused look on face): What free food?

Lemongrab: Umm...

Fionna: Never mind.

Princess Bubblegum: You are aware some of you may not come back, and are willing to accept the dangers!

(One of the penguins run away.)

Ice King: Coward! Ugh, excuse me for a second.

Fionna: NO TIME! Every moment we wait is a moment The Lich grows more powerful! We move NOW!

Ice King: Alright. GUNTER, YOU ARE GETTING SUCH A SPANKING WHEN-IF I COME HOME!

(Peppermint Butler appears with the Clone Army.)

Pep-But: Project X is ready.

Candy Soldier (Voice of Temuera Morrison): Awaiting your orders, Princess.

PB: Follow us through the portal. You know who the enemy is.

Candy Soldier: The Lich, Madame!

PB: Good. You will take orders from me, Finn, Fionna, and Edana.

(PB presses a button on the machine, and the portal opens.)

Machine AI (Voice of GLADoS): Do not go messing with other dimensions. That would only make your pathetic lives more miserable.

Marshall Lee: Aw, shut up, you Valve reject!

(Everyone enters the portal. On the other side, they find the massive void.)

Fionna: Magnificent desolation...

Candy Soldier: Princess, we are detecting a lifeform nearby.

PB: Just one?

Finn: Guys?

Marshall Lee: We've found him!

(Finn just grins widely...as Fionna glomps him.)

(In the next scene, the group has entered another dimension. They find themselves back in Ooo.)

Finn: Are we home?

PB: No. This is another dimension.

Finn: What's here?

(PB scans the environment.)

PB: We're in a dimension where things are...mostly the same, except Finn lives with Jake, Edana is a totally different person simply known as Flame Princess, and Fionna, Prince Gumball, and Marshall Lee are the Ice King's fanfiction.

Fionna: I knew it...

Finn: Is The Lich here?

PB: No, He's elsewhere.

Finn: Well, then, we need to find him now!

PB: Why the urgency?

Finn: He has Edana! He's gonna brainwash her and make her a member of his army!

Fionna: Then let's go!

PB: Why? It's just Edana.

Finn: JUST EDANA?!!!

PB: Finn, she's a whiny, PMS-fueled hatemonger!

Finn: SHE SUFFERS FROM POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER FROM YEARS OF BEING ABUSED BY HER FATHER!

PB: I DON'T CARE! I don't want you dating a psychopath! You're mine!

Finn: No way! Not after you became 18 again!

PB: EDANA MUST DIE BEFORE SHE DESTROYS THE WORLD!

Finn: KILL HER AND I KILL YOU!

(Finn and PB begin a sword duel. Fionna then intervenes.)

Fionna: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! PRINCESS, WHAT THE NIGHTOSPHERE IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Hunson Abadeer: Hey, the Nightosphere is awesome!

Fionna (On the verge of tears): Edana is NOT a whiny, PMS-fueled maniac! She's been shaped by her experiences in the Fire Kingdom! And wouldn't killing Edana be wrong? She's just 14! You're 18! You'd be removed from office and tried as an adult before the Grand Council of Ooo Royalty! And I assure you, princess, me and Finn will be your executioners. Because I love Edana too! She's like a sister to me! You wouldn't take that away from me, would you? You've changed, princess, and not for the better. Everyday, I worry that you're becoming the very thing you seek to destroy. A dictator. Are you princess? Are you who you are supposed to be?

PB: No. No, I-I guess I'm not. *Sigh* I'm sorry, Fionna. And I'm sorry Finn. Edana has done several things to help the Candy Kingdom, like saving it from the Gunter horde, and contributing DNA to make Stormo.

Finn: I, I'm not sure I can forgive you, princess. I still got this mark from when you slashed me with those scissors. And you caused me so much emotional torment after you become 18 again that I was gonna kill Lemongrab, then myself.

Lemongrab: I guess I would deserve that, looking back now.

Lemongrab 2: You would not! Anyone who attempts to assassinate the Earl would be mercilessly slapped with a rubber glove!

Lemongrab: Nyah, who cares about rubber gloves?!

Lemongrab 2: Not me!

Candy Soldier: Princess, you're too much of a danger to a mission-critical objective. I must recommend you return our own dimension.

PB: With what authority?

Prince Gumball: My authority.

PB: What?

PG: Sis, I have as much authority as you do. And the man is right, you are danger to Edana's life. Therefore, I order you to return to our Candy Kingdom at once.

PB: But-

PG: Bonnie, NOW.

PB: But...I'm in control.

PG: Escort her back to the Candy Kingdom. Use force if necessary.

