User blog:BNSF1995/Adventure Time: Last of the Humans/Chapter 1

It was about 6:24 AM Pacific Daylight Time. The sun was about to rise. The first rays of light were the signal for Marceline, The Vampire Queen, to return to her cave. For the rest of the residents of the Land of Ooo (Formerly North America), though, it was the signal to awake.

In the magnificent Candy Kingdom (located in the general area that was once San Jose, California), the Candy People were beginning to awake. In one house, Cinnamon Bun stumbled out of bed and fell flat on his face. But he didn’t care; it happens all the time. Elsewhere, Lollipop Girl got out of bed slowly and quietly. She then went to the window and looked out. “Good morning world, and all who inhabit it!”, called Chocolate Bar Guy. “What’s for breakfast?”, wondered a Banana Guard aloud. “Wonder what’s on the agenda for today”, asked Peppermint Butler to himself.

In the elegant Candy Castle, the monarch of the Candy Kingdom was awakening. The sun shown into her room, the light beaming onto her pinkish face. Now when I say monarch, that doesn’t mean that the Candy Kingdom has a monarchy system. In fact, it’s a democratic government modeled closely after the former United States of America. Though you may not know it, the Candy Kingdom’s borders actually encompass all of the continental USA, plus several parcels of land in Canada and Mexico. Alaska and Hawaii are also considered Candy Kingdom territory. The other kingdoms are on land designated by the Continental Congress (headquartered in New Atlanta).

As I was saying before I had to explain, the monarch (president) of the Candy Kingdom awoke from sleep. She stood up and walked up to the balcony. She looked endearingly at her people. She was a benevolent ruler who always did what was best for her people. She is, of course, Princess Bubblegum.

On the outskirts of the Capitol City of the Candy Kingdom, lie the Tree Fort. Here, the greatest adventurers of Ooo lived, ate and slept. They were, of course, Finn the Human and Jake the Dog. Finn was unique among the citizens of Ooo, as he is thought to be the last human in existence. Finn did know another human named Susan Strong, but only he knew this and had kept it to himself. Jake was also unique, thanks to his stretchy powers. You’d think they were content with their lives, but not Finn. More lately, he had been suffering from depression. He hadn’t seen Susan in some time, and was starting to get skeptical of her age. He also didn’t know the way to Beautopia. Jake and PB understood Finn’s feelings, and tried their best to make him happy, but nothing worked. Adventures didn’t seem fun to him anymore. All he could think of was humans. PB theorized it had something to do with a combination of Finn’s recent 14th birthday and the incident with The Lich when she became 13, and becoming 18 again was traumatizing. Oh, how things were about to change. Yes, that’s what our story is about: The day the lives of Finn, Princess Bubblegum and Marceline changed forever.

Finn slowly awoke from sleep, got up and went downstairs. The pain of being the last human was getting worse each day. Jake awoke next and went downstairs as well. He was content with being a dog, but he didn’t know of other dogs. On the other hand, he had Lady Rainicorn, who also had stretchy powers. Thankfully, though, he understood Finn’s feelings, since he had them too when his parents died of old age and his older brother Jermaine went his own way.

On this particular day, Finn felt worse than usual. He was lonelier, felt more alienated and his heart ached even more. And worst yet, the sun was blocked by rain clouds. This brought him to tears. The thought of being the last of his kind was so unbearable, he actually contemplated suicide. But something inside him told him to go on. That something was about to happen that would lift him from his sad existence in a few days. This gave Finn a tiny amount of willpower to struggle on.

It looked like such would be the case. Princess Bubblegum was relaxing in her room, drinking some peppermint tea. She was content in her position of power, always striving to do the best she could. But she felt there was nothing she could do to cheer Finn up without incurring the wrath of the Earl of Lemongrab. She also didn’t have any suitors besides Ice King (who she hated with the fire of 1,000 suns for kidnapping her about twice a week) and Finn (who is obviously too young for her), so she felt a degree of loneliness like Finn. But on this particular day, that was about to change.

In her house in a cave, Marceline decided to do some spring-cleaning (this story starts around April 3rd). She was cleaning a closet, when she stumbled upon an old photo album. It read “CHILDHOOD MEMORIES”. Marceline decided to have a look at it. Inside were photos of her, her parents, her teddy bear Hambo (who has been MIA for many, many years), her ex-boyfriend Ash and, most importantly, her childhood friend, Marshall Lee. When Marceline was growing up, she had very few friends since she was a vampire who came from an alternate dimension where the events of “Twilight” really did happen, and she was bit by Edward Cullen. No one would go near her. To make matters worse, she didn’t sparkle in the sunshine in this dimension. Instead, it hurt her (like it did Count Dracula). She only had two friends: Marshall Lee and Hambo. Marceline looked at the photos endearingly. She remembered Marshall very well, and missed him so. He was a better friend than Ash ever would be. But, Marshall had been taken by his mother to the Land of Aaa when Marceline was a teenager. Worse yet, a few days later came the infamous fry eating incident. But her life was about to change for the better.

It was PB who was lined up first to have her life changed. While she was relaxing, reading the newspaper, laughing at “Pearls Before Swine” and grumbling over the loss of the Nugets (a baseball team), all of a sudden, an object came crashing through the window. The security alarms were set off, loudly blaring all through the castle. But PB told her guards to stand down, since the object didn’t remotely resemble an explosive. She approached the object and picked it up. It looked like a holographic-transceiver. It was very basic, cylindrical in shape and only had a play, pause, rewind, fast-forward and stop button, and the transceiver lens. She had the instinct to press PLAY, and so she did…

R&R, please!