Candy Soldier: Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Candy Soldier #2: Come along, your highness.

(PB and the two Candy Soldiers head back to the real dimension.)

PG: Finn, this is your battle now. What do we do?

Finn: Do you have PB's remote?

PG: No, I'll go get it.

French Narrator: Five minutes later.

Finn: That took longer than I would have liked.

PG: She was indignant. Your orders?

Finn: Let's find my girlfriend and kick some Lich butt!

(Cuts to The Lich's new lair in the our world. The Lich walks into prison ward where Edana is being held.)

The Lich: And now, my dear girl, we shall discuss your pay and benefits.

Edana: What?

The Lich: Even I have to abide by labor laws. Otherwise I won't have an army.

Edana: Forget it. I'll never betray Finn and Fionna!

The Lich: Your will is strong, but I have ways of breaking you.

(Cut to a montage of Edana being subjected to various forms of torture, such as being whipped by a skeleton dressed as Indiana Jonses, hit by vegetables thrown by skeletons dressed as MLB pitchers, Chinese Water Torture, which she finds pointless, and having a magnifying glass focus sunlight on her forehead.)

Skeleton: Where are your rebel friends now?! Heh heh heh heh!

The Lich: That's enough! This isn't working! Her will is stronger than I thought. I must resort to other methods.

French Narrator: One mind probing later.

The Lich: Her resistance to the mind probe is considerable so it may be some time before we are able to convert her to our side.

Skeleton: What about your mind-control powers?

The Lich: What about them-oh. Oh. OH. OH! GAH, I'M AN IDIOT! That's how I'll convert her!

(The Lich returns to Edana's prison cell. Edana is severely bruised and stripped to her undergarments.)

The Lich: You won't resist this.

Edana: Try me.

(The Lich begins the process. Edana struggles to resist, but is eventually overpowered.)

Edana (Voice suddenly changes to that of James Earl Jones): What is thy bidding, my master?

The Lich: Strange. That's very strange. Oh well. I've succeeded!

(The Lich cackles as Edana puts on a dark robe like The Lich as. Meanwhile, Finn collapses to the ground while walking in Farmworld.')

Fionna: Finn, what's wrong?!

Finn: I've felt a disturbance within me, as if Edana's voice cried out, and was suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

Fionna: Finn, if The Lich has converted Edana, we'll find a way to bring her back.

Finn: I hope so.

(What follows is a montage of the group going through different dimensions, with various animation styles, including CGI, Stop-Motion, Disney, Warner Bros., Anime, and Live-Action.)

Live-Action Finn: This is trippy.

(Finally, they reach the right dimension.)

Finn: This is it!

Fionna: Now, to track The Lich to his lair and destroy him!

Finn: And rescue Edana!

(After some searching, and Ice King spying on real-world women, they find the lair's entrance, where Skeletons are guarding it. A massive battle ensues, as Finn and Fionna slip into the lair while the guards are distracted. The battle itself showcases each character's abilities, and is full of slapstick and fart jokes. Inside the lair, Finn and Fionna fight their way to The Lich's lair. They soon enter the lair and find The Lich sitting on a large, expensive-looking throne.)

The Lich: Welcome, Finn and Fionna. I was actually beginning to wonder whether you'd find me or not. But I guess we can't all find a place to hide.

Finn: Cut the pleasentries, ET! Where's Edana!

The Lich: Her? I haven't a clue. Perhaps she's still in her cell?

Finn: Don't play games with me, slimo! Release Edana NOW!

The Lich: And if I don't?

Finn: You die a slow, painful death!

The Lich: So be it. Human.

(The Lich draws his sword, with Finn and Fionna following suit. An epic sword fight ensues. Finally, The Lich is driven to the ground, Finn pointing his sword at The Lich while Fionna looks on with a satisfied look on her face.)

Finn: Any last words before Hunson Abadeer subjects you to eternal torture?

The Lich: Just this. Kill him.

Finn: What?

(Edana streaks onto the scene, Fire Sword drawn. Finn jumps back.)

Finn: Who are you?

Edana: What? Don't recognize your own girlfriend?

Finn: Edana? No...

The Lich: It was difficult, but I finally broke her. Possibly wasted alot of money in the process, but it was worth it.

Finn: YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR, LICH!

The Lich: Kill them, my apprentice.

Edana: As you wish.

(Edana advances menacingly on Finn.)

Finn: Edana, this isn't you! You're being mind-controlled! Fight it!

Edana: It is too late for that, Finn-(Switches to real Edana) FINN, HELP ME!

Finn: Oh glob, what do I do?!

(Text: To be continued...)

(End of Episode)